Feelings of intense empathy. An experience new to me.

You probably aren't going to learn anything new from this post but I feel it's something different than whats on NR daily.

If it concerns you, I am a student living in America living what seems a normal mostly boring life. For the time being. Now onto what I can interest you with.

Lately I've had these moments usually right before falling asleep or in the middle of the night. but I do recall one while doing my day things. were I feel empathy. I don't no if it's extreme but I seems very humbling to me. And know they are not just daydreams or drug things. I don't know if you can understand it without feeling empathy, it's a delicate feeling. Like one who hasn't experienced it I always thought when I read something mentioning empathy I new what it was. I always thought to myself " Yea it's like you understand, feel, and mimic what other people feel" but honestly now that I've felt it, its much more than that. This feeling for me always starts at its peak and quickly in physical time disappears. 

What is it? Ok a little explanation. When your in this state of emotion and thought, the person or the character that person is becomes you for a second. It does not interfere with you in anyway it just a feeling. That when experienced does not make you feel the anger, frustration, daily emotions of the other person directly. Instead the mind set and everything that makes Them act and speak, feel submissive controlling etc is yours to understand.

Its almost like when you feel disattachment from yourself , like when meditating, but you feel that disattachment and non judgmental thinking toward another.
And again it's just a feeling thats is cultivated or onset by external or internal forces, I'm guessing, and has nothing to do with spiritual, extra sensory functions. Now I don't know that for a fact I'm just making sense of it.

Now I'd like to analyze what rose this emotion, and for whom I felt it for. I clearly remember my first feeling of empathy for my grandmother. Who lives with us. Now I don't especially connect with her or find her interesting, more or less I find her just another old person. But one early morning I woke up saw my world and then like waking up from a dream within a dream, for a few moments was her waking up to her reality. I remember how it was clear in my mind what I was thinking about, what my thought process was. How I even sensed time and light and emotions with her as my own and they were differentAnd the most unexpected (if I was to be expecting anything at all) was that space felt different. Not like when your high different but as in Who do I want to see in my space? Who Will I see? What does this room make me feel why? .And with this unexpected clarity I  sensed emotions extra vividly. Emotions are hard to convey when writing a post like this so I won't try any poetic shit right now. And then it faded, and I more or less humbly accepted it's parting and I felt sympathy, sustained sympathy as I've not felt before. I wanted to help this person, her pain was my pain It was uncomfortable, sort of a itch on my back feeling.

The reason I mention how humble it was is because, I then a few weeks later, had the emotion rise in my again. But this time toward I person I never, talk to  rarely think about. Actually I think of her as a dumb cooze, a bitch. I girl in my school, dumb as dumb could be, Forest Gump without the nice. Now I admit I often tell my self, in a pathetic fancy, that I am intelligent. It sickens me, and this girl is probably the last person I could be emphatic for. Now I don't say empathetic toward because empathy is a internal emotion, and other emotions go toward another person because of it, Kinda like rage is an emotion that isn't what you exert on someone just a feeling the magnifies anger and hostility, as does empathy for sympathy and care.
And then one night in the middle of it I wake up feeling empathetic as shit, just because I know what it feels like already, and I can gage it. So I'm laying there and I know.
I am this person for this moment, and I know I am stupid, It feels shitty, But I know I am pretty it feels submissive. These are thoughts are what go thru her mind working during the day. I see that the future isn't open for me the world while I now is vast, seems closed and seducing me to consumerism. I am also apathetic towards others. And then I fade back to myself. Her stupidity which used to bother me and label her negatively, thinking of her as someone lower them me now is neutral just a characteristic of her and I know I cannot help her in that regard. My empathy took away what negative thoughts i had for her.  And for a moment sympathy for her rose and I felt I had to help her, but then quickly dissolved because I membered she ain't an angel.

I just wanted to post something like this and I did, so who read may interpret  it as they wish. This is just an account of empathy which I believe to be a rare as a flowering growing on in specific areas at specific calander times  on special moons rare. It is a humbling feeling.