troubles (Page 1 of 2)

Just curious if you've ever checked for food allergies? especially wheat/gluten? I bring this up because I've read before in some natural healing books of cases where severe schizophrenia was actually realted to diet and the removal of in the specific case I remember, wheat from the diet, the person was totally cured/back to normal after a week. I thought I'd run that by you. And regarding how to live a successful life on this planet? I seem to be the last person to have answers. Now if you want to know how to be eaten alive by predators... I have some experience there.

I wanted to add that I just noticed that my registration is May 13th (May 12th still where I am in the Mid-West currently), and that May 13th 2006 is the date of a full moon.  I am not as supersticious as I used to be, and some consider the number 13 to be lucky (depending on how you look at it).  I also remember a passerby calling me a 'wolf' (more moon madness) as he passed me while I was talking on a pay phone at a rest stop in the mountains of Colorado.

Also, I have considered northern Arizona as I felt relatively good vibes there too.

I must get rid of this grey Taurus car of mine, everwhere I go people think I am an evil fed and nazi or something, although I will take quite a loss in money buying a different vehicle.

I dont know if I can help my mother as much as I would like to at the expense of my own mental health and energy.  I can simply send her what money I can from afar (in another state).

I feel so depressed here with her in this small town where the main jobs are non-union domineering factories.  They may even soon outsource to Mexico and lay people off here.

Consider not letting other so called authorities label you with names of so called pathologies.
Consider that you are a spirit having a material experience and most religions seek to put the GodForce in a box...to limit that which cannot be limited, and to intercede between you and God, a thing which no one needs.
Consider that western drugs may be a part of your path but that you have inner strength and can drop them when you decide to. Consider that you are a powerful spirit and you can opt out of an insane system and march to your own drum with a few good ideas to set you on the path. Consider that as long as you are standing you have a right to heal yourself and realize that the western medical system is not about healing. There are alternatives.
Realize that in reality you are stronger than any extradimensional liasons and can take back your power step by step. Stop all negative media, TV, and assiciations with people who drain you energy.
Your spirit will speak to you in the quietest moments.
Just a few thoughts.
Matters of spirit are always simple.
If anyone trys to hand you a bunch of complexity, its not about the GodForce.
Walk the other way.

With love

Very good, StarCat.

What is interesting that if it is truly schitzhoprenia (spelling) then it is an internal issue and thus has a right to define you. As opposed to lemminscates statement about not letting external things define you. Which then would suggest you close off the schzo part which would be internal thus letting the external define the internal. Interesting is it not

Anyway. I have a few suggestions but i cant guarantee that they wont make the sitaution worse. But there are never guarantees in life.

Meditate and focus on a thought "Of the many aspects of my shattered mind the aspect which is speaking now will create the world the rest will soon imagine. The aspect that is speaking now (same aspect) is the ultimate power in that world And that aspect is my concious mind" and repeat that to yourself until you feel secure to enter a meditation. Then imagine a door in front of you and open it. If the landscape looks safe and calm(green and filled with life) then enter the world and remeber that you always have the ultimate power in this world as this is nothing more than a small part of your minds created illusion and infact. You shift who you are throughout the day so the aspect that creates this world might not be who you are now. But it is the ultimate calm you... of sorts

Once you enter this world then ask the schizophrenic aspect of your mind to enter into this illusion. Remeber that you are not inviting them into your mind only into a illusionary world of your creation. You are sort of inviting them into a world where you can both negotiate without fear of harm. And then start talking with them. Ask why this is happening, is there a childhood memory that you dont know that has created this. Is the schizophernia only a way your mind is protecting itself from further harm. If so then what is this harm it is protecting from and so on.

Ofcourse only works if it is actually your mind and not an external mind. But from personal experience in working with split personalities it is very very likely that it is only a split personality. However, what created that split can be anything at all and thus dosnt decrease the alien side of it at all. It only makes you aware that you are fighting yourself.

Conversly, if it is an true entity and not an aspect of yourself.. Well.. That is a whole different question.

We as humanity, are a shattered soul. Universe was shattered from big bang and we are shattered from ourselfs and shattered within. This shattering is the most important aspect of creation. In that if you or i were whole we would be able to manifest anything at any point and not have any trouble doing so. So if you push an aspect of yourself away from yourself then you create an entity that seems to haunt you but still is a part of you.

Through this shattering of souls we all have a trillion psyches inside of us but there is still only one of us. You might not remeber something but this particular shatter might remeber something and could have been twisted into a severe pathology. It can truly be a part of yourself but as i said, if it is something else it is a whole different situation.

But to try to give some advice.

It can still be in you while not being off you, it can be an entity that is living inside of yourself and is feeding from the energy that you give it by being effected by the taunts. And as you are on medication it proves you are effected by it. So then there are a few ways out. One is to find a way to shield yourself from it alltogether, and to do that you have to figure out how it got into you or your surroundings, what it is, why it is there, what does it want and how you can bargain with it. There is very little you can do to actually kill it as there is very little it can do to kill you. But you can bargain with them usually. Meaning for bargaining to get it to leave you. Tho that i do not recommend as it is giving it something for all the trouble its caused you.

Another way would be to pray or to get some proffesional spiritual help. I did a little prayer and asked for you to get understanding and guidance in solving this.

Remeber, it is almost certain that there is some way, some key, some action that you can take to get out of this mess, all you have to do is somehow find that key.

I hope you can solve this problem with the least amount of trouble.

-Aki

I have been awakening slowly over the last few months, and one thing I definately notice is that when I stop to look back with pride at my progress almost immediately afterwards I suffer some sort of mental breakdown.  It's like when you first learn to ride a bike and you go a certain distance without falling down, and at the point where your say to yourself "Alright I'm doing it" I fall over and crash.  Only it feels like to me that by making this exclamation, I am drawing someone negatives attention who promptly comes over and pushes me off my bike rather then falling over.  I have this paranoid feeling that somehow someone is not happy with my progress, and is somehow attacking me. 

Becoming awakened has also been very stressful on me as I am unable to shield myself from all the negativity, and negative intentions to which I am now aware.

Cloudkeen, I spent the 5 years going to school in Missouri and live in Kansas so I know exactly what you mean about the people having a very low spirituality out this way.  Also I have been recently reading "You Forever" by Lobsang Rampa, and he talks about the importance of quietning your thoughts, and listening to your intuition instead.   Possibly this technique could give you a better feel for where you would like to move on to.  Good luck too you on your journey.

I have had that same feeling and i have had the same voice, tho my voice is less bent on my destruction and i have been able to ignore it so it is not schizophrenia as such. But what one must understand that even if it is an external source they often use the path of least resistance in attacking you. Meaning that if you have a personality attribute that can be used against you. Be it a fancy for kiddieporn (like the 9.11 investigator who got trashed just now) or be it a trauma or stress that manifests itself as a split personality. They only have to poke aspects of yourself to fight against each other and for them to sit back and watch the show. So while it is very possibly true that you are on their "master list of people to annoy" how they annoy you might not be directly of them but moving it could be.

For example. They could take your hand and slap you with it and thus you would be angry at the hand instead of them. Rest assured that if tPtB wanted you dead you would be dead. So for the time being the amount of effort required to kill you is less than the amount of gain for them. Each life they take is a dramatic step for them. Like killing a cow. You do all you can to protect your livestock and killing a misbehaving cow is always a sad moment. The meat becomes all stingy and unedible if it has been stressed out. So right now, the darkside got humanity by the balls so they use attacks that consume far far less of their energy than an actual attack that would actually stop you.

So any attack is designed to slow you down enough with the least amount of effort. When you focus on protecting yourself from the attacks you are less focused on trying to work. Thus for you cloudkeen it has served its purpose to keep you distracted enough to miss large portions of the work you are doing. Or so i would assume that you miss. If it is an external attack then solving this problem creates a situation in which they have 2 choices. Either they leave you be or step up to another level.

think of it as a stairway. Do they want to take another step to stop you if you dont improve beyond the point that warranted the last step. So if you reach a level and you are presented with a way of inhibiting you. If you defeat that inhibitor then it would reguire more effort for them to use the next counter on you if you then decide to stay put and not advance anymore. That is the reason, i believe, that alot of people stop being attacked. They no longer present a threat as they defeated the last counter but stopped working on the topic.

But in the end you will always die if you go high enough on this scale. Of that there should be no doubt. So what is the highest you can go while losing nothing that you truly value (like your life, senses, soul, or family, for example) And then determine that level and work to reach that and make a re-evaluation of the situation. If you have no plan on where to stop you will keep falling down the rabbithole until you can never climb up again. Sure knowledge is nice but if you lose everything else in the progress is it really worth it.

So you are at a incline right now. You are being attacked very heavily and as you said, some time ago it was more of a steady thing but you started researching and you got more resistance. So as it is almost impossible to "take the blue pill instead" after you've taken the red pill. To do what cypher did in matrix. You now have to make a decicion about if you wish to, after you defeat this phase of the resistance, which i believe you will, what you wish to do afterwards. If it is finally time to say "i know enough now" and to settle down. Or atleast, take a vacation and enjoy the sunshine without constantly being foulmouthed. And then, once you have rested to take another step. But it is always smart to figure out why you are doing this because that is one very important piece of the manipulation. To make you believe that the struggle is its own answer. Instead of knowing that the knowledge you gain has to be used for something or it will all be worth only some knowledge.

If you, for example, defeat this phase and get settled, then one knowledge you would gain is how to get over this situation, imagine what that could do for many who suffer of the same condition in psychowards. And then using the knowledge you gained in the struggle to help as many as possible.

So i would advice that you set your sights higher than on knowldge itself. Set your sights somewhere other than the struggle with darkness but set you sight on applications of the light that you gain, because if you only value the struggle itself then all energy you will gain will be used to power the struggle and then power the opponent as struggling is what you desire. So value what ever you value and view the struggle as a neccesary step to that. But to say that you will continue it until you die means that even if they surrender, even if all goes well and humanity is liberated. You will even then chase after them and you will become the opresser.

So make not such statements lightly as they will become true and you will be trapped in a prison of your own making forever while the true darkness laughs at it all.

I apologise if i sound preachy.

I will continue to throw some ideas in the air if your responses induce me to write

Best wishes

-Aki