Self-disgust and other observations. (Page 1 of 2)

The trick is to just detach.  Or try to.  Just observe everybody and everything with neutrality, and not have an emotional investment in what's going on around you.  I think that's at the crux of your entire situation, based on everything you noted.  You have an emotional investment in things....but not everything is worthy of that emotional investment.    Only few things are actually important in this life, and problems arise when we give our energy, attention, and emotional investment into things that are not worth it.  We become a bit "spread thin" you could say, then we start experiencing the repercussions.  Energy drain, negative feelings, disgust, annoyance, bitterness, resentment, etc. etc. blah blah blah.   People disappoint us - because we were emotionally tied up in them.   Situations disgust us - because we expected more.  We get fed up with the world - because we were all emotionally wrapped up in it in the first place.   And then we get all alarmed by these newfound reactions of disappointment, disgust, being angry and fed up, because we've never felt that way before.   Well, you're feeling it now dude....and it's a good thing.  It's a message.  Something's telling you...Detach!     Thank god for those "negative" reactions, huh?     Truly.   It's our message system, letting us know when change is in the air.

Have no expectations.  Expect nothing.  Find joy in the small things.  It's the one thing I got out of the Stuart Wilde material that helped me the most.  When you're detached, and you don't expect anything, then things - and people - can't let you down or upset you.   You just shrug, and continue on your merry way.   

You noted too that you only have a few good friends - be thankful for that.  "......and all I really have to show for it is a handful of friends that I can really count on to be there and support me when I really need it.  Everybody else only hangs around as long as it's convenient.  And at this point, I feel like I could pretty much forget about a partner who would be willing to make any sort of committment to me and my well-being."   

"All" you have to show for it??  Ha!  How about...looking at it from the optimistic, "glass is half full" mindset - Hey!  I have a couple of friends in this world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YEEHAWWW!!!!!!!!!      Seriously.   Because if you have a couple of good friends in this world that you can rely on who are solid, and are there for you, then you're doing better than most people.   It's not something to be pessimistic about, it's something to relish.   The other part of the equation in all of this is to try to learn to focus on what is right and beautiful in any situation.........not what is supposedly "wrong" and "ugly."  !!!  Retrain yourself.   Everytime you find yourself pessimistically grumping about what is wrong, wrong, wrong, stop.........and make yourself see what is right.   And do this over and over.   You are literally re-wiring your brain for how you perceive the world.

Your comment about "I could pretty much forget about a partner who....." blah blah blah BLAH BLAH also really stood out for me.   All I can say is...............if that's what you believe, then that's what you get.   Read "The Biology of Belief" by Dr. Bruce Lipton, it's a great read.  In it, he mentions how he got to a point in his life where he was negative and pessimistic and had totally accepted that he had been given a bum hand in life, and would never find love, and never have this, and never achieve that....etc. etc.  wah waah waaah.   But all that changed once he realized that what you think and believe and perceive is what you will attract to yourself.   We define our lives.   So if you want to be alone, and you believe "Well, I can pretty much forget about EVER finding a partner..." then you know what, that's what your life will be, you know?

That may not be what you were looking to hear, but it's the only thing I thought of as I read your post - detach.  Become a neutral observer.   Re-wire that pessimistic mindset.  It's not the end all be all solution to all your woes, but it's a great starting place.

Lyra,

Actually that helps a great deal.

I guess I used to be a lot more detached, and I was a lot happier for it.  C'est la vie! Live and let live, and so on.  But I entered into this stage where it occured to me that perhaps I was too detached, as a protective mechanism so that I didn't have to reveal my own shortcomings and insecurities to others; so that I didn't have to really allow anybody in.

I suppose it's all just a balancing act.  Philosophically I seem to be caught in a polarity.  On the one hand, there is the Zen attitude of expect nothing, and enjoy what you can.  On the other, there is the YCYOR attitude of always expect the best, and accept nothing less.   

In any case, I think I'm going to put packing aside for a bit and go have a beer.  Thanks for your insight.

Oops I see an edit up there. . ok beer is on hold for a moment. . .

Glad I could help!   

haha yeah, I edited like six or seven times....kept thinking of more and more I could add or comment on.   So there's lots more now than what was originally there.  Funny part is, when I was done and got up from the computer, the clock said 11:33.   There you go.   

I hope you pull through, and no, you're not the only one experiencing something like this.  It's all lessons though.  Try not to view it as a negative hindrance.  Instead, see it all as a message.  Life's cool like that, you know?  Up and down, up and down.  Makes the ride more fun! 

Thanks for the suggestion.  I actually have two crystal necklaces, neither of which I wear at the moment.  One is made from a rather large smoky quartz wand which I wrapped clockwise in copper wire and counterclockwise in silver wire, 21 rotations each.  The other is a rutilated quartz star of david pendant.  Do you think either of those would be of value, or does the amethyst have particular attributes?

Ya ya, blah blah BLAH.  Believe me, I know.  Hence the self-disgust.  Part of me knows better, yet still it seems like my intentions for relatively meaningless things come about without so much as a simple snap of the fingers, while other intentions for more meaningful aspects of my life seem to repeatedly return with a big fat "DENIED" stamp upon them.  It's like: Okay! What? What do I need to do here?  Can somebody get out the big fat crayons because apparantely there is something I'm missing here!

Hmm.  Well I would say that my lower chakras are the ones more out of balance than the higher ones, though I will look into the amethyst.  I have always had an unusual pattern of energetics in that I have much more difficulty in developing my lower chakras than the higher ones.  It's as if the lower ones are more foreign to me and I don't have as much experience with them.

A curious coincidence.  I just received a catalog in the mail from "Gemisphere".  Do you have any experience with this company?  They have amethyst necklaces ranging from $145 to $1145.  How much of the therapeutic value do you think is determined by the quantity and quality of the gemstones versus the intention behind their use?

Maybe your just taking life too seriously!! Remember this: If your too serious u become delerious(sp!?)

I used to feel exactly like you do now,all the infomation i was finding out became too much and nearly ended up burning myself up but as everyone has said you on the verge of a major change in your life.
The main issue was i couldnt accept what was happening in the world, i became angered, frustrated by it all, wanted to anywhere else other than where i was, but one day i realised that it was me that was making too much of it all and was affecting everything in my life, and then i just accepted things for the way they were, i realised everything was in place for a reason, and as long as i remembered this and just became happy with living my moment, and not trying to be anywhere else, peace entered my life and finally for the first time i felt wonderful, peaceful and once more i i felt love for life and accepted life for the way it was and my life changed dramatically, everything fell into place and still is. Challenges will always be there to test you and it seems to me that as well as what Lyra said,you need to detatch yourself as much as possible and accept things for the way they are because there is a grand design at work as you know, let go and let it work for you, try it and see how u go!

Peace.