31 Reply by Neomatrix (edited by Neomatrix 2004-10-30 01:44:29)

  • From: Zion
  • Registered: 2004-09-28

Re: Doubts even here...

Thanks all once again for some wonderful posts, and especially for opening up and sharing some very personal thoughts and experiences; we can sit here and talk conspiracy and metaphysics until the cows come home, but it's always nice to discuss how it all relates to ourselves and how it affects us within our daily existence. It is the "Human Touch," so to speak. There is another aspect to all of this which I haven't really made mention of yet, but which I have been thinking about this morning. I'm not sure it'll really make that much sense, or even be of that much interest to anyone else, but it is the last piece of the puzzle for me; it is also the hardest piece to put into place--at least, from this 3D perspective.

Some of the other posts here have already made mention of getting in touch with your higher self when looking for direction in life. In my last post, I mentioned about having conflicting desires when making decisions about where to go next in life, and what to do, and how to be; but I've realized that these desires are simply human motivations towards human wants and human needs. So I asked myself a different question: If I could move beyond this limited mindset, if I could begin to see from a non-human perspective for a moment, what would be left? What would I want to do then? How would such a perspective change the manner in which I view making these other choices?

For some unknown reason--or perhaps in answer to my question--I started thinking back to my childhood, when I was maybe around six or seven years old. Picture this: I'm at junior school, or primary school as we call it in England. Every day we would take a break for a half hour, and go outside for some fresh air. It was a chance for the kids to get rid of all of their excess energy: running around, chasing each other, kicking footballs, playing tag--"You're it!"--and screaming and shouting and generally carrying on. And every day, whilst the other kids would be happily running around playing their games with each other, I would just sit off to one side, by myself, watching and observing. I just didn't see the point in playing those games with them; it all seemed rather pointless and dull and aimlessly repetitive to me. Wasted energy, even. I didn't understand why I felt this way at the time; I just assumed that I was weird, and I figured everybody else assumed the same thing. And they probably did.

Almost twenty-five years later, and nothing much has changed. All I have really done is to come full circle, back to where I began. In my teenage years I made the effort and tried to involve myself more socially, and to take more interest in people--primarily in response to increasing parental pressures. "You'll never get anywhere in this world unless you get out and get noticed," my father would say. "You have to sell yourself, son. Stop being so boring!" And, whereas I had no particular desire to "sell myself," I certainly didn't want to be thought of as boring! So I made the effort, against my better judgement. I told myself that material accomplishments and the respect and approval of others really did mean something after all, and I made more of an attempt to fit in socially; I even started playing some of the "adult" games that were available, including the pursuit of a career, money, status, and various material luxuries.

At least, I did for a little while. Although I had assumed that I was doing something beneficial, something positive for myself and others, I wasn't being true to myself and my life path; and so--inevitably--the whole thing came crashing down around me in the most painful of ways. My visit into the sheep pen didn't last for very long, and I am broken of the desire to ever return there again. So here I am, back once more in the "schoolyard" just watching all the other kids playing their silly games, expending lots of energy, running around in circles, faster and faster, over and over again, getting nowhere fast, repetitive and tiring; leaving me to wonder what the hell all the fuss is about. Now, however, the kids are bigger, older, a whole lot meaner, and--paradoxically--dumber.

I guess you're probably wondering what the f*ck this all has to do with getting answers from my higher self? It didn't make too much sense to me at first either, until I remembered something that Bob Monroe wrote in his third and final book, Ultimate Journey. In one part he is conversing with his spirit guide, whom he refers to as an INSPEC--an acronym for "Intelligent Species". Bob expresses a desire to return home to his original entry point into time-space, a place/planet he refers to as KT-95 or, more simply, "Home":

Bob Monroe wrote:

     I thought of Home as strongly as I could, and released as the INSPEC told me. There was sensation of movement ... a sound like the wind flowing around me. Before me ... around me ... the scene came into view ...
     ... many-hued cloud towers, just as I remember, only they are not clouds ... flowing in shades of glowing color, every color I ever thought of and some I only remember but can't express ... let me just stop in the cloud and watch, feel ... not seeing, but feeling ...
     ... and there is the music ... a thousand instruments, thousands of voices ... melody weaving upon melody ... perfect counterpoint, the harmonic patterns I know so well. Just stretch out and let the clouds enfold me, and the music is all around me, inside me ... a thousand years is but an instant ... but an instant ... so relaxing and absorbing, just as I remembered it. How great it will be when I return to stay forever ... forever ... yes ...
     ... a little worm intrudes upon my ecstasy ... Is something wrong? No, it's not a signal to return to my body. But what? What's wrong with the clouds?  Watch carefully ... there, the large bright blue, followed by two smaller yellow ones ... It's familiar! Others, and they are familiar too ... What? That's exactly the same cloud frame ... and the others, they are all the same! It keeps repeating, over and over again--the same patterns in a repeating loop!
     ... The worm, my analytical worm, gets larger. The music, check the music ... it can't be ... but yes, it's repeating ... the same as I felt an hour or an eternity ago ... exactly the same. Let me try another spot, another perspective ... move to another part of Home ...
     ... Here is good enough ... this will make it different. But no ... it's just the same as it was ... it's not different at all! I'll move far away ... far away ... but still here in my Home ...
     ... There, that ought to do it. No, it's still the same ... nothing new, nothing different. The same pattern over and over, the same clouds, the same music ... Let me go in deeper ...
     ... There they are, a bunch of curls, curls of energy playing games. That's more like it! I was such a curl once ... let me join in the game! Round and round ... up and down ... in and out ... round and round ... up and down ... in and out ... The game is like an endless loop ... round and round ... up and down ... No more, that's enough for me, that's enough.
     ... How about playing a new game? How about ...? Oh, happy with what you've got? Don't want to change? All right, keep doing what you're doing ...
     Where do I go now? Where ...? That's all there is! There isn't any more. But I don't want to lie around in the same clouds forever, with the same music over and over ... I don't want to play the same games over and over ... How could I have dreamed of ...?
     There's nothing here for me now ... nothing at all. Now I remember ... this happened to me before. This is why I left ... and I can't come back! I don't want to come back!
     I had better leave ... I know how ... I know how to do it ...
     There was a feeling of movement, with the wind around me again. Then silence ... then fading easily into my physical body. I opened my eyes and looked through the tears. Nothing in the moonlit bedroom had changed. But I had.

I think you may be able to see the connection here. Perhaps this is simply the point to which many of us are now arriving within our earthly existence. A general feeling of "been there, done that" along with the desire for different games, different challenges, and different experiences. Perhaps this feeling that I have, which caused me to even begin this thread, is nothing more than my own deeper desire for something different. Something that, perhaps, cannot be found here. I don't know, but the parallels are too obvious to ignore--even if I wanted to. I feel like I am the one saying those words that Bob said to the other curls, but in my case I'm saying it to other human beings: "How about playing a new game? How about ...? Oh, happy with what you've got? Don't want to change? All right, keep doing what you're doing." I also empathize with his moving around, looking for variation: "I'll move far away ... far away ... but still here in my Home." Just like he did at that point, I moved far away yet still in my "Home" to find little of any significant difference to that which I had left.

Where do I go now?

Like I said, this is the most difficult piece of the puzzle to fit into place, but I feel now that I am at least on the right track. We can't force anyone to change, to want to play different "games" with us. Sure, we can always ask, but if they express no interest then there isn't a whole lot that we can do except to move on--when the time comes. Anyway, enough of this for now: I have rambled on too much.

Zonabi: "Solve Et Coagula": Destroy to Recreate. I think this is a very important statement in regards to the process of creation, and carries with it the unspoken assumption that what is (eventually) put back together will be vastly superior in form to that which was originally destroyed.

Lyra: Yeah, the English are a pretty small-minded group, although you can't help but love them. Or hate them! I prefer the term "provincial" when referring to their particular mindset; it seems to fit so well: "limited in outlook". When I once tried to engage my father in a discussion of the war in Iraq, he simply sighed and said, "It's nothing to do with us. After all, it's such a long way from here." See what I mean? If it isn't happening on their own doorstep, they don't want to know about it.

Kathy: If I were shaking my head at you, it was out of amazement--not critical consternation. Unlike many people, I have a strong respect for single mothers who can manage to balance their own needs against those of their children. I find it hard enough making my own way within this world, and so far I have had only myself to think about. I'm not sure how well I would cope with the additional responsibilites that you must have taken on with your children. But, we all have our trials to face; obstacles to overcome. Lord knows, I've had mine--including the requisite psychopath; and who knows what's still to come? And yes, you are correct about trauma being a big factor also, but please don't think that I haven't any compassion towards the "sheeple"--I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't feel any desire to try and help them in some way, even if such good intentions are usually wasted. I'd also like to hear more about your experiences being homeless, and how you dealt with that--if you wouldn't mind? Also, you said that your kids were: "biologically 'half' African, half upper-class African." So, you mean they are biologically purely African? Class isn't a biological concern, after all ;-)

AZ1: I haven't really felt a strong desire towards the possibility of having children, either. It's not that I can't deal with the idea of raising them, nor even any doubts as to whether I could be a decent father to them. Having children means making sacrifices due to assuming additional responsibilities; you no longer have only yourself to be concerned about providing for. I guess that makes me a little selfish, because to me that isn't a sacrifice that I'd really want to make. I have a deep phobia to the feeling of being "tied down" to any one place, person, or situation--marriage included. Of course, I'll never say never; I'm not that daft!

Lightwave: It was actually a lot more curiosity than courage that led me to leave this thread in place after my original posting. I kinda just said, "The hell with it!" But, I am pleased with the results. Thanks for your insights, and for sharing your experiences with us here.

Miminikelo: Don't worry, none of us are experts at this. In fact, I really don't think there are any experts in this particular field due to the highly unique process that each individual goes through. All we can do is to share what works for us, and hope it is of some use or benefit to others ... which is exactly what we are doing here :-)

Smeene: I'm not sure that we can really break anyone else out of the prison; at any rate, not unless the desire to escape is there in the first place. The best that we can do is to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for others to follow, so to speak. And maybe a chisel, a raft, and some paper mache! (Think: Escape from Alcatraz).

These posts of mine keep getting longer and longer, eh? Hmmmn.

"Fear is the great barrier to human growth. Unknowns create fears. When these Unknowns become Knowns the fears diminish and disappear, and we are able to cope with whatever confronts us." - Robert A. Monroe
  • From: US
  • Registered: 2004-09-21

Re: Doubts even here...

Neo, you could always come babysit big_smile .  I can tell you have a lot of compassion, it just seemed like you were more perplexed at why people behave the way they do.  Because of what I have experienced I can understand a large chunk of it at a visceral level. 

My kids' fathers are both from upper class African society.  I didn't phrase that very well.

Now, how I dealt with being homeless.  Mostly, I went emotionally numb.  I had to keep two kids safe and comforted, and bring another one into the world.  The hardest was the kids.  My son (who's dad kicked us out) was only a year old, and I couldn't really explain to him what was going on.  We were very lucky in that we were kept safe, but we had to move through three different shelters before we got into "transitional housing" (2 yr.) The kids would make friends and either they would leave or we would leave.  My son would just start screaming and nothing would comfort him.  He went from 95% in weight to 25%. 

The kids are up and I need to continue this later.
Hugs to all!
Kathy

Never Give Up!

freeme's Website

  • Registered: 2004-04-21

Re: Doubts even here...

We can never be alone, because we are part of everything, so loneliness is a self-imposed illusion generated by ego and emotion.
It's another effect of 3D duality.

I believe our condition is the result of manipulation and DNA changes which we agreed to when we believed a lie (the fall).  The lie and all of its ill effects were perpetuated through domestiction programming which is imposed upon all of us almost from birth.  All of us began our lives here based on lies and having those lies close our spiritual eyes.  Now that by the grace of whatever some of us have opened our spiritual eyes and seen the illusion how can we not feel great compassion for our fellow humans who have not.  We can't blame them for believing the same lies that we also once believed.  We can't be angry with them for what they do when we realize it's not personal.  It's not about us but about the lies they believe about themselves.  They don't know what they're doing.  We do know and that puts us in a position of greater responsibility where others are concerned.  If they are sheep, then we are shepherds. 

We automatically set ourselves apart when we stop making and participating in the emotional drama which energizes the dream of hell the rest of the world is living.  Instead with truth and love we energize a new personal dream of heaven.  Our connection with the source of unlimited true knowledge does make us more than human; hyperhuman, maybe, because we acknowledge our hyperdimensional true selves.

  • Registered: 2004-04-21

Re: Doubts even here...

The Four Agreements is based on Toltec wisdom:
http://www.miguelruiz.com/agreements.html

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


Sounds like just another self-help book, but it is actually so much more. 

I also highly recommend the companion book, The Voice of Knowledge.

  • czyx
  • czyx
  • Sparking the gap.
  • Offline
  • From: Denver, CO
  • Registered: 2004-09-11

Re: Doubts even here...

Hi, lightwave. I see that you've addressed Soloflecks with your question and you've gotten a response, but I'd also like to offer some observations.

lightwave wrote:

I was trying to tell someone the other day about chemtrails, in a way of presenting another theory. They got so angry. It is just a theory for cryin out loud, but there are so few topics anymore I can talk about with the people I know and as time goes by they seem to really prefer more of such limited conversation.

People are becoming more and more afraid of shades of gray. They want black and white. Their conscious functioning is reminiscent of the logical functioning of a computer: all it can understand is 1's and 0's. Every piece of information is either true or false to them. The way most people determine what is true or false is by observing the consensus. Is a certain viewpoint authorized or unauthorized by the rest of the herd? If more people believe a certain thing to be true, then it becomes the consensus truth. If it falls out of fashion, then people simply adjust to the new consensus truth. In trying to discuss a theory about chemtrails, you are trying (in the other person's view) to force a "1" where a "0" is, and the person you're talking to doesn't like it. They already know there's nothing to chemtrails. Why? Because everybody knows that! They're generally impervious to evidence because their "knowledge" isn't based on evidence, but on the direction in which their particular school of fish is swimming.

In the mind of a real human being, things are weighted and shaded. A theory can simply be taken under consideration--there is no need to either accept it wholesale or reject it outright. If it meshes with additional theories and experience, it becomes heavier. If it doesn't resonate, or if evidence contradicts it, it becomes lighter. The reason this is so is because a real human being has certain faculties which an imitation human doesn't. One such faculty is the sense of reality. The consensus reality just isn't substantial enough for a real human being because it doesn't affect our reality-sensing faculty. We know that the existence of such a faculty is proof that a matching input must exist. So we search for that input, namely reality. The more we discover, the more we measure truth against reality rather than against the consensus.

At my present level of awareness, I see two types of human beings and therefore two types of knowing. The type of knowing that an Organic Portal can engage in is that of collecting data. The type of knowing that a souled human being can engage in is that of engendering wisdom. We souled humans use the data to create sculptures which point to reality. We set the data in motion to perform a dance which describes reality. The data is never reality itself. That is the primary difference between the mind of the Organic Portal and the souled human being: the data is their only reality. They are the data. They have no need for anything further. That is why they are so threatened when you use the data for means which they cannot understand.

lightwave wrote:

It just slowly becomes less and less and less. Why are there so many asleep and so few awake? Is this a curse or blessing? Some days I feel so alive and blessed and grateful and other days I am flat on my face wondering how the hell am I going to go on with my life knowing what I know now.

One interesting thing Gurdjieff said was that there is only a finite amount of knowledge. (At least, I think this is what he said. I've been looking and I can't find the quote.) It's an interesting idea. Maybe only so many people can be awake at once. Maybe there is a substance which, if shared amongst 6 billion people, becomes  worthlessly dilluted. Maybe if it is concentrated in the presence of one individual, it must therefore be removed from the presence of others? This may be the meaning of the biblical passage at Matthew 13:12 - "For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who has not, even what he has will be taken away."  It may also explain the entreaty in the old testament to be fruitful and multiply, because this would cause the dillution. (I tend not to trust the god of the old testament, whom I believe was not the "most high god" he claimed to be. I think he was most likely the one called "Yaldabaoth" or "Samael", a crazy and jealous demi-god who created us for the gratification of his ego. I'm sort of a militant Gnostic in that respect.)

lightwave wrote:

How do I manage to go on without being so depressed and worn down by it all and continue to believe I am not crazy? Are their things people do on the board each day to prepare themselves to interract with others who are not aware?

There are certain things I'm qualified to talk about, and certain things I'm not. There is a Sufi saying which goes "Do not ask a lame man for directions." The man who can't walk probably isn't an experienced traveler, and is therefore not fit to give directions. I'm just as miserable as the lowest person here. I'm a "lame man" when it comes to dealing with the depression and the agoraphobia of living in this world, so it would be hypocritical of me to give advice on such matters. So take what I have to say with a grain of salt:

I think you (and I, and Neomatrix, and everyone else who is struggling) must find those who aren't lame--those who are demonstrably qualified to give directions. I don't know if the internet is the place to find such people, because it's so easy to misrepresent yourself on the internet. I think you must find such friends in real life. In the other thread, some posters said you must simply "ask the universe" if you want the presence of positive souls in your life. Maybe that's the answer. I know that sharing thoughts, emotion, and energy with a good friend or a good group of friends in person makes the cares of the world melt away, giving you the power to deal with the ugliness of life in a Zen-like manner. When such sharing is done in the spirit of Truth, it invokes the presence of the living God. Perhaps some day we will not need bodies to engage in such sharing, and perhaps that "some day" is now for those of certain spiritual attainments. Whatever the case may be, we should always strive to live in a way that is viable for all of eternity. I believe that an eternity spent in the appreciation of God and friends is absolutely viable, regardless of the existence of mindless robots, wars, pain, confusion, and ugliness.

--Justin
  • From: US
  • Registered: 2004-09-21

Re: Doubts even here...

Neomatrix wrote:

For some unknown reason--or perhaps in answer to my question--I started thinking back to my childhood, when I was maybe around six or seven years old. Picture this: I'm at junior school, or primary school as we call it in England. Every day we would take a break for a half hour, and go outside for some fresh air. It was a chance for the kids to get rid of all of their excess energy: running around, chasing each other, kicking footballs, playing tag--"You're it!"--and screaming and shouting and generally carrying on. And every day, whilst the other kids would be happily running around playing their games with each other, I would just sit off to one side, by myself, watching and observing. I just didn't see the point in playing those games with them; it all seemed rather pointless and dull and aimlessly repetitive to me. Wasted energy, even. I didn't understand why I felt this way at the time; I just assumed that I was weird, and I figured everybody else assumed the same thing. And they probably did.

Almost twenty-five years later, and nothing much has changed. All I have really done is to come full circle, back to where I began.

Neo, I have a distant memory of being little (~2 yr. old) and feeling just incredibly happy for no reason, just feeling the sheer joy of being.  By the time I started school, I had lost that feeling, and felt depressed.    The sheer joy of being was gone from view, replaced with my attempts at feeling everything civilization said I 'should' feel.  My attempts only made me feel dead inside.  For so long I lost that joy.  For the longest time I tried to get that joy back, wondering why I couldn't.  It is in fact only in the last couple months that I have begun to feel it again.  It started to return when I started accessing the connection I have to other realms, to sense and feel the ways I am connected to higher beings, to earth, and to several people here.  I also feel less 'bound' to my family, most other humans, and 3D in general.  I know now that I cannot lose that connection again, because  I cannot lose that sheer joy of being.  Losing it before caused such a deep depression and emptyness.  I wonder, perhaps, if that is part of what you are feeling now, Neo.  On the playground not only does it seem that you felt the other kids' games were pointless, but maybe that you were lost in your loneliness.  It sounds like you rediscovered your joy and connectedness during some of your adventures.  Now maybe feel like you are losing it again or are afraid of losing it again.  Or maybe you just feel the need to share your joy with someone, not necessarily wife and kids, but just talking to someone face to face who can relate..  Tell me if I am wrong here. 

I have also thought a bit about 'what I desire' and I think that I could handle just about anything on 3D if I could spend some time just _playing_ at the non-physical levels.  Does anyone know what I mean?

Kathy

P.S. This STS crap is what is really boring: lie, steal, torture, kill, lie, steal, torture, kill, lie, steal, torture, kill.... I think STO is much more fun and that we came for the challenge and because we were asked, not because we were bored!  smile

Never Give Up!

freeme's Website

  • From: sw tz rl nd
  • Registered: 2004-03-25

Re: Doubts even here...

czyx wrote:

We souled humans use the data to create sculptures which point to reality. We set the data in motion to perform a dance which describes reality. The data is never reality itself. That is the primary difference between the mind of the Organic Portal and the souled human being: the data is their only reality. They are the data. They have no need for anything further. That is why they are so threatened when you use the data for means which they cannot understand.

Beautifully said. Thank you.

ermolai's Website

  • From: Zion
  • Registered: 2004-09-28

Re: Doubts even here...

freeme wrote:

I wonder, perhaps, if that is part of what you are feeling now, Neo.   On the playground not only does it seem that you felt the other kids' games were pointless, but maybe that you were lost in your loneliness.   It sounds like you rediscovered your joy and connectedness during some of your adventures.   Now maybe feel like you are losing it again or are afraid of losing it again.

I've never really felt that sheer joy of being while focused here in 3D reality. At least, not for more than a few minutes at a time. I open my eyes and see a big, fat, ugly fuckin' mess. The only time I'm ever really happy like that is when I'm dreaming. I am a lazy bastard, actually. I hate having to get out of bed every day: "Just let me sleep another hour or so--I was having such wonderful dreams." I don't like physical matter reality at all. I hate being entombed in this temporary body, with all of its attendant needs: "Feed me, clothe me, clean me, and keep me warm and safe!" Give me non-physical reality, and then I'll be happy.

freeme wrote:

Or maybe you just feel the need to share your joy with someone, not necessarily wife and kids, but just talking to someone face to face who can relate..

Sometimes it would be nice to have that one person in my life with whom I could connect on that deeper level. Not a wife, just a female partner. Marriage--at least in the traditional sense--is not for me, nor is having children. But I accept that the chances of finding such a person are pretty damned low, statistically speaking. In fact, I have stopped looking. If in the natural course of events I encounter them, fine. If not, I'll deal. I always have smile

"Fear is the great barrier to human growth. Unknowns create fears. When these Unknowns become Knowns the fears diminish and disappear, and we are able to cope with whatever confronts us." - Robert A. Monroe
  • From: sw tz rl nd
  • Registered: 2004-03-25

Re: Doubts even here...

Neomatrix wrote:

Give me non-physical reality, and then I'll be happy.

Are you so sure that it is your body which traps you in unhappiness?

Neomatrix wrote:

But I accept that the chances of finding such a person are pretty damned low, statistically speaking.

Statistics have absolutely nothing to do with this! If the one you have to meet lives on the other end of the world, you'll find her when both of you are ready, no matter how many weird events it takes! wink

ermolai's Website

  • From: Zion
  • Registered: 2004-09-28

Re: Doubts even here...

ermolai wrote:

Are you so sure that it is your body which traps you in unhappiness?

Oh, I'm not unhappy in physical reality, but nor am I happy. If I were unhappy here, I'd have done something about it long ago. It's more a case of being uncomfortable, a feeling of "I don't really belong here." It is this feeling that nags away at me, and gives rise to feelings of frustration.

ermolai wrote:

Statistics have absolutely nothing to do with this! If the one you have to meet lives on the other end of the world, you'll find her when both of you are ready, no matter how many weird events it takes! wink

Oh, statistics do mean something to me, especially when there is absolutely no guarantee that there is someone I will inevitably meet *out there*. At this point, I don't know if that is the case or not, and so statistics are all I can fall back on.

"Fear is the great barrier to human growth. Unknowns create fears. When these Unknowns become Knowns the fears diminish and disappear, and we are able to cope with whatever confronts us." - Robert A. Monroe

41 Reply by Neomatrix (edited by Neomatrix 2004-11-01 22:05:50)

  • From: Zion
  • Registered: 2004-09-28

Re: Doubts even here...

lightwave wrote:

The other nite for example, I was out with a friend who was buying leather pants. The hem of the pants were unfinished and I was asked my opinion about the unfinished look. I told my friend I preferred a finished look. The salesgirl told me that no one else seemed to have a problem. I stood there dumbfounded as my friend agreed with the salesgirl in a way that said she didn't have a problem either. Then they both looked at me to change my view. It is things like this that I find so bizarre to deal with. I want to say, well what difference is it if the whole state agrees with you, this is ridiculous! But, I end up defending myself to balance things. I said, well it really doesn't matter how many agree, it's a preference. I feel compelled to take a stand for individuality, but then I get in trouble. My friend said it wasn't a big deal and did prefer unhemmed pants, to which I say fine, but it was like they could agree, but I could not express an opposing view. Once the consensus was agreed upon, we all then had to then agree.

The desire for consensus agreement is a symbol of the weak minded. They feel very insecure within the company of those who express a different opinion or hold to a different point of view, even over something as trivial as you describe. Your opinion is your opinion, so stay true to yourself--after all, they ASKED for YOUR OPINION! It wasn't as if you simply volunteered it without request. If others have a problem with what you say or think or do, then let them deal with it. Don't try and take on the responsibility for other people's issues, and never apologize for saying what you think or what you feel. If these people you hang around with call themselves your friends, then it shouldn't matter. If they do seem to have a problem with you for this, then the best thing to do is find some different friends; friends who understand such concepts as freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and freedom of expression. You know, all the things that Americans are supposed to value wink

lightwave wrote:

So...that is exactly it. Using the data as a means rather than an end. That is why I'll will build on an idea and then create a connection to something else and I'll get, "Where do you get these things" said with such incredulity. I also get "you think too much" all the time.

No, the problem is with them: they do not think enough. In fact, they don't seem to think at all, but rather take on their opinions of the world from the mouths of others. Where do you live, anyway? Some small, backwater, southern town with a strong Southern Baptist hillbilly community? It seems that you have a lot of very small-minded, judgemental "friends" in your life. I think that if I were in your situation, I'd be trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. The energies of those types of people will drain you very quickly unless you are really, really strong.

"Fear is the great barrier to human growth. Unknowns create fears. When these Unknowns become Knowns the fears diminish and disappear, and we are able to cope with whatever confronts us." - Robert A. Monroe

42 Reply by lyra (edited by lyra 2004-11-02 08:59:22)

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Re: Doubts even here...

When I read lightwave's personal bio background as well as her recent posting about about her friend and the saleslady trying to pressure her and trying to make her feel uncomfortable I had to add this:

I only just recently learned something over the past 2 years or so, and being in Florida helped me learn it.   But what I learned is that if there is some part of you that still has any sort of low self esteem, any sort of residual feelings of inferiority, shame, being "sensitive" to criticism, funny looks, attack comments, etc.  then it's like blood for the sharks.   They will smell it, and they will come.  You'll find yourself being circled by the sharks and they will not stop until they get something to feed off from you.   But they do this because they know they can do it.  They know they will get something from you, everytime.   Because there's some part of you that is still loudly broadcasting this "frequency."    Once you realize that you're still loudly broadcasting that signal, as I recently figured out for my own self, then you have to decide whether or not you're going to take measures to correct that.   

Living in Florida I was surrounded by either nice people and/or neutral background characters, or, Predators.  And it's unfortunate that in the 2 1/2 years that I lived there that only the Predators seem to stick out in my mind.  Such is the way the human mind works I guess, we somehow only focus on what's wrong and remember what was bad.  But anyway, that's a sidetopic.    The nasty predators as I'll call them were people that were not from Florida.   They were from the Northeast, New York and New Jersey.     So there I was, was in Florida for 6 weeks and just starting my 2nd job -  office environment.   I was this sweet little happy thing, a little gypsy bouncing around the country having fun, and it was literally like walking into a wall when I dealt with the predators.   They'd come in my office with scowls, already bitter and hating the world, already looking to pick a fight to vent and to feed so they could steal back the energy they no longer had for themselves, and there I was, a sitting duck.  Ripe for the kicking.  wink   

A quick background though:    There were events in my life when I was a kid (MAJOR BULLYING) that served to tear me down and kill my spirit and self esteem, compounded by the psycho mom I had to go home to every day.  All this combined to serve one purpose:  To make me meek, passive and weak.  Someone who didn't know how to fight back, would let people say the most disgusting things to her and just stand there, openmouthed, frozen, unable to come up with a clever response until like, 2 hours after the fact.   I was just always caught offguard anytime people were rude to me or said shocking rude things.  I also worked at a series of jobs from ages 17 - 21 where I had managers that were complete predator a**holes who sensed my weakness and were keen to attack me or treat me like crap.    So fast forward to Florida and basically not much had changed. 

I've always been the type of person who doesn't have the desire to go after people first for no reason.   I believe everybody should just leave everybody else alone. Why would anybody deliberately go after somebody??  Why would you seek to be negative and tear another down??    Well obviously, that's the very nature of 3D.  Guess I'm in the wrong place.  I hold ideals that clearly are NOT 3rd density.   Which means I was going to have to either adjust myself or keep playing meek, shocked, hurt, sensitive victim.   

For the first year+ at that office job in Florida I was constantly at battle with the office nasties.   I got along GREAT with the cool people.   But the nasty curmedgeons....forget it.   I lamented loudly at home "WHY DO THEY ACT LIKE THIS??  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?  THEY DON'T DO THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE!!  JUST TO ME!!!!   I'VE NEVER BOTHERED THEM!!   SO WHY DO THEY BOTHER ME!!!   AHHH!"   It suddenly dawned on me one day.....This is a lesson.  This is happening because it CAN happen!   Because there is some part of me that they can sense that is weak, which they're targetting!!    DINGDINGDING!   Bingo!   Lightbulb going off! 

And so I learned how to put my foot down, how to stop somebody right in their tracks as their mouth goes in attack mode.   Cut 'em right off, slash and burn.  Not having it.  Piss off.   Come back when you can be nice.  If you can't, then don't come back.  I got mouthy, to say the least.   With one woman there, being "firm" wasn't enough.  After she picked a fight with me one day, bullying and targetting me then walked off down the hall with a satisfied smirk, leaving me standing there, open mouthed, let's just say it got ugly.  REALLY ugly.   I turned to my supervisor who was nearby and said "DID YOU HEAR THAT??  DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE JUST DID?!?" and I took off after her down the hall and confronted her.   Just went OFF on this woman.   Putting her in her place isn't even the WORD for it!  Oh my GOD.  big_smile    Scorpio wrath is more like it.   It was ugly, and all my coworkers were like "DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!"  It buzzed around the office in no time, as juicy office gossip does, and never quite faded away actually.  People still talked about the conflict between me and so-and-so months later. 

And it stopped.  Soon after my realization and my change in tactics, the predators backed off.  They even started going out of their way to be nice to me, it was insane. Like the only way they could be nice and respect me was after I'd "stood up to them."  Like it was their test. 

Won't bore anybody to tears with all the other smaller learning lesson moments that happened in Florida as well, but do they happened.   And I learned.   

The situation as it stands now is almost unfortunately, the opposite extreme.  It's almost like I'm a loose cannon out there in the world just WAITING for somebody to even so much as look at me the wrong way.  I went through it to such an extreme extent in Florida at 2 jobs that it's hard to turn it "off" now and just relax.   But wouldn't you know it, the sharks don't smell anything anymore.     It's amazing.   I had one minor event happen at my current temp job, with a rude woman in an elevator who basically said   (in so many words)     that I had no business going up to 3rd floor, where she also worked, that I didn't belong in the building, that I was an intruder or something.  Looking at me accusingly, condescendingly.  Well....I set her straight, in such a way as to make her look like a fool, without even having to think about it.  It was just there, second nature reflex now.   And emotionally I felt NOTHING.  No anger at her, no frustration, no indignant huffiness.  Nothing. Nada.   I walked out of that elevator smiling to myself like WOW!!   Just amazed.   I could finally stand up for myself, put somebody who was attacking me first in their place, and move along, without feeling anything about it.   It's the same thing as dealing with a mosquito.  You swat it away, but you don't actually feel frustration or anger over it.    I mean, why would you, right?    It's a nuisance, but it's not **important** or anything.

(A funny synchronicity about Elevator Woman was that after I set her straight and made her look foolish, she of course had to come back with *something* to "save face", and so she replied with "Oh, well, I've never seen you before.  You must work over on the other side with Bob Johnson."   Well after I got out of the elevator I was thinking, Bob Johnson, Bob Johnson, why does that sound familiar??  Then I remembered, "Bob Johnson, Enemy of the State!"   big_smile   The comic that DrDTA posted here.  So yup, I work over with the enemy of the state!   Sounds like me!   hehe) 

I could go on, because there's so much to say about predators and about modifying one's frequency so as not to lure them in, but I'll leave off here because this is a good start I think.   I will leave off saying that I do know that once you stop broadcasting that you're all sensitive to criticism and attacks and other people's opinions, and you are fully trained to be able to deal with it as a second nature reflex, and you vow to yourself that you're NOT havin' it anymore, sorry, then amazingly, it just stops!    Go figure, huh?

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy shit ... what a ride!"  - Anonymous
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"I get by with a little help from my (higher density) friends."
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lyra's Website

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Re: Doubts even here...

lightwave wrote:

They told her they had planned on firing her had she not given her notice. In fact one supervisor bragged about it to another. She had to go!!! I had to go too, can't go waking up the other prisioners...hahaha, epecially with two of us together. They like to keep people like us quarantined....;).


Oh my god that sounded so similar to a job that I had back in '99!   It was an executive suites in Southern California, and I answered the switchboard for, at one point, 48 companies.   No lie.  But I was good, really good, and all of us girls got along so well.  But the management was something else, a whole other species.  It literally was an "Us Vs. Them" situation.  We were all banded together on one side of the line, with all the managers on the other side, arms folded, staring us down.  The company itself kept merging with other companies like Pac Man, getting bigger and bigger, and they changed their name FIVE TIMES in the 9 months I worked there, and it just became weird and impersonal.  Without getting into details, let's just say that management didn't treat us well, to put it mildly. They were all women too, no men. It was all women.  Us admin girls in one corner, and the women managers in the other corner.   Some of the managers weren't as bad as the others, but the ones that were bad were VERY bad.   Horrible.  They had no business being a manager.  They had NO people skills, and treated the employees AND the paying clients like crap.     By the end clients were moving out and all of us admin girls started to put our foot down and fight back, which resulted in much "malcontent."  I was put on some kind of warning notice or something, and had my "bonus money" for my last month there taken away, money which I'd worked my butt off for.   Two girls gave notice, and soon they management had their eyes on me to fire.  I walked out though before they could officially do it.   So my last paycheck did not include my rightfully earned bonus money or my unpaid holidays and all the other stuff.

So, I took them to the Labor Board.  big_smile   And I won.  And I wrote a letter to the president of the company on 5th Ave., NY, and told him all about what was going on there, the way employees were being treated, the way clients were being treated, how long time paying clients were moving out in droves, and cited example after example of real things that had happened there.  Also mentioned my pending Labor Board suit.  wink    The war was on!    Soon after another one of the admin girls followed my lead and also wrote a letter to the President.   About a week later, she called me at home to excitedly tell me how the President of the company flew in to SoCal from New York City....without telling any of the managers.....and walked off the elevator and gave everybody there a heartattack.   They were like, "WHAT THE......?!?!"   I mean, this is a guy they'd only seen in company corporate promo (propaganda) videos.   Nobody there had ever seen him in person, and there he was, in full suit, walking through their lobby.   He ordered an immediate meeting, of all managers, right now.   One of the real problematic managers who we all had repeatedly butted heads with and who the clients hated ran out of the meeting and quit.   She filed some bogus "medical leave" thing later on and actually managed to get paid for the next 2 months or so for some bogus medical thing, before they finally fired her.  Not sure whatever happened to the other managers.  But all of us girls were gone within a month of the whole thing, everybody quit.  A complete staff turnover. 

In retrospect the entire thing was absolutely WILD.  It's the nuttiest thing that's ever happened at any of my jobs.   But I did win my Labor Board thing, and learned my way around that whole process.  It wasn't much money, but it was the principle that mattered.  That was my money, dammit.    That was probably the beginnning of me learning how to stand up against the predator types.  Also set off a hell of a chain reaction that I could never have forseen.  I had NO idea!    Wow.

You're probably right that the predators won't really go away -- as long as we're here in this 3rd density STS realm, it's the nature of this realm, after all-- but, the best we can hope for is to learn how to deal with them and swat them away without feeling any kind of emotion while doing it.   Treat them like you would a mosquito.   Deal with them as they pop up, swat them away, and move on.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy shit ... what a ride!"  - Anonymous
-----
"I get by with a little help from my (higher density) friends."
-----

lyra's Website

  • Registered: 2004-10-15

Re: Doubts even here...

czyx wrote:

People are becoming more and more afraid of shades of gray. They want black and white. Their conscious functioning is reminiscent of the logical functioning of a computer: all it can understand is 1's and 0's. Every piece of information is either true or false to them. The way most people determine what is true or false is by observing the consensus. Is a certain viewpoint authorized or unauthorized by the rest of the herd? If more people believe a certain thing to be true, then it becomes the consensus truth. If it falls out of fashion, then people simply adjust to the new consensus truth. In trying to discuss a theory about chemtrails, you are trying (in the other person's view) to force a "1" where a "0" is, and the person you're talking to doesn't like it.

Great analogy!

I think this can be futher extened.  People that are "asleep" only tend to understand absolutes; thus 1's and 0's.

When; in the example you quote, Neo speaks to someone of Chemtrails, he isn't trying to place a "1" where a "0" is.  Rather he is trying to place a "3".  A non-absolute.  Thus is why those asleep have such difficulty understanding anything other than their "3D reality" (physicality).

In some instances it goes futher still; whilst the asleep mind cannot understand anything beyond "1" and "0", and the awakening mind begings to see "3", "4"...etc  - the wakened mind begins to see that there are no numbers...

Thought Manifestation

Marcus's Website

  • Registered: 2004-04-10

Re: Doubts even here...

Lyra,

I can really identify with your situations regarding the workplace "spinners", bullies, blatent unhappy types-with their own poo-poo pile getting more expansive as the days go by.  Only thing is,  they sniff around and seem to REALLY believe the "smell" is outside of them, when it is painfully obvious that they made it, they own, it, and the TRUTH of it all is; well kinda funny at times.  When it happens, it's very frustrating, but after awhile you just remember to spray on your poo-be-gone every day and smile (do the best you can), even when the smell makes you gag...

If there is no time
      Then you have time for everything.
   You're never in a hurry.
That's true freedom.