Doubts even here... (Page 2 of 5)

Neo-- I also must echo everyone's sentiment so far. I think what you're feeling is common to all of us on the path toward meaning and truth. I too occasionally feel that frustration, that sense of hopelessness. In my weakest moments I've actually wished that someone would drop a nuke on the city I live in, just to rid the planet of a few thousand ignorant humans, seeing my own death as a small price to pay. But I know that thought comes from frustration, and somewhat from that concept that's been floating around NR lately, spiritual elitism.

I also know of the loneliness many of you guys feel. Here at NR we're with like minds and not alone, but that doesn't cure the loneliness when you're out and about living each day. Very few of us here probably have someone we know in person that's on the same wavelength as us, and even if we do, that person may very well have different hobbies and interests than us, making that connection to them otherwise feel empty.

I personally have found a state of mind in my consciousness that never fails to alleviate this frustration of being alone. This state of mind I've found over and over again in many things. I found it in some of the ideals of the 1960s hippies, I found it in sunny days just sitting and people-watching in the park, I found it in the calm of nature, I found it in John Lennon's "Imagine." Through experiencing all these things I created an ideal state of mind within me. That state of mind is: care-free but compassionate. Care about others but not about outcomes. Whatever happens, happens. Love and Oneness is still the ultimate nature of Creation and that's all that matters.

You need to anchor yourself. Not anchor yourself to this reality, but anchor your self to your higher self. Search your soul for your ideal state of mind. That state of mind represents what kind of reality you wish to create. Anchor your ideal state of mind within yourself. You don't need to work toward this state, because it's already in you. You just have to discover it. When you find it, I can tell you from my own experience it'll be unmistakeable. You'll think, "this is how life should be every day." It's a full-fledged resonation like nothing else. Live in that state of mind for a few moments each day. Every day you can hold it longer and longer until one day you're in that state of mind all the time. When that happens you'll be flowing like a stream of consciousness, like the Tao. You'll no longer be wandering, groping in the dark, trying to define yourself in this confusing reality of ours.

Another thing is, you need to define yourself by love, compassion, and intelligence, rather than by lack of it. So many people -- and I'm still sometimes stuck in this mode myself -- define themselves by what they're not rather than by what they are. I bet many of us here think along the lines of how the majority of Earth's population is self-serving, greedy, manipulative, uncompassionate, ignorant, et cetera. We all think this sometime or another. Stop doing that. Trust me on this one. Don't think to yourself, "I'm not like them/They're not like me." Instead think along the lines of, "This is me. That is that." Take things as they are and don't compare them. Don't compare, because there is no 'better' or 'worse.' All there is is 'different.' Stop identifying your self as a not-otherself. You won't be able to hold that ideal state of mind I wrote about when you identify and define your existence this way.

I hope this makes sense to you. We're all in the same boat here. Let's just keep on paddling together and some day we'll reach shore to stand on.

All of these posts are excellent. The wisdom and answers are profound, and the questions, too. Some of the Perennial Philosophy is given a new twist with some high minds (not drug high, folks) expressing Higher Mind, to my mind!

Lightwave: Hey there! Good stuff. Great to hear your insights and experiences.

I sure can relate to what everyone has said here so far. Been there in that lonely hole with alot of RATS! How sweet it is that this site is here. Ah yes, how SWEET it is.

Now, how do you interact with those many others who are firmly in the grasp of the MCS, let alone the ones who (why? Why? WHY?) want to be there, eh? It's a real, nitty gritty question Neomatrix has posed, eh? Well, I don't know, some days. Other days I'm real smooth.

If you've ever read The Bhagavad Gita, you'll remember how Krishna, symbolic of "All that is," advises Arjuna, the warrior who must slay family members in an epic battle, that he [ Arjuna] must "seem to slay." Now, nobody here's talking about killing anyone literally,of course; just this: "seem" to slay. Cut away the desire, the attachement, the lust, the hate, in the realization that only the body dies.

If you take it to the level of daily interactions with the sheep, or "muggles" in a sense, it indicates a slaying of ignorance, or an asleep view of the interaction. An awake interaction with them will "kill" them off! [Again, not about killing people, about killing illusion, which the MCS trades in]

So there's one way, and another is : how should a twelfth grader treat a third grader? Are they better? No, just further along the path. But this only works for these slower people,
not the true foes, or the worthy adversaries.

So, there you have it for me today. Possibly a pile of koo koo stuff, I don't know.
This thread's too excellent to pass by, though. I thought about it alot. If you put it all together, the questions, and some perennial answers and some orderly, Higher Mind "BAM!"s, it'd make a good book.

What it boils down to is trying some things, like Ghandi. Take a crib sheet out
of the organized material on Montalk, and the organized material that will be in the future, which you will "know" ahead of time,and take actions based on it. Look at it like an experiment. If it doesn't work, you'll know.

And oh boy, don't we all KNOW it!

Oh my!  This thread just keeps getting better.  I think all of us here have been dealing with this and coming up with our own individual solutions.  Comparing notes is sooo helpful.  Lightwave, that was a great post, keep "rambling".  Neo, fellow system buster, I hope you got my hug yesterday.  I'll send another in case the first one missed.   Neo, you are NOT alone, not really; even though it feels like it.  We are slowly connecting here and at other levels.  I'm here to listen if you need to talk, email me if you'd like.  We need to first keep connecting with each other here and with our higher selves.  With others OP's and the ones who are still asleep, its trickier (I agree none of us is better here, just different). 

I'm asking the same question. ......And I had a whole big answer written out which I deleted when I realized that it is the wrong question.     Inherent, but unspoken, in this question is the concept of "should".  What "should" I do?  What is the "right" answer?  I believe you mentioned that you have a lot of people in your life now telling you what you "should" be doing.  Your family is really "hammering away" at *you*--hmmm?  I'm in a similar position.  The real question I think is what do you or I "desire" to do.  How do we desire to interact with people who are often hostile and draining.  What do you/I want at the soul level (not programs)?  When we follow our desires at the soul level we give permission for others to do the same.  Maybe you have a deep-felt need to be away from others for a while.  Maybe you desire more interaction.  It may change from day to day.  Then again maybe you really want a wife, three kids and a two car garage --just kidding.  Thank you for asking this question.  It helped me to clarify my own issues with this.

I really need to thank everyone here again, especially Tom and Lyra, for creating this place.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Kathy

What do I desire to do? Well, that is the tricky part, isn't it? Sometimes it's really hard to get any intuition on these things because your desires conflict with one another; in this eventuality you are usually left scratching your head when considering which of the available roads to walk down.

In this particular case, even the application of logic doesn't bring any fresh perspective to the problem: If I choose to continue associating with people, then I'm going to have to accept the unavoidable frustrations of many such interactions, and the high possibility of personal rejection--at some point along the way--due to wildly conflicting views of reality. If on the other hand I choose to isolate myself and embrace a life of solitude, then I can avoid such unpleasant situations only through the acceptance of sporadic feelings of loneliness, isolation, and--once again--frustration. So, either way, there is a price to be paid. The lesser of the two evils is the one that I feel that I can most comfortably live with; right now I'm leaning towards the latter option as being a better fit, given my own history and personality. If, at some point down the road, I meet someone (during the natural course of events) that I resonate with and with whom I feel completely comfortable being myself around, then great. If not, then it simply wasn't meant to be; at least, not this time around. Everyone has their own life path to follow, and all are quite unique.

As for my family hammering away at me, yes--this is very true. It has been so all of my life, and I don't think that this will change any time soon, if ever. As typical English village folk who rarely think any further than their own doorstep, they have obviously taken a very dim view of many of my life choices. All of the ideals and aspirations that they value so highly--their limited world view, and their short-sighted morality--I have rejected as being quite inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

Growing up with my sister, I was not only the oldest child but also recognized as the most intelligent by a reasonably significant margin. Naturally, expectations for me were pretty high. And although my father had always wanted a strong-armed, square-jawed, skirt-chasing, beer-drinking, football-playing son that would have placed a very high value on such materialistic pursuits, that isn't what he got. What he got was a geek; at least from his perspective. So he begrudgingly shifted his objectives for me around a little bit, and simply hoped that I would use my intelligence to gain a degree and pursue a high-paying career that would give me enough social "status" (read: wealth) that he could be proud of me.

Well ... I never got a degree.

My sister on the other hand is living a perfectly "normal" life: house, car, job, kid, spouse--the complete package. It is hard to believe that we are both the siblings of the same two parents. Naturally they don't worry about my sister; her life is all sorted out after all. But they worry about me, and at their age (and mine) they are pretty damned pissed off about it, thank you very much. They feel I've wasted my talents living a reckless, irresponsible life. From their point of view, I can almost understand why they would feel this way. And although I wish that just for one moment they could see things from my perspective, I know that the chances of that are slim to none.

But it is easy to ask, What if? What if I had denied my intuition, and not taken so many risks; played it safe, and lived a more conventional lifestyle? What if I had the house, car, job, kid, and spouse? Sure, my family would all be a lot happier--but would I? I think about this, on and off. Admittedly, there does remain some degree of attraction to such a lifestyle, most of which revolves around the short term satisfaction of applying quick-fix bandages to lingering personal insecurities; but I always reach a point where I feel very trapped, even to the point of being suffocated. And so I think, Is it just me that feels this way?

But then I remember that most humans will gladly trade their freedom (of living and being) for even the glimmer of perceived future security; we've seen it happen very visibly in response to recent world events. And so I wonder if perhaps a significant proportion of those people, who follow the more traditional lifestyle route, do so only because of the presence of deep-seated insecurities when facing the limitless possibility of experiences that they could be creating, but which are simply not part of the culturally programmed and accepted "norms" that we have all been subjected to for so long. The real question is this: Are people actually afraid to be truly free? Personally, I think so, and the unhappiness that results from this choice (or perceived lack of choice) is what leads so many into the welcoming arms of the addictions that I mentioned in an earlier post.

When I look at it this way, I get the flicker of a very bizarre realization. It occurs to me that the unhappiness that my family (and aforementioned friend) feels when looking at my life is merely the reflection of the unhappiness that they feel when looking at their own. Perhaps, in some small way, I am a physical representation of the many "abnormal" experiences that they may well have wanted to create, but for which they simply lacked the courage. This may also explain the occasional note of envy I've detected as a motivational undercurrent in some of the things that they have said to me, both recently and in the past. Perhaps then, the very thing that I have desired to do--affect a positive change and/or realization in the lives of those people around me--is actually taken care of automatically, without need of any direct conscious input on my own part, in the process of remaining true to myself. Perhaps that is the ultimate irony in all of this. As Kathy said: "When we follow our desires at the soul level we give permission for others to do the same."

Whether they ever take any action as a result of this is their own choice, and none of my business. Either way, I feel pretty good about it.

P.S. Kathy, I got both your hugs. Back atcha ;-)

Neomatrix

I totally empathize with you man.  Sometimes I actually understand TPTB because I look around (I'm attending college now) and see a youth culture of lazy babies.  They seem like such a bunch of simpletons.  For them a baseball team throwing something around better than another team is the most exciting part of life.  But I like thinking about philosophy and walking around nature, which literally gets me high.  They complain when the teacher lectures until the end of class, while I enjoy the learning experience.  They have so much to be grateful for, so much oppurtunity to expand their minds and become masters of this world, yet they act rudely, borish and cold.  The only people on campus I can relate to are some of my professors, whom show glimpses of genuine humanity.  I'm not saying I am perfect, I get lazy too, I get angry too, but I actually strive to better myself and penetrate the depths of knowledge (both of my own soul and the world).   

My suggestion is not to settle for the normal life unless you meet a woman so incredible that it would be worth producing a child with your combined dispositions.  One of the reasons why this world is so messed up is because people only desire to affirm their own personalities.  So when they have kids they model them after themselves, and take joy in seeing the child repeat life the same way they did because they're so bored with their own lives.  They're bored because they only sought fleeting moments which their youth afforded them.  Now they are bored and looking for something new.  They "birg" or "bask in the reflected glory" of their kids, and spoil their children into happiness, while they should be encouraging rigorous exploration of the world from the youngest age.  Most people have children out of selfish motives I say. 

That's not the way it should be.  It should be the most agonizing decision one ever makes, whether to have a child.  I know right now I'm personally not ready to teach and mold a person therefore I have no desire to start a family.  By the  same token I have things I want to see and accomplish in life that I'm not willing to sacrifice.  My point is, the whole family, house car thing is just another distraction for most people so they don't face their innerself.  Only if you find a woman who is a fine compliment to yourself, and who you respect as a loving pure soul should the thought of children cross your mind.

Hi Neo, all,

Agreed; this is a great thread which hits at the heart of an issue all humans either grapple with or are aware of as a potential they may have to grapple with, or not, as the case tends to be for most. Freewill prevails whether we like it or not.

And at root, the questions you are asking Neo seem to be based in that human need for communion. We are not solitary creatures by nature, thus we need to have a linking of minds at the very least.

What has helped me immeasurably is remembering the following:

1. I cannot change the world - it is as it is meant to be. That is why I came here - to evolve, not by instigating political change, but by mastering my emotions. This is something many do not consider, as the link between emotions and the vibration you send out is not something we are taught.

2. I can change how I perceive myself and my role within the world ie what part I choose to play within the cosmic drama. Afterall it IS a dramatic illusion, not reality. After years of being passionaltely political, I try not too take it too seriously.

3. I try to stay in touch with that part of me that is compassionate and I seek to nurture it. Serving others when asked and interacting with animals and children really help me with that one.

4. Following from this will be a change in your vibration and consequently language.
I dont deny my emotional highs and lows, but I think consideration to the use of language will enhance a mastery of emotions. ie you will not be ruled by them, but you will still be able to fully feel them. You could be dying inside and feel it, but someone observing you may not be able to see that. This is not denial; it is a mastering of your emotions. An empath would "see" this.

5. You then become a mirror as you allude to in the quote below, and others may be very resentful,  or very inspired and grateful to see you demonstrating a possibility that they have only dreamt of.     

6. After years of hiding, I try to be myself at all times. Your "rebellion" could be viewed as an irony, but as you and Kathy say, it could also a source of great encouragement that you are following your heart. Not being knowingly or unknowingly  led by the nose for 30 pieces of silver so to speak.

7. I ask myself what am I doing all the time. I think it is ok to hold that vibration of knowledge about how this reality works, but without expression it is redundant. Expression doesn't necessarily mean words. Your vibration and actions tend to speak louder. You may find that as you choose to be very particular about the energetic vibe you surround yourself with, and the energetic thoughts that you hold in your mind, you will attract like minds. It is a law of magnetics. As to activity basedon this knowing? Well the choices are limitless. Only you can decide how you wish to give expression to your desire to serve humanity. Ask yourself (higher self) for help and ideas will come.

8. I can't help but be with people who do not think like me, as I live in the world, and the option of isolation is one that does not appeal to me, but I shut up about anything concerning my world view, unless asked. When I was a campaigning political animal, I used to impose my point of view on people. And even when asked, I now choose my language very carfeully, based on an assesment of what I think someone will understand. Much the same way you would do if talking to a child. (and I don't mean patronising people)

9. I also make a point of having time to myself and myself alone. Time to re-evaluate on a regular basis. When I remember, I find writing down my thoughts has the effect of releasing and clarifying the root of any tension or despair etc that may be rising.

10. I meditate, visualise and "ground" myself regularly, so that I remain anchored in this realm. That energetic link between heaven and earth that I mentioned in my post earlier in this thread. Currently I find doing this helps in all situations. And i don't have to be in a quiet space to ground either.  Like you I live in England and am very familiar with the cultural dynamic of emotional constipation, and I can empathise with what that feels like. Its an uncomfortable place to be spiritually and physically. Its also a great place to learn this emotional mastery.

Please don't get the idea that I am an expert at this. These are my thoughts after years of "struggle". I have decided to now stop struggling, and in so doing, many things are clearer in my mind. I have also noticed the bullshitters sense I can see that they are bullshitting and they back off, so I have less energy draining experiences than before.

Of course there are exceptions to this rule and when it comes to outright MCS "attack", when somone is "turned on" to come after me, I can "see" that for what it is much better now. Especially since learning so much about the hyperdimensional realms at Cassiopaea.  Its so true what the Cs say about  knowledge protecting, and in so doing it removes the fear factor out of the equation. I stand firm with knightly honour, no longer rising to these attacks and they tend to dissipate quite quickly as a result.

I think from your final comment in your last post, you seem to have come to a resolution and understanding. You can only be responsible for your own actions and thoughts. Now its time to keep on DOING as always; there is always work to be done internally (your thought patterns) and externally (serving others).

Deep joy to you

mimi

  This is another great post Lightwave.  Everything really resonated with me.  You're not alone either.  (((Lightwave))) (That was a hug:))

  Actually class and race are issues I deal with too.  My kids are biologically 'half' African, half upper-class African.

You sound like you are really in the think of things there.  Please make sure you protect yourself.

LOL!  I hear you there.  Am I going crazy?!?  What was that black shadowy thing that just tried to jump on me?  Is this really a premonition of the future?  Why did I have that strange reaction?  What is wrong with me?!? Ahhhhhhhhh!

I am usually the quiet one too who listens to everyone else.  Its soooo good to be able to talk about it. Keep rambling .   Oh, click on the "Smiles" underneath "Message"  to the left of the box when you are typing.

Kathy