Why do they do this to you ? (Page 4 of 5)

well, Altamash/Bilal, sup! dude it was good hearing from you again. Now, I do understand what you have explained and am pretty much on it infact, there is nothing that can make me upset i make my moods and personalities and I carry it without a flaw. Now, about kundalini well, she is strong and I tell you its not how much I want it to be awaken but it will awaken no matter what and you probly is right but a person like you who think on inifinte possiblites can't just restrict the whole idea of enlightenment to Jesus and Buddha only. I have paid way too much attention to life and figured out a lot and also understood how this world is a verbal prison of ideas and concepts being triggered in your mind thru vision feeding to what not and am thru all this still trying to have a mastery over it since I live in this concrete jungle.

But, yah if Jesus did he believed in Love...look at some of those pictures of GOD then you will see how much ecstasy they have in their eyes. Now, you may say thats the artist, but tell you what that kind of look only comes in you when you are truly blissed when none can touch you and being GOD on this plane is nothing but a matter of having control over your internal dailouge. Like I said the book teachings of Don Juan helped me a lot infact, it gave me an idea of how the world is outside this physical realm. Infact, even he talks about kundalini in terms of indescribable's emanational bands and that what they are...what you precieve is what they will become for you.  Infact, its the same thing as fountain of youth. Talking about thought battle in 4D starts right here in 3d if you smoke weed or may be what i smoked I had this internal dialouges conflict it was so extreme that it took me to a door where i stick to my love and my believes or believe in the one who is challenging me and accept defeat and death. Now, thats not just talk it stands for its literal meaning I understood how one of ma side is being called the anti-christ and the other christ...cuz I know that I will make it sourcery which is to say according to your theory as a 6th dimensional being without a physical body but in unity of the ONE.

About people pointing out to you saying you are just me, me, me.... AKA SMITH...the point is I have done LSD and I literally saw myself in every friggin being it was like I was in a dream and I didn't feel my whole body and was there as a thought projected being who willed to do what ever he wanted and it happend that way. I mean its no big deal doing LSD or any friggin drug but what when you realize death is weakening you thru your internal dialouge. when you get into your internal dialouge you beat your negative talk with being as positive as you can and what you are doing is you are defeating your death.No one has defined death because it comes to those who are already dead. People who are alive and know of their every action and know the rules of the games they know death is nothing but a choice to sleep and wake up where you want not where everyone else wnat you to wake up. I will write something that is the truth if you can't get what you want thru this then there is no believe of yours in your love that strengthens you and no believe in yourself but only talk of higher knowledge. What sets higher knowledge is basics on what basis it takes stand if you are strong at your roots none can shake you no matter from where the winds hit the tree it won't fall. But as I understand myself and now what am assuming is that marriage is nothing but death....and its not that am friggin scared of death but I have asked for the truth to the sky and am gettin my answers. I haven't made it to point of seeing thru my ESP's which is looking at the wrold thru my soul with emotions and feelings but what I have seen as of now is as a dead man where as soul makes you weak even tho! she is your love and only hope for manifesting but only as a dead man one can learn what can be learnt.

Besides, this world is a set up where you are born with certain abilites. Now as you are born you go thru society programming to what not which gives a shape to your whole personality a final result and outcome of the knowledge thats been fed to you thru your precievable senses. Now, most of us are grown in vegetative state where we are fine doing what we are going which is to say in love, family, money there is an endless list what one can want except for true love. Now, what is true love. If a person doesn't even know himself truly how can he even think of saying his love is true. He doesn't even understands himself therefore his love is an illusion of truth but he is busy still playing on love that hasn't been defined which is hate, anger , everything will flatten up when you know thyself cuz you will realize that you are nothing but a part of the same GOD who is projecting everything from life to what not. Now, on his way as he grow up like Don Juan defines... they try to control and make you surrender thru fear, that is why most of the children are already taken their paths at early age either as your STO's or STS's or how I like the term of Father and Mother.  Now, those who are born with spiritual immunity they will reject the social programming what is stored for them is control thru fear. Everything that exists around him is him its the same spoon of the matrix that is constantly feeding him. But that spoon can only be bent thru true realization of the self where am headed.  Now, if a person doesn't fear he starts to get his clarity of mind he could see things thru his experience and his mind and penetrate thru all the crap that is being played around him like a drama to define his identity. Now, if he falls for the clarity he is defeated to his second enemy. Instead if he uses his clarity with impeccablity and use it only to see and believe in love and wait for the call or the force that guides us which is love and ONE he starts storing power. Your power is your will that is you kudnalinic shell potency now when you begin with that you start storing power. And power comes thru constant battles of reinforcement of fear and trying to make your clarity an illusion so basically you are at war with the power at this stage. They pick you up on steps meaning what level of thinking you are seated at and thats where they take you to extreme from that leve but if you beat that extreme leve of that stair then you climb up a stair and now you face another step that will start testing you. and steps of those power keep on going.  At this point the person would be most likely be like me cuz I have started storing power and taking from baby steps to the steps that will set up a revolution for myself an my life and my believes of love and peace and if i should die I dont regret. Cuz I know deep down I lived my life the way I wanted being an impeccable warrior inserch of knowledge, truth and unconditional understanding. But as much as I don't like to predict my own future I would still pull it out I dont hink anything will make me fall even if i fall it would be me landing in thestate of STS or STO.

But, if i learn to manage my power and keep on moving foward you will face the old age. Which is what am facing right now, and if you fail here which is to say you will loose all that you have learnt in your suffering and leave like a puppy in the world of dinasours.  Now, the point is am not even trying to be a dinasour which is offered to me and everything is but a mere choice to me. I don't take anything for conincidence or anything I see. I make sense out of every thing cuz things are the way they are cuz you need to make sense thats decoding the matrix.  But anyways, like in his book he says one can't defeat but if he fights of for a little while he will be able to make it and become a man of knowledge. Now, imagine a person being in balance with both of his polarities. doesn't that make him a literal GOD for everyone. Why do you think they say Jesus was son of GOD and GOD himself..because he became complete in his physical existence with all his suffering and impeccability he made it to that level..

anyways, am outta time i ain't got enoug mullah on me but ama hit you when i will. and besides dude who am fighting speaks thru every person on this forum thru some he helps me and thru some he programs me but its all good as long as i get my love.. Its all love for me dude and true love indeed of the creator. but yeah I might come out as a moron or someone whoz out of his mind and if thats  the case i will be glad but even if i come out like i know something then thats not good cuz i still need to konw what i need to know...

Transcix how can you know if weed is laced with cocaine or not? Seems an impossible task. But maybe I am just stupid or something.

lol..so we talking about weed. Damn dude I left smoking for too long and went back to it and been on it for like 4 days now...Ok herez what I experience the more i smoke the more my brain starts working and thoughts are a total cahos. Now, when I smoke people have this weird look on'em as if waiting for something to happen and nothing happens. Infact, smoking weed gives me nightmares but I don't literally freak out in my dreams. I had a dream where they were like hundreds of zombies are chasing me and am all alone in a land of darkness and i get cornered by a hill and am like what do i do now I lifted myself above the ground to the sky and from there I could see where I was. I was in the mid air of course on one side there were this zombies waiting for me to come and just across the line of the wall there was this beautiful forest with sun and birds and I thought may be I should fly ahead. This is what happend then I tried to move ahead but I fell back into the same land of darkness into the zomibie like creatures... I understood one thing thru it that even tho! I live around ppl who are trying to get me and am always lifting myself above their thinking and whats stoping me is to how to move ahead from that elevated level. So, I guess I need to learn to move ahead in an elevated state and I should be able to make it..but thats how i personally took it...

Now, smoking weed gives me insane battles with the self. I mean I literally don't drink water or anything and i let myself dehydrate to uttermost limits and thats when I start feeling great. Now, when am at that state I have this thoughts entering my mind and I kinda get into this insame thought battle with somone pushing those thoughts into my mind. And the fight is simple it wants me fall down and give up and I say why do I give up. And it reminds me of all the flaws in me and what not and I fight it with my answers to those thoughts arising and its like one of those Christ and Anti-Christ battle in the self at the doors steps of death. Its not that I don't like it...I absolutely enjoy those battles cuz I always leave the negative thoughts with answer less questions and answers and i think beyond it...so I enjoy it but I loose energy due to thought battles and it shows up but when i beat him I get energy. So, Bilal you talking about 4d thought battles hows this for a 3d living creature to fight....One more interesting fact this time when my friend dropped weed for me he gave me in a magzine paper with a lambo on it and it said on the paper the fighting beast. And when we first started smoking after soo long we smoke rs 50 and then he kept on getting better and better stuff and the price kept on increasing from 100 to 150 and then 200 worth andam pretty sure that it wasn't just clean weed it has somthing that pushes me into these battles.

It makes me wonder about death may be death is all about one getting grounded by his own thoughts arising in him pushing him and telling him to lay down with arms wide open and give in. But I love these situation it helps me to learn how and why people die and when i came to that conclusion now am pretty sure what it is...I love doing this dude its just one of those awsome battles with lot of pain and sufferings :-D

hey trancix, thanx for your honest reply. Now, to begin with my friend you are not in my shoes and therefore you do not have any idea what I go thru. Even if you analyze it sitting right above my head in an astral plane listening to everything that I have to say you would still not feel what i feel. Besides what makes us all different is the way we feel you have to agree with that and if you don't am gonna have to ask you to push that button right away without going ahead with reading.

Me not having to have any place in this forum. Well, yeah you probably are right cuz there is no way in hell if I wasn't here people who think can program me would have the hardest time and sooner or later the ego that you call it would have made it anyway. Now talking about ego you proved yourself of my doubt about you being on the side that i believed you ere and am pretty sure you do have lot in your hands to do what you can with what you have there. But you talking about Maya and going thru the hindu scriptures I agree we reach where we are reaching but it doesn't mean that there is only one way. If that was the case I would have been dead long ago the only reason am not dead cuz therez another way and none wants to agree with it and thats not my problem so ian't baking anything with anyones good thoughts or bad thoughts.

What makes a person is his belives and his impeccability with believe in the ONENESS of the whole and LOVE. Now, about doing drugs I had rather not do. Infact, I never did untill like I was 21 which is when your side had to make me do it and insert all these love songs and all that bull crap talk and mind feeding to make me one of your people. And please do not get offended by anyword which is what am doing just being myself and spilling out what I have in my mind about what you have written. And hell you say, it doesn't matter where I end up I don't think about future I think in now and present with all my attention on what am suppose to do and what am not suppose to do. Heaven and Hell talk are for them ignorant mass zombies that walk the street who got their heads in the cloud with false love defined in terms of beauty but not truth and their minds in their knees controlled puppets. And am glad am not one of them I have my mind right where its suppose to be everywhere and nowhere and I from my heart and soul believe in LOVE that is the only truth there is to know beyond all that you could hallucinate and create for yourself.

Anyways about drugs my friend. like I said I had rather not do it but what about all the pain and sufferings your people have to cause to those who wants to be complete as they are. What about those mind feeding and playing with real emotions of people with characters entering their lifes to teach them love and shit and draining them of their energies and leaving them depressed suicidal or chronic drug abusers. Like I said I have so much control over myself I could refuse it when I will to and I take it when I want to. You could smoke a whole kilo right infront of me i won't touch it if i don't will to. I touch those drugs only because sometimes life gets hard and its very well suppose to be hard fro people like me because I want true love not love defined in terms of beauty or love defined in terms of growin up like a vegetable only to make us just like you who are obsessed with feminity ruling the universe. She is the force and I respect her with all my will and intent and I don't carry anything either Will or intent against her if she wills to take me away with her. But I tell you what the problem is am one of those cases who observed life so closely in sufferings and pain that I know what it really takes for me to be who I am.

Believe me this is just the beginning very soon I will make it with my believes and i know am not wrong not cuz I speak my mind but even from my heart am as clean as anyone could be like a mirror what you give me is what you can expect from me infact I would give you that minute details of you that even  in your own skin you wuold have not observed. Besides, its useless to debate with people who are one sided driven and Hell is the father side according to you the lizzies who uses technologies. May be am at this stage cuz there is really somone who is not suppose to be running the show or may be am still understanding him but all and all I spoke of ma mind without fear or any emotions that will hold me from speaking what i feel. Emotions are very importan aspects of our identity sometimes they fuel us or sometimes hold us from being ourselves. And I believe I can manage my emotions I know where to pull them and where not to and it doesn't matter wether i speak on this forum.  A

About water don't worry I can handle myself without water or food at those stages cuz I know death as my friend so he won't pick me unless and untill its my will. And about Hell you should have really prayed I wish cuz you didn't know what you would have got then someone like me in Hell is one of the biggest asset to come back with my mind and a competition for your angel world that would have been impossible to accomplish. But I know deep inside I neither speak of Hell or Heaven I believe in love wether I exist or I don't. And drugs are only good for spirituality for those people who are weak at their minds and emotional driven people happy with seeing the luminiosity of the world as it exists and accepting that luminiosity as the force itself. What is luminiosity without darkness and what is darkness without light and I still say its the love at the roots that gave us all a chance to be here. If they were fighting like we morons then there would have been no existence.

FreeSpirit -- Altamash connects from Canada, Eon from India. Anyone can use proxies, but the format/tone of their posts are slightly different between them. The similarity may be because they are peers, birds of a feather.

Allright, yeah we were peers right... and yeah I haven't been talking to altamash and haven't spoken to him in like years. Now, its the street language or people like me drop out of school and use easy going words rather than sophisticated words showing my school credentials. Besides this knowledge is not about who puts it in right words and proper grammar and sure its not an english class. Now you guyz are more matured in a way you choose your words because you belong to whole different stream of people who use professional language where as I will say proudly am not matured enough but am mature enough to express my feeling in broken anglais.....

Now, Atltamash and me are not the same person yeah we all are part of that one entity that we know as ONE or GOD. that being said let me tell you what altamash case is for me. For me he is just another choice on my path. He shows similarities and people pointing out and using his shoulder to shoot me is not a bad idea at all infact its the very best concept one could think of who runs the show and am pretty much aware of it. Now, Altamash speaks of his Ego just like me but he doesn't believe in love as much as I do or may be he does am nobody to take a stand on him but thats just my personal opinion. We were together for 2 year and what do i recall of those years nothing really he was busy doing all the mischief he could and I was busy playing soccer and I loved it soo much that I was the best player in the whole school and I didn't had time to hang with him too much but we sat together.

Now, when he moved to Canada he came up with an email ID that pretty much represents me. As I was going thru my waking up period a friend came up to me when I had this dream of becoming a DJ and I wore cap most of the time at that time. And when we use to get high he use to freak the hell out of me with his poems about some guy named DJ coming to this world believing in love , loving his mother to his death and falling in the dark side and all that and it would be like my story and  I wasn't that stable in thsoe times. Because I wasn't aware of myself and the world and it was just that I was depressed with my life and my g/f leaving me and all that crap the system played on me. Now, Altamash has an Id that is djcapone300-@ ....... now, i was obsessed with number 3 infact, the list is so long where i saw 3 is not even funny my first time in U.S 2003 well, i don't want to go on here am not trying to convince anyone of anything but what am saying is he just turns out a mere choice to me thats all. I seriously consider my whole family as a choice cuz they are ever ready to step in your shoes its not jsut family but the whole friggin world and it doesn't matter.

But yeah freespirit I understand your point of view. Probly ego is your petpiff and let me tell you what exactly is my ego. I will define it for you its not that of a similar picture of ego. My ego is a product of my believes that has proved right to me which are based on truth, honesty and love. which means i won't say am right unless and untill those 3 factors that governs my ego allow me to which is to say about being truthful , honest and with love and understanding. but what ever dude you guyz can go ahead write all the similarites and point out what ever you could jsut know that its not that easy as it looks.