Topic: Why do they do this to you ?
My life has become worse and worse ever since i learned about everything there is to know. Being positive is something i cannot accept in a world full of bullshit. I know why the bullshit exists but having to deal with the fact that there is a huge ass universe (so much variety), much better environments etc my higher self just wont let me out. So what if i dont want to continue my lessons here. I've already had a dream telling me i failed. Whats worse is that ever since i started studying spritualism i became very anti social, mainly because my parents are very orthodox muslims go figure.
My friends left me cuz they think im coo coo. I had a bad start but as years passed by i learned to keep my mouth shut. Its been almost 4 years now and let me tell you my progess: No academic education, high school drop out, no interest in going back to school. No way in hell im taking a loan. Not to mention been single for almost 6 years now. My heart has literally forgotten how to love. My daily life consists of going to work when i have a temporary job, smoking weed and playing mmorpg games. I have no interest in going out there, exploring the world or whatever. Reason is simple. If you know that ufo type crafts exists why still use the primitive mode of transportation. Just like how they say: If you learn too much about sts activity, it will be greaty difficult to live in this world. So yeah im another Don from the Ra material group, why did he shoot himself even though he knew too much. Same problem with me. I know too much to handle and im sick and tired of living here. Maybe im not one of those daring types to commit suicide yet i've already been close to death on many occasions. Cough syrup was fun. Thanks but no thanks for rescuing me from death *speaks to those responsible for the intervention*. And now they made it so i cant abuse it.
So why do they do this to you ? The sto claim to be 'service to others'. In the begining i had a lot of sto activity going on, they would touch me, make noises, pass by me in human form and what not, Never directly spoke to them but once i was high on some good weed and they tried to channel with me, but i got pissed off and told them to get lost. Since the last 2 years i've noticed the hype has totally died out. Maybe because they finally realize i dont care about them and really want them to leave me alone.
I actually blame them for making my life more miserable. By them i mean C's, Ra and those who visited me. Ra told me once in my dream to be more 'sto'. Tell me the logic in this: You are a good person that has a loving wife, yet imagine if you had no place to work but in a whore house. How do you expect to be devoted to you wife then ?
Similarly i can understand we're sts but you cant teach an sts to become sto in an sts world. That doesnt make sense at all.
Under some circumstances its possible but my environment is such, im a indian kid with orthodox muslim parents. My surroundings are alien to me because i live in canada, There is literally no place i can call home, even india is mostly hindus. On top of that i was born and raised in middle east go figure again. I feel like a total alien on this planet.
From what i've learned and discovered, those who give up on life are doomed to spend the rest of their life in mysery. I already have uncles that are in similar situation. If you see them you'd call them 'no lifers'. So yeah i think god is just retarted who simply cares about his next meal. Infinity is bullshit, if you can have so many 'manyness' yet you cant help out 1 poor being. You force him to change by himself. And that doesnt work since i wrestle with angles so they just leave you to deteriorate which when you think about it, its like your left to be eaten by the sts. That way the 'all-ness of all' makes sure he get his every f*cking meal on time.
So its not like i cannot change, i know that, its just that i dont want to. What they expect from me now is to get married that way i assume responsibility and bring love back into myself. Yet i've decided not to spread my seed. I dont want to raise more idiots into this world. I can understand so many entities are eager to join. God know what kinds of brainwashing is used in 5th density but yeah infinity is pretty funny when you think about it. I also dont see the logic in following a simple set of procedure to become sto.
What so special about getting married and raising a family ? I dont belive that is called love. Love is when you can give unconditionally. But how can you give if you have nothing to begin with. So you have to freaking bust your ass off like the many others out there so that you have something to give to your wife who already came with a nice package. Women gotta suffer 9 months pregnancy, Men gotta suffer daily tempation. Women get all doors open in life, Men gotta struggle their way thru.
Personally i think these 'lessons' is just a load of crap. I know i have so much potential if i was in 5d i could probably feed myself all of the knowlege that exists up to date.
Another concept i do not like is having to enter someone eles's creation and having to abide by their rules. Seriously i rather just make my own creation and not have anyone bother me.
When you play a game, you are given an objective, armed with a weapon and a prize in the end. If it was a 5minute game hell yeah ill play. But f*ck life, i know for a 23 yr old im whining too much but no thanks i dont need to spend eternity to make a choice. Looks like i wont be going to 4d after all, which is beautiful for me. As its much better to enjoy more games then to lvl up. More pleasure for me, more worlds to visit, maybe some with super high technology or better yet i use all my knowledge gained so far to make my own world. Since i've realized stuff made by others never works for me. Its about time i do my own thing.
b4 i came here to post on this site i was thinking about writing stuff on wikipedia about all the c stuff and ra and everything i've learned so far but now i know for sure that even thats not going to buy me a ticket to 4d. Its pretty gay when they say the requirements are 'simple understanding' yet you give me dream about love and sto'ness. If kindness, spreading knowledge and just being nice is not enough then seriously screw you i rather be sts. It will be hard to kill at first but i know i can do it.
I always find it funny when i kill someone in my dreams, i know in real life i can never do such a thing but i guess my 'real' me is much more then i can imagine. Cant wait to get my memories back.
For the most part in my life i've never done much wrong except the 'on-going' not supporting my parents finacially thing. Myself i only make enough to support my habbits and i dont have a job all the time. Im definately not interested in working. Every place i worked was pretty good but i im just not interested in spending 8 hours a day on someone eles's bullshit. Which is why i cannot give to my family much. Besides that i hurted some girls in the past by cheating and some crap. Rest, i just mind my own business. No one really bothers me, im just bored of this place and want out.
Its not like i dont believe what the sto guys have said. I get pretty good opportunities when it comes to work. Almost all of the temporary jobs i got were pretty relaxed but they always had 1 or 2 inconvieniences. Sometimes they're just too far, i have to travel freaking 2 hours on bus to go and 2 hours to get back, Thats like 10 hours gone on an 8 hours shift, This is what you guys live for ? Im sure most of you have a good job that you enjoy. But dont forget the are millions that have really bullshit jobs.
What is so special about busting your ass to come f*ck your wife and raise kids ? Apparently this is the only primary 'lesson' it seems. Dont forget there are still millions who have no education, no idea what is 'really' going on, living in poverty and what not. Yet what do 'they' do. All they can say is: 'despite all efforts from 4th to 6th density sto, the veil remains unbroken'
If you wanna fix something. STOP f*cking INCARNATING. DONT FEED THE TROLLS.
Great i just had to be a hero and come here. Seriously if i had the power, i'd just blow this world up. Reminds me of that game called Prey (www.prey.com) Spoiler alert: In the end he kills the main 'sts' boss and he basically takes control of the entire alien planet which kinda looks like what the sts are riding here 'nibiru' mardook or whatever you wanan call it. And then what does he do with the great power he has ? he drives it into the sun destroying himself and the great power to be. Thats excatly what i would do if i was him. If shit is bullshit destroy it, start over again.
Death is cool, cuz you can start over again, but having to deal with the agony on a daily basis is just retarted epecially when the universe is huge, theres always someplace else you can go. Epecially when you're dealing with a higher lvl 3d entity, if he tells you NO i dont want to continue, its not like im a kid, feed me a candy and i'll listen. They know who they're dealing with. They know im wasting my life away. Make a change by pulling me out rather then just leaving me to my mysery. What is so important to level up ? Sure maybe i'll miss a great chance to reach 4d but hey, i know how the universe operates. After all is said and done, bham new octave. So big f*cking deal if i fail this time. Pull me out fags its been 6 years and i know you know this. The first time i said this was f*cking 6 years ago, arent you tired already, trying to make me change ???
And Cassiopiea, next time you visit me in the mmorpg game i play, dont just stand there like an idiot, if you got nothing to say, i dont need to see you. Seriously when i come to 6d im gonna bitchslap you.
I also find it unfair that other entities got to do it in a totally different setting, get their asses leveled up and now chilling. And we gotta do it the hard way. Unfair everything ! Screw you 'god' im just an image of you so i can basically curse 'myself'. And plz stop those shiny points of light too. i'm sick of that.
Sorry for my attitude and everything, i just had to get it off my chest 'somewhere'
Much more to say, but i'll post later.
The world's not all bad anyway. And even if it were, no amount of repetitive negative thinking or ranting on a message board would help to improve things.
Go meditate or something, to quieten your mind and stop torturing yourself with endless negative thoughts.
