Vajra wrote:Hi Miles, whew, a lot to reply to but I'll give it a go. The reason I suggested talking to the monks or someone like that would be to get specific spiritual practices that aren't the general ones given to the public to help heal your energy imbalance. If that doesn't appeal to you though, here's one book that I am sure will have at least one technique that will be of some aid Meditation As Medicine: Activate the Power of Your Natural Healing Force by Dharma Singh Khalsa. There are techniques in there you can use - a few particularly for depression that don't require believing anything or hanging out with any monks! I've searched far and wide over the last twenty years for different kinds of techniques and belief systems to help with my own healing, so I am always glad to pass something on.
That has been the tricky thing for me, there are so many different philosophical views on healing, literally thousands of different arts, philosophies etc... All claiming their techniques can help.
The other things is, i am not looking for a philosophy, i've kind of developed my own in which i see everything as subjective, because everything is subjective, so i see that as the only truth, there is no truth, or atleast the truth is objective, so one has a choice between pursuing an objective mind or a subjective one, but i'm still working and rereasoning all the time, how i see things it keep changing breaking down and linking together, atleast i think that's what's happening, for all i know i'm making no progress, but i like to think i am and progress is subjective therefore whatever...
What i would like to find is a logical science to healing incorporating the concept of lifeforce, one not padded or fluffed with new age or philosophical jargon, although i expect some of these philosophical ideas have truth within them, i just dislike all the fluff.
Now that i've checked-out the book you recommened, it actually seems to be more or less what i've been looking for, but at the same time i'm having thoughts that, why can't i just go find a quite place, like my garden at night and just silently reflect and focus on healing, what's the deal with meditation anyway? Isn't it just exactly what i said?
I guess i'll do more research into what work i can do on myself for healing, balencing etc... I have been looking more often for things i can do outside my mind, for increased physical mental energy, i'm thinking that my mind will naturally reach and equaliblrium, get more understanding simply from ticking over on a day to day basis, it's seems to have worked the past few months.
Times running out now aswell, how long i'll have to learn and apply techniques, it's all so complicated, thanks for the recommendation.
Vajra wrote:To me the big thing that jumps out at me is that you feel that there is even an issue of deciding STS or STO. I'm still pretty new to this board, so maybe this comes up a lot that it should be a conscious choice, I don't know. My thought is what matters, is learning who you already are - deep inside, right now. All the numbness, all the Ritalin damage, all the inherited family tendencies and burdens are just layers clouding who you really are. It is my personal belief that that is where happiness lies, in throwing off all those layers of crap and letting the real self shine through.
Thanks, yes, thats what i want to know, who i am really am, i don't care what i am as long as i am me, it seems i've lost myself and this is more about finding myself than anything else, but i am not sure what it is i am going to find, i've found however, it's best no to expect anything and just go with things, but in the mean time i'm trying to keep myself balenced, not entertainign too much of the dark(because my lightside keeps it in balence), not too much of the light(because my darkside keeps that in balence), but also trying to progress, i think lifting this depression is the key to finding myself, so while i maintian the balence i also try to get myself back.
So your right, on what you've said this is what i believe.
Vajra wrote:I hear you about the uselessness of doctors in general. Every now and then I find a good egg, but most of them can't bear the idea that their precious pills actually cause side effects or don't do the good the big pharma companies promise, and even do harm. I don't know if you are in a position to try going to more than one doc, but if you can it might be worth it if you could find a decent one - they do exist.
I have been searching and unfortunetely still am...
Vajra wrote:Why do you feel you must decide between good and evil? Where did the idea that this pressing choice is there for you? There are many different views of the cosmology of the world and no matter how logically coherent the system, that doesn't mean it is the ultimate truth or last word on how things are. In the end, it is based on belief, and your personal experience - what is true for you, personally. In one world view you are choosing between STS or STO, in my favorite world view people choose between seeking spiritual freedom from reincarnation or staying on the wheel for another ride, and another view you have to choose Jesus as your personal savior or go to hell, and on it goes. Look in your heart to the moments in your life when you have felt the most alive and known deep down that it was good to exist - even if you can find only one - it will have your answers. And for the record of course I would say choose the good, light, and choose your better nature.
All the best
vajra
Nice post, because i feel that the world may or may not be coming to an end soon and that according to my own cosmology and subjective interpretation of reality, i should be aiming to progress to a dimension beyond this one into a realm of love and sharing or hate and battling. I'll give credit to the cassiopean transcripts as i find their paradigm of reality to be the most subjectively logical and coherent i've found, however ofcourse, one cna always be wrong about everything, so it could all be false, what a damn trip that would be if it was, although i haven't read that much of the material, it made my questions things and findmyown answers so it was more of an inspiration to make sense of things and fittied in with alot of what ialready had an idea of as "truth" or atleast what made subjective logical sense.
Lol, my emotional memory is missing, along with most of my emotion, i know i once felt happy though, i had a memory of an emotion in December, that is what woke me up, i realised what i was missing and what had happened to me, then i figured out what people were all about and how they could do this to me, from there is was no stretch ofmy imagination to conceive a gorup of individuals conspiring aginast the rest of humanity, as my doctos had conspired aginast me an 11-12-13-14-15-16 year old child and drug companies conspired aginast millions to drug kids into zombies, so that's what woke me up.
Anyway, in December i had just dropped out of college which i got into without any qualifications because i had dropped out of school, i got in because i was supposed to be so smart and dropped out because of depression, just like school. So i was pretty depressed at this time, i was in my house and for no reason walking out of a room, i remembered running on a school filed when i was 10-13, not sure when, but i know where i was, so i know my rough age, i know that the amount of emotion was about 100 times what i normally feel and that it was the emotion of happiness, i dont know what it felt like, except, these concepts i've devised from the experience, i remember thinking at the time, "thats how i used to feel", it was amazing and is perhaps the single most important thing that's ever happened to me, just a simple memory of a random event, wish i had more of them.
Funny how you said that ey?
Love and Light just may be the winner, obviously love and light is going to appeal to my higher self and hate and dakrness my lower, i seriosuly don't think i am tipped in either direction, but i quite possibly could be tipped in either direction, just staying balenced for now...
Thanks,
Miles.