forgiveness?

everything is getting so complex that it seems likes it's time for a more simplistic spiritual way.  i have read THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSE and when my initial reaction was "whoa.  yeah, this makes sense."  the world as illusion, not like in a MATRIX, DARK CITY, 13TH FLOOR sort of illusory way, but like there is just too much emptiness and insanity and inanity for this place to really exist. 
i know, if i smash my hand with a hammer, i'll feel it and it will hurt and therefore it's real.
if i knock on something solid, that solidity is proof of it's reality.
but what if it's not?  what if the feeling of solidity is just another part of the illusion?  and not in the way that there are sinister forces behind the curtain pulling our strings kind of way.  if that's how people think, that everything we do is useless, then why not just kill your self and make room for someone else?  it just keeps going and going and we just keep getting on the merry go round of insanity until we can find the way to peace and salvation.  it's within us.  all of the answers to all of the questions are within us.

according to THE DISAPPEARANCE, this world was made when we (all of us because we are all one, and at the same time part of god) believed that we were separate from each other and from god.  we took this mad idea seriously and the script was written that we are living today.  the ego was born and believes that IT is in control and that IT is the most important thing.  that we have to live in fear, like the news program tells us.  that there is always someone behind us, waiting to steal from us and/or kills us.  that there is all this separation between everyone and that we are all different and that some of us are enemies.
so to correct this idea, we have to forgive IT and everything else.  silently and all the time.  forgive that guy who cut you off in traffic.  forgive that person who insists they are "right".  forgive your self for forgetting the truth.  forgive.  forgive.  forgive some more.

sounds daffy, right?  it did to me.  i understood it is a way to brainwash your self into not reacting and to train your mind to not react to anything.  but then i read it as a form of buddhist "non-judgement", especially when the line arose "would you rather be right or happy?".  well, of course, i'd rather be happy.  who is to say who is "right"?  it all depends on what side of the fence you're on.
terrorist. 
freedom fighter.
of course that's an extreme example, but you dig what i'm saying.
so i forgot about forgiving and put the book aside and continued reading psychology and philosophy books.  that made me even more confused;  the philosophists were explaining how they saw the world.  the psych's look at the human mind from a scientific pov and if they want to prove something, they will.  if they want to disprove something, they can do that too.  they have to.  it's their chosen profession.
now i'm back to forgiving.  mind training?  brainwashing?  well, isn't everything brain-washing?  aren't all writers of non-fiction trying to sway you to their side, to sell books, to impart "knowledge"?   and aren't the widely accepted acts of prayer and meditation also a form of mind training? 

it seems to me that it can't be a bad thing to not want to be on the attack all the time.  however, forgiveness, true forgiveness isn't about being a doormat or not defending your self if you are in danger.  it's in your best interest to continue to live and to forgive.
or if that doesn't work for you, why not just try to be less judgemental and nicer to others?
in this age of the internet, anyone can say anything under a false name and be rude, derogatory, just plain mean and cruel.  for no other reason than that they can.  free speech and all that.  but what does that accomplish? 
do you feel better about your self for pointing out someone's shortcomings or the fact that they might not be as "smart" as you are?
i have friends like this.   but i accept it and don't take it personally.
and i forgive.  but i don't have to tell them that i forgive them.  that's between me and the great spirit (god, jesus, holy spirit, source, oneness, whatever you want to call it).  and when they are ready they will do the same.
i'm just tired of the aggressive, sarcastic, obnoxious, rude, disrepectful, mean-spirited, dumb and selfish behavior that has become accepted as the norm and is all that you see portrayed in mainstream movies and TV programs.  it's no wonder people act that way.    maybe it's just chicago and parts of the united states.  maybe it's the so-called civilized world.  i don't know.
i have a child on the way, and i don't want him or her to grow up like that; in a world where being kind and compassionate is seen as weakness. 
where being ignorant of other people's cultures is accepted. 
where being ignorant of personal responsibility is the norm.

it makes me sad to think of how closed off we are at a time when everyone could have everything they need to survive; but how there are so many that have so much and so many that have none. 
and to think of women and men slaughtering each other and even their own children, when there are so many people who would gladly welcom into their homes any child that is unwanted by it's parents.
i cannot subscribe to the conspiracy theories anymore, that there is a secret cabal controlling all that we do or say.  some organized group possibly not of this world that has us in their power, waiting for the time to strike and enslave all of humanity.
we are already under the control of the ego.  everytime we believe that there is something else other than god (or the source or whatever name you give it) that is the ego control.  it's not aliens implanting and abducting.  it's not the government kidnapping and brain washing.  it's not demons possessing.  those are all symbols for the ego and what it does.  everything in this world is a symbol.  everything is the ego insisting that there is separation; hot/cold, on/off, light/dark, good/evil, et cetera...
i don't know if jesus was really a man who became enlightened or if he existed at all.  i don't know what to believe about that.
maybe the buddha became enlightened in the same way, but not to the level that jesus did.  maybe all that "they" wrote, did happen.  maybe it didn't.  if we go on trying to prove and disprove every last idea and theory, we won't get anywhere.  if we continue to attack, we will continue being attacked.

peace and love to you all.
-ERT