1 Topic by 4dwannabe (edited by 4dwannabe 2007-04-20 08:47:31)

  • Registered: 2006-01-22

Topic: living alone in the mountians

I live alone on a mountian in a very rural area. As far as I can percieve right now I am totally surrounded by completely hypnotized people. Sometimes people look at me and immediately seem scared, of what? For a while I thought I looked like a crazy person or some entity was showing itself to them, but I don't think that's it and it's only certian people. It seems like people who might be on the verge of waking up.  I feel very alone here and incredibly lonely. Yet I can't seem to think of anywhere else to go. It's extremely difficult to "be my true self" when I converse with anyone here including my own children.  I feel like a piece of me is missing, a soul part? Who knows. I wish I could get some help. Anyone feel like intending or requesting for me to find a like soul? I seem to have lost all hope and belief in anything. I am humbly asking for help, not advice exactly, intending, requesting, you won't be voilating anyone's free will or anything. Just helping a very confused and lost person get back on thier lifelong path of truth seeking. Just looking for someone to resonate with , a little peace, a rest, respite. I came here to live off the land, grow my own food, escape from the grid. After I came here all kinds of really weird stuff started happening and just floored me. I'm really down, could use a little help that's all. Thanks for listening.

I'm not really such a dork, just not so good at expressing myself sometimes, often.

The opinions expressed here are not nessesarily the opinions of my true self. Something I'm working on, getting rid of false selves. Sometimes one of them takes over and tries (successfuly) to discredit me, lol!
  • Registered: 2006-08-21

Re: living alone in the mountians

Hey don't be so down on yourself I've been a lost soul my whole life. I live in a small city and I feel like I'm on my own personal island. I even go out of my way to avoid people as much as possible. I started this habit because most people think I'm strange even my own parents. I've always been into the things that we are told don't exist but of course they are there. When you are different for whatever reason it doesn't have to even show on the outside people will be uncomfortable around you even bully you. Why? Because they know you aren't one of the hive that you are a free spirit seeking their own reality/bliss. Moving out into the mountains and living off the land is a great thing but your issues with not fitting in aren't going to go away. And you know what? It's okay not to fit in. I've stopped trying I'm depending on myself for happiness not others. I use to be scared about being me but even when I would repress myself people still picked on me for thinking different. So I say screw it is all or nothing now is the time to be real. If that means you avoid people or they avoid you than so be it. It's better to be free than popular I'm finding.

Here's a video from one of my favorite weird musical performance artists it's sort of a it's okay to be weird:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK9GPTY3dM8

  • Registered: 2006-01-22

Re: living alone in the mountians

Thanks, It comes and goes, but yea, it's like being on your own personal island. Or sometimes more like solitary confinment. I think maybe I need to travel a lot. I sometimes start to believe I'm as crazy as they think I am.
Sorry it would take me about 2 days to download a video, up here in dial-up world.

I like that- NOW IS THE TIME TO BE REAL!
                 NOW IS THE TIME TO BE!
                  NOW IS THE TIME!
                          NOW!

The opinions expressed here are not nessesarily the opinions of my true self. Something I'm working on, getting rid of false selves. Sometimes one of them takes over and tries (successfuly) to discredit me, lol!
  • Registered: 2006-03-16

Re: living alone in the mountians

Help others. You will find your way if you help others.

Volunteer, get involved, cheer someone up with a joke, give good advice, perform service for someone who is unable, teach someone.

Avoiding people will not help.

Make a difference; you will find that missing connection.

Trust me.

"My shadow weighs 42 pounds......."
-Weird Al Yankovic
  • Registered: 2006-08-21

Re: living alone in the mountians

That's great and all but if you are the type of person that people don't feel comfortable around they aren't going to want your help. Being honest about who you are even if no one wants you around is a far more healthy thing I think.

  • Registered: 2007-04-16

Re: living alone in the mountians

Im in the same mental place i think..I feel alienated from everyone in society....ive been that way since i was a kid, really...i just never fit in with anyone and always felt outside of the group. Sometimes i feel like im from another planet on recon or something....The moment i start to feel like i connect with the group i reject it, like the people here and even my own family are not really my friends...im ready to head out somewhere and be a completely isolated reclusive loner. Its just who i am i guess.

7 Reply by Athenais

  • Athenais
  • Guest

Re: living alone in the mountians

I feel very alone where I live too.  I live out in the country, and I'm stuck with dial-up too!  It's not all that isolated here, there are plenty of other people around, but the population isn't dense enough to have cable or dsl available.  I feel very alone here, even though most people I meet are nice enough, they just don't think like I do.  Some, I don't know if they think at all!  They seem fully automated and programmed to speak a different language from me.  Even though we use the same english words, they don't get what I am saying. 

Sometimes I look around me and just think, omg, I am completely surrounded by zombies.  And I try not to look down on other people, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.  I know that people don't always act on the outside how they are on the inside, and that can go either way.  I know I don't try to show people too much of my real self unless I feel that they are like me inside.  But there is something about me that people seem to recognize and react to.  It's like a record skipping, they blink hard, they begin stammering.  Some seem scared of me, other immediately become hostile, and some are just a little too friendly.  I think what can happen is that people are sensing a different vibration in you.  They may not realize it but they are sensing that you carry an energy that is not familiar to them.  Some will feel drawn to that energy and try to match it, and others will be uncomfortable because it is unknown.

Where I live there is an odd mix of people, there are a lot of old-timey country folks, and there are a lot of country-come-to-town snooty people.  Then there are a lot of people who have moved in here from other places, and some want to change everything so it is more like where they came from.  Lots of different sensibilities clashing.  You see this in places where there isn't a lot of commercial development.  Everytime I think about moving somewhere else, I just remember, thank god we don't have a Walmart in this county.

I don't know where you live...but we are taught to think of the US as one big country, everyone united, but people can be very different from one community to another.  It can take a long time to really understand the ways of someone who grew up in a different place.  A lot of misunderstandings happen because people have different mannerisms, different social cues, little things we usually don't even notice consciously.  This could be part of it.

8 Reply by Adama

  • Adama
  • Guest

Re: living alone in the mountians

As love is the only common point between people, as long as you're alive, you can find someone who reflects(even a little) that love.
The point is not to try to be "accepted" by others, but to find people who accept you and that you accept, even if you join a kind of "weirdo-club".

  • Registered: 2006-01-22

Re: living alone in the mountians

oavada, Athenais, belljar, --- I could have written what you did and it would have been truth.
J_dub, Adama,--- I appreciate your input, however I've done all those things all my life. I think at some point one has to find others like them to communicute with, to feel like family. As I get older it seems more important than ever. I am just so tired of being alone even in a crowd, even with my own family. I want to say that I am feeling much better for the last couple of days, so thank all of you for your attention. Feel free to email me if any of you want to share possible solutions or exchange ideas.

The opinions expressed here are not nessesarily the opinions of my true self. Something I'm working on, getting rid of false selves. Sometimes one of them takes over and tries (successfuly) to discredit me, lol!
  • Registered: 2005-12-27

Re: living alone in the mountians

I have been thinking about this issue of alienation a lot recently.  My current conclusion is that I did come here from some unfamiliar place (before this life) and because of this I feel very alienated from others.  For ever I have hid from others and lived in the mindset that only my ideas are important, and if others won't listen to the important things I have to say then they are not worth talking to.  That is somewhat of an exaggeration, but I think the I am trying to relate the point that I have alienated myself when I couldn't relate to everyone else.  What I am feeling now is that I did not come here to hide from everyone else, to become a recluse.  The idea that I came here to continue being the person I was before is ridiculous because then I would have just stayed where I was.  I see therefore an importance in learning to communicate with others on their own terms, and maybe eventually "open their eyes".  This of course is not the easy path, and can be very challenging.  However it is through challenge that we learn and grow, and successfully meeting a challenge can be many times more rewarding then running from it.  I am seeing small improvements in myself already in trying to relate to those with their minds firmly stuck here.  I am seeing them open up their minds a little better to the world around, and an improvement in myself as I have a greater understanding of why they think so differently.  I tell myself that suffering is unavoidable, but controllable.  If you run from communicating from others then you will be unable to control how this suffering comes to you.  But you can choose how you suffer.  If you seek to communicate successfully with others that don't relate to you, you suffer through that experience but you will learn greatly from how to communicate with them, and will be able to feel unity with those who before you could not relate to.  I am definately not advocating joining them, but in a world of 6 billion people being alone is merely a choice. 

If you need to get the heavier issues off your mind, that is what places like this are for.  But for the everyday feeling of connection, unity and love I feel we do not need those that exactly share your mindset.  I mean many people find more loving connection with animals then they do humans, but obviously humans and animals don't share the same world views, so why must I seek companionship only from those that exactly share how I feel.  I am personally working on this issue myself right now, and I am seeing improvement in myself in meeting people who ridicule my beliefs as bizarre and crazy, and as long as I don't take that to heart I can be happier with them, and use places like here to talk about purpose, spirituality, etc.

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost
  • Registered: 2006-11-12

Re: living alone in the mountians

For whatever it's worth, my personal experience has been that when you start looking for answers to serious stuff you get put in situations where you suffer. Not all the time; for me it's when I was BSing myself or butting my head against a wall I made for myself. No easy solutions for me then! Into the swamp with alligators everywhere and find the way out. Looking back it has turned out to be the right way for me to learn.

4d and Capitan: you may also be butting your head against a wall you made yourself. You can't teach what others don't want to learn. NR folks value the understanding you've gained; those who don't won't listen. Remember the parable about casting pearls before swine. smile

4d, maybe the best thing to do is to make a social mask, a Persona as Jung called it. Relate to folks who are in 3d as 3d; be friendly, helpful, interested in their concerns and a good neighbor. I'm not saying fake it; you shouldn't pretend to be anything but what you are but without including your "esoteric" ideas. We all live in the physical world and it's part of our lives to relate to the others here. Someday, maybe, your neighbors will wake up a bit, if not, that's the way it goes.

P.S. you're not a dork. cool

We're all butterflies flapping our wings and changing the world.

12 Reply by faterider (edited by faterider 2007-04-24 22:38:52)

  • Registered: 2005-11-02

Re: living alone in the mountians

If you try too hard to achieve what you think you need now you can miss something good coming in your way or just delay it.. Everything we think we need is in some deeper point not the exact or full truth, but when the pain is too big we are tempted to act as we know what we really need and cry for it. Be open for everything around without denying your feelings and needs, but ready to expand in the unknown. Before we manage to raise  our true self we'll be in the mud sometimes.

Make you best effort to somehow "spread" your needs and lower their volume and be sensitive of the hidden parts of your inners. To be as whole as possible. Don't deny anything you've done that can appear to bring you in this state. This is one of the purposes of the pain - to deny our efforts and start from the beginning. And when the "happiness" unexpectedly come again  don't succumb to it knowing that you are in the same pitiful state just on the other side.

There is a way for whoever seeks truly. And it is not in what we think we know but in what we are. Our knowledge is good to express what we already achieved and not to solve the New running in this moment smile

PP. Ops.. it appeared like advice. I didn't intend to do so smile)

  • From: Tofino
  • Registered: 2007-04-07

Re: living alone in the mountians

Dear 4dwannabe, thank you for sharing your needs so openly. Here is some advice I was once given and it has served me well: "In the centre of your being is a 'place' that oganises and directs all the other 'places' in your being. It is necessary to keep your peripheral activities in balance so that this centre may function with greater ease and therefore effectiveness. Adopt a lifestyle that reflects your needs as the person you perceive in your mind as the ideal you*. Procede not with distant goals in mind, rather how to live best in the moment. Allow the joy of living to be your main pastime. The joy of living is the fulfillment of the moment.
*Listen to your needs as a growing entity.

There are many people who feel as you do, you are not alone, and the dilema you find yourself dealing with will not last.  Peace and love...

Reality is a slippery eel, and I am a drunken fisherman.
  • Registered: 2006-01-22

Re: living alone in the mountians

Lala, yes, exactly, all that! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you all so very much for validating me and for your attention and concern. I feel less lonely now and more hopeful.
janzenjan , is that Ouspensky? reminds me of the fourth way.

The opinions expressed here are not nessesarily the opinions of my true self. Something I'm working on, getting rid of false selves. Sometimes one of them takes over and tries (successfuly) to discredit me, lol!
  • From: Tofino
  • Registered: 2007-04-07

Re: living alone in the mountians

4dwannabe, I couldn't put a name to it, other than "inner guidance".

Reality is a slippery eel, and I am a drunken fisherman.