Creepy job experience

I started a new job Monday before last in a new store that just opened up in town.  It's part of a chain but privately owned.  The owner didn't explain much about the job when he hired me but I thought, what the heck, I'll give it a try.  He seemed like a really nice guy, good energy.  He left Target to start his own business and said he understood a lot about the games corporations try to play.  So I thought he might be really awesome to work for.

Well for the last week and a half I worked helping them set up the merchandise in the store.  It was really fun, because they let us be creative with the displays, and they loved mine.  Every day when we finished the owner would shake everyone's hand and say thanks for everything you did today.  That impressed me a bit, because most supervisors take workers for granted.  Store set-ups are hard, nasty work.  I did one for Michaels a few years ago and the supervisors treated us like shit, because they get a big bonus if they get the store ready for opening earlier than scheduled.  But this experience was nothing like that.  It was laidback and they treated us with respect.   

So then last weekend we had orientation.  They told us that they would decide who would get to be full-time based on your performance during set-up.  Yeah whatever, that's just standard for retail now, no one hires you in at full-time.  It's sort of a miracle if a store even has any full-time positions outside of management anyway.  Okay, no.  It's really offensive to be told flat out that everyone has to compete for these precious full time spots.  They hadn't even figured out what kind of benefits they are going to offer yet, but they are assuming that everyone is so desperate to work for them? 

Then on top that they dumped this big schpiel on us about how we are going to be all cozy with each other like a big family.  But we have to treat each other with respect, because if you just make someone uncomfortable, it will be considered harassment.  It wouldn't even have to be any particular behavior.  Just make someone u.n.c.o.m.f.o.r.t.a.b.l.e. and you would be written up for it.  WTF?!  Well hey, what about the one woman who kept asking everyone to give money for some girl I had never even met, just because "her grandmother died"??  Wasn't she harassing me?  Wasn't she guilty of soliciting on company property, huh, huh?   

One day a couple of employees from the owner's other store had come by to talk with him.  I just happened to be nearby and overheard the conversation.  They were unhappy with the way a co-worker was acting, and it sounded like she was indeed being quite difficult to work with.  He listened to what they had to say and gave them hugs and said he would take care of it, no worries.  It all seemed a little weird, but interesting. 

Maybe I was just too busy working to really think about what all this meant.  One day I looked up and realized I was pretty much the only one working alone.  Everyone else was in little groups discussing endlessly how they were going to arrange the merchandise.  Fine for me because I was getting my displays up faster.  I got lots of compliments on how my section was coming together.  When we wrapped everything up last night I felt a real sense of satisfaction and completion.  Like...my work here is done...and why would I want to stay through grand opening, and have to run a cash register, and be their little do-flunky salesperson grubbing for full time hours, and having co-workers try to sabotage me? 

I came home last night really feeling torn about it.  I kept telling myself, really, why not just give it a chance, if it doesn't work out, what the hell, you just move on.  No biggie.  I kept telling myself, they are nice people, the owner seems like a really decent guy, it will be fine.  And I start having this HUGE anxiety attack.  I actually broke down sobbing over it.  I couldn't go to sleep.  I couldn't think straight.  My mind just kept going round and round.  Every instinct I was having was telling me, DON'T go back to this place.  But when you work in retail, all the BS policies are just a given, and it seems like a one in a million chance to work for a real person with compassion and ethics, instead of the distant uncaring "corporate office". 

So I kept arguing with myself about it.  I thought, how can I justify quitting when I don't even know yet how it's going to turn out?  I finally went to sleep, but the first thought in my mind when I woke up was again, DON'T go to work today!  Don't go don't go don't go.  It was like a smoke alarm going off in my head.  I couldn't even think straight.  I finally got dressed in a hurry and made myself get in the car. 

When I got there I know I didn't look happy.  The owner noticed and was really concerned about my feelings, kept asking me if I was okay, did I need anything.  Made me feel even more guilty for wanting to quit.  I thought, now how can I put a damper on his big day opening his new store, just because I don't feel like being here today?  So I tried to just suck it up and stop acting like a big baby, if nothing else, it's just one day of being aggravated or bored to death with my job, and then I never have to come back again if I don't want to. 

Then the owner called everyone up front for a meeting.  I am thinking, okay, typical silly morning huddle.  We had one straggler, the assistant manager didn't come up at first.  He kept yelling for her and insisting that she come.  I am like, what's her problem?  Finally she gets there with a look on her face about like I was feeling.  And then he said something I never expected in my wildest anxiety attack.  He said, before we open the store, let's all join hands for a morning prayer.

I couldn't believe this was happening!  Absolutely couldn't believe it!  At work!  At WORK!  Being asked to PRAY at WORK?!?!  WHAT?!?!  I didn't have the slightest inkling that this was going to happen.  I didn't even know these people were religious.  He never said anything about it before he hired me.  No one ever said this is a christianity based business.  No one ever said anything like, hey we like to start our mornings with a prayer, but you don't have to join in if you don't want to.  It was just assumed that we would all participate.

He even ended it with saying, we ask in the name of Jesus Christ.  Well I have my own beliefs about Jesus, and I'm sure it's not even close to the what the owner believes in or was trying to invoke.  And what if someone there happened to be Jewish, or Muslim, or who knows what else?  No one should even have to say, hey I have a different belief.  It shouldn't even be an issue.

I didn't want to be rude, so I went along with it.  Afterwards they all started picking on the assistant manager - dare I say, harassing her? - for not having a smile on her face.  They were obviously making her uncomfortable, so I guess it was indeed harassment.  Unless you think that she was harassing them by having the wrong expression on her face.  She finally said, look, I just didn't want to be part of that prayer, I don't do that, I'm not religious.  I asked her if we are going to have to do this every day, and she said, I hope not!  At that point I lost patience, those hot little wires crossed in my head, and my mouth started going.  I said I would NOT be okay with that.  She suggested that I go take a break and cool off.

So while I am in the break room trying to calm down, two different co-workers come in and try to counsel me on my problem.  One of them is the annoying money-collection lady, and she just keeps standing there waiting for me to spill my guts.  I had to finally snap at her to get her to go away (oh no, I harrassed her!).  Then the owner walks in and starts apologizing for what happened, and being sooo nice, once again I feel guilty for getting upset.  He says he respects everyone's beliefs, he loves and respects everyone no matter what, and he is just so sorry for offending me, and that the prayer was just about his own personal beliefs and was not meant to reflect on anything else that was going on.

Then he wanted to HUG me.  He turned it all around on me like there must be something horribly wrong with me that I needed help with.  Because I already looked "sad" when I came in to work that morning.  For the rest of the morning he kept showing all this concern for my feelings, and hugging me, and asking me if there was anything he could do for me.  I was starting to wonder if he was just trying to be charitable, or get in my pants.  It can go either way with these religious types.  Either way I was definitely NOT interested.  But this is the man who is signing my paycheck, so I can't lose my temper just yet.

They didn't have any actual work for me to do!  Just stand around and greet customers and ask if they need help.  By the time they got to my area they had already been greeted at least 10 times so I didn't see the point in it.  I was pacing around and around bored to death, and calculating how many people they would have to cut from payroll to keep this place running, because so far payroll was outweighing sales by a ton.  I could feel my usefulness slipping away with every step I took, and every beaming smile I failed to offer, and every hug I recoiled from.  I could feel them looking at me like I had some kind of problem, and it was true, I had lost all common sense.

When I took my next break, my head suddenly cleared.  I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I yanked off my nametag and apron, clocked out and started heading for the door.  I said, I'm leaving.  They just mumbled some pleasantries at me as if they didn't understand what I said.  I dropped my stuff in front of them like it was burning my hands and went to get the rest of my company property (a shirt) out of the car.  When I came back with it they sent someone out the door to meet me like I couldn't be allowed back in the store!  I made sure they gave me my check too, and put it straight in the bank.

I know this is a long story, for just a few short hours of my life, but it has really freaked me out.  It's been awhile since I have been seriously whacked by christians like this.  My instincts were absolutely right in telling me that my time with this job was over yesterday and there was no need to go back today.  But at least I had the chance to find out for sure what I was feeling so much anxiety about!