• Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Topic: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Let me just start out by saying, I hate fear-based thinking, and I hate feeling unreasonable fear.  That said, let me tell you what I've gone through recently.  I want to fight this.

I mentioned in a post a week ago or so that I'd become very conscious of safety. I just felt I was somehow vulnerable for some reason I couldn't put my finger on.  Then I hurt my back through improper lifting, further  making me feel vulnerable.

A few days ago, I had a very disturbing dream about being in a bizarre car accident.  I noticed the next day that I was jumpy in the car, particularly on the highway.  I myself avoided driving on the highway and preferred to take the city streets.  Last night I had to get on the highway, and something strange happened.  A partially-full gas can flew up to my windshield and smashed it.  I'm waiting on a guy to come replace it even as I type this.  It turned my windshield into a solid spiderweb of cracks, but glass didn't come into the car.  It sprayed gasoline onto the hood and windshield, but nothing caught on fire.  Aside from being out $200 for repair, I'm fine.

The problem is that now when I think about driving, I get a little scared.  It's on a body-level.  And it just compounds the issue to know that what you fear and think about too much, you draw to you.

How do I get out of this cycle?

  • Registered: 2004-10-26

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

It sounds like your intuition was giving you a warning. 
We're under some severe astrological aspects at the moment, although Mercury
just went direct it's still in the middle of the Saturn Neptune opposition.
You might want to go to http://www.astro.com and log in your birth data and
see what's going on with you.  I could do you a biorythm chart or maybe you
can find one on the web to check to see if you're having a critical day or days.
There's a free trial program called BioWin that you can find using http://www.
alltheweb.com.  Take some deep breaths.
TP

  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Thanks Tom.  I looked up yesterday and today's brief horoscopes, and today is very auspicious.  It didn't say anything disastrous about yesterday, but it was a light transition, or something like that. 

I know it was my intuition at work with the dream/ foreshadowing thing.  But now that I'm stuck in fear, my compass is off.  I guess it's a light version of PTSD.   I'm not used to being fearful, and it's like I'm getting a glimpse of what that's like.  I don't want it!

  • Registered: 2005-06-26

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

I don't know if this will work for you, Lono, but finding a touchstone, a hallmark of truth... something that brings you back to center, may be helpful. I think Tom once posted what his are, though I wouldn't even know where to begin to look for that thread.

If your dream were my own, I would understand from it, and the following experiences, that I was in the process of integrating an errant fear-based energy that was hidden before, in my energies. That it is not who I am, nor what I believe, but rather an energetic thread of distortion that was mine to "bring home to truth". Now that it's been brought to the surface, the goal is to "remember truth" in the face of it. You're far more than it. Always have been. It existed for all your life hidden somewhere below the surface of your awareness and you were fine. You weren't influenced by it enough to take you out of center before, so now that it's been revealed it still doesn't have that power, unless you give it to it.

It isn't something you need fight, it is something you need to guide home to truth. Do you feel the difference in how you perceive it? Choose empowerment.

Hope that helps,
Sowelu

"The most important decision you have to make is whether you live in a hostile or friendly universe."
~ Albert Einstein

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust

The evolution of humanity is an evolution of the heart. The path is through the heart.
  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

OMG, Sowelu... you're right!  You're absolutely right.  I read those words and they resonated with me immediately.  That fear must have been there, underground, needing me to face it.  Not a part of me, but an "intrusion," if you will.  I must have ridden roughshod over it in the past and just bull-dozed it, but it was still there.  Now I have an opportunity to clean it up.

The actual dream I had was very strange.  I was in a moving van (we actually just finished moving), and the bed (that big box thing on big trucks) started moving up and down, kind of like in scary  movies when poltergeists shake the bed.  It then started slamming itself up over the cab and onto the ground, back down, etc., over and over again.  I was paralyzed with fear and indecision... if I left the cab, I was vulnerable to being smashed when it was on a downswing, but if I stayed, I might be crushed.  I think I wound up just staying in the cab and nothing else happened.

6 Reply by Sowelu (edited by Sowelu 2007-03-08 15:41:54)

  • Registered: 2005-06-26

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Lono wrote:

I must have ridden roughshod over it in the past and just bull-dozed it, but it was still there.

Lono wrote:

It then started slamming itself up over the cab and onto the ground, back down, etc., over and over again.  I was paralyzed with fear and indecision... if I left the cab, I was vulnerable to being smashed when it was on a downswing, but if I stayed, I might be crushed.

Do you see the similarity in your today description and your dream experience, or was it intended when you wrote that? It would seem to me that your dream was depicting this very approach to the fear energy that you realized you must have had all this time. Very cool.

"The most important decision you have to make is whether you live in a hostile or friendly universe."
~ Albert Einstein

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust

The evolution of humanity is an evolution of the heart. The path is through the heart.
  • Registered: 2006-03-29

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Find out exactly what you fear and why.  It may not always be as straightforward as it initially looks.  You could be fearful of losing something that you won't have if you die or are injured.  I don't know of course but I always found it's good to continue to probe the fear from all angles.

I don't think I would be able to have a fear of death at this point.  When faced with death as imminent and known, I'm sure I would have the automatic body fear.  But can't really fear an unknown death.  I'm saying that because if you find that the root cause is fear of death, it may only take a bit of logic to refine the fear.  I just always remember that "no one makes it off this rock alive".  Unless you can ascend of course but that's not necessary for the statement.


To quote some Flaming Lips:

Do You Realize
that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize
we're floating in space
Do You Realize
that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize
that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Sowelu wrote:
Lono wrote:

I must have ridden roughshod over it in the past and just bull-dozed it, but it was still there.

Lono wrote:

It then started slamming itself up over the cab and onto the ground, back down, etc., over and over again.  I was paralyzed with fear and indecision... if I left the cab, I was vulnerable to being smashed when it was on a downswing, but if I stayed, I might be crushed.

Do you see the similarity in your today description and your dream experience, or was it intended when you wrote that? It would seem to me that your dream was depicting this very approach to the fear energy that you realized you must have had all this time. Very cool.

Ha ha... it wasn't intentional, and I didn't notice it until you pointed it out!  That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?

Z3, that's very perceptive of you.  I know it sounds materialistic, but I'm very much in love with my new house.  Plus, we've bought it, and I'm so excited about letting my creative impulse have free reighn.  I have plans for flowers, paint, etc., and that was actually the thought I had after my accident last night.  "Wouldn't it have sucked to die before I got to enjoy my dream house?" 

I've gotta watch that.  I don't mind not making it off this rock alive.  I just want to really LIVE first, KWIM?

  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

OK-- had another moving van dream last night.  This time, I was unsecured in the back of it, and there wasn't much to hang onto in there at all.  It was mostly empty.  The driver was reckless, and seemed to have no idea I was being jostled in the back area.  Something hit my head so hard it made it numb.  "Alright, that's IT," I thought.  I was done with this.  It was then that I saw a seatbelt had indeed been made into the back, so I put it on.   "This truck is different from the rest," I thought.  That was just before I got out and saw that James Brown was having his now-long hair done in a salon with glass walls.

  • Registered: 2006-11-12

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Lono wrote:

OK-- had another moving van dream last night.  This time, I was unsecured in the back of it, and there wasn't much to hang onto in there at all.  It was mostly empty.  The driver was reckless, and seemed to have no idea I was being jostled in the back area.  Something hit my head so hard it made it numb.  "Alright, that's IT," I thought.  I was done with this.  It was then that I saw a seatbelt had indeed been made into the back, so I put it on.   "This truck is different from the rest," I thought.  That was just before I got out and saw that James Brown was having his now-long hair done in a salon with glass walls.

So in your new dream you have found a way to be safe. Just a guess, but I think your phobia will fade.

Love that James Brown image. lol

We're all butterflies flapping our wings and changing the world.
  • Registered: 2005-06-26

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

I seemed to get a sense that the dream was advising simple "appropriate restraints", for basic safety in a physical sense. As opposed to the larger all over sense of fear and chaotic all or nothing thinking in the previous dream. Which I find interesting because for myself, whenever I encounter a situation where I'm uncertain in any way, what I seek or want most is "perspective". I seem to feel this latest dream is offering that, you know?

Good on you!

"The most important decision you have to make is whether you live in a hostile or friendly universe."
~ Albert Einstein

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust

The evolution of humanity is an evolution of the heart. The path is through the heart.
  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

You know, I'd completely forgotten until I read your post, Sowelu, but I'd asked for a guidance/ clarification dream before I went to sleep.  Why didn't I remember that?! 

It seems the safety or restraints were in place all along, according to the dream, and all I have to do is take advantage of them.  Not sure about "this truck is different than the others."  For that matter, James Brown?  WTF?

  • Registered: 2005-06-26

Re: I think I may be developing a phobia/ fear

Huh... again, if it were my dream, I'd consider that though I'm in a "vehicle for moving through life", I'm not the driver. That might account for the "this truck is different than the others" idea. As though, perhaps, you're shown another way of moving through life, a way or perception or belief structure or manner that you don't actually "own" yet, or perhaps hadn't considered until you asked for guidance?

The emptiness inside the vehicle may well be a positive, in that there isn't much baggage that goes with this particular way of handling the bumps and rough roads you encounter in life. Less attachment, less hassle.

For me, the James Brown thing felt much like the idea of addiction and extremes. "Wild" swings of reacting to life, rather than "choosing to respond from center". It seemed to me to be representative of that, and the glass walls were a way of saying "see through the illusion".

If you go back to the original reason for this thread, your concern that you might be developing a phobia/fear, it makes sense. As though your psyche or guidance is trying to reveal to you that developing a phobia would be akin to over attaching to material reality, becoming obsessed or clinging as if it were more important than your essence, spirit, consciousness, etc. And to do that, well... it's a long road of extreme experiences that toss you about with no sense of center, control or even true meaning in life after a while.

It's a choice, and it seems you're shown a few things through these dreams to help you make an informed decision.

"The most important decision you have to make is whether you live in a hostile or friendly universe."
~ Albert Einstein

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust

The evolution of humanity is an evolution of the heart. The path is through the heart.