you guys are awesome - these posts have really clarified things. i purchased two large black candles at pier 1 on friday for protection magic. for the magic that i've done in the past (ego magic), what can i do to seal these bridges?
some more personal weirdness, because it doesn't hurt to share:
i think that the apartment i moved into on july 28, 2006 chose me because i'm me - at least the person posting the ad (i'll call him "K"). okay, the place is decked out in antiques... catholic/religious imagery, sort of pagan (african masks), extremely super gothic. it is the apartment of a packrat with impeccable organization skills.
now, i've discussed spirituality with K on numerous occasions - he knows that i am spiritual, but he appears to believe in *something* - he will mention his belief that all religions are basically after the same thing - and how he's open to anything except satanism. for some reason he'll always point out how he's open to everything except satanism. his natal chart writes about a potential for a high interest in the occult - something i couldn't even find surprising after the weirdness that ensued after moving here.
i always wonder if he's involved in some sort of occult activity. i shouldn't even say "wonder" because in some cases it is glaringly obvious that he is a part of whatever is going on. it's just that... this sort of activity really confuses me. is it wrong of me to just label him as one of them? K told me that he had a "good feeling" about me when i looked at the apt, and it just seemed so strange a thing to say... but mostly because one of my harassers labeled me as "all about feelings" - which has some truth to it... i am very feely/intuitive. it seemed like an appropriate thing to say to a feely/intuitive type, right? one of our former roommates (we've had 3 since i've lived here) is a neo-pagan. oh, the two of them have subtly made fun of me, in front of me - and i immediately sensed that she knew who i was when i met her. just one of those things.
our new roommate (i'll call her "A") refers to herself as a "pirate" - and i'm actually curious about this... is this some sort of secret society/club/family name? she has a monster family (apparently unusually large), btw. because when i was going crazy in college park from group stalking/harassment, i remember two girls overly ragging on a song playing in CVS that i would sing all the time in my car (no coincidence) - one of them mentioned about her previous stint in "the pirates"... and i have seen "pirate" bumper stickers on people's cars before. anyway, A is an every day kind of gal - but there's something there... she's just like the others. she brings her male friends over - one of them made direct attacks toward me, and promptly disappeared once i decided that i'd avoid him whenever he came over. she speaks german, too. why do so many of these people speak german? seriously, why? it is truly fascinating to think that so many "normal" or "average" people may have these unbelievable, secretive ties through their families or friends. very fascinating indeed.
when A came to look at our apartment for the first time, K's best friend ("B" - a politician's daughter) was here, hamming it up (on two types of anti depressants, in addition to alcohol). she approached A, and just right out asked her if she was gay... A answered that she is bi. B then asks A if she smokes weed. why yes, she does. and wow, A happens to be from pennsylvania, just like B! coincidence? it's like ... they may not have met before, but maybe they knew OF each other, from circles and such. B has also said that her friends remarked on how well she looks in red and black (those two colors specifically give me thoughts of occultism). i get a "big club that you're not invited to" vibe from a lot from these interactions. some of K's friends have REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. oh, and they like to pat me on the back! actually since this started a lot of people have patted me on the back. not only is it patronizing, but it is damaging to my self-esteem. A will be leaving soon, to go back to PA... i hope we don't get anyone too "playful" to move here. i've observed that these people back off when i let them know i am aware of what they are doing.
K values my talent, clearly - but there is this underlying feeling that i can't shake. oh, he likes my talent, but how can i flourish when he attacks my intellect in so many subtle ways? "i love to play with small minds" he says, talking about the cats... but most definitely also referring to me. maybe my natal chart was right, and that i really am valued in underground circles for my art. too bad they're not the most positive or ethical of people.
i'm at the point where i think the majority of americans are somehow in secret circles, and i just happen to be in the minority here.
thanks everybody for your words and links.