Re: growing up in the 80s and 90s, an abusive past, evolving awareness
I have heard people talking on this forum about Brazil and Peru as being quite beautiful and live-able for expatriats. However, visa issues are tough, staying for longer than six months you have to either marry a native or get a good job for a big company who will sponsor your visa. This is similar to many foreign countries for Americans at least. So, how can you set it up so you can stay?
I can't speak for others but I'm going to stay put here in Canada, lots of cheap high quality land and resources. Plus I wouldn't have to learn a new language or culture, would save a lot of time that way. I'll get into the specifics at some point soon...
By the way, thanks for those links, the more info the merrier I say! Just to let you know, I don't think traditional html code works in this forum, but there is a special forum code, you can find it in the help page (under the NR logo under "Help").
Perhaps you have experienced a similar feeling, as though your life sort of "restarted" when you became aware of the global conspiracy and/or metaphysical issues. Everything changed. And even the life you were living like two years earlier, you feel almost NO relation to anymore, like "who was that person?" I do not know what precisely motivated me to dress in all black and become obsessed with collecting violent horror films etc. It does seem like a universal energy/experience for my generation. It genuinely disturbs me to look up my highschool class on myspace.com and see they all have pages there and they're all still discussing their favorite bands, movies, tv shows, and city nightlife!
Although I was already familiar with a lot of covert government ops because of my prolonged exposure to communist thought/history, when I started to actually learn about the illuminati side of it it really blew my head off. Funny enough, learning about secret societies actually seemed to be the catalyst for my metaphysical research and learning, to the point that I now put almost all my daily focus on spiritual matters and seeing the "truth" behind all the happenings in my life and those around me. It seems that my higher self made sure that I took the right incremental steps to be able to absorb certain information without permanently losing my sanity.
I was heavily in to metal music as a child and was always the outcast. I remember my first Metallica t-shirt in grade 3 while most kids my age were watching Full House. I had long hair and was always looked at as a freak. I started openly questioning the control system and backwards thought (racism, sexism, etc.) by grade 4. When I was around 7 or 8 I went through a gore/horror phase to the point of obsession. While I know on the surface it was related to my depression with having to live in such a f*cked up world, I didn't know it at the time but I believe that objectively it was my early attempt at self-desensitation to prepare for future info shocks to my system and for the purpose of delving into the darkness so that by immersing myself I could come to understand it in a more comprehensive way in preparation for coming to terms with my own darkness later in life. That MIGHT explain the similar phase you had as well.
I understand why seeing the progress (or lack thereof) of your highschool peers may be genuinely disturbing, but that disturbation may be transmuted by remembering that we are all on our own paths, with some leading into the very basics of matrix life, and others (such as those on NR) leading to self-knowledge and the quest for truth, understanding, love, with a huge range of in-between paths for those less polarized. They (old peers) are you and I as we are all the same consciousness, they just aren't as "old" as us in soul terms.
. I look like an entirely different person, I am probably 80lbs lighter today than I was in highschool ten years ago.
I went through something similar. I was always a very active kid, but for some reason around age 8 (magic year for me it seems) I started to gain weight. From that point on I was always one of the fat kids in school which didn't help my already awkward attempts at socialization. I ended up losing about 50-60 lbs in my later high school years out of sheer frustration. I realize now that it (along with my temporary path into darkness) may have been a result of my mother's contemporary depression and issues with weight, as those aspects of my life seem to have changed around the same time my mother went through the same changes. I guess I'm a mama's boy, he he.
I believe (and tell me if this makes any sense) that if there is (and clearly, there IS) a conspiracy of darkness, working in secrecy... then SURELY there must be an even more powerful "conspiracy" of Light, working to undo what darkness has planned in secrecy. I think the true plan of the Light is kept secret even to those consciously intending to be part of it. I think that is how the inner self/core self/Holy Spirit/higher self/whateva works, it is guiding from a level beyond our conscious awareness, and also therefore outside the detection of darkness. This is Darkness' game, but the game is over when the Light says so.
I tend to agree with this statement, though I think the inherent overriding "power" of the light side (or STO) may be based on it's balanced approach, and acceptance of all the aspects of the One, rather than only one half of it. As I mentioned before, it seems that my higher self, regardless of me knowing I even had one or any spiritual connection, seemd to guide me in a way that I would later come to understand the existance of the spiritually true reality, it just took about 20 years to really crystalize 
While it is customary to devalue the dark experiences of one's life and think that one would be better off without them, I have gained a great appreciation for all the crap I exposed myself to in my formative years as it has been an invaluable resource in the attempt to objectively understand my and others present insano reality.
