being nice vs being real (Page 1 of 4)

Im tired so my post will be incoherant and odd

But here goes.

Being nice is not dependant on being real and being real is not dependant on being nice, thusly, you can be nice and real and you can be real and nice

So what do you value more, yourself or others, if you value others then you will be nice because that way you can get more from them (on average, kissing ass works better than good critisim) but if you value something else then it is ofcourse smart to act according to that. So be real if real is a value you wish to seek.

And the key to all of this is, as best as i can see ofcourse which is always relative so no guarantees as to accuracy. But the key to this, is your very small self appreciation and sense of self. You want to be liked as you like good energy, and you for some reason are unable to feed that energy to yourself. So your feedback-loop is damaged in that you require nutrients from others at all times. You need to be liked. And that creates a dependancy and a inability to rebel against what you see as annoying. So you can be lead by the nose and you are unable to do anything against it. And this ofcourse causes agression you cant vent at people and that causes this situation. The view of "if i rebel out i wont get what i want, if i dont i will be harmed. I dont want to be harmed so what ever i do i'll lose" and that causes a negative polarity, the only way out is to shrink and to vanish.

The answer to your problem would be to solve the mental problem which causes you to be unable to digest your own energy and reliant on outside energy. One possiblity is an over-bearing/over-controllive parent/spouse. Build up your self respect. Spend a few minutes-hours a day meditating and focusing on generating energy and feeding that energy to yourself. Slowly build up the ability to say what you mean at other people. As you grow less dependant and vent your anger you will most likely lose the need to be dependant on them and thus lose the anger for them and go into the "in through one ear and out through another" method.

Their comments effect you only as long as you are unable to generate your own energy and once you get to a point where you can generate your own energy you lose your dependance on them and thus anything they say cant harm you unless you let it harm you. Your anger is a reflection of your existance being threathened and it is threathened because of your subconcious addiction to them.

My advice would be to love yourself, figure out what is the reason for your lack of love for yourself, meditate on loving yourself (loving yourself is the first key step in truly loving what is outside of yourself), and slowly let your anger exit you.

And to answer your question.

Morality is relative to the situation a person is in. So my morality is my morality and i define it as i see fit. So my moral is my code of behavior that isnt dependant on the situation and urges. If i dictate as my moral that i will not kill and i have a urge to kill someone morals usually over-ride my desire to kill. Morals is my concious mind giving instructions for those moments it cant give instructions.

Respects

-Aki

Self image, pretense, justification, denial: these are outward signs of a "good person".

Self love, curiosity, self responsibility, accountability: these are the outward signs of an "authentic person".

None of us live up to the standards we set for others. A "good person" may never perceive the "other". An authentic person may be slightly abrasive in interpersonal relations trying to speak their truth. A "good person" will be guarded not to jeopardize their image of "goodness". This is not to say that an authentic person does not appear "good".

I like to use aphorisms because they speak to the nature of the unconscious. I feel the authentic personality of another being is rooted in one's conscience. This is where the "pretense" cannot shield the emotions from injury from  truth. This is a deeper truth that resides in the personal unconscious and linked to the collective unconsciousness. The anima/animus is the link to the Divine Nature of things.

"A true friend will tell you the things you need to know;  out of convenience, others will tell you what you want to hear"
~~carefulcarpenter

Morality is the establishment of standards for quality experiences in a culture; these guidelines that benefit the common good. Good in this framework means compassion, and responsibility to the group. A "good person" embraces a morality which brings the most social benefits to the group. The "image" of a good person is not always supported by good behavior, and therefore, integrity of action with belief is important. Social penalties are invoked by a community. On the global scale "good person" is rather undefined. The same goes with "quality". Morality and quality may be subjectively experienced through spirit and passion.

With globalization and the prospects for a greater integral model ie. Ken Wilber's Integral Approach,  tries to define levels of morality. The "good person" is a product of the paradigm from which one views others. Wilber refers to the term "meme" to label each of these strata of spiritual development.

From the perspective of Christ, perfection is the ability to see "good" in all people; to love all-- and to expell the shadow from the human psyche through foregiveness, love, acceptance;  and leave judgment to Grace.

"Blinded by self-importance....the visionaries of society haven't the vision of a blind musician nor the perception of a churchmouse_"
~~carefulcarpenter

I like the insight people,
It's better to be a real asshole than a fake nice guy.  Has anyone noticed the nice guy image dialect and script?
The street market research people are great.

interesting, sgot me thinkinh : false modesty vs boasting, 2 sides of same coin. or two coins of the same side.
let there be no coin.

Very true.

One thing I've noticed is that most "people" who fit this profile usually have some serious problems with empathy. Someone who mistakes kindness for weakness should always be avoided, but the good news is that this is easy, since they usually have no idea that they've completely blown it until you're already long gone.

People can be honest with compassion, it' s just much harder than being honest in a blunt, "glad I got that off my chest regardless of the impact on others" kind of a way