• Registered: 2006-05-12

Topic: wakeful levels

I'v been reading some of the posts that interest me here at NR and I find that I am unable to respond in sufficient depth.  I notice there are many here that are really awakened and they have lengthy and lucid interactions.  Everyone is at a certain wakeful level or depth.

I seem to feel out of my depth.

I used to post under the username 'indigo', I never learned how to add quotes to my response, as I am kinda lazy and kinda restricted with being on nueroleptic medicines to treat my illness.

So it is that I will do my best to contribute here in my own limited way.

After reading some of the posts and introductory essays on the Montalk.net homepage, I feel I am not as awake as I could be.  Maybe I decided to choose the blue pill instead after unsuccessfully taking the redpill in 2001.

I reached a point in 2005 when I gathered up all my paranormal and conspiracy books (thousands of dollars worth) and gave them to libraries in Washington State.  I did throw some in the garbage at Target store last year (the David Icke dvds and Nazi ufo's dvd and Commander X dvd and the After Dark magazines from the C2C radio show). Maybe someone dug them out of the trash and found them interesting. Or maybe they are disentigrating somewhere in a dump.

I got really disillusioned with David Icke's theories (though I know he's got some of it right), Icke seems to be creating mystery and confusion and I think he might be a disinformation agent employed by a secret organization (MI5 or MI6 or some other secret society).  Who knows, maybe he is an independent mouthpiece who refuses to acknowledge his past mistakes or stances?

Part of my decision to let go of all these books was to shed some weight and end my constant (2001-2005) obsession with them.  I did keep only four books- Alien Agenda and Rule by Secrecy both by Jim Marrs (and really a good overall picture of what's going on) and UFOs and the Bible- a 1968 book, and Alien Encounters-by Chuck Missler (another religious, christian perspective on the alien and ufo situation).

Another set of expensive books that sort of freaked me out wat the Matrix series I-V edited and put out in velo bound form by Val Valerian from Yelm WA.  He had put out a chronology of alternative history and events in the comprehensive plan of engineering humankinds enslavement. The group he used to belong to was Nevada Aerial Research.

Some of the books I had were nothing more than sensationalistic meanderings by the pseudonym of Commander X, about the NWO and underground bases etc.

I sometimes consider myself Christian and mosty consider myself Universal Good Spirit (along the lines of Native American beliefs), though most Christians would consider me in league with the Devil because of my research into the occult (hidden truths).

I also thought I would just pass my time by watching dvd's and the occasional media news show on t.v. to stay informed on what the hedgmonies are espousing these days.  I would also listen to music (mainly movie soundtracks and not songs with lyrics which could influence me however minor or major).  This endeavor has mostly failed and I find myself wanting to achieve more and at least interact with others on the net some more, instead of zoning out in front of the t.v. as much of the NWO enforcers prefer us to do.

So I am not as awake and aware as I would like to be.  But yet I did find that taking a break from the net was good and remaining somewhat asleep was useful too. I have to understand that my illness of schizophrenia and manic depression and the meds I take to treat and keep myself stabilized will undoubtedly keep me imprisoned to a certain level and extent.

Compromise for me is needed.

So dont be harsh on me if my posts are short and not very elaborant or detailed, I am kinda slow these days.

searching for freedom
  • Registered: 2005-03-07

Re: wakeful levels

No worries, cloudkeen.  Remember the seasons of life; we go up, we go down. 

A couple of years ago I threw out the majority of my metaphysical/conspiracy books, too.  I threw mine out because I wanted to find my own answers on it all.

Reading your post, I thought of the intro that montalk wrote for the Matrix section on his homepage: "What is the Matrix? School or prison, depending on your chosen perspective." 

...When a person begins searching, I mean really examining this world and mentally sandblasting the layers of propaganda off of it, it's easy for that person to get disturbed.  Sickened.  Depressed. 

It's easier seeing the prison.  But seeing the school is the only evolutionarily useful thing to do.  You can't evolve as a victim, but only as being with choices.

The Gospel of Thomas wrote:

"Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. [And after they have reigned they will rest.]"

You can't change a tiger's stripes,
but you can avoid its teeth.
  • Registered: 2005-12-27

Re: wakeful levels

Definately know your not alone in your depression.  For some reason my overwhelming desire to discover the truth, a la "The X-Files" has led me to a lonely and depressed state.  I have however spent the whole day practicing the art of tuning out my thoughts.  Every time I successfully do this I am amazed at how much of reality I had learned to straight up tune out.  I have been in this predicament where I refuse to do all things I feel I shouldn't do, like watch the television, but I have an unbelievable problem with motivating myself to do the things I would like to do. 

As far as the Meds go, I have grown to despise medicine from a lot of the things I have read on the net about what Rockafeller did to the health industry, and what the true agenda of the pharmacitical companies is.   Medications are meant to hide the symptoms of a problem and not cure it, as a problem once cured no longer requires expensive medicine.  I came up against a skin problem a moderate exema.  After seeing 3 doctors who could not help me with my problem, I talked to a dermatalogist who looked at me as if I was retarded when I said I just wanted this problem cured.  I was nearly furious when he told me "We can't cure this, we can only treat the symptoms".  Well guess what, I said screw medicine and searched for a cure myself.  Now I no longer have the problem, and I didn't touch any of there medications. 

So once again good luck to you, and you don't need to worry about being slow, as long as your on the right track.

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost

4 Reply by visavis (edited by visavis 2006-05-13 18:35:17)

  • Registered: 2005-10-16

Re: wakeful levels

Cloudkeen, for whatever it's worth, know that your battle is a noble one - with all its up and downs, its frustrations and inconsistencies - it is very noble and inspiring.  Be encouraged, I believe you will be very pleasantly surprised with just where your journey will ultimately take you.

"The unknown does not incite fear, but dependence on the known does." - J. Krishnamurti

visavis's Website

  • Registered: 2006-05-12

Re: wakeful levels

thanks all, for the responses...

I think that no matter what happens from this point onwards, there are lessons to be learned and hopefully we can apply what we learned to help us further in our path of being human...

searching for freedom