Tool's current effect on my life

I am posting this here because I don't want the post to get drowned like it would in General Discussion, and because recently the band tools lyrics have become a big factor in my life.  This is a story of how I was experiencing some severe depression due to my awakening to what reality could truly be, and how the lyrics of the band "Tool" helped pull me out.  It could possibly be quite long and Rambling.

I have been wanting to write something like this for a while, but had neither the time to write it nor the confidence it would be read.  As a result of my upbringing I feel insignifigant when I put something out to people and it just gets ignored.  This has been a big hurdle, and I have to bring myself to an acceptance that I truly may be the only person who has my cares. 

I'll begin.  My whole life I have been different, concerned with things that usually inspired derision from my peers, and an uneasy acceptance from my parents.  For a long time I followed the path I believed to be best even though it was never the one every one else took.  Everyone else always took the same path as everyone else, and I would struggle, forging along on my own path.  It led me to be a very lonely person.  Slowly I began to wonder for what reason I was fighting the pack, and at some point in high school or early I was broken, and became another sheep among the herd.  Since then I have lived the life I was supposed to, going to college, living in a fraternity, getting frat boy drunk, getting a corprate job, all along feeling some sort of emptiness like I was missing something. 

One point of reawakening for me was somewhere back in 2001.   I listened to the song "Faiip de Oiad" by Tool.  I have since found out the "Faiip de Oiad" is Enochian and translates to "Voice of God".  My researhce suggests it is an extinct language of some ancient sect of peoples.  The song is a recording from the Art Bell radio show, and has really creepy sounds played over it.  The person in the song claims that "Aliens are extradimensional beings that an earlier precursser of the space program made contact with"  etc.   It really freaked me out when I first heard it. So I began to research the internet to find out about what the song meant, who Art Bell was, all this other stuff.  After a while my interest faded and I went back to sheep life. 

Fast forward 2004.  I graduated college and got a job.  Feeling that I had "made it", acomplishing all tasks that a good little american is supposed to, I stepped back and said "Now what do I want to do?"  I began to look back into those things that had always interested me the most but had caused me quite a bit of trouble fitting in back in the day, Aliens, Ghosts, Levitation, Magic, Theretical physics, etc.  One thing led to another and I began to once again regain my interest in the uknowns of the world.  Just before Thanksgiving 05 I stumbled across a link to the Cassiopean materal compiled by Laura Knight on a link from a "prophecies forum".   I printed off the entire "The Wave" material that I gathered from the cassiopean website, and read it over Thanksgiving.  I formatted it size 8 font and minimized wasted space on the page, and it was still 3-4 inches thick.   I began reading and was amazed at the things that the Cassiopeans and  Laura Knight Jackyzdac had to say about my reality and how everything I believed was wrong. 

I realized that if what the Cassiopeans were saying was true, then conspiracies were not the rantings of crazy people but the true messages from the enlightened.  It didn't just explain one conspiracy, but allowed for all of them.  The wave is one of the most complete works that explains so many unexplained phenomenon throughout my life.  It is also the reason I found Montalk.net. Most importantly to this story I began to realize that I have choosen to come here now.  And through a personal experience, came to believe that I am a Wanderer.  I will define my understanding of wanderer here.  A wanderer is someone from a higher plane of existence who choose to give that up for some reason, and live a human being. 

With this thought in mind I became incredibly angry at myself.   What stupidity, arrogance, or hardheaded decision inspired me to leave what I percieved as "Heaven"  to come here and live a lonely, boring, unproductive, outcast life like mine.  I began to think how I had come here to suffer through the previous problems, and be a complete failure on all fronts to add some positivity to the world.  On the contrary I have had quite a negative impact on many people in my life as I became a depressed and pessimistic person in my life as a sheep.  All these things led to lots of cursing of God, Myself, My spirit guide, etc.  I was experiencing many things that I was perceiving to be psychic attacks from some unknown invisible enemy, but regrardless I still gave into it despite the fact that fully realized that I shouldn't.  I have documented in a journal entry one of these attacks. 

And then Tool came back into my life.  How, I don't remember, but I began listening to "Aenima" and noticed how all of my new points of view on the world opened up some deeper meaning to at least one song called "Third Eye".  I began to wonder if Tool's newer CD "Lateralus" had any deeper meanings that I had missed 5 years ago.  I pulled up the lyrics to the whole album on the internet and was shocked.  The whole album was a poetic diary of the psychich problems I had been going through.  I couldn't believe it!  I quickly came to realize that since Tool's lead singer Maynard James Keenan had opened me up to my new reality, there was a very good chance that my interpertation was correct, and that his songs are the diary of a troubled man and a plea to the world for someone to hear and recognize with him. 

"Must keep reminding myself of this" I use this line from the song "The Patient", almost daily as a mantra.  http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tool/139405.html The song speaks about the difficulty of this life, particularly the life of someone awakened.  The song to me is about being patient, and living the way you need to and you will see what you came here for, not today, not tommorrow, maybe not until the day you die, but you've got to wait it out and trust that the part of you that has infinite knowlege knew what it was doing when it decided to incarnate here and now.  And everytime I expereince doubt and depresision I "Must keep reminding myself of this".  I will reiterate that how much that line has a lot of meaning to me.  When I have more time I will possibly do a full analysis of the song as it is quite deep. 

Interestingly the radio play song from the album "Lateralus" called "Schism"  I beleive is a reference to the falling of the tower of babel and the loss of humanities telepathic abilties.

I hope this resonates wth someone else, but it wouldn't out of the ordinary if I was once again alone on this.  Peace out.