16 Reply by tenetnosce (edited by tenetnosce 2006-02-27 00:24:48)

  • From: The Singularity
  • Registered: 2005-09-23

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

lyra wrote:

The big fat crayons....too funny.

The fatter the better!

No seriously, I will definitely check out Lipton, especially since your last book recommendation for Stuart Wilde's Whispering Winds of Change was profoundly beneficial to me. 

tenetnosce wrote:

29 Nov 05   So anyhow, I am lying in my bed and I close my eyes and I start to meditate.  Completely without expectation.  Thoughts came up but I simply decided to think them later.  I felt sensations in my body and I realized that they would all be there when I got back.

I just stared at the back of my eyelids.  And it was wonderful.

When I came back to my body something had changed.

I didn't change.  The world didn't change.  But something in between them changed.

It was like there was more space.

I would love to go back to that space.  I've been trying as of late, with very little success.  Yes, Master Yoda, I know: There is no try.

I'm really not desperate. tongue  More like perplexed.  I can handle being alone.  Heck, as of late I spend most of my time wishing that everybody else would get out of my face!  It just seems like there is some really high standard that is set for me that doesn't apply to the people around me.  So I wonder, is it some karmic thing that I need to work off?  If so, what do I need to do?  Or is it that I am subconsciously undermining myself by holding myself to some unattainable standard of perfection before I will accept a truly committed relationship in my life?  Or do I just have to wait another twenty years?  That would be fine except that I'm neither comfortable with continuing to engage in sexual exchanges with women who lack a higher awareness of what is actually going on during sex, nor do I believe that it is wise or healthy for me to live in celibacy.  So it appears that I am forced to compromise my values in either case.

Anyhow, I'll see what Lipton has to say and get back atcha!  Thanks for your thoughts.

It is not for us to understand love, but simply to make space for it.
  • czyx
  • czyx
  • Sparking the gap.
  • Offline
  • From: Denver, CO
  • Registered: 2004-09-11

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

tenetnosce wrote:

On the external side of things, I just see more and more people who are not just totally into themselves, but boisterously and outrageously so.  People who speak and act as if they are the only person in the world of any value, and that everybody else exists to cater to their every whim and fancy.  People who snicker and cajole at the least bit of mention of any worldview or belief that is contradictory to their own.  People who couldn't give a rat's hiney beyond anything that lies outside their own sphere of melodrama, except perhaps to discuss who they think the next American Idol will be, or how many gold medals U.S. athletes have collected in the Olympics, and how they haven't lived up to their expectations.

This brings to mind one of my favorite books by Philip K. Dick, called We Can Build You. One part of the book concerns an android manufacturer and his potential business relationship with a real estate developer who is starting a colony on the moon. The problem the real estate developer has is that of attracting people to such a desolate, lonely place. So he wants to "seed" the development. He wants to fill the houses, shops, offices, etc. with androids first. Then, when there's already a social system in place, he'll start advertising for families to come move to the already bustling moon cities.

When I read this part of the book (which is only mentioned in passing by the author, and never investigated further) it got me thinking. I figured the owner of the androids would do more than just create a friendly, inviting atmosphere for the first families. He'd do a lot more. He'd program those androids to have precisely the same attitudes and motivations that he'd want to see in the majority of real human residents some day. He'd want them to be profitable customers and manageable citizens above all, not happy healthy people. They would be the kinds of "people" you are talking about. They'd go out of their way to keep the sheep in check.

I think this is similar to the situation in the world today. Human beings do what they see the "other" human beings doing. If you believe in Organic Portals, they are the perfect vector for social programming. They set the rhythm for the rest of us to march to. Whether the people around you who you see acting in such a selfish way are actually OP's or not it's impossible to say, but their behavior is certainly suited to perpetuate a control paradigm. But even real human beings with souls are notoriously psychologically malleable, so even the most shallow selfish loudmouths might be (externally, purposely) misguided souled beings.

One thing that is helpful in dealing with such people is to look at them and think "Just what are you afraid of?". This is useful even if you are dealing with a definite OP, because there is still something their programmer is afraid of. Despite all the yapping and self-agrandizement, these beings have no internal power. They are primarily concerned with preventing you from investigating your own power. They want to convince you to behave like them, to take on their shallow obsessions and cold hearted attitude. They are afraid of losing your attention. They are afraid of you turning away from their world and building your own. They are afraid of you thinking too deeply, feeling too intensely, questioning too sincerely, and believing too confidently. When you observe their behavior in light of what they aren't saying and where they won't go, the narrowness of their mission becomes apparent, and they become little more than ridiculous cartoon characters.

tenetnosce wrote:

But what I observe internally is even more concerning to me.  I see these same attitudes popping up inside myself in subtle ways.  I'm not sure if I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough, and it's my ego taking a last stand, or if I am seriously slipping in my own spiritual development.

I get the same damn thing. It's as if I always know what I'm supposed to say when somebody mentions an odd theory or something out of the ordinary. I feel an urge to ridicule them or think less of them, despite the fact that I have the very same interests! But I know the urge doesn't come from me. It's social conditioning--or something even more secret and unknown. Like ongoing hypnotic suggestion or something.

All I can say is to have faith, and to increase your closeness to those people around you who have proven themselves to have a positive effect on your soul.

--Justin
  • From: England
  • Registered: 2005-04-20

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

Do you still works as as an alternative/naturopathic healer or Doctor?
When i was working as a Homeopath i got very low with strange mood swings and i think it was because i was picking up so much negative vibes/thought forms from the sick without taking measures to protect myself.
Some of these people are loaded and as a good healer goes into rapport with them.......
Just a thought.

Its not like we are fractions of the whole but rather versions of the whole.

19 Reply by tenetnosce (edited by tenetnosce 2006-02-27 12:14:12)

  • From: The Singularity
  • Registered: 2005-09-23

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

Barefoot Doc wrote:

Do you still works as as an alternative/naturopathic healer or Doctor?
When i was working as a Homeopath i got very low with strange mood swings and i think it was because i was picking up so much negative vibes/thought forms from the sick without taking measures to protect myself.
Some of these people are loaded and as a good healer goes into rapport with them.......
Just a thought.

Not at the moment.  I closed my office since I am moving soon, however I intend to continue in the new location.  You are absolutely right in terms of how easy it is for me to take on other people's moods and vibrations.  I try to be aware of it, but sometimes I get caught in this negative-feedback loop of sorts.

I should probably also disclose that I took a very high potency homeopathic remedy (Staphysagria 10M if you are curious) a few days ago that addresses deep-seated feelings of anger and resentment due to a feeling of having been abandoned.  So part of what is going on with me is definitely an aggravation, but I still wanted to put those feelings out there and get some feedback.

It is not for us to understand love, but simply to make space for it.

20 Reply by LipstickMystic

  • LipstickMystic
  • Guest

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

Tenetnosce,

I get you, I get you!  I've been noticing these past few weeks that there seems to be one of those "dividing of the worlds" going on. I notice these periods from time to time. The best way I can describe it is to say that it's as if there is more of a severe, stark contrast between "vibrations I resonate with" and "vibrations I don't resonate with."  So much so that my attention is continually drawn to it, which it isn't, usually. Usually I just go about my own thing with a pretty mellow attitude. The last two weeks, it's like "How on Earth did THOSE people end up on this planet?  Stop the world - I want to get off!" Random strangers just seem more DENSE in their vibrations, somehow. Like they all have psychic cooties and suddenly I'm afraid they're catching smile

This could be part of the separation of worlds or timeline shifting or preparation for a "new earth" that some teachers and writers talk about. I dunno. But it is REAL and it is WEIRD and you are NOT ALONE IN EXPERIENCING THIS.  Nothing is wrong with you. Reality is acting severely funky smile It does that from time to time.

And while this division or separating of realities seems to be happening, I know that it's time to examine friendships, goals, projects, and creations that I'm invested in and make sure to ditch the ones that are out of resonance for me....otherwise, I know from experience, they create REAL, bad energy drag for me later on....cause burnout, disease, etc because I haven't dropped them.

So you might look on this as a time to say "What do I need to drop WITHIN my life - goals, friendships, projects, habits" that are no longer in true resonance with where your vibration is shifting to now....

And also look OUTSIDE to say, "What places/people have I moved out of resonance with?"


Take the scissors and don't be afraid to CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT.

Believe me, it's not the amount of friendships that matters. It's the quality.

I've had so many people I had thought I'd be lifelong pals with who at some point, I moved out of resonance with.  Some of those shifts happened dramatically and in unexpected ways.

But the cool thing is the friendships still remain intact from an energy perspective - I'm still able to lovingly honor everything we were to each other. But the energy drag (them not keeping up with where I was going) would have degraded those relationships very rapidly had I tried to slow down my vibration just to maintain friendships with them. So it's best that I'm not giving energy to them now.

MORE is not BETTER when it comes to friends.  Also, very psychically aware folks are often vastly separated by distance and sometimes interact on "shaman" time, maybe once or twice a year. Do you not consider them friendships just because you're not on the phone with them every day?  I don't.  I like how quiet my phone is these days. It means that when it DOES ring there is a conversation of high quality energy about to happen.

My goal is to have people I plug into who sustain me, and I sustain them, and there's not much point in spending time with someone who is "cycling on empty" as so many folks are out there.

That's just BORING and a waste of time and energy.

Don't waste your energy.

On the romance front, I reached a point where you may be now where I had given up on having a longtime partnership with anyone. But I spent two years HAPPY about that and building fulfillment within my own life through family, friends, career.

After two years of that (surprising) bliss, BOOM....Mr. Right was suddenly there.

The funny thing was, he was there before...at least, we already knew each other socially.

But he wasn't yet ready for me, nor I for him. We both had some spiritual homework to do to make room for the extremely powerful energies we were going to be moving together once we got involved as a couple.

So.....if things are quiet on that front.....it could be the calm before the amazing, wonderful, soulmate storm that may be headed your way in future.

In the meantime, dare to be choosy. I think the people we spend time with DO reflect on us.  If we're bored and just randomly hanging out with selfish people (the "Did you watch the superbowl/watch American Idol mortal folks" who can be so dull in their vibration).......then why would anybody REALLY cool ever come within our orbit? They wouldn't want to spend time with those dullards. Remove them NOW, make ROOM in your life for people of quality energy, and they WILL arrive when you're ready.

The Universe is very cool that way. Manifesting people literally out of thin air when they are meant to cross your path.  Who knows who right now might be in the process of moving to your location, not realizing that the two of you are headed for something fabulous together, but subconsciously chasing that wonderful vibration that you carry as a homing beam?

About crystals....I had some people asking me about crystal stuff this week, cleansing them, working with them, understanding the mineral kingdom, etc.  This piece might have some material that is helpful to you:

http://www.lipstickmystic.com/mail/how_ … ystal.html

Meanwhile, continue that release process and allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling now.  It's the new moon tonight, a powerful time for self-realization and clearing.

Energy hugs,

Lipstick Mystic aka Jennifer

  • From: The Singularity
  • Registered: 2005-09-23

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

Hiya!  Thanks for the reply.

LipstickMystic wrote:

The last two weeks, it's like "How on Earth did THOSE people end up on this planet?  Stop the world - I want to get off!" Random strangers just seem more DENSE in their vibrations, somehow. Like they all have psychic cooties and suddenly I'm afraid they're catching smile

OK cool.  Part of the reason I put up these kind of posts is to evaluate how much of this is my own personal junk, and how much of it is more of a collective flavor.  I have been severely short on tolerance lately, and I've been struggling with how much tolerance is healthy, and when does it turn into a poor boundary issue.  Lately I just feel like looking at a person and telling them to shut their mouth and remove themselves from my space.  I know it's not very "love n' lighty" of me, but at least I'm honest about my feelings.  It's almost as if I wanna say, what the hell are you doing here on this planet anyway besides sucking up natural resources and multiplying?  Either get off my planet, or take me to a new one because I'm tired of this crap, and I'm tired of casting my pearls before swine.

LipstickMystic wrote:

So you might look on this as a time to say "What do I need to drop WITHIN my life - goals, friendships, projects, habits" that are no longer in true resonance with where your vibration is shifting to now....

And also look OUTSIDE to say, "What places/people have I moved out of resonance with?"

Take the scissors and don't be afraid to CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT.

Oh, believe me, I am.  I am in the process of moving, and I think I have thrown away more than I have packed.  I have half a mind just to put whatever I can fit in my car and leave the rest.  It's like all this junk was part of a life that no longer exists.

LipstickMystic wrote:

The Universe is very cool that way. Manifesting people literally out of thin air when they are meant to cross your path.  Who knows who right now might be in the process of moving to your location, not realizing that the two of you are headed for something fabulous together, but subconsciously chasing that wonderful vibration that you carry as a homing beam?

I sure hope so!  I don't know quite what it is but I seem to trust less and less in any form of external guidance or protection.  I'm not sure how to feel about that.  I sometimes feel like there are more forces around me waiting to pounce on every little mistake I make then there are those willing to cut me some slack and offer me a bit of grace.

LipstickMystic wrote:

It's the new moon tonight, a powerful time for self-realization and clearing.

It is, isn't it?  Well that explains a lot too.   Thanks for your kind words and support.  As usual it is the most comforting simply to know that somebody else can identify with me.

It is not for us to understand love, but simply to make space for it.
  • Registered: 2004-10-15

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

I have also experienced this tugging polarity.  Almost like my Shadow Self has taken a strangle hold on me.  Yet at the same time - other things are moving along at a great pace and going to all new heights.

From what I see this is affecting others too.  I see some people becoming increasingly dull and slow - whilst others are slowly waking up and becoming far more plesant to be around.  It is strange...but something is happening.

I have talked about this with other people who have also noticed it.  Infact Lyra has a short piece on her new site about the same subject...

http://in2worlds.net/thoughts - Scroll down to the "Tug of War" section...

Thought Manifestation

Marcus's Website

  • morningsun76
  • morningsun76
  • the answer has been with you the whole time
  • Offline
  • From: In two worlds
  • Registered: 2004-09-10

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

As time goes by, I find that each successive round of the "tug of war" grows more intensive, with each side pulling with a lot more strength and vigor. 

I strongly have to echo LipstickMystick's comment about "cut cut cut ...."  That's been a constant theme in my life for the last 18 months or so, and this cutting out of all unnecessary entanglements has been important for me in my own personal development.   I've also been going through a rather "dry" and trying spell. While reading tenetnosce's post I was thinking about how my own  woo-woo stuff has really quieted down lately.  Then I read Lipstick's "cut" comment and got a low volume but distinct right-ear tone that lasted a good 20-30 seconds.  Funny.  I know it's not good to get hung up on these things because they can be a distraction too, but when they happen to confirm positive thoughts like that it is a good feeling. 

Detaching is definitely very important.  Of course it's sometimes easier said than done.  I can't handle being around people much at all anymore.  I spend a great deal of my time alone in a private room at the computer, with meditative music playing, occasionally burning some sage or incense, and keeping a peaceful environment.  It helps a lot, and yet I still really feel on edge quite a bit.   I'm currently renting a room in the home of a nice lady who often invites me to sit and watch TV with her.  I always politely refuse, and wonder if something is wrong with me because even the SUGGESTION that I do something like that upsets my nerves nowadays.  I don't even like being in the same home where a TV set is running ... I'm not sure if I'm legitimately that sensitive to the vibrations, or if I'm cracking up mentally.   

I feel tired and frustrated a lot as well.  I've always had "the answer has been with you the whole time" as the tagline under my handle here on the forum.   That's there as much to remind myself to relax and stay centered as it is for anyone else.  I'm starting to meditate again when the time is right; that helps a lot.  And I just try to keep in mind that there is no place I have to go, nothing I have to do ... just be.  It's such a simple truth, but one that for some reason seems quite difficult to totally integrate into my consiousness, and to put into practice in everyday life. 

PleiadianHealer recently recommended the Tolle book "Stillness Speaks."  I looked it up on Amazon and read the first few pages.  It suggests you think about how quiet a tree is, yet notice it is still alive and in total harmony with nature.  The idea being that just pondering on that for a few moments does help in a very real way to quiet you down internally.  I ordered the book.  smile

  • Registered: 2004-04-09

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

Man, if we were all the same room together (No! Not a chat room!;) ) I'd pour you all a glass of some homebrewed apple mead! Then I'd tell you what a small world it is! And then I'd thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for BEING here!!! I'm just feeling grateful for not being alone, myself. Do you whatever you want with the sap.... syrup is sweet and good for the soul!

" Then it was, then again it will be. And though the course may change sometimes rivers always reach the sea." Robert Plant
  • From: Megalex
  • Registered: 2005-04-12

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

Well, you finally find your helpless mind,
is trapped inside your skin.
You want to leave,
but you believe you won't get back again.
You only know ,
you have to go but still you can't get out.
You try and try,
you die and die.
You're stopped by your own doubt.
Reverberation,
reverberation.
You find no peace,
it doesn't cease,
it's deadly irritation.
It keeps you blind,
it's there behind,
your every hesitation.
It holds your thought,
your mind is caught,
your fixed with fascination.
You think you'll die,
it's just a lie,
it's backward elevation!
Reverberation,
reverberation.
You see reverberation,
in your latest incarnation,
You think it's a sensation,
but it's just reverberation.
You start to serve,
the downward curve,
that catches up your fears.
Each thing you do,
comes home to you,
and pounds inside your ears.
Your start to fight against the night,
that screams inside your mind.
When something black it answers back,
and grabs you from behind!
Reverberation,
echoing through your brain.
Reverberation,
driving your mind insane.
Reverberation,
causing your blood to drain,
leaving just charred remains.

It is of prime importance to recognize that just about everything we've been taught to expect as "normal" in our lives is the stuff of fairy tales and unrealistic dreams.
Theodore Isaac Rubin M.D.
  • From: Megalex
  • Registered: 2005-04-12

Re: Self-disgust and other observations.

You're moving, keep climbimg.
You're moving, keep climbimg.
You're wonderin'
What's on your mind
(You're moving, keep climbimg.)
It's the one keystone people keep trying to find
The state of mind that puts you there
And evolution's everywhere,
it's creeping back from the affair.
So leave! Leave! Leave!
Leave your body behind.
Leave, Leave, Leave!
Leave your body behind.
Yes, yes, yes,
You can always come back
To live the desire you want on your track
Live the love that gives it's return
The higher you're livin', now, the purer it burns.
So keep climbin'
(Ooo, that energy's higher)
Keep on climbin'
(Your sun catches on fire)
Keep climbin' and bathe in the sun
The dawns and the darkness
Watch, the journey's begun
Remember, remember, Why can't you remember?
Remember that we're fallin'
Indifference from the love
It's only habit circumstance that fits you like a glove
Remember, that we're callin' in every cast to learn
It's spoken in the voices of the holy sound you earn
You've got to remember, remember.
You're form' can move,
You're shape is composed of edges.
You're form you can move,
Edges and ridges of your own energy!
Your own energy!
Your own energy!
Just a motion you feel.
(You're moving, keep climbimg.)
And you're wonderin'
Who searched for this?
Only higher resistant consciousness and bliss
By feeling more love for the sense world you're seeing
You raise sense your income and your level of being
By finer and finer,
And finer agreeing you Leave!
Leave, Leave!
Leave your body behind!
Leave, Leave, Leave!
Leave your body behind!
Yes, yes, yes attention comes back
You focus on anchors,
You have what you lack.
Live the love each thought form returns.
Graze in the judgement of the ether that burns!
So keep climbin'
(Ooo, your energy's higher!)
Keep on climbin'
(Your sun catches on fire!)
Keep climbin'
The sun fills so soon
And gathers the clouds into a heavenly moon.
Remember, remember, Why can't you remember?
Remember we're bombarded,
The downpour of the word.
The outside means lock us in so all else seems absurd.
Remember things regarding,
Are terminals like you.
For terminals discharge against each other,
And balance syphoning through.
You've got to remember!
Remember!
You're form' can move,
You're shape is composed of edges.
You're form you can move,
Edges and ridges of your own energy!
Your own energy!
Your own energy!
Just a motion you feel.
(You're moving, keep climbimg.)
(You're moving, keep climbimg.)
And you're body and mind are one.
Your heart like cool ashes,
(You're moving, keep climbimg.)
The life sprays through your nippled eyes
Like ribbon through your lashes.
It ripples down with your heart's clear
you're mixed in two,
The poisoned ear.
The love you feel is love you hear.
Remember, Remember, Remember, Remember
Keep on climbin'
Keep on climbin'

It is of prime importance to recognize that just about everything we've been taught to expect as "normal" in our lives is the stuff of fairy tales and unrealistic dreams.
Theodore Isaac Rubin M.D.