"What Must Come First"

What Must Come First    -An actual accounting of my experience

I should note here straight off, its importance here to address that "the I" who is remembering, is not the "I" of the memory. This is a vital distinction to be made, because for the sake of the authenticity, the memory itself,  must not be weighed without consideration of such said division. With that said here is my story...

I was awakened in my sleep, but I was awoke to my being. It was a trance-like state where I was aware of myself. I had been getting truths being revealed to me, and in my sleep was I aware of this taking place, right up until what I can only describe as consciousness, that was experiencing awareness, while I was still in an unconscious state, which this is why I can only use the words "trance-like to describe. This state of realisation occurred from a "knowing" as truths were revealed to me, as they were being unfolded in a systematic like sequential order, and the knowledge and understanding were as one, that is to say like this: the knowledge has with it its understanding, and in the understanding is its knowledge, thats the only way I can describe it accurately. I can remember the experience only, and that also, of there being an importance to remembering one single most detail of the knowledge, where I was reminded, what I can only describe as repeatedly, to remember that there is a "first understanding" "which must come first," and "is already is", this is the only way I can say it, without putting too much of myself in it, and saying what is not so.

I understood this to say, that those things with having importance of being of "first things first" and that, "the knowing" of "first things first already is," regarding this "first step," is that, though it already is, it MUST be first! So what I am saying is, what was most impressed upon me, is that the "first step first," that "this I" remembers in "this I's" recollection, is the strong sense that "that I" had felt it to be simple and no secret. And just as strong, was the sense that it MUST be that- what occurs "first," for that which is to follow that which came "first," to even occur at all. Now I want to say, that in this vague memory of what "this I" thinks it remembers, is that, this is referring to a connection, which follows after that step having first occurred. The words "this I" thinks it remembers hearing associated with this connection are "recognise" and "acknowledge," and in that order.

The other 2 aspects of the dream involve 2 different reactional experiences I had during the dream. I will start with the one that came first which is the physical sensation only, and then I'll describe the second, which I believe is not only an addition to the first, caused by the first physical sensation, but then I'll also explain, how I believe it was a reaction from a separate aspect that occured, so therefor, it having 2 aspects being the cause of this experience of a physcial reaction as well. Both also relate to the "systematic like sequential order" I used for description above, regarding what I think is a process for being connected, where "something first" must happen where I think to recognise, and to acknowledge may be part of the "how to" of the connection I've regarded. And finally, that I experienced them both in the dream and physical state as well.

For the first physical reaction, I believe, was the direct result of experiencing the process, of the "systematic like sequential order," I was actually undergoing as the truths were revealed to me, in the process of that to go through. With each successive step in the process a change was occuring in me, but I did not know this until the final step had been reached, and therefor, is also when the totality of the change was achieved. And thus, the connection was made, whereby I experienced the energy of that which I most definitely am, and the reason why I know through all certainty, is because I used my natural energy's essense to move the arms of my body from the outside of them. 

Now to divert my descriptions of these experiences for a moment, because after that last statement, I'd like to briefly pause here, for a completely inspired explanation of what I meant by that.

You see, although we are intertwined with the body, we are also separate of it. Another words, though they are united, the two, both body and spirit. The body is dependent on the energy of spirits essense for its survival. Whereas the spirits energy is an infinite self of eternal essense, which doesn't require the body for its survival, To recognise this dis-jointed dis-unity between the two, and to acknowledge the re-unification and then re-unify with the source of the spirits self, is essential for its possible re-unity, and therefor can ascend to itself.

You see, the selfish body will not sacrifice its very own life for spirit, thus... the battle within. The spirits power comes from without. And yet it still dwells within, it is tangled, and intertwined with whats within. Its energy, which is that from without, gives itself - which gives life for the life of the life, thats within. Therefor, the spirit empowers the body its using to do battle with itself, which the body uses to fight for itself. It gives a whole new meaning to "stay close to your friends, but keep your enemies closer!"

Because it must keep its life's source for its prisoner, body fears spirit connecting to its own source. For therein lies spirits power, and the truths body fears for itself. So it uses itself as its own weapon, and here lies the battle within. Body uses emotions and pains as distractions, to deceive spirit into thinking thier its own, for as long as bodies able to trap it, spirit's not able to go home.

But if spirit makes its connection to its souce, it sees the body for what it is, because there spirit learns it has the power, and it's in that which body lives. It now knows there's a separation, of that which it shares this link, and due to this understanding, it now looks to its own mind to think. As it learns more of this symbiosis, to understand this give and take, it discovers there a decision, of which of the two to forsake. For one must be cast asunder, for the two that must me saved, and then spirit knows its purpose, and of the love its own self gave.

Now back to my experience.

So as I was led to the completion of these steps that I was taken through, this change in me was occuring that was gradual, and I dont think at the time I noticed it, until it reached some level where I could physically feel it, and thereby awareness of it could be achieved. I have often heard of the spirit in the body explanation for purposes of understanding death of the body and survival of our soul. It is a story referring to the body being likened to a glove which the spirit wears, and when the glove is worn out and discarded the soul leaves it and returns home. Well with what I experienced, this glove story is no longer applicable to being representative of that state of being. In my experience, the spirit does not reside within the body, it surrounds it as well as through it. This is a different distinction altogether, because pervading through something is quite an actual difference than being encapsulated by it.

It was this remarkable physical sensation I experienced, that left me with no doubt that the spirits essense is not only the powerplant that produces the life giving energy to the body, but also that its same essense's energy is what moves the body as well. And I learned, that there are two options to choose from available to us, in which this movement can occur. One is when spirit exists in complacency, allowing the body to use its life giving force to move in the directions that the body so chooses. The other is when spirit exists attentively, supervising the body and its surroundings to make sure the body moves directed by its own choices, while providing the energy for the bodies life. The physical sensation which taught me the difference was actually experiencing my own energy of the actual "I" surrounding this body. I who is the real entity, was the glove that the body was within, and not the otherway around!

The Feeling was more than that though, because I felt my powerful energy radiating throughout the body I was in, as well as covering it at the same time. It was this pulsating exhilaration, like my own force field, which not only did I emanate of, but of my energy fluidly moving, that by my will had the power to move this body as well. I think I was given instruction, or better yet, it felt like whomever was doing the instruction, had manipulated my true selfs energy, for the purpose of showing me not only the real me, but also to demonstrate and to show me exactly, how that it was my energy that moved, and could move, as "it-I" directed it to do so, and that was its true nature and essense. As the powerful feeling grew I felt it/I raise both my arms slowly, and the intensity of the sensation built as well. After lifting my arms up to point far enough for the purpose of demonstration, the pressure surrounding my arms felt more pronouncedly wrapped tightly around them in its intensity as well.

This was the moment when the second physical experience occurred, because while this was happening, I remembered  the feeling of mine own knowing the actual nature of myself, as if through original memory. Once I experienced this feeling, the instructor asked me a question that of the ears could not be heard. Now I have to be honest here regarding this question, because although I gave answer, I cannot remember which answer even now. I can only remember that it was either "Yes/Now I understand" or Yes/Now I remember." The funny thing is I did remember which one it was right after waking up, because I didn't only answer this in my dream, I answered this physically as well from my sleep. In fact I answered with such joyful exhuberance, and so physically loud, that I actually woke myself from a sound sleep! And even though I revelled in this blissful state in that immediate memory, I again fell fast asleep, and as I remember, it was no time at all that I found myself back with the instructor. Then that is when the instructor went back over the process in the form of review, and then reminded me over and over, of the importance to remember "what must come first!"
       
Written By Carrie A.  On the twentyfourth day of December in the year of two thousand and five.

There is no message hidden between the lines, no secret intent to make anyone believe a thing this way or that. This is simply a true accounting of an experience I had this week, and finished writing today, and my only motivation for sharing it was the fact that the experience was special to me, and I didn't want to be the only one who knew of it. Only the one portion noted as "inspired" was not of the actual experience but written in as it came to me, and because it fell in the story as it did, I kept it for the inspiration of where it came.

QS aka Carrie