Gossip (Page 3 of 3)

Oooh, goosebumps, lyra. 

Me either, Jen.  I just make sure to stay neutral or try to steer the conversation in another direction.  In one of the Ruiz books there are testimonials, and a company department had actually studied TFA together and implemented the principles at work with great results.  I would love to do that where I work.

Yes, I agree. Not taking things personally is a huge relief! I'm getting better and better. I've read the Four Agreements (granted that was years ago) and I do think it's a powerful book, one I may want to re-visit. (Lyra, that's too cool about the T4A's finding you at the bookstore!)

Setting aside the subjects of malicious gossip and banter about people behind their backs... and strictly refering to situations where people can be downright hurtful or disappointing... I still think it's unrealisitc and maybe even a little dangerous not to discuss our feelings with others.

There's a wide range between sweating the *small stuff* and experiencing profound hurt or disappointment. Small stuff aside, there are times when people really hurt my feelings and/or press my buttons.

Yes, I know this is due to their "own issues" (not to mention mine!) but regardless, I FEEL the pain. And, while I'm on the phone with mom or disucssing with my honey, I do a pretty decent job remembering that people have good reason for their behavior. I try to have compassion for them while venting my own emotions. I don't bash. I don't throw a pity party for myself... but I talk. I have to talk it out.

Honestly, and maybe I'm selling myself short, but I doubt there will come a day in this lifetime when i'm completely free from hurt or disappointment.  I've been reading books like T4A's, Power of Now, Conversations w/ God.... you name it I've read it... and while I'll never stop striving for growth and freedom, I also don't want to make the mistake of trying to rise above my own humanity. I think that's a recipe for disappointment. This statement is easy to misconstrue, so I'll clarify that I'm always going to strive to be the best human I can be, but barring some miraculous quantum leap in my spiritual evolution, I think pain and disappointment and the need to process will be part of my life for years to come.

One of the real blunders with the *self-help universe* is that many people can't live up to the lofty ideals set forth by these books. They inevitably fail, and then throw out the baby with the bathwater. Or worse, some people read these books, believe they're adhering to these aspirations and then implode because their efforts have actually been a form of repression. Not saying anybody on this thread is in danger of such, or is claiming to rise above their humanity, but this is a serious problem. I've seen friends lose their way because they can't live up to the expectations. They abandon the path altogether.  It's a fine line striving to be the best human you can be, and striving to be in-human.

I think this is an extremely important point. A neutral point of view is super helpful and one of the secret ingredients to a happy life... at the same time, it's important to acknowledge that people are hurting. Also, when I need to vent, it's my responsibility to choose a friend whose isn't going to *milk* my emotions and whip me into an emotional frenzy. Some friends, as we well know, feed and bond over drama. It's our responsibility to call people who are balanced, aware and will have something constructive to offer.

Hella yes.

Lotta good points, Once & Future.  Having a neutral or impartial viewpoint definitely doesn't mean not having feelings or compassion.  I can most help people who are hurting by not helping them pick their wounds.  Sometimes when we don't seem to get over a hurt, it's because we don't want to shed our victim image.  I think that's why self-help books often don't work, because diligence and work is required.  Some people just want it to happen by magic and some just want to continue to wallow in their own pain because they're addicted; it's become a habit they can't seem to let go of.  I'll bet we've all known people who keep coming to us with the same problems, and when we give them the sure-fire methods to deal with them, they ignore it.

Most definitely, and it's so freakin' frustrating.

You know what else? Some people continue to pull themselves up by their bootstraps... and really DO try... but have more to deal with than meets the eye. For instance *attachments* whether they be actual entities, or crystallized forms of their own neurosese, or bondages that have been passed down the bloodline. These energies can suck their ability to progress, holding them back, keeping them stuck. It's can be such a complex mess why people can't pull themselves out of patterns. Sometimes I feel like we have SO MUCH working against us - but that could be me falling into a victim mentality today It's been a rough week. There are periods of life that run smooth and progression is so immediate... and other times that I'm reminded LIFE IS HARD. Sometimes hard work and willpower isn't enough... and that's very upsetting/confusing for people who don't know how to access *outside* assistance (although, I know it's really coming from *inside.*) But, honestly, sometimes our issues are so layered and complex that tapping into the Divine Mind (or whatever you call it) is the only way to bring about the hidden revelations that will truly help. But, I guess that's a different topic.

I like that quote. Sometimes there's nothing to say or do, you just gotta love and listen... and sometimes you can't listen because it drains you... so you have to love from afar.