Need some serious help (Page 1 of 2)

Hello Seeker,

Not knowing which drug you feel you abused I'm shooting a bit in the dark.  I feel I have a bit of understanding about how you are feeling as I've experienced this loss of reality feeling having at one time tapped into what I feel was a completely different reality -- it's quite terrifying I agree.

What worked for me, although it took some time, was rebuilding my body.  There are chemicals which get depleted or whacked about due to drugs.  My favorite multi-vitamin that has a bunch of added phyto-antioxidants plus aminos and DMAE etc is Super Blend by Super Nutrition.

Their website is www.supernutritionusa.com where you can find a store near you that sells it OR you can contact them through their website or 888-262-2116.  I'd be happy to send you a bottle if you live outside the US ... contact me privately through NR.

Also, I'd suggest getting a liquid supplement of predigested protein ... and start to put back amino acids which may have been depleted!  This can cause all sorts of yukky things.

An often overlooked downside to drug abuse is the huge huge toil it takes on the body.  But bodies are remarkably resilient -- just start now with good vitamins.  Even if you just go to your local grocery store and pick up a bottle of B complex today ... it will help.  A lack of B1 causes
DTs (delirium tremens) for example.

I feel confident you'll be fine -- my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Christine

Hi Seeker,

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems. From my research dissociates are some of the most dangerous types of hallucinogens to be taking and quite often cause problems for longterm users.

I'm not sure what's best to advise, having never been in your situation. However I would advise you to get proper help and not just hope that one day soon you'll wake up feeling fine and the problems will be over.

If I was in your situation I would post something similar to what you've just told us in Daniel Pinchbeck's Breaking Open the Head forum at http://www.breakingopenthehead.com/cgi- … matebb.cgi

I'm not a participant there, but it's a cool and very friendly discussion forum that I read most days.

Most of the participants there are extremely knowledgable about using various hallucinogenic substances, and sadly the forum has just been hit quite hard by the recent suicide of a regular poster who went under the name of Halfglass. He too was a regular user of a dissociate substance (DXM). You might want to read the 'Halfglass is dead' topic here: http://www.breakingopenthehead.com/cgi- … forum;f=12

I don't say any of this this to scare you or anything, just to emphasise why you really should get help, particularly if you feel like you're heading for a psychotic break.

Anyway I think you'll get some good support there, or at least some good advice on the best thing for you to do right now. As I said, everyone's friendly and the last thing anyone wants is to see someone else doing what Halfglass did.

I hope that helps in some way.

Andy

Hello Seeker,

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I've had some scary times in the past due to mushroom use, but eventually I got over it. I don't know if I've got some good advice like the people above, but for me, the harmonies of the Beach Boys helped me. It made me feel loved and more grounded. The album 'Friends' from 1968 is known for its friendly and relaxing atmosphere and helps to calm down. Of course, musical tastes can differ so much that this music won't work for you. But for me it did, and still does.
What helped me also, is work. It helped (and forced) me to keep my mind focused on something else than my own mind. At that time, I kept myself preoccupied with my study research from 9.00 AM until 6 PM six days a week, and the working atmosphere was nice, with friendly people of the same age around me. What also helps, is to be in the company of good friends, and generally people you feel at ease, secure and safe with.

I sincerely hope that you will find the help you need, Seeker, and that you will heal totally. I think you can, perhaps 'with a little help from your friends'.

Hey seeker, hang in there! And if you feel yourself slipping, please obtain additional help as Ayahuasca suggested. We are with you, stay strong and stay alive.

That's very interesting; I wouldn't pass that off lightly.  If it came to you in the form of a "voice," it makes me wonder if there was more involved in the message than just your subconscious.  It might be a more legitimately "psychic" experience.   I also know from my own similar experiences that there are higher powers which can communicate directly with us; though it happens on their terms and in a time and manner of their choosing.   Hard to tell, but well worth paying attention to!

I feel the need first to offer a disclaimer lest I lose you or any reader that's turned off by what I'm about to say because it might come across as being "religious."  In point of fact, it doesn't matter if you're "religious" or not (I'm not at all).   So I just offer this suggestion to you because it does for me, and I'm NOT religious, nor do I hold any "beliefs" as such whatsoever.  That being said, let me move on and address your specific question.

I can tell you what has worked for me, and I am glad to say that what  works does so ONLY in a positive way.  What I do is extremely simple.    When going to sleep, I take about 2-3 minutes first to pray.  What I do is first to specifically address myself to Prime Creator (aka "God" aka the "self-aware Universe," substitute whatever works for you).  The point is to be clear about who I'm talking to, so that some potentially dangerous E.T. or other entity who happens to hear you, doesn't have any reason interpret the rest of the prayer as "permission" to involve itself in my life in any way and thus cause even further problems.    Incidentally for the whole process I do get on my knees, as a sign of submission of my own ego to that infinite force to whom I am speaking.  I don't have any problem with that, since I'm not submitting to any HUMAN institution or doctrines --not to Islam, Chritianity, or any of those fucks ... only to Infinity itself.

That being done, the first thing I always do is ask to get myself in right standing with Creator... and immediately any little thing I may have done wrong lately will pop into my mind ... maybe from my subconscious, maybe from "out there" ... whatever.  The point being is that simply by putting the idea out there is enough to bring in these details.  So, I'll make a note to take care of these things as soon as possible.  It may be as simple as giving somebody back something I borrowed, or calling someone who I have neglected, etc.   

The point of all this "set-up" process is that if you're just another idiot on the street, acting instinctively, always just doing whatever he wants, filling his belly, full of his own thoughts and desires, and not really giving a damn about truth, the spirit or doing what's right, then suddenly asking favors from the Spirit because NOW all of a sudden you need help may not get you too far.   But by trying to get yourself in right standing -- and MEANING IT, with humility and a true and pure intent in your heart -- well, that sets the stage for you to be in a more appropriate position to ask for help.   

Anyway at this point we're maybe a minute into the process.   Now you're ready to ask for the specific help you need.   Keep it broad enough so that you don't artificially limit yourself to the nature of the relief you seek.  In your case, you'd probably want to avoid asking something like "show me the right medication to fix this problem" but rather simply identify what's wrong with you and ask for a solution to present itself to you as quickly as possible.  Once you do something like that, be ready for it when it shows up ... watch for it.   Two days later you might be getting an oil change and an article will catch your eye in a magazine while you're waiting ... or someone may show up that just happens to have an answer.  Be ready and be careful not to too quickly dismiss anything as being "just a coincidence." 

[Edit]  Oh incidentally ... almost forgot.  I do all this VERBALLY, not just thinking it in my head.   I think this is important.  There's something to the act of SPEAKING which carries great power.   That's why the Bible says something to the effect of "in the beginning was the word, and the word was God."   A "word" is something that you SPEAK.   Those who practice witchcraft cast magical spells by SPEAKING WORDS.   Other spiritual practices, many occult rituals, and so on all use the SPOKEN WORD ... for what I would think is probably the same reason.  Putting words out there in in this physical form to the universe may well have some kind of cosmic repercussions, perhaps  altering the zero-point fields / akashic records underlying our reality.  Anyway the WHY is not important, the point is that it seems to make a difference for whatever the reason.

So there you have my personal method, with credit to my teachers.  Hopefully at least some part of what I've said may be of value to you.   Regardless, I wish you all the strength and courage you need to deal with your present situation.  Hang in there!

edited for clarity and content

Seeker,

I was quite surprised to read your account above. I haven't posted on this forum very much these last few months, primarily because I've been busy working on a web project with Andy (Ayahuasca). But it's also because I've been going through a lengthy phase of internalizing my thoughts and feelings about things, and have had little desire to talk at length with anyone. But what you wrote here caught my attention, because it mirrors an experience of my own to some degree. And although I'd pretty much made up my mind not to talk about that experience anymore, perhaps it might be of some value. I may embarrass Andy somewhat in relating this little true story to you all, but he'll get over it. At least, I think he will. Or I certainly hope he will.

Several weeks ago I did mushrooms for the first time. Now, I've never been any kind of hardcore drug user. I've smoked a bit of weed, done a few pills, but little else. When I took mushrooms I had no real idea of what to expect, which as it turns out was probably just as well. The day that I did them I'd also not been feeling too good physically. I had a bit of a persistant chest infection that had tightened the airways within my nose and throat making breathing difficult, and additionally created a feeling of tightness or pressure in my chest area akin to someone pushing down on it with their hands. Anyway, here goes!

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I'm with Andy at our mutual friend Jonny's house to do some mushrooms, but due to my feeling badly I eventually decide against taking them that day. And so I go home for a few hours, read for a bit, but then come back after I start feeling better again. The three of us each drink about one cup full of a mexican mushroom infusion. After twenty minutes or so I'm not feeling anything, so I finish what little is left of the brew in the kettle. Unfortunately for me I start feeling badly again shortly afterwards. But never mind, I think. Just go with it. You'll be okay.

So I sit down on the couch. The first effects I get from the mushrooms are just the usual pretty lights I'd heard about, and when I close my eyes there are some other very colorful "displays" happening there too. Later on I can see ripples and patterns of light dancing across the ceiling, as though it is made of water and some joker is throwing pebbles up into it. My consciousness feels like it is growing and expanding outwards. Strange thoughts and ideas begin entering into my mind.

Not long after that I get hit hard -- really hard. I feel like my entire body is caught up in a tsunami of energy, with waves crashing over me and into me and through me. I feel like I am going to be ripped to pieces at any moment. And that feeling, combined with the already unpleasant tightness in my chest and throat, is causing quite a lot of pain within my body. I also feel like I can't breathe at all, which is extremely unpleasant and pretty damned scary. At the same time, the energy coursing through my body feels like it is trying to pull my consciousness away somewhere else, and yet I am so concerned with my health that I fight against the flow, making it even more painful. At that point I want to go to the emergency room, but I am certainly in no condition to be out in public. I feel terrible.

I'm also starting to feel hot -- very hot. So I decide that maybe some fresh air will help. I somehow drag myself up off the couch, stumble over to the front door of the house, and open it. Now, it's after midnight, and the sight that usually greets me when I open that door at that time is a dark village street, with terraced houses lined up on either side, dimly lit up by street lamps. However, I'm not seeing that this time. What I'm seeing is something resembling a mist-filled valley during daylight hours. Rather cool, thinks I, proceeding to gaze at it for at least another fifteen minutes in a desperate attempt to distract my attention away from how completely awful I feel.

Eventually, I notice that I'm shivering, and something in my awareness tells me that it's because there's cold night air coming in through the open front doorway. My awareness is immediately dragged back into normal waking reality, and I'm looking out at a dark street. I close the door, drag myself back over to the couch, and slump down into it. I'm still feeling completely awful; I'm still having a panic attack; I'm still in quite a lot of pain; I'm still wanting to go to the emergency room; and I'm still in no fit state to be out in public. So I'm sitting back on the couch, barely managing to keep my awareness focused within the room, and the energy is still pounding throughout my body. I feel like I'm trying to ride a surfboard against the flow of a raging storm current, and I'm losing. Badly. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, and just to one side of it I can feel the vibration of the energy flow reach a peak. After a while longer it gets to be too much, and I give up even trying to keep my awareness focused within the room, accept my fate (whatever that might be), and close my eyes, letting the waves of energy drag me off to wherever and whenever they will.

Shit-fuck-arse-tit! There's some trippy music playing in the room, and it's grabbing for my attention. I try and ignore it, but I can't. The waves of energy pulling at my awareness are getting really very annoyed at my apparent inability to do as I'm told. But the music is playing, holding a part of my awareness within the room and preventing me from letting go completely. I feel like I'm being ripped in two, and it is quite utterly unbearable. So I open my eyes, then my mouth, and ask for the music to be turned off. My request is met with a confused disapproval. They like listening to music whilst tripping on 'shrooms, they say. Okay, I guess I'm not making myself understood. I really would like it turned off, please. I don't have time to explain why right now. Please just turn it off. Please? Nope, that didn't work either. I'm still getting met with a confused disapproval. They really do like their trippy music, and what's my god damned problem? Okay, I don't have time for this bullshit. I'm annoyed, and in pain. Please just turn off that f*cking annoying music right now, god damn you! The music is turned off, and the room becomes very quiet. I feel like the party pooper of the century, but I don't care anymore. I'm letting go.

And the flow takes me. The further along I go, the more I don't remember where in the hell I even started. I reach a certain point, and I know that if I keep going I will simply forget everything. Well, f*ck it all, I think, and I keep on going. It kinda feels like I'm falling asleep. Or maybe it feels like I'm dying. Or perhaps I'm falling asleep whilst dying. And maybe I am. And yet I'm still aware of myself, I just don't know who or what I am anymore. And I don't even care, I don't give a shit, not one little bit. No thought, no fear, no-thing. I'm dying, and I don't care. And then time ... just ...... stops.

(And I simply exist.....................................)

But then here comes that time thing again. Time? Oh, yes ... time. Tick, tock -- I remember! It's time to return. I don't really want to, but the flow is running in reverse now, taking me back to wherever it was that I came from however long ago this all started. But, where was that again? Where was I before I was here? And who was I? Damn it all! It's on the tip of a tongue located in a mouth that I can't even feel at this moment. But I remember ... I remember a life. I remember having some kind of a "body" that I walked around in. Where did I leave it again? Oh yeah, I just follow the flow! The flow is what brought me here, so I guess it'll take me back "home" to my body. Or at least, I hope it will. But what if something happened whilst I was away? What if my body isn't there anymore? What if it died? What if.....? Oh, never mind, here it is -- I'm back at long last! Can I just move a finger? Yes, okay, great -- there we go. And I can remember now. It's all coming back to me. I was in a room, slumped on a couch, and my eyes were shut, and that god awful music was turned off, and all was absolutely silent.

But now I can hear voices. People talking. Someone sat next to me. Who the ...? Oh, it's my ride home. Well, I hope he doesn't mind waiting because I don't think I'll be moving for a little while. The energy is still rushing through me, but damn these are some really f*cking good vibrations! I feel like I'm plugged into the local power grid, but it's really neat, and they aren't trying to carry me off anywhere now. There's those pretty lights again. Green and pink and yellow and white. My body aches, but the pain is mostly gone. I'd better open my mouth and let them all know that I'm okay. It's a struggle, but I manage it. A little later on I reach up with my hand and touch my cheek. It feels like my face is a mask that I'm just wearing. Perhaps I still haven't fully settled back "in" after my little outing. An hour or so later, I finally manage to stand up. I go back home, and fall into bed, and have some pretty vivid dreams.

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So, story over. Since that experience I've still been having vivid dreams quite often. Sometimes a feeling of unreality will just wash over me when I least expect it, and I have to question whether or not "this" is all really happening. I don't feel grounded like I used to anymore, the world itself feels illusory to me oftentimes, but I'm kinda getting used to the fact that I'll never feel quite the same way about it ever again. I never much liked the old world anyway. So perhaps I'm just in the process of finding new ground to stand on, or maybe I just don't need to be grounded at all anymore -- I'm not sure yet. But there's no going back, this much I know, and attempting to do so is a complete waste of time. There is certainly an incredible amount of energy surging into this planet right now, and I know, cos like you I've been plugged directly into it.

But the worst feeling in the world would be to think that you're alone in these experiences, and that you're the only one that feels disconnected from reality, or at least from reality as was. The symptoms of disconnection that you describe are certainly a tad more extreme than mine have been. And whilst I'm not sure of the entire reasons for this, and whilst it is possible that some damage has been done with whatever drugs you have taken, I can tell you one thing that may help: the more you think about feeling disconnected, the more you try and isolate that feeling in an attempt to understand it, the more the feeling itself will consume you. And vice versa, simply doing things in order to try and feel more connected will end up having completely the opposite effect because you are still focusing on the fact that you feel disconnected to begin with. So, try a bit of positive affirmation instead. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that everything is okay, that you're fine, that there's no need to worry, and that you feel okay. This is about the only thing that ever works for me when I start feeling paranoid or unsure. And have some trust. Trust in your higher self, that it knows what's best for you, and what you need to experience at this point in your life. It isn't always easy having that trust, in fact it can be really damned hard, but in times like these you do the best you can.

Jason.

Sorry dude. I'm only trying to convey my subjective experience of it, of how it felt to me at the time that it was happening, and not doing too good a job. All I can remember is the music was on, and my seriously not wanting any of it at all. It really didn't matter what music it was. I'm not trying to convey you as being heartless, and you and Jonny were both enjoying your trip at the time and not really knowing what the hell to do with me, or what I was going though. But I was in the middle of a full-on panic attack, and maybe I just can't get into words how much energy was pouring into me, how much it hurt, how terrified I was, and how much I just wanted absolute silence, and not understanding why the music wasn't being turned off. In hindsight, there wasn't anything that anyone could have done to help me. I know you had my best interests at heart though, dude :-)