Short Takes

>>>Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
>>>>>>values.
>>>>>>Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
>>>>>>Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
>>>>>>intelligence come from?"
>>>>>>The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
>>>>>>cause
>>>>>>I still have mine."
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
>>>>>>Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
>>>>>>"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and

then

>>>>>>I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
>>>>>>like
>>>>>>the looks of your wife at all."
>>>>>>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
>>>>>>good
>>>>>>with the kids."
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
>>>>>>been living with for the last 40 years.
>>>>>>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
>>>>>>that
>>>>>>were used to put the curse on you."
>>>>>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
>>>>>>1. All the DNA is the same.
>>>>>>2. There are no dental records.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
>>>>>>take
>>>>>>to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
>>>>>>The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
>>>>>>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
>>>>>>"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
>>>>>>"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
>>>>>>"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
>>>>>>"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken
>>>>>>casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And
>>>>>>then
>>>>>>you dump the stock.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
>>>>>>Joe: "Really?"
>>>>>>Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is

feeling.

>>>>>>"I'm O. K., but I didn't like the four letter-word the doctor used in
>>>>>>surgery," he answered.
>>>>>>"What did he say," asked the nurse.
>>>>>>"OOPS!," he replied.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
>>>>>>of
>>>>>>bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
>>>>>>had
>>>>>>even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
>>>>>>"What do you think? " I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
>>>>>>"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
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