Confusion

A young man with a fine voice is asked to take part in a pageant play, although he tries to beg off, saying he always gets embarrassed under such circumstances. He is assured it will be very simple, and he will have only one line to say: "I come to snatch a kiss, and dart into the fray. Hark! I hear a pistol shot" - and then stride offstage.

At the performance he comes onstage, embarrassed already by the tight-fitting colonial knee breeches he has been made to put on at the last moment, and becomes completely unstrung at the sight of the beautiful heroine lying back on a garden seat awaiting him in a white gown. He clears his throat and announces, "I come to kiss your snatch -- no! -- snatch a kiss, and fart into the dray -- I mean, dart into the fray! Hark! -- I hear a shistol pot -- no! -- a shostil pit, a pistil shit. Oh, batshit, ratshit, shit on you all! I never wanted to be in this damned play in the first place."