Real life medical tales.

Hi,

Sorry if you've seen these before. Tickled my funny bone at anyrate.

Enjoy,

V

A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells, "My wife's going to have
>her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
>the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
>noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>(Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX)
>============================================================
>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>(Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA)
>============================================================
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
>had died of
>a "massive internal fart."
>(Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada )
>============================================================
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
>I
>placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
>right
>eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
>Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
>couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
>that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
>both his
>eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>(Dr. MatthewT heodropolous, Worcester, MA )
>============================================================
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
>he
>informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
>medications." Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
>on
>a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
>I had
>him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes,
>the
>man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include
>removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
>(Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA)
>============================================================
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have
>you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
>"Why, not for about twenty years- when my husband was alive."
>(Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR)
>============================================================
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
>breakfast
>this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
>seem
>to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
>jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."
>(Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI)
>============================================================
>A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
>purple
>hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
>and
>wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
>patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
>surgery.
>When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
>noticed
>that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
>
>that read, "Keep off the grass."
>Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
>patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."