Experiences conflicting with Ra and Cass material

This all depends on how you define "individuated". To me, ego is inextricably connected with the human experience. It is associated with the process of being a human. It is akin to a layer that is wrapped around our Core Self and often distorts and colors our perceptions during our time here. It also means that we can and do hide our true natures from those people around us. We often put on various masks or alternate personas to make ourselves more socially acceptable. When one makes the "switch" to nonphysical reality, it becomes difficult to hide our true "nature" from any other individuated consciousness. Communication there is largely non verbal, transmitted directly from consciousness to consciousness. We can literally broadcast our thoughts to others, and can also instantaneously pick up on the thoughts of others (although this transmission/reception can be closed off as I understand it.) In this way, it can be seen as a vast sea of interconnected consciousness. The individuation is still there, but it is experienced in a very different way.

Well said morningsun. In my opinion, we need an ego on this density of reality. To seek to "become One" now, in an attempt to "accelerate our evolution" only makes us vulnerable (due to lack of patience, an ego fault) to higher negative forces hunting for confused and aimless souls. I feel "ego loss" is often nothing more than the merging of the ego with the whole, which could be the ultimate form of illusion. I would aim for "ego transcendance" rather than ego loss. All is One, but we need the sword to discern the parts and navigate through this complex reality.

PS: Ra and the C's has said repeatedly that this density is not the one of knowledge, we are here primarily to polarize through our day-by-day actions. So we have all the information we need to make these right choices and there is no need to hurry.

I'm not sure if I have anything of value to add here, but I'll describe my own experiences of ego-loss.

The first time I was about 21, and probably didn't even know what the concept of total ego-loss was at that time, I'd read a bit of Casteneda and that was about it back then. Anyway it was my first ever pyschedelic experience. A friend of mine brought a lot of mushrooms to my house and we didn't really know how many we were supposed to take so we just took the whole lot (young and stupid I know!).

I was surprised how quickly I was tripping (within 10 minutes) and for the first 30 minutes I was having one of the most amazing experiences I'd ever had, but then I started losing myself. I can't really explain the feeling but I started feeling like I wasn't myself and and that I was rapidly losing all connection with reality. I remember trying hard to grasp on to my normal reality and the things that made me who I was. Looking back now, I was saying a lot of really stupid things, I kept pointing at everything in my house and saying "That's mine", like "That TV's mine!" "This Sofa is mine". That probably went on for a few minutes before I was just completely gone.

I've never been able to adequately describe the experience but I usuaully just say to people - try and imagine that you're a baby, that you've just been born into the world, and so you don't have a concept of what anything is - everything's new. Well that was pretty much me for about 4 hours. I wasn't afraid at the time because I didn't have a concept of what fear was. It was as though I was aware of everything, but at the same time I was aware of absolutely nothing.

The fear only kicked in when I finally came back round to my normal self. My friend was like "Man you completely lost your mind for the last four hours, you were completely gone, I thought I was gonna have to commit you to the loony asylum". It made me think "maybe I shouldn't be playing around with psychedelics" and so I didn't for a long time afterwards. I was afraid that maybe next time I would lose my mind permanently.

My second ego-loss, if you can call it that, was a very different experience. This happened the first time I took ayahuasca and this is probably even harder to explain. But basically I kept some level of conscious awareness and still had concepts. I wasn't like a baby having no concept of anything. It's just that I didn't really have a sense of individualness. I (or something experiencing awareness through me) was aware of the fact that I was conscious and able to think, but I felt absolutely no connection with the person I normally am. Perhaps I somehow merged with the awareness of my higherself which might explain why I still had my awareness but couldn't really relate to the day-to-day me that normally inhabits my body. I was aware but I wasn't myself.

After awhile it became very disorientating, and I have a memory of just wanting to be 'me' again. Whatever part of me that was conscious started thinking "I just want my sense of self back, I want this experience to be over, Now"

I get the feeling that egoless is something you need to get used to. Losing your ego,  no matter how desireable, can be a very uncomfortable and disorientating feeling.

I doubt I did a very good job of explaining all that, but I hope it made a little bit of sense. Perhaps someone can explain the sensation a lot better than I can. Or perhaps everybody's experience of egoloss is different.

Andy

Well, the choice would be yours, of course. Would you want to be a reptilian? Perhaps you may already have been one before, and simply do not remember it right now? Anything is possible. But I think you may be getting a more open perspective on life, it just seems like you are having some problems adjusting to it. You mentioned a feeling of apathy? This is quite natural. The problem you may ultimately be facing here is one of clinging to an entrenched human belief system. Everything that you think you are, everything that you have so far experienced, all the values that you have placed as to what is important and what is not--all has been done as a human. The truth that you are grappling with here is a recognition that you are more than just a human having a human experience; that you are in fact pure consciousness merely having a dream of being human. But, don't let that distract you from recognizing the value of the dream, the value of having had human experiences at all. Try and use your experience to let go of any residual guilt, regret, or fear you may have. Let go of any strong attachments to the material world, including your physical body. Let go of any right/wrong, good/evil value judgements. Self does still exist beyond the confines of time-space: the problem is one of realizing just how great, or just how "large" your true self really is.

It is very hard to say what the effects of such psychedelics are. It sounds like the rational left-brain modality is either severly repressed, or indeed thrown out altogether. It is difficult to get any sense of individuated self (at least in the sense we understand it) without that. But consciousness, YOUR consciousness, has many states and is even now active on many levels beyond the one of which this "you" is presently aware. But it is difficult, from the human perspective, to think of ourselves as anything more than that consciousness having this experience of being a human. The true multi-dimensional reality of consciousness is something I'm currently working hard on trying to understand.

Well, then reassure it. Your ego is an inextricable part of your experiences here. It grows as you grow. Its energy is your energy, and it will always be a part of you. Your individuated consciousness, which is seperate from your human ego, is also you. Try thinking about this for a moment: all those past lives that you have had here--you don't currently have any recollection of them, do you? Does that mean that those experiences that you had during those lifetimes are gone? No, it just means that your present level of conciousness is not aware of them. But nothing is ever truly lost.

Neo, those were some wise words. I figure I'll give this a few weeks and things will begin to make sense again. Thanks.