• Registered: 2006-10-24

Topic: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

For a long time I believed in what everyone says is god. I went to a Catholic school; so you know what I was taught. I don't know that I believed what I was being told at the time, I know now that I don't believe it. My problem now is that I don't know what to believe, I don't know what truth is.

After my 5th grade year I changed schools and was eventually homeschooled through high school. During this time my mother exposed my sisters and I to all sorts of things that are considered "alternative" or that you wouldn't discuss with other people. Wicca, goddess things, tarot, runes, reincarnation, etc., etc., just let me say that none of this was forced but more of a, "Hey, here's what this is, form your own opinion." During this time she was still dragging us to some church and praying to some cross, trying to find jesus, and everything else that church people do. At that point, I was conflicted.

I always seemed to believe in "other" things, even if they weren't too far fetched, things like positive thought, turning off the tv, listening to (insert anything, being, or location here) for guidance. Other things that would get me sent to the state mental hospital too, such as aliens, spirit guides, etc.

When I started the job that I have now the conversation came to "spirituatlists" and psychics. The guy I work with most of the time grew up as spiritualists and his dad does readings and all sorts of things on a regular basis. This guy told me that there is no heaven and hell, that we're all just here learning until we go back to the spirit world. We chose to come here, we might have selected a few events to go through in our lives, but we all still have free will. He has given me information on developing mediumship... it looks a lot like astral projection.

Everything that I've been told or read here conflicts with everything I've been told, read here, or researched on my own. I do know that no matter what I do I still feel like my life is missing something. I know that the emptiness cannot be filled with material posessions. No matter what I do I still have this feeling like I should be doing something, going somewhere, like I have a purpose but I don't know what it is. I just fee lost.

I'm not interested in the television or most things that entertain the majority of the population.

I recently started taking classes at a local community college. The more I get involved in school the harder it becomes to quite my mind and focus on things other than what society says I should focus on.

I'm trying to live as if I should just be passing time, as if this is all temporary so I should just find something interesting to do and do it.

I don't know what to do, I feel lost, I feel empty. I feel even worse because my wife works at the state hospital and there is a patient there for thinking and doing the same sort of things.... not believing everything or just having blind faith in what you're told.

How do I break out?

Remember to be different.

2 Reply by Natural Mystic (edited by Natural Mystic 2007-12-29 20:15:11)

  • From: aworld w/out invisible borders
  • Registered: 2005-06-09

Re: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

Well believing anything isn't the best way to go, in my opinion, ideas are where it's at.  N' there isn't really any 'breaking out' or finding salvation outside yourself.  Look within, trust your own inner guidance and intuition.  Seems like you went through an interesting childhood and were exposed to some other worldly ideas.

Seems like you realized what you do not want, and thats a major feat in itself.

"Beyond the stars a new world awaits me now" - Wintersun

Natural Mystic's Website

  • Registered: 2007-07-30

Re: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

Is there anything you can look forward to in your life?  Something you hope for?  Like your children growing up and get married?  Something or someone you can make a difference of or improve on?

A lot of people are in the same boat as you so don't be too discouraged, but you can't fix things over night.

I just have couple suggestions.  One is about truth searching.

I can't tell you things like what the purpose of life is and what is the truth.  You have to find those out yourself.  I know what I believe in and what is true in my mind, but it wouldn't be the same if I tell you.  And if someone tells you things like that, be very skeptical. 

You can try to study a bunch of different things.  But what you should try to obtain is not just knowledge but knowledge with the participation of your being.  This participation involves real life and real people.  Knowledge needs to be reflected and acted it out.  After you act it out, it may change how to view a certain piece of knowledge - accept, reject, or have a perspective on it.  Basically any mental conception is useless unless you can get your consciousness involved somehow.

It's important to obtain a coherence of your view.  Knowledge tend to be fragmented, but as you accumlated more and more knowledge, you will learn to pick up bits and pieces and fit everything together if you are sharp enough in logic, which isn't too difficult.

Challenge all your current beliefs including your common sense.  If they are deeply rooted, at least know where your values and beliefs come from.

At some point in your study, you may need to put your faith in something in order to make progress.  But faith is never absolute and unwavering but always provisional.

You can try finding a hobbie.  One of my hobbie is herbology.  I grow herbs and study how the combination of different herbs can affect human health.  I am interested in herbal healing.  I always have my ears open for different ancient herbal lores.  Another hobbie is Tai Chi.  I never thought a set of body movement can make me feel so good until I tried it.  I also play tons of Chess.  I of course study and meditate a lot.  I know lots of useless and dead ancient languages.

John 10:34

Jesus answered, "Is it not written in your law, 'I said, you are gods'?
  • Registered: 2007-07-06

Re: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

I don't know.  I've been feeling the same way.  I thought it was possibly the approaching solstice with the days getting shorter, and now, with the days getting longer, it is only worse.  I don't think it is for want of a belief, for now I'm OK with idea's.  People with beliefs are the one's running around blowing things up.  This feeling could simply be a nudging for you to expand your scope.  The trouble is, the direction one might go.  In my case it is only about my struggle against reacting to people darkly.  The extent of my actions though, are simply words.  I'm very aware of what a man in his teens or twenties are capable of.  Oh, I'm just blowing smoke, it doesn't matter what age a person is. 

If you listen to one group on this board, they will tell you practically none of us western people have a soul, and the Earth is cordoned off because a bunch of evil doers have entered our planet, and we souless Americans will be open to these evil forces.

Another group will tell you that we are simply approaching ascension of some kind, and this feeling is similar to someone in the process of wakening, and you know how many people are a bit cranky upon rising. 

One of my brothers lives a bit extravagantly and he says that he could die tomorrow, so why not live good while he can.  I'm thinking that he could also live until he is ninety.  It is best to behave as an actor around all the different people you see each day and present to them a personna that gives them a good feeling about you.  What is important is what is going on inside of you, and other people don't necessarily need to know about it.  I'm not talking about here on this forum, I just mean in your daily life.  Whenever you try out loud some of the idea's your processing, those who are listening will only change it into something totally different, as they have their own idea's.  Or, they will take offense at what it is your posit.

"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats." 

I don't think I've ever gave this quote enough contemplation.  Sorry blueknight about all that very questionable wisdom.  I think that I utilize this forum like a chalkboard to do exercises.  Including errors.

Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement.
----------------------------------------------------------
You have to believe in the impossible in order to become.

5 Reply by titmouse_ (edited by titmouse_ 2007-12-30 00:16:58)

  • From: Shores of Lake Titikaka
  • Registered: 2006-05-25

Re: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

Antaeus wrote:

"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats."

This is not a far-fetched idea for many reasons; one of which is in regards to your wife, and the work she does.  Humour is always a way to break through barriers with the people you love. Many of us are way tooo serious.  If we could try once in awhile to test the limits of our being we might just find a more interesting and dynamic aspect to ourselves. This could become a pattern of habit which would not only make our lives more robust, but give our partners something to lift their spirits.  Here is where developing a creative imagination can pay off.   Most women love a man who has a great sense of humour--even more than a guy who looks good.  I'd try creating a fantasy persona for your wife that alows her a laugh or two when she gets home, and a bit more zest to the sex-life.  With practice you may find a persona that gives you enough energy that it becomes a regular connection to a greater source of passion and creativity.  Everybody loves a clown once in awhile, especially if one works at the loonie factory (corporate culture over-achievers included).  You may come off more real than real, as Antaeus suggested.

Making the life of a significant other worth laughing about, makes a life for you worth the effort.

Fun fact: Great Tits are common in Europe

To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth
~~carefulcarpenter

1+1=1
  • From: Mesa Arizona
  • Registered: 2007-12-23

Re: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

i know tell me about it! i don't know what to think either, but maybe we should follow our hearts not what people want us to believe don't you think?

EVERYBODY WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO DIE!
  • From: Montreal
  • Registered: 2006-10-16

Re: I'm lost, conflicting information, conflicting interests, or lack of

First, investigate philosophy until you realize, truly for yourself (not just that he said it before), "I am, therefore, I think". Then reverse it, having realized as much, and say "I am *here*, for, I think", and every second, *choose* to be you, and moreover, create yourself. Become at peace with the Eternal Now, and hence through recapitulation your past, learn to be contented with the present moment, always, no matter the circumstances of the world and your life. First focus more on pursuit of self-realization, and then later focus more on the conspiracy. Because the conspiracy is incredible, and denies you any base to speak of, save your own. It would raise you a sheep, and then like a crack addict to crack, the negs feed on your negative emotions for your whole life. It is much more complex than this, but it is important that you just not take it too seriously for now, so this is a good way to look at it. Basically if you do not know what good is, then do not seek to know evil, for how can you, and moreover, would it not be wise of evil to show you good as evil and evil as good? In realizing the nature of the Divine, you will begin to learn of ignorance and how it affects humans, of ego, and of logic. Follow the logic, and seek to discern why, in such a universe, there is evil in the first place, rather than assuming that there is evil per se rather than simply ignorance, lest ye weave for yourself a tall tale. Learn to seek the Tao. Personally I call It Nothing, and please feel free to e-mail me for correspondence about anything spiritual or occult:

iam.there.foreithink@gmail.com smile

Namaste

nothing is sacred, the deconstructing and letting-be of all things, clarity of sight, the realization of no-thing(s), Nothing

Transcix's Website