Aynuk says to Ayli, What's a monsoon?
Ayli says, that's a bloke who's nearly eighteen.
Ayli goes to his local hardware shop to get some stuff to clean a paintbrush.
He says to the chap behind the counter,
Av yoe got any terps,
The assistant says,
Do yoe want VHS or Beta Max.
Just Imagine if the Beatles had come from Gornal
They would have wrote a song called,
Er luvs yoe Ar, Ar, Ar.
What do you call a China man that lives halfway between Brierley Hill and Stourbridge ?
Answer. Yoe Min Lye.
What do you call a China man with a black eye from Bilston ?
Answer. Hoo it Yoe.
Aynuk and Ayli are sitting on Bondi Beach in Australia when a big sun bronzed Aussie bloke walks past with a surfboard under his arm.
'Weers e gooin wi that plonk?' says Ayli.
'That ay a plonk' says Aynuk 'it's a surfboard.'
'What's it for'? says Ayli.
'Yoe watch' says Aynuk.
The Aussie jumps on his board and paddles himself out into the waves.
Suddenly he catches a huge wave which knocks him straight off the board and washes him up on the beach in a big heap.
'What did yoe say that plonk was called' says Ayli.
'I toed yo it ay a plonk it's a surfboard' says Aynuk
'Well it doe look very serf to me' says Ayli.
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Aynuk and Ayli are flying back from their holidays in Spain when the pilot comes on the Radio to tell the passengers that one of the engines has a problem and they will have to shut it down, this will mean we will be late arriving bac in England.
Aynuk says, I ope the other bugger doe break down we'll be stuck up ere all bloody night.
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Ayli buys some flavoured condoms to try and spice up his love life a bit.
One night in bed his missus says to him "Ooh Ayli, this one tersts like cheese and onion".
"Ode up" says Ayli "I ay put one on yet."
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Aynuk and Ayli stop to look at the stars swaying, on their way home after a night out.
"It meks yer yed reel when yow think about infinity" says Aynuk. "Fer instance, what's the highest number in the universe?"
Ayli's brows furrow with the magnitude of the question.
"Er, that'd be a trillion or summat, wouldn't it?" he replies at last.
"Ah-ha!" says Aynuk triumphantly "but worrabaht a trillion and one?"
"Ar, fair play ter yer" concedes Ayli "but I wor far off, was I?"
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Aynuk,Ayli and their mate Marlene were witnesses to a robbery in Sedgley, so they were asked to go up to the police station to identify the suspect. The CID Sergeant said he would show them on the computer a photograph of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description.
After showing the photo to Marlene, he blanked the screen, then asked her how she would recognise the suspect. '' That's easy,'' she replied. ''He's only got one eye.''
The Officer was stunned. ''He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!''
He then repeated the procedure for Aynuk and again asked how he would recognise him.
''Yow con see it a mile off mate, he's only got one earole, aye he''
''What is the matter with you people?!? I've told you once it is a profile shot! You are seeing him from a side view!''
The Sergeant then finally came to our Ayli again repeating the procedure, and said, ''How would you recognise the suspect? Now think about it before you give me a stupid answer, like those pair''
After viewing the photo, Ayli thought for a minute, then said, ''The blokes wearing contact lenses.''
This took the Sergeant by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contact lenses or not. He checked the database and looked at the report on the suspect. Sure enough, when the photograph was taken, the suspect was wearing contact lenses!
He went back to Ayli and asked, ''How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else saw that!''
''Well,'' said Ayli,
"Yes" said the Sergeant in anticipation''
Well, he cor wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, con he?''
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Roberts Street School, Gornal, pre computer and calculator times.Miss Jarvis is teaching Decimals.
One of the pupils cannot quite grasp how to complete the sum correctly. She tells him, Look it is quite simple, all you do is move the decimal point one place to the left. After a slight pause, he starts to cry and she says, For goodness sake what is the matter with you.
He replies, Please miss I cor move it one place to the left.
She says, Why can't you.
He blouts out, It woe move cus its stuck on the paper.!
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Aynuk was being interviewed for a job as a general dogsbody.
The boss asked "I 'ope yer con mek the tay"
"Ar" said Aynuk. "I can brew a good cuppa".
"An' con yer drive a fork-lift truck?"
"Ay? 'ow big's the taypot!?"
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Aynuk and Ayli are in the chemists:
"Ar'd steer clear of that bum deodorant if ah wuz yow Ayli, it day 'arf cum sharp".
"Tharray bum deodorant Aynuk, it's normal stick deodorant fer under yer arms".
"Well ah guh ter the foot of our stairs. I onny follered the instructions day I? It sez on the side 'PUSH UP BOTTOM' "
The more I read, I started laughing out loud. Pork scratchings. Sounds like they might be making fun of chavs or something?
