Hello. I'm new to this place, and this topic piqued my curiosity, since I have some experiences with it.
My sleep paralysis began when I was around 20 or so, and was triggered by smoking marijuana, more than likely laced with something else. Occasionally, I used to smoke pot to get out of a rut or something; always for that purpose, never recreational. Anyway, my brothers and I all had a bad trip that night because of that certain batch of the stuff. One became really sad, the other really frightened. My own experience was scary for me. I felt that my hand wanted to hit someone. Scared the crap out of me. I remember trying to run off (we were in the desert at the time), thinking, "It's going to happen, it's finally going to happen." God knows what that meant. I don't.
For some time after that, actually, maybe a month or so, I would get that impulse of violence, I suppose you'd call it, whenever I was near someone. The sleep paralysis also started to occur. I'd wake up, paralyzed, with the feeling that something was coming down the hall. I remember thinking all of this was some evil, demonic thing. I remember silently begging to be taken to a church, calling out to God. Or, at least, trying. During the paralysis, I couldn't say a thing.
It all culminated one night, when I finally faced it and thought, "I accept it. I'll just let this evil pass through me. It is a part of me, and I won't fight it." If that was the right thing to do, I don't know, but it made it stop. At least, from being so overwhelming. It stopped for quite awhile, at least. I thought, in the end, that this was all it was, this bad side in me.
To this day, however, I have anxiety, in small doses. If I was any more unaware, they would probably turn into panic attacks. It's been a constant battle, a tiring battle, to slowly learn not to worry, that I am in control when it comes down to it. Most of the attacks, you see, are really only this anxiety of an impulse, say, of throwing up, fainting, screaming out, whatever. Just this impulse. The fear of that, of losing control, which is probably what it is more than anything else, makes it a whole lot worse. As it is, I don't like the anxiety, but at the same time, I appreciate it because it means I'm tapping into some depth. I don't know.
These days, I can tell when I'm going to have sleep paralysis. It's this faint feeling of dread. It's like knowing that I'm not going to totally fall asleep, and be trapped in this nether-world between sleeping and waking. I avoid it at all costs, waking myself up every ten minutes or so just so I don't totally fall asleep and wake up paralyzed. It also means bad dreams. Recently, I went through a night of this, and just turned on the television. Light helps, psychologically, I figure. Sometimes I wait for the dawn, knowing that the light will stop it.
Also, before I forget, I remember one time, being in that semi-awake stage, of hearing something using my restroom, taking a leak. I thought, "how vulgar." That particular night was one of those "attack nights". I had also felt being lifted off my bed, about a foot or so, and looked up, seeing this dark haired girl above me. I don't think that she's a bad spirit. I've seen the girl before, to my reckoning, before my daughter was born. I think perhaps she's a guardian or something. But what do I know?
These days, I have more bad dreams than ever. In fact, I don't ever remember having a bad dream when I was younger. Accompanying this, however, in any dream, is the knowledge that I can fly. It doesn't matter the dream, I just know I can fly. It can be a normal dream, until I remember that I can fly. It's just a given in my dream state. "Oh, yeah, I can fly," and I fly. It's not those stumbling around flying dreams, it's pure control. So, I'm happy about that.
So, what else can I remember? Street lamps go off when I come near, too, on occasion. I figured it was just something normal that lights do, but it is odd that it happens as soon as I'm coming near. Of course, that could just be filtering on my part. I also remember being half-asleep one day, in that region of uncomfortable half state, and seeing my brothers come into the room. One, this pot-head, wild, long-haired guy, came into the room sporting antlers! I figure it's a part of his nature, this animal spirit thingy. Also, this one time, my friend and I were walking (I used to go for walks ALL the time), at night, when we both heard, in our right ear, this "beam". You could feel the depression of it in the ear, this quick, solid "beeep".
Well, that's about all I can remember. There's a whole lot o' things that I've experienced, nothing too out there. Just wanted to pipe in with this sleep paralysis thing.
* When we start identifying wisdom with our ability to comprehend its form, what wisdom is that?
* Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
* People want platitudes, not progress.
" -the likelyhood of "dreamtime journey" is pretty high (no pun intended).
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