Topic: Good & bad vibrations/white magic/I need some help and advice please
I'm posting this hopefully people won't be shit to me cause what I need is serious advice, not sarcasm and mockery... Anyway:
to cut the long story short, during the last past years, on several occasions, I had premonitions.
To be more precise: I had visions, premonitory dreams, heard voices, announcing the death of someone I loved. It was followed by a succession of irrational and scaring thoughts, a very violent anxiety and a very oppressive feeling.
I wish I could say it didn't, but it always borned out, a few days later at the most.
Recently I've been feeling disproportionately anxious, with no obvious reason, about someone of my family everytime they had to take the car. And it's just getting worst and worst everytime they have to.
I had to beg them 3 times not to take the car during the last past months because I had been seeing and hearing things in my head exactly like I did in the past, just before loosing people I loved.
Fortunately, this person knows about my premonitions and believes in it I think almost as much as I do. They told me that my great-grandma could "feel things" as well, even though we don't know much about it. So everytime it happened they accepted to change their plans and avoided to take the car, even though the whole thing sounded weird, I think.
Last time it happened was just a few days ago and the problem is: everytime it happened, as soon as they were like "It's ok, relax, I believe you. If it's that bad, then I won't go.", I felt better. Still very shaken, of course, but relieved.
But this time, I don't. I still feel some danger floating around.
I have to expain that we've been having loads of problems since the end of 2005. Small, annoying problems at first, then bigger, harrowing ones. Then at the end of 2006 they lost some dear friend I didn't know much, who lived abroad. And at the begginning of this year, we lost unexpectedly someone we loved.
I don't know how to explain this differently, but I have the feeling that there is a whole heap of bad, destructive energies, like a big black cloud above us and it's been turning around us for months now, moving away from time to time to come back just bigger and worst afterwards, but it's been doing smaller and smaller circles above us month after month and it's now staying right above us and ready to engulf us.
And I just feel like an antenna, picking it all up in spite of myself.
I'm an atheist, else I would certainly pray much lately.
I've been in a Catholic school when I was a child and some people of my family are Catholic too. I wich I could do what we used to when I was younger: go to the church, cross myself with some holy water and light a candle.
But I don't think I belong to churches since I can't really believe there is someone that we cannot see who created the world and can decide on everything.
On the other hand, I can definitely feel good and bad flows of energy around me. I don't know how it's called, but I believe in it.
So correct me if I'm wrong, cause actually I know almost nothing about it, but I came to the conclusion that my own beliefs seem to be closer to primitive societies beliefs, who were not necessarily trying to name good and bad energies.
And as far as I know, the only thing you can find left of these primitive beliefs is white magic, isn't it? It consists of using things such as minerals and vegetals to perform ancestral rituals in order to thanks or to call the good vibrations, that are supposed to help you to fight the bad ones, doesn't it?
Am I right to think that it can be considered as some kind of "religion" I could belong to?
And if not, then what do I belong to?
I feel things that are beyond me. Is it possible to try to communicate with these "energies", just as believers do when they pray?
I've been looking around for some site or some book about it, but what I found until now were rather things like:
Click on the link so you can read about
The ritual that can make you loose weight
The ritual that can make anyone fall in love you
The ritual that can make you become rich and famous
Obviously it's not what I'm looking for.
So I'm posting this hopefully there are some people around here that could help me read and learn more about it.
And to people that don't believe in premonitions: of course you can suppose that it's just a coincidence, but let's just say that these "coincidences" have really been too disturbing, too recurring and what happened next way too definitive for me just not to care.