• Registered: 2004-10-15

Topic: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

I have dodged around this subject on and off during the entire time I have been registered at NR, and made a number of posts about it in emotional angst.  But now I think I am starting to come at it from a different direction as I no longer feel drained or controlled by the situations.  That said I still think about it – and occasionally find myself getting a little annoyed.

How do you guys deal with naive and / or ignorant opinions of your friends and family?  For example, maybe they don't understand you.  Or perhaps they are totally 100% focused on the physical world that is represented by the media etc, and find your attitudes and actions hockey and nonsensical.  At the end of the day – those of us on NR are different to much of the rest of the population, and often that includes those close to us.

Such relationships can end up strained or even broken - sometimes it's just better all round to walk away.  I used to spend so much time worrying about this subject; trying to justify myself to people.  But of late I find that I really don't care, and that those people can think whatever they want to think.  More than once when things have gotten a bit off around family, I have simply upped and gone home.

However sometimes it is a strain in certain situations because the differences between world-views cause conflict.  Nowadays I am of the opinion that it is impossible for someone who is open minded and aware to easily integrate with someone who is closed minded and asleep.  So I have learnt how to avoid the situations.

One thing I still find myself confronted with again and again though - is the situation where for whatever reason I feel I need to explain myself to people, be it at work, with family or with friends.  I guess it is the confused or unsure looks they give me; it makes me feel like I have been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.  And other times it is that I am doing something so clearly opposite to normal conventions that people literally stop me in my tracks and explain the situation to me like I am a little kid! “Why are you doing that!?  Don’t you realise that it is supposed to be done like this!?"  big_smile  So clearly there is something still there for me to learn.

So that all pretty much got me wondering how you guys deal with these situations.  Do you find it easy?  Have you a method that always works?  Maybe you simply never explain yourself to anyone ever.  Or perhaps it is really difficult for you?

All thoughts on this really welcome!

Thought Manifestation

Marcus's Website

  • From: Peru
  • Registered: 2004-08-06

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Marcus wrote:

But of late I find that I really don't care, and that those people can think whatever they want to think.

Bingo! Life becomes A LOT easier when you stop caring about what other people think. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell them anything.

I must admit that I do still like to try and 'plant seeds' in people minds. I still like to try and explain metaphysical concepts and ideas to the sheeple, and I think I've gotten pretty good at explaining basic ideas in a way they can understand, even if they don't agree with me (although I'm surprised at how often people have said to me 'yeah that makes sense actually!').

The most important thing is not to preach and not to get emotional about it. I've generally stopped caring about peoples reactions to what I tell them and I honestly don't care if they think I'm a complete weirdo! I'm not going to argue with them about it or waste my time and energy trying to change their mind.

People will always think what they want to think, and the only worthwhile thing you can ever do is 'plant seeds'.

Join me in Peru to celebrate December 21st 2012 - Visit: http://2012awakeningretreat.com/

Ayahuasca's Website

  • Registered: 2005-06-26

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

First: It's really difficult for me too. Second: I have yet to discover a consistent method of handling it. Sometimes I walk away, sometimes I make an attempt to express myself clearly (but I often see the glaze over in the eyes and have to stop), sometimes I just sit back and let them talk. The thing is, I love my family very much. All of the members, regardless of what they think about anything. Many have great heart even if it is misplaced or misguided.

So I have no interest in arguing with them, debating issues, or even attempting to wake them up if it's not what they want. But that's part of what's tough, too. Sometimes it seems like they're asking for a new perspective or an answer to a conundrum they can't handle well about the world, politics, religion, etc. But as soon as I offer anything in response, it seems as though I missed their point. They weren't asking for help, they just wanted to complain.

So I don't know either. I don't see them very often, though, so it isn't a constant problem. But that almost makes it worse when I do see them, because it places a lot of importance on those conversations for that day or few days. And still... I stumble and wonder if it will ever get better.

And the thing is... I'm wanting it to get better for me. They're fine as they are! It's me who has so much difficulty straddling two worlds, so to speak. And not really just with family, of course, but with so much of the "regular world" around me.

I had a run-in with my neighbor just last night, in fact, after living here a year and never talking to them before. Interesting timing with your post, actually. I went over rather aggravated with their tied up dog barking its head off for hours, and ended up talking for an hour with them about their lives. The way they live. They LOVE that dog, btw, and though I think their treatment of her is abyssmal, they think the dog has it reeeal good.  And it's obvious the dog is bonded with them and quite happy, actually, though it's tether is about a foot long.

So I did a lot of listening... and I get it. I see what they value, what their convictions are, how the world fits for them just as it is, and I really like them, frankly. But I can't live with them and living next to them is really hard on me. And when we come up against each other like last night, I'm the one who walks away feeling like I just shouldered the universe.

I'm not so into forcing anything upon another, frankly, so I don't know if I'll ever get comfortable explaining myself to others unless they clearly ask. I think I'm keenly aware of how threatening my awareness can be to others who are comfortable with their perspective on life (from family experiences in the past), and right or wrong I've come to simply seek to understand the other person as much as possible, and love them as they are... rather than try to get them to accept me. If that makes sense.

But I end up spending a lot more time alone as a result. It's exhausting and not all that "kind" to me to put myself in that position a lot, it seems. Taxing in many ways.

Thanks for the post Marcus.
Sowelu

"The most important decision you have to make is whether you live in a hostile or friendly universe."
~ Albert Einstein

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust

The evolution of humanity is an evolution of the heart. The path is through the heart.
  • Registered: 2006-08-21

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

It is frustrating when you are talking about something that seems very simple to you but they don't get it. So when you do start questioning what you've been taught and than do the research to see what else is out there you seperate yourself from the rest of the world. Because they don't do that! They wait for someone to tell them what to think and what to do. It's much easier that way I guess to be well an infant. Growing up isn't fun that's probably why so few attempt it. You finally become aware that there can be no comfort or companionship that will ever equal your own. No one is ever going to totally get you. If you try to get people to like you than you will be conforming to them. Because people don't like what isn't what is them or what they think they should be. I've learned that my opinions only have value to me and perhaps other people who have 'woken up' and are starting to look around again and find things are not as they thought. You probably are only going to find others like you on the net and that's not really a friend that's just another voice in the abyss calling out to someone to hear them. So we begin again by going back within ourselves as opposed to looking outside for the agreement. Some can't take it and revert back some keep on going into the infinite.

hmm

  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

I can relate.  I'm fortunate in the way that most people in my life are accustomed to my being eccentric.  I've been different for so long that they just expect me to have unusual ideas.  However, I still chafe at the differences between us. 

I usually sit handle it like Sowelu-- do a lot of listening, only put points in that fit their frame of reference and values.  But most often, I just distance myself from people.  I guess that's a copout, but it keeps me sane. Well, as sane as I ever was. wink

6 Reply by treehugger (edited by treehugger 2007-01-15 08:43:06)

  • Registered: 2006-02-06

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Oh, I can totally relate.  It took me a looong time to realize that I cant get people to think like I do. Its very difficult when its family and close friends. But Ive learned that I have a gazillion other things that I can relate to with them (and finding humour in it all helps greatly!). I cant just going around avoiding everybody that doesnt see or understand things in the way I do, Im too much of a people person. I find it very frustrating at times, but I try to refer back to Don Juan in the Cataneada books about losing one's "self-importance". Its not an easy thing to do, but in those moments when you can let go of your self -importance, you realize it doesnt matter a hill of beans what anyone thinks of you.   I know......easier said than done.  Sometimes there are relationships you do have to let go by the wayside because its too frustrating or they just bring too much negativity into your life, that just becomes to draining of your energy.  I have absolutely NO ONE in my life that I can talk with about these things discussed on NR. If a subject gets brought up, Ill throw my two cents worth in and usually family and friends roll their eyes at me.  But I figure maybe I gave them some food for thought. Who knows? What else can I do? These are people I love and cherish, some are just nice neighbors, etc. I cant totally disregard them.  Im no better than they, I just look at the world in a different way. I just feel life shouldnt be avoided, you miss learning so much. Mix it up, you never know what you might learn from somebody, even if they think your different! smile

In man's analysis and understanding of himself, it is as well to know from whence he came as whither he is going.   Edgar Cayce

Beliefs are tools for social conditioning, rather than expressions of inner realization or inner truth.   unknown
Ad Verecundiam
  • Registered: 2006-12-02

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Hi Marcus,

This is a very good topic. One that I've been thinking about for a long time.

I find it VERY hard to live in two worlds. I am married to someone who is either very asleep or unable to awaken. His mentality does not match mine at all. I stay because we have a son together, and aside from me being totally different in mind, our marriage is a decent one. He doesn't hit, we don't argue; we just don't do anything. He is a good father, but I cannot mesh with him. So I'm stuck there. I love him...but more as a brother than a husband.

I have worked from home for over 5 years, so my social life is nil. So I really don't have anyone to 'seed' with information.  When I go to my mom's for family gatherings, or to just visit, I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. She doesn't understand any of this. She just thinks I've gone over the edge. Which I have, but that doesn't mean I'm crazy. Right??? wink 

I can't hold normal conversations anymore. I have absolutely no interest in talking about everyday mundane crap. But the few people who are in my life have no idea what I'm trying to say to them.  So I end up looking like a fool. It seems like no one wants to unbury their head from the sand.

I even tried with my mom the other day; explaining a few things and telling her that there's no way I can go back to sleep. Her response was weird. Like a resigned "okay, whatever", like she WANTS me to stick my head back in the ground. yikes

I have a very hard time functioning in today's society. I can't stand to go to stores anymore, because most people are there as materialistic drones. I go only because I have to; I don't buy a bunch of extraneous shit like everyone else around me and I don't make small talk. I don't talk about sports or tv or anything that most others find relevant.

The very few friends I have are leftovers from when I actually socialized. One has been a 'friend' for most of my life. I tried to end the friendship a year ago when I realized that I was becoming someone very different than her (even before I really woke up). I now realize that she must be an OP of some sort. I talk to her occasionally now, but again: the brick-wall syndrome. Then I have another couple who I hang out with when I can, but they just had a baby and have no time for all-things-esoteric. They are the only ones I can talk to, and they're busy!  Go figure! 

I do have a group of sheeple that I have previously hung out with. I thought that they would be open to conversation. We normally get together for bonfires or gatherings when there is an occasion. I missed the one on Halloween, because I was in Arizona trying to get some answers. Most of my thinking has changed dramatically since then. So the next time was at NY eve. Everyone was just as they always were, but I am very different now. I tried to bring up some heavy conversation to get them to think, but alas, I now believe that 90% of that 'group' is not able to wake up. Or they are just very much asleep...who knows. It was a very screwed up evening.  All I know is that I am completely, utterly alone now.... Until that night, I didn't realize how alone I am. Now I know, and know I'm sad. I have no one to converse with, no connection.

I truly just want to crawl into a hole sometimes...

Thanks for listening to my rant...

Debbie

  • Registered: 2006-02-06

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Seeking The Truth....
I am pretty much in the same  physical situation as you.  But you arent alone. A lot of us here at NR feel the same way, or have in the past.   It will get better. smile

In man's analysis and understanding of himself, it is as well to know from whence he came as whither he is going.   Edgar Cayce

Beliefs are tools for social conditioning, rather than expressions of inner realization or inner truth.   unknown
Ad Verecundiam
  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Hey, Seeking, I've worked from home for 5 years too!  It works for me because I'm not much of a socializer, and it sounds the same for you.

I've also had a friend for 10 years now who seemed asleep, but I've seen signs of waking in him lately.  As soon as I saw his eyes open sleepily, I gave him John Lash's book, "Not in His Image," and he devoured it like  a starving person.  He says everything makes sense to him now, and it's so exciting to see.  Just goes to show, you never know what will help a person wake up.  It's very individual, but once they open their eyes there's no turning back.

10 Reply by LipstickMystic

  • LipstickMystic
  • Guest

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Big hugs to everybody in this group -- smile

Over the years the way things have evolved for me is that while I'm open and will discuss things to a certain extent with people who find me through my website, in the "real" world I am only open about the "real stuff" with my honey, who's (thank goodness) on the same page as me. 

As for my parents, who are my only close family -- I love them dearly, and I will do everything in  my power to look after them in the coming years and give them the loving care they gave ME while I was growing up -- but I can only seem to talk to them about "real" stuff about once a year or so. They have these very limited periods when they can hold energy about "higher' concepts.  Otherwise, I talk about what I'm doing with my work in an offhand way and am by no means secret, but there isn't much understanding of my views.  And I've learned to be fine with that. I enjoy talking with them about other issues and don't really need them to mirror back to me that it's okay for me to be on this wacky path - I'm okay with it, that's all that matters!

People in the 'outside' normal daily world have such extreme reactions around highly-charged words like:

*God
*love
*spirit and spirituality
*metaphysics
*alternative journalism
*holistic health
*UFO/Et/ghost stuff
*psychic development
*astrology

So then you take somebody like me, who made her living for ten years as a psychic and is also an astrology writer, who also worked for many years as a ghostbuster and actress, and well, basically, I have to just shut up about my whole life in order to get any peace around "normal" folks!

So I'm just a web geek and Internet marketer to them, or I'll tell them I'm a syndicated writer sometimes, but even that opens a can of worms because once I let that cat out of the bag I like to be truthful and tell them my main writing is astrology columns.

And then the heads start to spin.

I honestly don't understand why this stuff blows people's brains.  I mean, what is UP with that?

If I meet someone who works in a field I don't understand like php programming or applied plasma physics or whatever, do I react in the following way:  "They frighten me!  Must rage! Must criticize! Must stop them!" 

And yet that's what people do when you mention any of these "trigger" words associated with alternative views. SO INSANE.

I think it's all mind control going on within them -- deep-seated reactions that arise in people automatically, almost like a full nervous system BARF, when you accidentally trigger their conditioned responses.

And I don't like to bring that up in people, so I'm usually quiet as a mouse in my day to day life.  Don't much like to be vomited on - can't think why! smile

I like having the option to be visible or visible in situations as I see fit.  That's the only way things work for me.  There are a lot of people I'm casually social with who never see the "real" stuff that I am and do, and it makes me chuckle to imagine what they think of me, because I don't think they could handle the truth.

A lot of my hermetic lifestyle is based on self-protection and will continue to be.  They still burn witches, you know, in one form or another -- with "witch" being basically anything or anyone who is different from the herd.  And I'm extremely protective of people in my physical neighborhood not knowing much about me.  No need to attracted unwanted attention. I've seen it escalate into really bad stuff with Wiccan friends I've known over the years, word gets out that they use herbs for healing or whatever and suddenly their kids are being beaten up at school, their house is being set on fire, and local government starts snooping around issuing fines for weird stuff like having a fence that is two inches too close to road.  Persecution is real. It's not worth endangering your home and your own well-being by being overly open to people who can "access" you, I've found. 

Wish it didn't have to be that way, but we're not living in a utopia just yet.

LipstickMystic aka Jennifer

11 Reply by Lono (edited by Lono 2007-01-15 12:47:42)

  • Lono
  • Lono
  • Walker of worlds
  • Offline
  • From: Oklahoma, USA
  • Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Good point about the witch burning, Jennifer.   For as long as I remember, I've had a feeling of being "undercover," although I'm not sure what that means.  Perhaps I was burned at the stake at some point in my soul's journey or something, because I resonate with that on some level.

For whatever reason, I keep a low profile, and have learned not to open my mouth unless there's a genuine opening for me to do so.  For one thing, it's not my place to open someone's eyes unless they're ready.  Kind of like the eyes of a kitten-- you let them open on their own, otherwise it can mess them up permanently if you force it.

12 Reply by LipstickMystic

  • LipstickMystic
  • Guest

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Lono wrote:

Good point about the witch burning, Jennifer.   For as long as I remember, I've had a feeling of being "undercover," although I'm not sure what that means.  Perhaps I was burned at the stake at some point in my soul's journey or something, because I resonate with that on some level.

You and me both!  Actually a shamanic healer worked with me some time back to help me integrate persecution themes stemming from three lifetimes: one as a female Gnostic Christian who knew the real Jesus and fought to maintain the woman-friendly ideas that he espoused, before the hierarchy hijacked that spiritual path; one as a settler woman in early America who was about to be killed because she practiced herbal medicine, only she and her hubby (my current honey) fled to live with the Iroquois (happily;) and one as a woman during the Middle Ages who was a healer and midwife type - she was the one literally burned at the stake.

Whenever I'm on the verge of "fame" or going more public (with books and whatnot,) the burned self screams out for caution because she does NOT forget the madness and violence of crowds.

Lono wrote:

For whatever reason, I keep a low profile, and have learned not to open my mouth unless there's a genuine opening for me to do so.  For one thing, it's not my place to open someone's eyes unless they're ready.  Kind of like the eyes of a kitten-- you let them open on their own, otherwise it can mess them up permanently if you force it.

http://www.lipstickmystic.com/images/kittenscropped250.jpg

You're right - kittens (and people, too,) need to mature on their own!  My two kittens are huge now, but back when they were little, I had to let them develop their own way.  smile

LipstickMystic aka Jennifer

  • Registered: 2005-12-27

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

I have found that not caring what others think doesn't really help me.  For one, it would not be true that I don't care what other people think.  I am realizing we are all on a journey, and some people are not as far along as others.  Some people are in the third grade and don't want to graduate, or aren't ready to and I am trying to say "Look here idiot, hurry up and learn this stuff".  I think it is up to us to find knowledge and share it, and for those who are ready and willing, to find it and use it.  I wouldn't support putting a child into school before they were ready, and I likewise don't think I should force people to learn when they are content where they are. 

As soon as you get preachy thinking you are right, others are wrong, and your gonna make them learn, you are like every other missionary and religion, science or belief system that has tried to force itself on the peoples of this world.  Anyone who doesn't agree with me here is dead wrong!  Just kidding  smile.  Seriously though, I don't think as humans we have the capability of grasping the total truths of the universe, and I will hopefully never believe I know everything, and as long as that is true I have no right telling other people they are wrong.

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost
  • Registered: 2005-12-27

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Hmm. I just got done reading all the replies and I realized I didn't completely cover the topic. 

I was recently in a state where I was battling bouts of depression on a pretty regular basis due mainly to the loneliness I felt as being the only physical person I knew who shares the common viewpoints here.  A couple things have brought comfort to me recently.  I began to question what positive benefit depression was bringing me in the first place.  Severe depression ultimately will lead you to only one path, suicide.  If you do any serious reading of Near Death Experience's and After Death Communications with suicide victims you realize that not only is suicide not an out, but you are in the same situation you were in when you were living, but now you can't do anything to improve it, you're dead.  So scrap that idea.  Depression serves no positive purpose, so as I believe there is no reason I don't deserve a positive life, I reject depression and self destructive negative thinking that creates it. 

I am finding different ways to look at things as well.  For instance I see myself as a soul, who has come to visit a culture that has many beliefs and superstitions, in the form of values, religions, education, media and the general culture.  Just as it was not the right of the Spanish Conquistadors to impose the "True" religion of Christianity on the indigenous cultures of South America, it is not my right to tell the people stuck in this western culture they are wrong about everything.   Even if you see everything in the mainstream Western culture as "superstitions" there still is value in understanding it, to be able to interact in this society.  While I don't advocate a reversion to ignorance and immersion into this decadent society, I do now see the value in understanding it.  It is highly likely that eons ago your soul was once as ignorant as those who you now call sheeple.  So understand their predicament, respect their situation, and move on to those who you can help, and do what you need to do to be happy.  You would not have come here with the intent of suffering, so if you are suffering are you moving along the right path?

To those that say they are alone, you are not.  I believe this belief that we need physical friends that share our beliefs systems or we shouldn't be happy is some form of mind programming that is somehow done to us.  We do have this forum to interact with others of like mind and for that we should be grateful for it, others in the past would have had to deal with these concepts on their own.

Personally I get very little social interaction with people because it does nothing for my being to participate in the mindless social exchanges that make up most peoples social lives.  However every once in a while it does my state of being good to kick back relax and enjoy some old fashioned mindless human entertainment, whether it be going to the bar or watching a football game.  Matter of fact I met to very open minded people with which I had incredibly stimulating conversations with on two different occasion when I was just sitting back relaxing and keeping my mind open to the situations and peoples around me.   I have said in the past that hopefully one day I will be able to meet some of you and others like us in person.  Until that time I wish you luck in coming to grips with these issues as I work with them myself.

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost
  • From: A place forgotten
  • Registered: 2006-05-15

Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?

Yeah most of the time I just take a back seat...I'll say something, but if the person doesn't listen, I'm not going to force them to think. People have to think on their own. For instance, my friend described himself in an MSN profile as being Buddhist but also apathetic. I told him, "Yo man, I know for a fact that Buddhism is about compassion. Apathy just doesn't work with it." He defended himself briefly, saying that he's only concerned with his own development, and I let that slide. I could've said that it's a good start, but one should also seek to aim above oneself and  to help others as well as part of your own development.
The other night...my friend came up with a convincing argument for why learning metaphysical teachings isn't the most important thing we could be doing at this point. He said that there's so many things wrong with this world, that we should be devoting ourselves to finding solutions, rather than creating spiritual diversions for us to feel comfortable. I said "Well, it's important for us to be finding and following through with solutions, but knowing who you are is a prerequisite before you can truly help the world and others."
It's all about finding a way around their argument. Not to confront them, but to offer another way of looking at their beliefs differently without preaching to them. It takes a bit of skill, and unfortunely, it's hard to not come off as preachy...but as they say,  practice don't preach. Live as an example of the higher forces that guide us.

"Don't eat any wooden nickels."

Magical_Mongoose's Website