To Die with Darkness

Background:

Where I used to live in Florida, there was a newcomer on the block who moved in about 2 years ago.  He was 30 years old or so.  One day while walking my dog, he came storming out of his house, yelling and swearing at me, telling me I had a stupid dumb dog, berating me for letting her pee on the lawns (there were no sidewalks) and even though I always picked up after her and pointed that out to him... he kept yelling and coming closer and closer to me, in a very threatening fashion.  It was scary.  Finally, I said ... "come a foot closer or touch me and I’ll have you back in the joint in a hot minute".

He stopped dead in his tracks and said “Do you know me?“?  No, I didn’t but those words just came out and they impinged.

Preston was a constant thorn in the side of all the neighbors.  Often loud, always rude, often in fights with other neighbors. The police were called in a number of times.  I kept a very very wide berth from Preston and encouraged my few friends on the block to do the same.

Last night, my girlfriend who lived down the street from Preston and across the street from me, called.  She told me that Preston had been killed.  He had shouted off his mouth in a bar, the person left, came back with a gun and shot him ... dead.

Suzanne was somewhat “elated“? as it proved what we had been saying...what goes around comes around.  I felt terribly sad.

This morning it hit me why I felt so sad for someone I clearly did not like ... and didn't know.  Yet,  I felt a deep sorrow for him.

Preston in his death has changed my life.  I understand now for the FIRST time, that God/god force/energy doesn’t punish ... God is.  We punish ourselves, our egos punish.   But the journey TO God is not a given ... and with enough/too much darkness in a life,  I believe that journey is probably impossible. 

I felt compassion for Preston,  with a depth I’ve never felt before ... because somehow I felt his utter pain at the waste of his loveless life and how he squandered it.

The following is an emaiil I wrote this morning to my friend, Suzanne.

“Preston's death has effected me profoundly.  As you remember from last night's conversation I was shocked.

I was saddened.  Not because he was a nice man, not because no one deserves to be murdered but because no one will mourn him.  Perhaps not even his mother.

He is a soul without anyone praying for him.

Your spiritual teacher from Hawaii has asked that everyone on her board, pray for the souls who lost their lives during the tsunami.  Help to guide them across ...

Suzanne, amongst those who lost their lives are drug traffickers, child molesters and kidnappers.  Sellers of children for sex.  All sorts of horrible horrible people.  Not everyone of course - duh - but surely in a country rife with child prostitution and no prohibition on that -- there will be at least ONE horrible human being who lost his life.

Your teacher from Hawaii did not say to be SURE to not pray for the bad guys.

I'm praying for Preston.  Perhaps you might join me.

Love you,
Christine