Topic: I am having difficulty finding purpose

This is not advice, but a question.  I have learned many concepts on here that should set one free.  In a way they do.  But they also have brought on a depression.  Simply put if this reality is just an illusion then whats the point?  Many times I am astoundingly angry and depressed and in my free time all I do is lay in bed, or waste time on the internet.  A thought will come to my mind to do something constructive, but I analyse it and my answer becomes whats the point.  Why don't I go on to grad school, fix my car, clean my room,  learn computer programing, practice socializing, work out, invest my money.   I always seem to rationlise that it isn't worth the effort.  I somehow rationalise that I will feel better if I just lay there, rather then putting forth an effort to something constructive.  But the end result is always the same I lay there depressed.

I've learned that words, understanding, knowlege don't entirely help me out of this.  I know that I will be depressed if I lay there, but overwhelming urge (that I listen to) is to lay there.  What reasons do people have for going on?  All the ones I have tried don't seem to inspire me.

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

We are in a very difficult time.
I want to respond in more detail but I cannot today.
Try to find some beauty in sacred nature and realize we came here to experience being in this type of density or dimensional reality. The negative forces became overstated in this realm. That is all going to be undone.

StarCat

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

I have been suceeding bit by bit, two steps forward one back kind of deal.  I was thinking about the thing that has been getting me going is when I say "You can lay here and die, or do something"  Yes, maybe there is no point, as I see it, in learning what I learn or doing what I do, but my other option is much less appealing.  The problem mostly lies when logic breaks down, when all the reasoning in the world won't get me out of bed.  Won't get me to see past the pointlessness.  Then what do I do?

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

You gotta play the game to find out why you're playing the game. That's paraphrasing a quote from the movie "The Game." If you had no purpose, you wouldn't be here right now. Finding your purpose makes it sound like a worrying chore. Figuring out what gets your juices flowing and having some fun doing that is easier. Just doing nothing and waiting for the answer is putting the game on pause... instead, make a move, cue the script, and new clues will come your way.

But it does sound like you're in a rut. I get into these kinds of ruts periodically. To get out of this self-repressive feedback loop, try doing something new and different no matter how small. Make it small enough that you can successfully do it.

Rearrange some furniture. Visit and hang out some place you haven't before. Do something a little daring. Write yourself a short essay on some interesting topic. Give a couple dollars to a homeless guy. Spend an hour or two in nature. Email some website author with comments and thanks. Read about something interesting that you previously glossed over. Ask a metaphysical question and brainstorm some answers. Write down and ponder over what you feel to be the truth, what you stand for, what would make your soul happy.

Feedback loops are self-sustaining but getting them started is the hardest part, so getting the momentum going with something small but new and refreshing helps break the hold of the old. Once you do that, you're telling your inner babbler/slacker "ha, I did something and you couldn't stop me" which chips away at its power and makes it easier to keep going.

Someone once told me my problem was thought, that I caught myself thinking again, this in response to my not doing what my heart compelled me due to my rationalizing away my procrastination. He said thought follows action, and action follows thought, and in this I could go on knowing it was all a battle of opposites. In other words, carrying out an action based on a thought must be done without letting further thought interfere with the act. Often we spend more time mentally vacillating about what we should do and whether we should do it, than simply doing what is immediately before us to do. The trick is to just make up your mind on something doable, and without further deliberation get to it.

Acquiring fringe knowledge is like digging for diamonds in a mine field.

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Consider that your purpose may be simply to be yourself.  I don't mean to sound trite, as I can understand how you are feeling, and it is not a happy place.  But sometimes it's that simple.  You are a human being, not a human doing.  What you are doing is secondary.

That being said, I would second many of Montalk's suggestions.  In my experience, being in a "rut" at least offers the opportunity to observe my own programming.  When you're ready to break out of it, I would suggest to do something completely out of character.  Be unexpected.  If even for a moment, it will shake up your neurons enough to let something new in. 

Best wishes.

It is not for us to understand love, but simply to make space for it.

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Capitan wrote:

I have been suceeding bit by bit, two steps forward one back kind of deal.  I was thinking about the thing that has been getting me going is when I say "You can lay here and die, or do something"  Yes, maybe there is no point, as I see it, in learning what I learn or doing what I do, but my other option is much less appealing.  The problem mostly lies when logic breaks down, when all the reasoning in the world won't get me out of bed.  Won't get me to see past the pointlessness.  Then what do I do?

I missed this before I replied. 

Yes, you can lay there and die. . . and if you did so you would experience your greatest act of power.  I'm not suggesting that you choose to do so, but rather I'm saying that, if you are going to lay in bed all day, take the time to contemplate death and what it really is.

From one perspective, your entire life is a preparation for the moment of your death, and that can serve as a focus to recall the sense of purpose that you are searching for. 

Personally, I don't believe that the world is completely pointless and illusory, just the vast majority of it.  Reality exists here and it begins with who you are and what you value.

Everything is connected.

Not less than two hours ago, I witnessed a couple having an argument over whether or not anybody can really "make a difference".  So the issue is "out there" floating around somewhere, and it is on the minds of many, not just yourself. 

So, you may ask yourself, what connection do you have with random strangers eating dinner hundreds or thousands of miles away?  Therein you may find your purpose.

It is not for us to understand love, but simply to make space for it.

7 (edited by tenetnosce 2006-07-17 21:56:51)

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

. . . also
smile

It is not for us to understand love, but simply to make space for it.

8

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Capitan,
I just ran across a new book that came out recently called "Reader of Hearts: The Life and Teachings of a Reluctant Psychic" by Darrin Owens.

www.darrinowens.com

This book is about a young man, who when only 17 years old started to give psychic readings.   It's an amazing story of how he was lead into a very spiritual life by following his inner urges, which for him were very obvious.  Without going into the whole story, in this book, after having been a professional psychic for a long time and having seen how people go through life and learn spiritual lessons (plus the fact that he himself found out that his lessons were not that different from others and in turn could draw a map of how to navigate all this). 

He also gives, in the second half of this book a very practical series of simple exercises you can follow to greatly enhance your own spiritual development.   He calls this a sort of "spiritual ancient mystery training", and this is a very easy reading book and also very enjoyable.

I would highly recommend this book for anyone interested in taking some bold steps forward.   I'm sure you would enjoy this, and hopefully at least go look it up in the nearest bookstore.


I didn't buy this book at the time I read part of it in the bookstore, but plan on picking it up soon.


PH

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

I want to state in response to your mention of Logic that we need as a race to distance ouselves from logical rational thinking and regain the intuitive mind. Its logic that traps us. Its myopic and leads to an unbalanced state when given such reign over our being. Part of this process is de-throning the dominance of the Ego. Our difficulty is the way we get led around by the abuse of the emotional body.
If you're confused stop thinking - Stuart Wilde.

StarCat

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, spiritual progress always comes in waves, everyone knows that.  Most people think that when they are at the peak of a wave, i.e. feeling really in touch, inspired, spiritual and in love with the world, they are making great progress spiritually.  While that is true in a sense, the true test of spiritual progress, and by far the best opportunity for growth, is in the troughs, when you feel lost, isolated, lonely and depressed, with no connection to the divine.  If you respond to these times with discipline, and courage and don't give in to the temptation of self-pity and apathy, then you will be amazed at what emerges from the other side.

I don't mean to sound preachy or anything, cause to be honest I have been in a major trough myself for a while now.  I think I am speaking mostly to myself here, but it helps to see others in a similar space, and to share what I already know but have lacked the discipline to enact.  It is really strange for me, because I am at a point in my life where everything seems to be falling into place, and my dreams are just around the corner, only to realize that the external circumstances don't really seem to have any effect on my being, and external success is leaving me feeling emptier than ever.  A big part of it is also feeling overwhelmed and trapped in a chain of responsibility.  It seems my freedom has evaporated, I am getting what I always wanted, and only now realizing that means I have far fewer choices available to me.

seeker of truth

follow no path
all paths lead where

truth is here

E.E. Cummings

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

montalk wrote:

Rearrange some furniture. Visit and hang out some place you haven't before. Do something a little daring. Write yourself a short essay on some interesting topic. Give a couple dollars to a homeless guy. Spend an hour or two in nature. Email some website author with comments and thanks. Read about something interesting that you previously glossed over. Ask a metaphysical question and brainstorm some answers. Write down and ponder over what you feel to be the truth, what you stand for, what would make your soul happy.

I've got to say that these are almost exactly the ideas that I came up with for myself to get out and do something but I kept thinking about how I felt there was no point in doing these things.  I guess I must find the strength to follow through with on them. 

limkula - Like you, I knew a lot about how to get myself through this stuff, but when the depression comes, I find that the human mind doesn't always act rationally.  When I look at it from the outside, I just wanted someone to fix it all for me.  I guess my current lesson should be on how to gain the internal strenght to make it through these emotional troughs by myself. 

I had a discussion with my sister, who is always in a good mood, if she ever suffered with depression.  She told me whenever she slowed down enough to begin thinking she started to get depressed.  Her solution is to go fullspeed ahead, staying always occupied. 

Anyway thanks for the input.  We'll see how I move forward with this.

"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Capitan 2 things help-me a lot with depression.
-Physical exercises(body builder stuff)
-See the sun rising.

I go to the yard, stay on the grass with the bare foot(to change energy)
and look at the first sun rays and think in Christ, talk and ask for help
than I go to the gymnastics and at the end I took a hot shower.

People tends to think in the Jesus in the cross, I think into Christ
energy and associate it with the sun.

Good for you to find anything artistic to distract, go play
with photographs and PhotoShop, painting, clay making stuff or music.
If you got the money, go travel to New Zealand, Bali or French Polynesia.
Go paragliding and feel the freedom!

Or start doing some charity, I do not mean giving money and forget
I mean involving more personally like artists, psychologists who goes to the
hospitals, asylum and stuff like that...
There are a lot of  “bastards" with a much worst life than our f*cking ones...

I play with image manipulation software to distract like putting an
UFO into this photography... lol
http://img191.imageshack.us/img191/1343/ufo6tf.jpg

This simple things help-me a lot to keeping going this f*cking life of mine.

Bye, Pictus

--------------------
http://pictus.co.nr

13 (edited by feritciva 2006-07-20 03:41:17)

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Great posts!

It seems we have some same problems & same solutions! Pictus, body building stuff helped me a lot too. It's good to get under these weights while you observe your thoughts on various things.

By the way that's very good image manipulation you did.  I wonder if some being makes exactly the same thing here around 3D when depressed? Seriosuly!

Change we must, to live again
- Jon Anderson

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Thanks heheheheheh

Depression comes from many factors even chemical body imbalance
that is why body builder helps so much, plus the time to observe your thoughts
in a better view helped by the influx of the endorphins gained by the exercises.
Here they started treating depression with acupuncture and have being
achieving good results too.

I do not think that a “step above"  creature have depression, because when we are
connected to the whole we are in “ecstasy", so depression is impossible.

Hummm...
Maybe bored neg one, come here and start to play “war games" ... lol

Bye, Pictus

--------------------
http://pictus.co.nr

15 (edited by titmouse_ 2006-07-25 09:24:50)

Re: I am having difficulty finding purpose

Manic-depression cycle.

What you are experiencing is a normal process. No one can expect to be "on" all the time. Each down turn has its upturn--always remember that. Growth requires periods of healing; this is what depression is--time to heal. 

I spent time in hospitals when I was younger. I grew from each experience. I layed next a 16 year old girl in intensive care for 7 days; she had been paralyzed in a car accident on her way to high school. I was 31 and had amputated 4 fingers of my right hand. She died a few months later from a technical error in the life support equiptment. I learned many valuable lessons about life in a short amount of time. I have not found self-pity since that time. When I need to shed a tear, I do it with the remembrance of this girl's fight for life in the back of my mind.

My injury was a blessing in disguise. I learned how to manifest miracles and heal more rapidly through the powers of the positive mind; and how to concern myself with the graces in life rather than the fears. Until one has experienced tragedy--life will not rebound as rapidly from disappointments.  I do not fear the downturns in life, for they will be plentiful, and I know I will grow from them.

Imagine if you did partime volunteer work in hospitals, or nursing homes--what a difference you would make-- not just in the lives of those you visited, but in your own.




"Please God, do not make me comfortable, for bordum and luxury are a dangerous combination. Give me blessings of challenges and heartaches, and I will do my best to serve you well."
~~carefulcarpenter

Fun fact: Great Tits are common in Europe

To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth
~~carefulcarpenter


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