hey,
here's what works for me. first off I had to become aware that there were 2 distinct mechanisms (for lack of a better word) operating in me and in all people. The ego/false self nature and the spirit trueSelf nature. These are the labels I use to identify it. They operate to varying degrees but usually it's the ego false self emotions and feelings and behaviors/actions that are primary. Lack of awareness as to how these operate and are also programs from genes and other influences can make a person feel like they're a boat tossed on an ocean --> helpless and sort of at the mercy of ???? anything which can trigger it. I believe it's that helpness which is part of the program to keep people incapable of coming from a really healthy inner place. They give up and zap their frozen and incapable of coming from their true Natures.
I learned how the ego false self operates within me. How it feels. How behaviors and actions can lead to keeping the cycle going. I learned that there are 3 key basic components in each:
1) emotions and feelings that are inherent to either the ego aspect or trueSelf aspect
2) thoughts that are inherent to ego aspect and with the trueSelf it doesn't really have thoughts persee, but the mind acts more as a receptor for ideas which is what comes to ones consciousness, or one becomes conscious of a positive and good idea. This is not to be confused with the random chattering thoughts of the ego.
3) behavior and actions. Both aspects operate from behavior and actions and sometimes a person feels like there is a war going on within them between a good action, or thought or feeling and those that don't promote a good feeling from the heart.
These 3 things are important to be aware of, discern, identify because without these 3 working together from a place of the heart a person gets tossed back and forth feeling like there is a huge gap and no bridge to go between -- or a huge disconnect. Confusion generally arises then because a person feels mixed ideas, or mixed feelings and mixed directions for action and can't get clear on them so they stay in a bad situation even though their heart is telling them it's not good. They lose the ability to listen to their heart and identify feelings from it, ideas from it, and behavior and actions to take to align with it. that's the disconnect.
I learned how the trueSelf operates. How it feels. How behaviors and actions can lead to keeping that cycle going.
I learned to discern and recognize the difference between the 2.
Previously there had been a huge disconnect within me in this area.
For example, the false self has all kinds of emotions and feelings as a counterpart to trueSelf.
false self would give anger, lust, greed, envy and many subtle variations of emotions
trueSelf would feel patience, pure love, joy, peace and many subtle variations of these emotions.
I noticed that the ego can duplicate lots of counterfeits and counterparts, but it can't duplicate peace and joy. That is why people who are primarily operating from ego may have a strange happiness but it's driven by things which are from ego and it's not a true joy or peace. Peace is never attained for ego. A feeling of satisfaction perhaps, and that satisfaction will last only awhile, and then their back to the ego roller coaster again. Whereas the subtle difference between that and the true Self emotion is that Spirit peace is a different feeling than satisfaction. Then you can decide which feeling and behavior/action you want to focus on and feel in order to perpetuate that feeling. If you change your feeling and behavior to align with that feeling then you are left feeling good. That's what people want to feel --> a peace about our life.
So, I've made actions in past that my trueSelf/Heart hasn't felt peace about. I ignored that feeling often feeling conflicted like I felt one thing and then another --> leading to confusion. Then I focused on the thoughts that generated that lack of peace and it was always some dramatic thing. I usually took the action route of ego and then I wouldn't feel quite good about it or it would lead to some form of drama which I wasn't at peace with.... it would often end in feeling some form of the blues to down right sadness or anger. It was a constant cycle of various degrees of intensity.
Once I was able to identify between the 2 and find out what actions were from where I was able to align my actions with trueSelf and feel peace. I was able to stop the focus of engaging in feelings, thoughts and behaviors that produced that kind of cycle. Now I really am more adept at this and I feel much more peace and joy even when life seems to be presenting problems. It's hard to describe and I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job of it.
When I discovered the trick of not focusing so much on the thought ego, but identifying what the feeling and behavior/action is in order to discern if it's coming from ego or trueSelf --> and then following in alignment with what I felt was a trueSelf feeling and behavior and action then the feelings changed from sad/anger/hopeless to joy, peace and healthiness. The behavior and actions changed as I did what came from my heart or trueSelf feeling. Then my life changed from aaarghhhhh to yummy. My life has never been healthier. This is a huge thing for me considering I stayed in an alcoholic parent family for a long time and in a marriage that was killing my spirit and I became suicidal becuase I just couldn't seem to get out of that bad marriage.
This feeling of peace and joy is what all the christmas cards and people wish to attain all over the world.... world peace and joy. Inner peace and joy. There is so much talk about it and yet people feel disconnected as to how to feel it and act with it. It just rarely ever happens in people's lives. The best most of them do is resign themselves to numbness. Numbness is just another form of ego emotion as a subtle feeling. Peace and joy is the hardest thing to feel and therefore experience because we've been taught how to feel ego feelings/emotions and to behave from them not from trueSelf heart feelings, ideas and behaviors and actions. Then when we get a glimmer trueSElf feelings and behaviors (and our true feelings are joy and peace) we haven't been taught how to act in accord with it and confusion arises. There
s the disconnect. for example, my heart tells me I shouldn't have been in the marriage, it told me that I shouldn't have married in fact, and it told me to get out of the marriage. I didn't listen because I was focused on ego thoughts, feelings and actions presented to me from my upbringing. Many people live their life just randomly hitting a joyful moment and not knowing how to duplicate that magic. Now if you practice this you can experience joy and peace each day on purpose, because that is who you are -- not who your ego is. That's the difference.
It's in shifting the focus and being aware of these components and following through with the action/behavior that trueSelf prompts you with from peace and joy, then the peace and joy gets deeper or stays clear and THAT'S the cycle that gets repeated over and over instead of the cycle humanity is used to which is a hopeless and helpless cycle of anger, fear, depression, sadness, blues, lust, greed, etc., etc.
Then, to add to it I learned a breathing technique called prana yoga.
It's not very hard to do but the ego resists it so few people actually will do it.
You breathe in and have no gaps between the intake breath and the exhale breath so the inhale and exhale is in one complete circle in and out. Sounds simple but not so easy to do all the time. The only agenda is to allow yourself to feel your True Spirit Self Nature come up. In the first stages people often feel their body tingling and burning off energy, and this is actually energy stored from the birthing experience. People often feel a lot of ego energy come up too, and if you stay with your breathing process staying focused on the idea of feeling your true nature this will burn off and the joy and peace feelings will become your predominant feeling. It will because that is your true nature of spirit ---- not anger, yuck and crap feelings. When you're having anger, yuck and crap feelings and behavior you know that is ego predominant. That's a big red flag indication for me to step back and re-focus and do breathe-work of prana. The other beautiful thing about it is that when I'm in a situation that may seem uncomfortable, or unknown, I have not got the fears as I used to because I know how to identify and how to find the behavior/actions that follow trueSelf and then how to act on them which continues to produce my best. I also correlate the breath with my bodies energy centers.
If I go inward and be still to feel what my trueSelf feels like it will show up. And it will show up as what we label as joy and when we make actions it will show up as peace or not. If there's no peace then I know it's not from my true Self. My true self can't show up as anything but joy and peace and, um, yes, even love. It's a wise love -- not a stupid love. (stupid love is an ego counterfeit counterpart duplicate mimic imposter) It's a smart discriminating love.
that's what works for me
I sincerely do wish you well in finding something that works for you,
a heads up though, be aware of these people who keep you locked in thought mind stuff because it will be just another view from the roller coaster, except that you're feeling like your doing something good about it rather than just laying on the couch and eating and channel surfing. Know what I mean?
Be alert for traps that don't produce your trueFeelings and Your trueSelf and that produce and perpetuate cycles of ego emotions and feelings.
cheers.
Breathe Deep
, with time and patience will disolve anger that has been piled up within the sub-conscious mind or within the heart (however you like to think of it). 
