nope T-Ren, being totally serious. but i put the humor in so i dont go nuts. if it wasnt for seeing things in a humorous POV, i would be totally insane. what parts tho? on the gutter guy? hes a friend from the old school neighborhood here. he used to do gutters for a living and put some new ones up for me 2 yrs ago. now he doesnt do it anymore but i got him back to fix the one part. they were his invention in the first place so i figured it would be smart to re-use him instead of a real company who might gouge me knowing the rain is gonna come. IMO, that kinda stuff happens. its like sales ppl can read u and see ur anxiety and they play u when ur in need. i had gotten a new patio cover and one section of gutter had to be redone. (the patio cover didnt work out as i thot it would either. looks completely difft than what i asked for. too late til it was done and i realized, even tho i got 3 estimates). and the gutter guy says ur patio cover sucks and u got screwed on that. i go well, the usual. he says i coulda done it for a thousand less. i go well, i didnt know u did those. so he puts up the new gutter section completely wrong from what i said i wanted. and i thot i had made that clear. then he actually did give me every chance to not overpay and i didnt feel right about shorting him, as a friend, so i went overboard. and i overpaid for the work done, which is now also unsatisfactory. and he knew it. this just goes round and round.
maybe he was reading me and he knew i was worried about what to pay him. i was. nobody wants to be gouged yet ppl do like to "get over on ya" when they can. while here he brought a helper who broke a ceramic fountain we'd had for yrs. one mess after another. and since i only work per diem for one particular place, it just so happened they had called out of the blue after he left and asked me to work. i went, altho i didnt want to. its way hard work and ur spinning all day. seeing way way too many ppl, very hard work. but i did it, to pay for the stupid mistakes DECISIONS!!! i keep making. its punishment to do that $and im well aware. (exploitation, every time). i went and did it tho. and was exhausted afterwards. and drove home on a leaking flat tire with wide low rims. noticed it was flat in the parking lot, in a dangerous city late at nite. i have no cell phone (i hate 'em and avoid all that) so instead of panicking, i lit up a smoke, drove to gas station on the rim, filled it up without blowing it up, and prayed it would make it all the way home, about 25 some miles. took the street. in case i had to pull over. it was more like WILLING it to not go flat. prob a slow leak, i was HOPING. just wanted to make it home after a day of "punishment." seeing over 50 ppl in less than 8 hrs of patient flow is way bad. but thats the game. ur either gonna play it or ur not. and "what if" i kept saying? what if u have to get a new tire now, in the middle of the nite? its GONNA COST YA. cuz once again, ur in need, in a bad sitch and ur gonna get gouged. see what i mean? its the way things work. even putting on the spare wouldve been a production in the middle of the night. on top of it, i forgot i left my trunk open putting in my work gear, and had changed my mind in the hurry to get to an open gas station, and kept hearing weird noises all the way home, realized that and drove anyway without stopping to shut it. in the hurry to get to safety. what an ass. but i was laughing. hoping a cop wouldnt stop me and accuse me of something for not shutting the trunk. and ur maybe sitting there with a slow leak while he runs ur stuff. one never knows and u have to be ready for anything. its anxiety provoking--all of it. when i got home i celebrated making it with a drink and a cig. that's humor there and TRUE. its all true and crazy on my part because im cracko on money. i go round and round with it. its about the only fear i have. worry about money when its not necessary. but i like a flow of it coming in and another CUSH job i have my be out the window soon. thats what starts it. so the choice of the work to do for the trickle i need coming in, just to sustain, boggles the mind. it means do the very very hard work and be around hordes of OP's, or live off savings. what to do what to do. see that? ======= CONFLICT. and there it is. and thats my karma, and dogma. ive been working on that for years and years. which is why i dont buy $200 shirts. when it runs out, then one has to scramble and be exploited to get more. and i hate that. i lived off $400 bucks once for 3 yrs in school, living in a dorm in the 70's. had worked for 2.50 an hr then. didnt worry at all. and went on partying the whole way. its when u realize u have stuff to lose MORE as u get older that crap occurs. and what didnt bother u then, does NOW. and funny, vice versa. being more aware now has tuned in all feelers and woken one up. now the next step is to let that worry go. it seems it always works out but when ur in the "start" of it, seeing LACK heading ur way, fear does rise. its a vicious cycle i try to avoid at all costs. i keep thinking it all stems from frugality on principle and whats happened in the past. i couldnt live off 400 now for a month, but i still try to, in my mind, remembering those starving student days. its ingrained in. if i derailed the thread i didnt mean to.
GNOTHI SEAUTON "Know Thyself!"
Years of not being able to afford nice stuff means that even though I now technically can afford a pair of $80+ pants at Express without it affecting me money-wise, or a $40 shirt at New York & Company, or a $120 skirt at Cache, I refuse to spend that kind of full price money on clothes. I'll only shop at the high end stores when they have sales. ;D I don't know, I just can't do it. The principle of it all. In the back of my mind I know they're ripping off people so I can't give them the full price money. Or like the nice new GT bike I bought last year. It was on sale, $100 off. Which is another thing - I have a lot of luck where I just so happen to decide that I'm going to buy something right when it's on sale. I don't ever pay attention to circulars or fliers either, so I'm not consciously "looking" for sales or thinking in that way. In fact, I hate to think about money at all. Whereas other people actively clip coupons and are constantly scouring for sales, I don't even give it a passing thought. I just happen to show up at a store looking for something, and boom, wouldn't you know it......it's 50% off. Or buy one get one free. So I've gotten a lot of nice stuff, clothes, a bike, and other random things over the years, from lucky timing. I think we can intend for that to happen, that you'll be guided to be in the right place at the right time to get your nice stuff...but when it's on sale or something.
