War In Heaven (Page 17 of 24)

Stop watching tv for a month and try it again you will feel sick. I know I did. Of course now I just spend all my time on the computer. LOL

beats me treehugger, theres no sidetracking, ALL is involved in/with this i think.  i dont really meditate the 'correct' or accepted way.  i never could.  ive had a lot of trouble trying the 'traditional' way.  i even got kicked out of a psychic development group run by that ex-tibetan psi chick i spoke about long ago.  she had/insisted on a sweet, little, actually very nice ditty we were supposed to do before and after her wed am development group.  i refused to do it.  she made us do it (small group, and one older woman was a soul retriever, from a chinese family that did that thru generations, and she was great) in quiet unison a few times, and that threw me.  i cant do meditation in unison.  my mind does all kinds of stupid weird, dumbass shit, lime sometimes it will go "BOO" to me when doing that and purple haze starts swirling and i go black sometimes, and feel weird.  i dont like that and saw it as a signal or a message to not do that.  i was wary of her anyway, and got way more so, as the group time progressed.  its not cool to start laughing in those 'group" meditations so i knew that wasnt gonna work.  she called me at the end and told me not to come anymore, if i wasnt gonna do her meditation.  she also told me that she knew i wasnt doing it at home like supposed to either, and she was right.

i had met max the crystal skull there one time before that too, and that group (it was a small private 'showing' sponsored by a doc i worked for, only like 5 ppl in that one), and each of us was supposed to pick up max, do whatever with him,  turn by turn.  i guess ask him something or like that.  we were also supposed to be meditating in silence, with eyes closed when doing all this.  then we were supposed to ask questions to the channeling guy there who was a friend of the doc's, not assoc with max's ppl, at the end.  each person took their turn.  before they got to me, i tried to meditate.  in a group again, then i saw those purple hazes real clear, real swirly for the first time, and portal doors in a tunnel thing happening, and the as the 'outside' swirls remained purple, like they were the original 'gate'.  it was mesmerizing, and i liked it, but if i played around at all, there would be an interruption, of the swirls at the gate, and id see black, and it was very dark, and would go silent like, and it was waiting for what id think next.  i got the clear message that this was from a past life in tibet, and that id been a dark lama, and had used powers before in dangerous and bad evil ways and not to monkey with this.  there was protection around me, and it helped me not stay there, so id gain more conscious control, get back on task, and the purple would start again, more nicely, lovingly kinda, with understanding, and little bursts of red/magenta light would be in the purple gates like light sources blended in with it as it swirled.  i didnt know if this had anything to do with max or not.  he seemed all the complacent, quiet little guy there, even in the hands of the others, but was like watching me out of the corner of his eye or something.  i wondered if the setting caused the purple. or?

i finally got my turn, and everybody has their eyes open now, and i thot they were supposed to be meditating.  i guess it was less personal now since he came to me.  i had no clue what to do with him.  and u know hes famous.  one of the ? famous 12 or whats is it? of the crystal skulls on earth.  im freaked a little, approach him tenderly, took him up in my hands, and duh--caressed him.  i caressed him, and it felt like he smiled, sighed, and melted into me, allowing me to go forth and continue.  im like omg, what the hell am i doing? but it felt right, so i continued.  i even thot, my god, theyre gonna think im being sexual with him or something, and he sorta said to me--go for it, its ok.  so quietly i pretty much did it like a paid courtesan wouldve, and he laughed in my hands, and enjoyed it.  i thot please please let this be over soon, and max was as limp as a puppy, gleeful, and happy and content.  kinda sleepy even.  and i thot--u are an old prostitute arent u?  id been told that before by an MD i dated once, altho he didnt use those words, he said courtesan.  he goes--ur a pro.  now, im talking not in a sexual way, explicitly, im talking in mannerisms.  and i remembered that role, a little then (1982) and thot, hes right.  omg.  oh well.  an art's an art i guess, sorta proud of it. and i realized id made my living that way, before.  this was merely another validation of it, i knew it before, other stuff had happened.   

max moved on in the group and awakened a bit, and sent me a thanks kiddo feeling, nothing monumental. just smiling, calm, and very very sweet.  and i had thot when i began, well, ur over 40,000 years old they say, u must be tired and sick of crap by now, and how's about a little massage babe, here, ill give to u, and u dont have to give to me or do a thing for me, man.  take a break from giving. u must be pooped, and bored, and tired of being brought out like this.  feel kinda bad for ya.  u know, like had alot of empathy for him, with everybody asking him stuff, all the time.

that am tho, in the bookstore down below, i was waiting for the session to begin, got there early.  i had felt a tremendous ripple of psi or waves in rippling motion entering a canyon i had to go thru from my house (live up the hill from one) as i drove there, and it took me back.  crystally light waves were moving all around and i was in some kind of moving ripple, wavy ripple thing that was all light colors but crystal.  and the beeper in my pocket went dead.  and i went humph.  hmmm.  and thot this is going to be powerful.  errrr.  so when i got there and was waiting in the bookstore, it happened again.  really swirly all around me this time, like a presence and another dimension was right there, and taking me in it. or coming to me.  not to be fearful but it was gaining strength around me.  i freaked on that and backed out of it, standing there, and thot, uh oh, whats this?  is this my dad watching me?  he had just died a little before that, or was it max im gonna meet upstairs or? or WTH? 

so when the channel guy started later and u could ask him questions,  i asked him...hows my dad? is he alright there?  hows he doing there?  is he ok?  getting along alright?  as my dad was not even in the slightest a religious man, nor had he ever talked of the other side.  not close.  but he did know stuff. and is anti-everything practically except hard work, perfection with a job/task, etc.  and the guy says  "HE'S OH YES--DOING GREAT! wonderful as a matter of fact."  and somebody cut him off after a little on that.  i was pleased to hear that and thot, man, he must be seeing and experiencing fantastic things, and can be seeing alot of stuff he never considered before, fantastic.  it happened one other time after that, but i thot it was a ghost then, cuz that building had one, and i got out of there pronto, but was smiling and laughing a little on it, not really scared but was like--oh not this, not a good environment for this to be happening again.  here.  im not playing and it died down as i left the building. so does my faked out group meditation thing make that happen? or?  presence from the other side?  or?  my plumber mentor says--power portal, realm border crossing.  sounds likely doesnt it?  im not even the person to ask any meditation stuff of, not even.  weak there.

so my deal is, i cant meditate that way, weird stuff happens if i do it formally and i cant quiet my mind to do it that real way thats been talked about and written about all over this forum, and everywhere else.  i do it EXACTLY the opposite, and its always worked for me, that i know of, but little to compare it to, other than that above.  i go into 'meditation' when its the noisiest, the most active, the loudest all around me.  when the present reality/consciousness all around me is the most fervent, i can go into a state where im perfectly grounded and dig deep.  and stuff will be very quiet, very still, and very intimately ready for me to ask or see, or feel.  dont know how or why necessarily (but i have ideas) how that works, but it does.  prob from years of having to be in a formal education environment, where i could literally leave and go where i wanted to, in the middle of classes.  and still be there, taking notes and absorbing, because i had to, was required to know the stuff, but was peeved to have to be there, when i wanted to be with myself, somewhere else, but was committed to get that big education.  i did it as a kid too, in grade school.  prob symptomatic of states like MPD's have, wherein the mind can nicely compartmentalize.  i trained myself to do it. had a knack for it to start with.  its been very efficient to say the least.

and 2 more things i wanted to tell u guys.  i re-read those old notes from her class, only a few months ago.  and ud be surprised, cuz i thot id post on those, like some new revelations wouldve come from it, her class, but totally the opposite.  only one thing popped out and VERY STRONGLY.  u have to hear this.  they sounded good when i first listened to her, and took the notes.  u know, she channeled at 5 am every morning before her class, and then typed up the notes and presented in class.  and guess what?  after learning and discerning more over the timespan, and from being on NR, and the net and reading and learning--i saw they hooked u in real good, at first, very tasty stuff...but guess what?  they came from the crats.  sure did.  saw it immediately when i re-read them, and i thot well, ill be damned.  and i had left her before it was over anyway, as something way too religious and "trappy/hooky" kept flavoring everything.  i grew suspicious and distasteful, and it was good stuff.  happened in 2005.  and i ran into WIH just this last 1.5 years.  well well well is all i can say on that.  and u know, we parted ways with her telling me to cooperate with her religious meditation ditty after all, or not come to her house, after her telling me she wabted to mentor me personally and train me in her ways, special.  now aint that somethin! 

and dig this--this may be the best part.  so were in her class, only like 5 of us.  and when she forst came in the room, as they had started with her 1 or 2 sessions before, and a few alrady knew her.  she goes...something new is in here and its very very powerful..who's this?  i sense some mighty power here and oh my my my.  like 2 masters that were gonna battle but hadnt needed to begin, yet.  and she was quick to mention my weight as time went by.  so i knew she was sizing up my weak points, assessing me and was gaining info.  and i thot why?  why? and then i knew i knew her from  before.  from tibet.  it wasnt good.  but anyway, the deal was...so we had an exercise going one am, find who ur guide was, and she got me to do.  we each had to "see" a group member's guide. draw it and describe.  she did mine.  now, check this out-- she goes u have-- a well,-- ive never seen this before--a "WAR guide."  and i go hmmm, what the heck?  cool.  she described him completely, said it came from 'my bloodline'  and that he was related from ancient times, and she told me/us there, more stuff.  and i looked it up and didnt find much.  but i will say, i will never forget that.  and it certainly fits doesnt it?  and after that, i concentrated on "remembering" even more, and it all got way way--well--u know now.  all tied up and connected.  holy of holies.  she was good for something, and its all the big EDUCATION i guess. for...

Zenden---a "WAR" guide, eh?
Now that makes perfect sense, from what you've told us about yourself.

Glad you're strong enough to escape that woman's little circle.

Continued From #238

Donnie Darko     

Scene:

Donnie has driven Gretchen‘s body INTO The Country.

As He sits on the hood of the car, leaning back against the windshield:

HE Says,

A Smile

A Gentle Laugh

Changing / Uncreating A Glitch   

Accomplished

B E

A T

P E A C E

Thanks TP, I will check it out!!

cool treehugger.  i love it that u r on empath. we need more of them. yes, the neatest stuff in everyday life. i still dont know if those purple swirls that day, when they were the strongest and the best had anything to do with that environment, or if doing it right.  did i know these ppl from before and were here again, doing a ritual with max?  i always wonder about those things.  try to put stuff together all the time, like u, trying to see if its gonna be an awe inspiring thing, when everyday life is a mind blower half the time. since were seeing it from a very novel, imaginary POV.  all in the perception of the seer.  the ecstasy is needed.  theres alot on that lately. dont really need meditation to do that or cause those moments. having an imagination that is FULL of wonder, metaphysical thinking, mental ecstasy all the time.  adding 2 +2, into long trigonometry type equations, trying to remember, formulate, ask questions of it all, and KNOW.  always from a spiritual POV.  thats why the BE and ARE.   i truly believe we dont have to go into any particular state, just as u implied/said.  i think were in them all the time.  all the time.  walking around as who we are, and were "there" in that state of awe and wonder all the while.  i say in and out, and around with, i guess ill call it, psi, ALL THE TIME.  we just do it naturally. our minds are so athletic, arent they?  i love that.  going all over the place mentally, psychically, feeling things out, quite expansive.  and i read long ago that empaths can get real fat, as they expand, (and remember the buddha belly), and that they dont like the idea of leaving here, get broader and broader and dig in, so they weigh down, and are anchored here.  makes them stay here. it HOLDS them down, here, on purpose.  maybe the body itself knows why, and understands the plan, unbeknownst to headquarters.  some things r hidden from the self even, arent they?  theres the WORK, right there.  staying here to gain more and help ppl, ourselves.  could be.  i always say i want out, but am i really going?  maybe it all doesnt go anywhere or it comes here, im wondering all the time on it.  what the hell to do, other than wait learn.  dont worry, all will reveal.  have to believe that, somehow.   

so maybe, lala..  i think she was using that against me, to get a reaction from me.  get me stirred up.  u know--shitty woman to woman comments.  out of the blue.  im thinking--good one babe, u went right there.  didnt u? ur brave to do that.  she said, if u let go, u will lose that weight, it will come off.  let go of what?  i knew she was implying alot.  looked like surrender to the ways that are.  what ways?  id done that before, id been thin, let go of alot.  but what she didnt know, is that im not on that anymore, gave THAT UP. and here she was dragging it back in.  have moved on from that energy.  i have my mate, im retired from that kind of competition, and im happy the way i am.  she sensed that id struggled with that, she was right, but thats dead and and she knew it, but was digging it up for a reaction.  but cant touch that, not anymore.  behind that, was im sure ur angry, and u shouldnt be, or in that vein, so just surrender.  women should be....no room for anger.  oh man, the feelers went up.  took years to get 'here'.  im sure she didnt approve, u know whatever image it is, speaks volumes, so to undermine was her ploy, didnt work.  whats in my mind matters most.  how i treat ppl.  how i behave.  how i LIVE.  she had alot of pain in her life, and was thin as hell.  straighter than an arrow too.  her husband was ripping her off, and she took me aside all the time, and asked me what to do with him.  lots of weirdness there.  very cultural and im not touching that.  so lesson there--not even big guru power channeler chicks,  have it together.  LM ,  lala, and others have seen that many times.   that showed me too, not as advanced as i had thot, so start steering clear.  i thot, u could use some of my "anger' babe, and kick the crap of out of ur husband embezzler.  but u wont, and ur needing mine, and im not going to get in ur battle.  so we both thot similar of each other, ill say that.

sure i was looking a fool with caressing max.  what do u do with a crystal skull thats thousands of years old, and everybody's watching YOU?  that part threw me way off along with the group meditation, and i was trying to do it 'right' .  i know i cannot do group meditations.  thats all they ever did there.  that was not working. sad tho, never learned a thing from max.  disappointing. i felt pressure, like i had to perform.  i knew they were going to be watching me, whats this weird character woman going to do?  and after i had given them privacy and didnt stare them down when they had him.  i didnt want to read their minds when they had him, not fair, polite, nor correct.  maybe they were asking very personal things and i shouldnt be in there.  looking.  i knew when he came to me, that theyd all watch.  it bothered me.  and it was a chance of a lifetime, i thot, to be with him, or at least having the opportunity. froze up, fell back on what i knew,  came naturally, albeit idiculous.  and i never got a thing out of him, not a drop of info.  he just felt happy, and i looked stupid.  i sensed, well, u are what u are, i guess.  i think lots of roles from the past, present, and future come together or display themselves frequently when under pressure, stress.  if i couldve had him to myself, i wouldve tried to honor him more, be polite and serious, courteous.  courtesan?  that training came in handy.  thats what im saying, everything for its reasons, has meaning.  can be used.  to understand, improve, gain insight. but didnt want any invasion of any sort, from him so maybe good it was group.  one never knows what can be in a crustal skull.  but he had good vibes. and swirlies were there.  wouldve scared the crap out of me otherwise.  what if he spoke or something?  ida had a fit.  so i took control of the situation, and miised out i think. but i felt cornered sorta.  i think i was triggered there that day.  but in a good way.  the ppl that were there, knew their stuff and attended a sunday nite metaphysical group, and all knew each other.  were involved in a big group that i cant remember was titled, but that one old astronaut had started it.  cant think of it right now, but they werent novices by any means.  yet, i felt i was being judged.  so i threw them a loop i was already caught up in.  didnt know what else to do.  wouldve totally preferred it difft but oh well.  i think they were deciding if i should be in their group.  and i like to stay separate in things like that.  not sure i want to be in any group of anything, really.  stay independent, dont do well in groups.  this is the only one im in i could say, and thats because we work on things, have comraderie, have goals, thots, plans, that are infinitely important. i learn here everyday, grow, get stronger in the 'ways'.  it makes me better, builds on the foundation.   on max, tho, i will admit i looked on him as a 'god'--anything that old, and?  that full of?  info?  history?  power? im seeing just how deep this rabbit hole goes, on gods, thinking, looking up.

that whole place is very 'groupy' yet a good place.  sense lots of power there, possibility. depends whos doing what there.  but couldnt find my niche with anybody.  the ex-tibetan was way powerful and had a big group sponsored out of there.  big business for her, made a lot of money, from her house on some nites.  after finding ppl there.  she also was quite religious in the traditional old sense of it, and wore a giant silver cross, everyday.  see it as crat-like.  they were possibly guiding her, but being very loyal to the 'cause', she wouldnt have seen that.  lots of stuff on give up, surrender to the lord and all that, very insidious, tho amidst a lot of other great stuff.  but i only saw that a few months ago, when i went over those notes.  felt it then, but didnt know the facts. i took what was good only.  and she said "warring guide"  war guide, and had no clue on it, neither did i.  but damn, it fit with the studying i had done, the family history, the whole thing.  and then a guy from the up the street whos' into some neat stuff saw one in the kitchen, and described it, again, and i was floored.  destiny?  u are ur destiny the C's say.  and i read yesterday that the intent is the outcome, so must ponder that.  thats huge.  and i think what a huge ego and a huge imagination.  but in my mind. what else is there to do, but get into this stuff.  tv?  laundry?  cleaning?  on the hunt for love?  nah, killing time and having fun, and learning.

i met her after max. at the same place.  tried to go to other classes there too, but didnt work out.  didnt like the leaders of the groups, couldnt find a real mentor, so i decided to mentor myself.  sounds dumb. but i did learn new things.  a few.  i have to admit, i was looking for training there, but gave up.  there's no doubt about it, she wouldve been very displeased to see me with max, prob insisted i repent or something, and clear out the 'dark side' of myself.  but i see that totally opposite. not ashamed of pastlife influences.  they all add up.  i apparently needed them, they taught me many many things, prob saved me more than once, and fed me too.  damn earthlife.  have to eat, bathe, be human.  thats tough on a soul.  playing along.  for reasons beyond tho, so we trek on.

and i was thinking the other nite, esp after SiriArc's jonathon zap stuff (and he calls himself a mutant), and the parasite gig, and all the donnie darko stuff, over my head but trying to get it.  but how about this?!  WE ARE THE POSSIBLE parasites to the crats.  what IF we, with our ways of thinking, our PSI, invade them with light, new human beingness, and we are innately parasitic to them the host, and when they run into us, we INVADE from another angle.  if we got into them, theyd be ill, theyd lose powers.  were the new infection, a new dis-EASE that throws them off.  thats why maybe were the problem, to them.  they just cant get us swayed over, so we are the natural selection that can ruin them, and ruin their status quo in heaven.   the new human, and has any group of humans ever worked so much on self, recapitulation, and more?  maybe only the secret mystery school members, and do u think u dont know about that?  aha.  here we go again.  improved version of that even.  possible, seemingly highly probable, thot that has some merit.  and didnt have to go INTO a meditation for that.  i entirely see what u mean treehugger, entirely. 

i also think, that the reason why sheeple arent aware, is because theyre not willing to look at where they came from, recognize who theyve been.  recap, recon, accept, ponder, weave it.  afraid to look at their "dark sides"...afraid to LOOK.  how can u be afraid to look at urself?  yes, it is painful, it is difficult, it does hurt, but mainly, its wonderful.  it helps a great deal, but as we all know, the church took out reincarnation.  out of the mainstream.  how can one deny what they were?  are?  i dont get that.  and then the big big push to deny or rid of the ego.  the ego has been part and parcel of that.  many egos, many levels of dealing with many, growing them, reducing them in size.  big deal.  maybe freud was wrong, or mislead.  i dont buy it.  i think its a theocratic ploy.  makes one less than.  and thats their plan, Ego (spirituality), a "sense of doership" or sense of individual existence.  Ego is a Latin word meaning "I" so what about I AM THAT I AM.  dammit that makes me mad.  i say empower it, be u the "I".  then one could tear that to pieces i guess, label one as arrogant, as above it all, aggressive, all the negatives.  what a huge ego.  so what? maybe huge egos have earned that, and if there are holes there, or ways to improve from that being revealed, then that can be used too.  to see where there are areas that could be worked on, if it means less growth, or hurting others, even if inadvertently, one can learn from that. change it.  work it. i can see why a god wouldnt like a huge ego.  competition? 

RIDDING self of 'pieces' of self isnt going to work.  its not practical.  one can meld self parts in, out, deal with them, not exorcize them.  attachments r a difft thing, and more on the parasite side.  theyre not self, anyway, they glombed on, so their ride can be dis-attached.  theyre something else's ego that really liked yours.  and is along for the ride.  and if ur manipulating ppl for bad reasons, then a problem.  what about the ego as a storehouse of self.   its necessary.  not trying to BE a god, damn.  thats where all the trouble is, in a hierarchy of levels that manipulate, USE it for dominion reasons.  that whole system, and we cant deny that.  that whole IM BETTER THAN YOU thing, or UR WORSE OR BELOW ME thing.  thats the set-up of the whole plan/ PLAN-et thing.  the whole problem stems from that.  back to gods, levels of domination, and slaves, and less or more than's, again.  i try to understand, and stay neutral on the concept.  its true that some beings just know more, are more, but that doesnt mean anything other than they grew themselves, to be there.  they worked it.  its whats done with it that matters most, IMO.  but all have the potential, can go either way.  i say unlock it.  thats neutral.  there is no less than.  and thats why if one can get into that line of thinking, and believing, then theres no way to stop growing, and being, and it can be positive, grand, things would just get better and better, all from within.  use it to service others, use that knowingness to be a better YOU.  unbelievable potential.  empowering possibilities.   i read yesterday, that kyle said  "ALL GODS ARE IMPOSTERS"..... and gary bonnell said the intent is the outcome.

that was terrific lala.  i learned alot from what u said.  UR GOOOOD.  yes, that was her.  u have her pegged totally.  the tacitician.  ur a smart one and u know what ur talking about.  she was blacker than the ace of spades, and i knew it.  yes, she was cornering me in, trying to use my power.  i was out of there after only 5, 6, 7 sessions.  u are so right on.  i like my pastlives and dont want to let go, but have anyway, and moved on, but i do refer back all the time.  and try to see the connections that could help understand the now.  i know they were hard on me, and about killed me (and did) and this life is a culmination of them.  they were alot of fun, and i miss it.  lots of adventure, but starvation, and hardship, imprisonment.  and i still say that was fun.  my god.  and ur so right on the skull.  good psi.  i knew she was bad occult, and tied in STILL.  and that made me remember, altho i knew ex-tibetan, almost immediately.  and there she was, and i knew to go, didnt want to battle with her.  why cant she remember?  cant she see or feel that?  shes working with the crats now.  and all along, then?  is the orig black / bad magic from all crats?  i read thats a misnomer, that black magic is a title to a type of magic, hidden meaning black, not as in black "black"--where did i get that?  i think from kyle.  on notes from WIH.  that blew my mind too.  see how far this goes with indoctrination?  ALL OF IT IS. EVEN THE NOTION OF GOD, period. after knowing what we know now.  holy hell, this is a mess, and i am confused.  ok then, orange cloud. theres so many possibilities with that idea.  no god, yet everything is, or?  man, kyle confused me on that one. big contradictions, huh?  its too TOO--ALL TOO unreal.  all of it is.  and i had gone there all along to gain insight on why in a service cycle again, what that meant in this life.  wanted out of that, wondered why id done it, been sucked dry, and was doing it again.  what was i to LEARN???? and never found out anything from anyone, but had to do it myself.  and still dont know completely.  dont know enough.

im all for answers from within, and talk about it all the time. but i know i dont have them at easy access.  that remains hidden from me, only glimpses of why ive done this to myself, again.  whats the lesson?  in service in service, give it up man, id say. geeez enough already.  saturate me why dontcha.  at least im off the army hospital on the sideyard, pretty much.  but every now and again, i will pay a psychic, and hope for the objectivity.  thats why i say even some things are hidden from the self.  clairvoyants can see more and longer, wider sometimes, and when one needs answers, then so be it.  ive had good experiences with them, and tarot is way to interpretive and vague for me. even if they use it as a prop.  i like the kind that sit right down and get on it, and ive known a couple.