yes poffo, there is no doubt about it. it has been a conscious theme/force to be separated, yet i feel badly about that much of the time. what has happened, and i have set this up to play out apparently, is that i have BECOME a revealer, an opener, a doorway, wherein just by me being me in my growth, i have inadvertently (and yes, i will admit i must have planned it so, with an extremist appearance and style of talk, which has hung me many a time) shed tons of light on illegal practices, inhumane conditions, illogical management, skewed individuals/pods, chaos, and confusion, so any alert player working in the system i work in, can see all the aforementioned for itself. i am usually the scapegoat (Not a martyr) for other issues that arise, and then the real ISSUES come to the forefront, and the wheels of change, non-staus quo MOMENTS that r non-static begin to slowly WHIR, and i exit. not always quietly. but those NEW fresh balls of light, and AHA moments grow and develop in those that were sleeping unhappily before. i am willing to say what others only THINK but r afraid to say. i am compelled to say things and do things that will bring change because ppl's lives r at stake, and i am only one person, in the game.
i am (as is my boyfriend) a system-buster, as we have discerned thru the yrs. we figured it out, that we go in to do our work, as we both are independents, (and have been asked to come in and do work and we do fabulous, passionate, scrupulous work, as the heretics we are) and in simply doing so, much that was hidden starts to be unraveled, pods come out, OP's get the light (or call it what one may) and negs, get a spotlight shown upon them. it usually happens in the most inocuous ways at first, begins to snowball, and then the WHOLE thing gets opened up. when it didnt before until we got there. its not "fair" maybe that we leave after that, but were not supposed to stay there indefinitely, such is the nature of independent contracting.
with our intent, simply to do fine work, and to take pleasure and be of great gratitude to be able to do so, light, logic, improvement, truth? (and im not going to say anymore on that, or debate the concept) HAPPENS next. we didnt know were what we are, we didnt TRY to be one, we became IT, thru the yrs. we r forever grateful for, but yet often, greatly pained in the role, which we did not PLAN. we r discovering who we are, and why. we forget sometimes, that when we go to work, that it is going to happen, were not martyrs and abhor that role. we dont ask for anything big or special either, we just want to be paid, and often are screwed over more times than we can count. we go back anyway tho, out of goodwill, and supportive intent, to do work, as we have to eat, and all that. we r not victims of any system, we dont need or subscribe to that. that too, is primitive, and unnecessary for our continued growth. we get a kick out of the whole adventure, but r also, very very tired. we have aligned ourselves with that good INTENT, and with that, everything falls into place, one way or another.
and almost EVERY TIME, when im in "trouble" for swearing, or looking fringe, my/our higher selves, our OWN PTB, see ahead and and protect us, in growth producing powerful ways, altho it LOOKS real BAD for the moment. nevertheless, a SHIFT has occurred, and we move on, that too, purposefully, yet inadvertently.
i will say, that ive seen all this repeatedly, and im not saying the changes STICK, or "all is SAVED/CHANGED" thereafter, we move on, and we dont often know if anything REALLY gets better in the long run. we r aligned tho, i think, with a powerful, bigger force, that sees and knows, and is providing for us, from WITHIN ourselves. so we retract sometimes, re-energize, sleep, rest, read, come on here, and constantly re-group. when im in the painful part of it tho, the actual being called on the carpet thing by a pod, for being so ostentatious in just doing the work, i often feel the fear rising, and i begin to cower just a little. the paranoia sets in, and i retract, briefly, try to re-set myself, and keep on, and i make myself promise i wont swear anymore, or "get into trouble" anymore for pointing out that there's no running hot water to wash my hands with and i quiet down a little and go about business. and then, it all gets revealed (and i cant understand how the other pods there arent bothered by that) that there r way way more big problems that r shortly going to be exposed any minute. u know, u'd think if they knew they'd be inspected, that they'd fix the pipes. see? and i thot it was that i was only swearing and using that bad word because i was angry that i couldnt wash my hands and i said so.
GNOTHI SEAUTON "Know Thyself!"