I am having difficulty finding purpose (Page 2 of 3)

I know depression Capitan.  It came upon me in my early teens, although at the time I didn't know I had it.  I suffered from it for many years, silently, often dreading going to bed at night because it meant waking up to a reality that felt alien to me in the way it seemed to make me wrong.

Trying to think my way out of it, like you, only seemed to make it worse.  Inaction made it worse. 

What worked for me were:

Dancing: - putting on music and moving my body to different rythms - that expressed every type of feeling/state of being possible.  I went in my room and really got out of my head and just into my body - moving to the beat.  (Five Rhythms by Gabriella Roth was one that was brilliant, because it has on it lots of different rythms and was made for body movement)

Walking: - Again movement. (Like Pictus and Feritciva) Energy can't be created nor destroyed.  Changing stuck emotional energy by moving is a great way to change depression (which is stuck emotions) into flowing energy again.  Sometimes, I'd walk / think / and emote as I walked. And even though I started off literally having to drag myself out of the door with lethargy, I'd come bouncing in again .

Lying on the bed and listening to my inner vulnerable being - the one that was stuck inside a cage my mind had created rather than feel the powerful emotions my inner being wanted to express.  Talking to that part of me that was in there, like a little girl, and encouraging her to talk/emote back.  (A psychologist would probably have a field day, but hey, it worked for me ).  Then talking to the Universe and telling It how I felt, and that I wanted to feel joyful again, but didn't know how and waited for it to 'talk' back.  It never used words, but after I'd fallen into my emotions, felt them and felt my vulnerability - once I'd come out of that ivory tower place that Stuart Wilde talks about - then I'd feel the Universe (my Higher Self) putting Its arms around me and loving me, accepting me.

Watching a (decent) comedy movie. You can't hold onto depression, anger, or any of that stuff, when you're laughing.  But its got to be a movie that is good enough to make you smile through your pain!  Or Robin Williams in concert, or Eddie Murphy - whatever works for you.

Chocolate - seriously! Its got all of those things in it that make you feel loved

Phoning a friend - I made a handful of true friends when I was on my own and began to reach out to other people that I trusted.  Each of those people are still my good friends now.

Meditation - but the chanting type, rather than the introspective type, as too many thoughts had got me depressed in the first place!

Capitan -

That's so true.  I spent many years searching the wilderness, so to speak, travelling, meditating, desparately seeking my purpose here.  But I found more of that purpose as I got on with daily life and treating it as my learning ground (you have to work with what you've got - it's all you've got really ) .  You see, I realised that I wouldn't find it anywhere else - apart from me.  Because it had to be in me.  And if I couldn't see it, then I'd wait to discover it.  I'd get on with boring mundane bloomin' existence until I found it.

So I worked, made friends, got married, talked to the Universe, had a baby, went around semi-asleep for several years, worked some more .... and all the time I waited, watched myself, got to know myself, learned what I liked and didn't like.  Listened to my self-talk and changed the negatives into positives, passed on what I found out worked to my friends .... and eventually discovered that to a greater or lesser extent I AM my life's purpose. 

And so are you.  In the way you meet and greet life.  In what you discover about yourself.  In how you choose to respond to life.  The power you take into your own hands every time you choose how you will respond - rather than react to what life throws at you.  You learn to play poker in the great poker game of existence, and you learn - after losing a few hands - how to play even a lousy pair of 10s - well!

And maybe you write a blog, and express your stuff for your own inner health, but along the way someone else reads it and they take something from it that gives them strength. 

Capitan, its a bit like being a pebble that someone has chucked into a pool.  You create ripples.  But you can't see the ripples, because you're falling to the bottom of the pool.  All you know is that the water was a bit murky on the way down and now you've got sand in your teeth.  You can't see the ripples you made.  But others will.  The ones that matter.

We're all connected. 

Thanks Capitan for your thread.  Because in writing this, you've helped me get into my heart space, and that feels good.    Keep on going, you'll make it

Love ya!
Cipher

One of the problems that I am dealing with here is that I have mood swings.  For instance I am in a good mood right now and was in a decent mood when I first wrote this.  I was planning for the inevitable down time.  Because I knew it was coming I was looking for some sort of crutch to get me through.  Cipher, the things that you mention are very helpful, as I was looking for some sort of crutch to get me through these inevitable down times until I develope or understand the strength I need to get through these times on my own.

take a sad song, and make it better

Have You tried Flax seed oil Capitan? It works great for deppression and mood swings.

Daisy:  I haven't read to many books by anyone.  I mostly read things I find on the internet.  Along the lines of you saying that you see the futility in the future, I think you might be on the same wavelength as me with the background you are describing.  I have been thinking that because I don't really care about money, I only need enough to live that I should follow what I feel right.  Throw out my education and corporate job.  I have already paid back my debts and have a substantial savings now.  I only need two things and I think I will be off, a better sense of direction, and the guts to do it.  The main thing holding me back is my fear and depression.  Thats why I need a crutch to get through these things until I can develope the inner strength to make it through the tough times with will alone.  I am lucky in that my parents would not disown me if I followed my ambition, and I have very few others that I worry about their opinion of me.

I have felt many times that I would like to go back to ignorance of the truth, but I know it's not true.  Just like in the matrix movies when cipher says the matrix is better then life outside of it. 

Lastly one thing you can be assured of is you won't lose your soul participating in the matrix.  That is the one thing that is yours to keep, and if nothing else the Matrix, or reality is a good learning expereince, although often depressing and unenjoyable. 

Thanks for the input.

Hi Capitan,

While there is hope you have no choice but to carry on, look for the answers. And you cannot say 'there is no hope', because if you did you would know all the answers - and you don't.

Depression comes about because you think a situation is hopeless and, if it were hopeless, you would know all the answers. But I'm sure you will agree that you don't have all the answers, so the situation is not hopeless.

Soldier on, mon Capitan!

Great thread. I have suffered with depression for years. I don't know if it's genetic or disillusionment with the ratrace or both. I am in too deep to walk out on everything, financially. Kids I'd like to send to college hopefully.  I find solace in reading Eckhart Tolle and Advaita, going to satsangs when I can. The mind is not my friend.