being nice vs being real (Page 4 of 4)

I work in an office were I have become very aware of some things.   Some people in the office, myself included seem to strain themself to talk in a loud wisper, a tone of voice devoid of any emotion, inflection.  It sounds like the person is straining themseves to be as montonous as possible.  For me this is a result of long ago having my individuality crushed and as a result shutting off all emotions, especially in public. 

I recently started a new position and I believe was given a unique opportunity.   I work mainly with two people.  One is about an ideal person to work with as I can imagine in terms of everything but productivity.  He is really nice, complementary, calm in intense situations (possibly helped by his heavy smoking).  The other guy, my boss, is the polar opposite.  I really don't understand the concept that Montalk discusse about Organic Portals, but if I know one, it is this guy.  When he sites down to talk with me I feel like my life force is draining, and he will ramble on forever about stupid details of the project that won't be an issue for weeks if ever.  To state it clearly if I ask him a question that could be answered in a sentance, he will talk to me for a half an hour. 

When I started the new position I was literally having major stress induced problems.  I developed intestinal gastronitous, and other physical stress related problems.  It took me a while, but I eventually noticed that just through his presence I would begin to feel really uncomfortable, like he was radiating some kind of poison energy would be the best way to describe the feeling.   

To stay with the theme of the thread, I am a fake as well.  I have crafted my personality to be fairly mundane and emotionless, so I could slip right in with the herd.  I have lost my personality so long ago I don't know really if I ever had one, if I did what it was like.  I have been dedicating the last year or two of my life searching for purpose and an identity.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Capitan, I was going to mention this very same thing several days ago and never did.  But this is so, so true.  I especially noticed this at my current temp job, and not a day has gone by in my 3 1/2 weeks where I haven't thought about this, or analyzed my coworkers and their tone of voice and manner of speech.  Every single day it eats at me, it really really bugs me.  I myself am not "loud"...in fact, I've lamented people who "yell talk."   It's the extreme opposite phenomenon, and equally as annoying.  Nobody likes their ear drums blown out when listening to someone speak.   But here at my latest temp job most everybody, with a few exceptions, speak in this veeeeery regulated, careful, low, almost meek way.  I CAN'T STAND IT.  It's driving me MAD.   There are two people who don't however, but they are ones who do go around saying "Sounds good!" and other filler speak that I was lamenting earlier.      But all the rest in the office, mostly women, all speak in this way that I don't even think I could imitate.  Every day though I watch them and listen try to imagine speaking that way.   Again...I'm not a "loud" person........but I speak in a *normal* way that has emotion.  Inflection.  Strength in vocal tone. 

It's like these people have no life force driving their words, so everything comes out in this restrained, low, mild mannered almost meek way. 

Sometimes I feel like standing up and SCREAMING when they talk to me!    Seriously.   Two in particular drive me mad.   Actually, four.    Just want to go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  like a crazy person when I'm around them. 

There's also no discernable personality behind this mild meek way of speaking.   Sometimes I don't even think these people are real.  And this phenomenon is on the increase.  More and more people that may as well be fake drone background characters.  It's getting scary.

Mamma Mia!
They need some Italian way to speak/utter.
Hummm, next time try a job in a ristorante/pizzeria

Well, to clarify, in the post you're quoting I was talking specifically about their voices, and overall lack of discernable personality behind their voices.  They're so bland and blank, and seem to lack life energy, which is conveyed in their voice.   The voice was the whole point, which is something you brought up, which I was quoting and agreeing with you about.   I wasn't talking about you, or trying to say you were fake, so no worries about trying to prove yourself by citing your non-fake qualities. 

And it really is getting unnerving and scary, because blank people are on the increase wherever I go.   I notice it especially with the people who work at my temp agency.  They are absolutely scary.  It's like, they *do not* listen to what you're saying.  They're grinning with big plastered on smiles, and wide empty eyes.  Their responses consistently don't match what's being said.   There have been too many times to count where I felt like I was talking to replica people whose responses would be just enough to skate by for those who are asleep and unobservant, but aren't cutting it when you're alert and awake.  I could go on, but I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, it's such a weird synchronicity that you would have brought up the voices topic, which has become a very noticeable issue for me.  Have had a resurgence of synchs again these past two days or so, this is a continuation of that.  Good God, what does it all meeeeean?!?!? 

Well maybe that's my problem, Pictus.....because I'm part Italian myself!  Gotta get with my peeps!   j/k

Wow, great posts. I've been thinking about this subject for a few years and I've talked to alot of people about being nice versus being real. I've gotten alot of blank stares and comments ranging from "you're so effin weird" , "why do you think about these types of things" to people saying "people are getting faker everyday". I'm actually in limbo with this. While I can be nice to people and put a fake front and smile, I actually don't feel that way. I don't know if I'm negative, but I simply don't take alot of people seriously. I kinda roll my eyes at people because I just see through their fakeness and their constant whine about their make-believe problems.

I work concierge/doorman while I go to school, so I constantly have to be "nice". It's excrutiating going to work because you have to put an 8 hour shift and pretend that you are there for the people who live there- opening their doors, greeting them "good evening, Mr. Green", giving them their packages, hailing cabs for these rich grown ass kids. Now, doing this for a while, it does affect you in and outside of work. At work, it's thinning to the point where I'm like a robot: "hi, good night" because frankly, I really don't care for these people and I am very sure they wouldn't care if I got hit by an ice cream truck. Also, my genuine (yeah, in the beginning) niceness wasn't appreciated as both the residents and my co-workers stepped on me with their brute, insincere attitudes and their miserable lives with their dead end jobs (my coworkers). I took this personally because I was naive and should of known to use my intuition like I do now. I also tried to get to know my co-workers and the residents there and when I would ask them questions about themselves like "Are you originally from New York?" they would give me this "How dare you ask me a personal question I am offended" type of look. It's like these people are afraid to engage in a real conversation. Of course, if it doesn't involve the weather or the NY Yankees, chances are there will be no conversation. Weird. So at work, I mix it up with the robot lingo "hi good night" with a little fake talk "wow, how bout them Yankees?!" (for the record, I really don't care for the Yankees, just a bunch of meatheads IMO) just so I can actually kill time believe it or not.

Outside of work, I began to see people as a bunch of clones: talking the same, dressing the same, same beliefs and their subtle fear of life that is obvious when talking to them. It's hard not being apathetic towards these people because when you're nice, most of the time, these people are fake, lack depth, have phrases that they constantly use like HOT and UBER that I almost throw up in my mouth a little whenever I hear it. There's nothing real about these people, so I'm pretty apathetic and make fun of fake people in my head because it keeps me grounded and sane.

I'm recently going through this transition where I pretty much dumped a group of friends because I felt stifled and betrayed. In the beginning and the middle, I was nice to these people and I really thought they had good intentions for me. So I felt comfortable around them yet at the same time, I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be myself around these people and just chill, no frills, etc. They got uncomfortable really quick. I was offended by their muslim jokes (my parents are Albanians and non-practicing Muslims from Kosovo and Montenegro) calling me a terrorist and putting down my parents religion. I'm not Muslim (duh), but who the hell are you to judge anyone? I wasn't offended by the muslim trashing, I was offended because they became more and more of what the status quo tells them to be and that's to trash people who are different than they are. Along with that, their disgusting views of life such as "I hate poor people" to "You're so weird with that alternative medicine, remind me why do you hang out with us again?"and all this other empty shallow non-sense just broke the boundaries. They are such sheep that I can honestly say I knew what they were going to say before they spoke. To make a long story short, I realized that they didn't like me and the life and experiences I shared with them that I didn't even feel guilty for breaking it off with them the way I did. Sometimes being nice ain't all that nice in the end. You don't have to become a complete A-hole, but being real always wins in the end, as cliche as that sounds.