1 Topic by blacklight (edited by blacklight 2008-01-28 22:27:36)

  • Registered: 2008-01-26

Topic: I'm an agent + some stuff you might find interesting

This isn't the post I was first going to put up. I'm not out to hurt anyone and I want to be a normal loving and responsible person.

I have schizophrenia and or DID and I'd like some suggestions for it. I feel blank and almost catatonic and I've lost my intelligence, almost to the point of retardation. When I exhibit loving emotions I'm kind of like a child and it's very weird. Also, all my chakras are screwed and seem weak. Does concentrating on them help? I've been like this from childhood (not dumb, predatory and needy) as far as I can remember. It's taken me a while to see how truly screwed up I am.

Have "Mark of the Beast" on my right hand and left cheek that I got around 14-16.
Also, lump on left side of neck that Lyras book mentioned, it's gone down over time to almost nothing and I've noticed it secrets some kind of liquid that went up into my head and felt like a chemical burn. Neck has gotten very weak and that part of my spine is falling apart I think. The bones make clicking sounds. What happened to yours Lyra? Anyone else gotten this?

Would someone that had no intention of changing experience this? I was pretty smart before. I noticed the ghouls hanging around my chakras before and they're at my crown every once in a while now.

All of a sudden one day I could see the ghouls (dark blurs flying around) and what might be nicer beings (same thing only white). Can see "the morph" and I think this is the only reason I can see them. Why is this hardly ever addressed? Can anyone else see it and is it some type of con?

I'm sorry this is post is so weird and would be very difficult to understand, and might seem downright crazy. If I pollute this forum just by being a member I'll go, but any advice would still be great.

2 Reply by nexus (edited by nexus 2008-01-28 22:57:41)

  • From: Australia
  • Registered: 2007-04-07

Re: I'm an agent + some stuff you might find interesting

I think one or two other posters at NR have mentioned their own difficulties with schizsophrenia.  Both seemed intelligent, open and willing to share their struggles and successes but i can't remember who they are.  They wrote of it a while back.  If Montalk or anyone else can remember their handles i think blacklight could benefit from that just as a starting point. 

Plus there are a lot of threads here about implants and related topics which are packed with info and advice.  They're also good places to start.  I guess you might need to look at nutrition if you haven't already and there's tons of that info in the health section.  Barefoot Doc has done a big job of educating this forum on those issues as have quite a few others. There are links all over the health section.  Nutritional deficiencies can imbalance the body and the mind so do look into that.   You sound like you need psychic defense too.  Lyra highly recommended a book recently for that purpose but i forget which one.  Hopefully she or Montalk reads this and can link you to it.  All the best in your healing blacklight.

nexus's Website

  • morningsun76
  • morningsun76
  • the answer has been with you the whole time
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  • From: In two worlds
  • Registered: 2004-09-10

Re: I'm an agent + some stuff you might find interesting

nexus wrote:

You sound like you need psychic defense too.  Lyra highly recommended a book recently for that purpose but i forget which one.  Hopefully she or Montalk reads this and can link you to it.

It was this one:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/4161MWH5MHL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_OU01_AA240_SH20_.jpg

4 Reply by proto (edited by proto 2008-01-29 00:08:43)

  • proto
  • proto
  • NR has changed my life!
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  • Registered: 2005-12-13

Re: I'm an agent + some stuff you might find interesting

nexus wrote:

I think one or two other posters at NR have mentioned their own difficulties with schizsophrenia.  Both seemed intelligent, open and willing to share their struggles and successes but i can't remember who they are.  They wrote of it a while back.  If Montalk or anyone else can remember their handles i think blacklight could benefit from that just as a starting point. 

Plus there are a lot of threads here about implants and related topics which are packed with info and advice.  They're also good places to start.  I guess you might need to look at nutrition if you haven't already and there's tons of that info in the health section.  Barefoot Doc has done a big job of educating this forum on those issues as have quite a few others. There are links all over the health section.  Nutritional deficiencies can imbalance the body and the mind so do look into that.   You sound like you need psychic defense too.  Lyra highly recommended a book recently for that purpose but i forget which one.  Hopefully she or Montalk reads this and can link you to it.  All the best in your healing blacklight.

The moment I read you post about nutrition, I thought about nutrition, specifically a raw food diet/fast. There are studies that come from Russia that say going on a vegan,raw foods diet and a water fast dramatically reduces symptoms, even cures schizophrenia. I think going on a diet like that would greatly help with someone who shows signs of schizophrenia, since there may be certain foods that can harm certain people and their delicate brain chemistry. People should have better diets in general, since it can help them immensely, especially with certain medical/health issues like what Blacklight has. So good catch nexus! smile

Anyways, here's a link that explains the connection between nutrition and schizophrenia: http://www.newstarget.com/015187.html

It's a long article, so make sure to press CTRL and F to locate schizophrenia. Great article.

Also, NR poster Barefoot is big on health and knows his stuff Blacklight! Look and read his posts. I think it would be a great idea to take care of the physical stuff (diet/exercise, hobbies/ things that ground you), just to see if there really is a correlation between the physical and the mental, which most likely will be (pot smokers, anyone? big_smile haha ) .

The book that nexus, morningsun, montalk, lyra, me and the rest of NR recommends is a treasure when it comes to dealing anything negative force related. It's such a great book that broadly deals with many subjects from posession to negative thought loops, etc. I personally love this book since it helped me out with negative things that were going on with my life and read it from time to time to keep myself sharpen, so to speak.
You can order it at Amazon or check your local bookstore. It's good stuff!

I hope this helps blacklight.

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."
– Carlos Castaneda

5 Reply by blacklight (edited by blacklight 2008-01-29 20:39:22)

  • Registered: 2008-01-26

Re: I'm an agent + some stuff you might find interesting

Hey thanks a lot guys, and sorry this was a bit scattered and probably attention grabby.

Nutrition is HUGE for this. A ton of spirulina has been big too. Recapping/shadow work is going to be huge too, but only when you're in a decent state. I think fasting would be quicker but I'm not in a position to fast right now.

Prayer helps heaps for inspiration and getting you in a better state.

Happy emotions are needed too.

Wish me luck  - will let you know how it goes.

  • montalk
  • montalk
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  • Registered: 2004-03-24

Re: I'm an agent + some stuff you might find interesting

You may have tried this already, but if not give it a go.

When you are at your best, in your most stable and positive and sober state of mind, write down a list of ten principles, ides, concepts, feelings, truths, etc... that capture your state of mind, that can serve as a reminder when you slip back. Then when you've slipped, all you have to do is grab this list and ponder it and try as hard as possible to step back into that mindset.

Also, it helps to learn how to give up a current mindset, just abandon it regardless of the justifications, and out of faith step back into your better mindset. So like if in a better mindset you have written "My heart grows heavy when I see the suffering of others" and then in a negative mindset you read this and think "Bullshit, people are scum and deserve to suffer because of X, Y, Z, etc..." then there is a trick of just letting go of that, not even arguing against it or wrestling against those rationalizations. Like taking off old clothes you just take off that rationalization and say, "So what, I don't care what my current justification for being negative is, I must turn away from that and instead follow this list and will now try to recapture that mindset of when I wrote the list. I trust in the part of me that wrote this."

The worst thing you can do while in a negative state is try to reason / debate your way out of it, because the very fact that you are IN this state, have this feeling, means not only that your perception is limited (and so you are debating from an incomplete premise) but the negative feeling will bias / nudge every thought you have. It's like having one leg a little shorter than the other and despite walking straight you eventually just come back full circle. So in that negative state, drop the intellectual justifications, worrying, arguing, and wrestling and focus first on getting yourself up to a higher attitude where you are more stable and good-natured. This will broaden your perspective and bring you clarity.

So whenever something negative, or programming command or whatever, comes up, think to yourself, "It doesn't matter. I'm not giving it attention. What really matters is what's on this list, this list is who I really am." Because having something on paper serves as an anchor, a lifeline, something tangible and solid that stays the same even when you don't. And because it stays the same, by returning to it again and again you increasingly stay more and more in that better state. It's like having a sober friend to let you know when you're drunk. Being drunk can  impair your ability to know just how drunk you are, therefore something that comes from a state of sobriety can lead you back to it.

Acquiring fringe knowledge is like digging for diamonds in a mine field.

montalk's Website