here's what works for me.     first off I had to become aware that there were 2 distinct mechanisms  (for lack of a better word) operating in me and in all people.   The ego/false self nature and the spirit  trueSelf nature.  These are the labels I use to identify it. They operate to varying degrees but usually it's the ego false self emotions and feelings and behaviors/actions that are primary.   Lack of awareness as to how these operate and are also  programs from genes and other influences can make a person feel like they're  a boat tossed on an ocean -->  helpless and sort of at the mercy of ???? anything which can trigger it.     I believe it's that helpness which is part of the program to keep people incapable of coming from a really healthy inner place. They give up and zap their frozen and incapable of coming from their true Natures. 

I learned how the ego false self  operates within me.   How it feels.  How behaviors and actions can lead to keeping the cycle going.  I learned that there are 3 key basic components in each:
1) emotions and feelings that are inherent to either the ego aspect or trueSelf aspect
2) thoughts that are inherent to ego aspect and with the trueSelf it doesn't really have thoughts persee, but the mind acts more as a receptor for ideas which is what comes to ones consciousness, or one becomes conscious of a positive and good idea.  This is not to be confused with the random chattering thoughts of the ego.
3)  behavior and actions.  Both aspects operate from behavior and actions and sometimes a person feels like there is a war going on within them between a good action, or thought or feeling and those that don't promote a good feeling from the heart.   

These 3 things are important to be aware of, discern, identify because without these 3 working together from a place of the heart a person gets tossed back and forth feeling like there is a huge gap and no bridge to go between -- or a huge disconnect.    Confusion generally arises then because a person feels mixed ideas, or mixed feelings and mixed directions for action and can't get clear on them so they stay in a bad situation even though their heart is telling them it's not good.   They lose the ability to listen to their heart and identify feelings from it,  ideas from it, and behavior and actions to take to align with it.  that's the disconnect.

I learned how the trueSelf operates.  How it feels.  How behaviors and actions can lead to keeping that cycle going.   
I learned to discern and recognize the difference between the 2. 
Previously there had been a huge disconnect within me in this area.   
For example,  the false self has all kinds of emotions and feelings as a counterpart to trueSelf.   
false self would give anger, lust, greed, envy and many subtle variations of emotions
trueSelf would feel patience, pure love, joy,  peace and many subtle variations of these emotions.
I noticed that the ego can duplicate lots of counterfeits and counterparts,  but it can't duplicate peace and joy.   That is why people who are primarily operating from ego may have a strange happiness but it's driven by things which are from ego and it's not a true joy or peace.  Peace is never attained for ego.   A feeling of satisfaction perhaps, and that satisfaction will last only awhile, and then their back to the ego roller coaster again.  Whereas the subtle difference between that and the true Self emotion is that Spirit peace is a different feeling than satisfaction.   Then you can decide which feeling and behavior/action you want to focus on and feel in order to perpetuate that feeling.   If you change your feeling and behavior to align with that feeling then you are left feeling good.  That's what people want to feel -->  a peace about our life. 

So,  I've made actions in past that my trueSelf/Heart hasn't felt peace about.  I ignored that feeling often feeling conflicted like I felt one thing and then another --> leading to confusion. Then I focused on the thoughts that generated that lack of peace and it was always some dramatic thing.   I usually took the action route of ego and then I wouldn't  feel quite good about it or it would lead to some form of drama which I wasn't at peace with....  it would often end in feeling some form of the blues to down right sadness or  anger.    It was a constant cycle of various degrees of intensity.   

Once I was able to identify between the 2 and find out what actions were from where I was able to align my actions with trueSelf and feel peace. I was able to stop the focus of engaging in feelings, thoughts and behaviors that produced that kind of cycle.   Now I really am more adept at this and I feel much more peace and joy even when life seems to be presenting problems.     It's hard to describe and I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job of it.

When I discovered the trick of  not focusing so much on the thought ego, but identifying what the feeling and behavior/action is in order to discern if it's coming from ego or trueSelf --> and then following in alignment with what I felt was a trueSelf feeling and behavior and action then the feelings changed from sad/anger/hopeless to joy, peace and healthiness.  The behavior and actions changed as I did what came from my heart or trueSelf feeling.   Then my life changed from aaarghhhhh to  yummy.   My life has never been healthier. This is a huge thing for me considering I stayed in an alcoholic parent family for a long time and in a marriage that was killing my spirit and I became suicidal becuase I just couldn't seem to get out of that bad marriage. 

This feeling of peace and joy is what all the christmas cards and people wish to attain all over the world.... world peace and joy.    Inner peace and joy.  There is so much talk about it and yet people feel disconnected as to how to feel it and act with it.  It just rarely ever happens in people's lives.  The best most of them do is resign themselves to numbness.   Numbness is just another form of ego emotion as a subtle feeling.    Peace and joy is  the hardest thing to feel and therefore experience  because we've been taught how to feel ego feelings/emotions and to behave from them not from trueSelf heart feelings, ideas and behaviors and actions.     Then when we get a glimmer trueSElf feelings and behaviors  (and our true feelings are joy and peace) we haven't been taught how to act in accord with it and confusion arises. There
s the disconnect.   for example,  my heart tells me I shouldn't have been in the marriage, it told me that I shouldn't have married in fact,  and it told me to get out of the marriage.  I didn't listen because I was focused on ego thoughts, feelings and actions presented to me from my upbringing.    Many people live their life just randomly hitting a joyful moment and not knowing how to duplicate that magic.   Now if you practice this you can experience joy and peace each day on purpose, because that is who you are -- not who your ego is.    That's the difference.

It's in shifting the focus and being aware of these components and following through with the action/behavior that trueSelf prompts you with from peace and joy,  then the peace and joy gets deeper or stays clear and THAT'S  the cycle that gets repeated over and over instead of the cycle humanity is used to which is a hopeless and helpless cycle of anger, fear, depression, sadness, blues, lust,  greed,  etc., etc.

Then,  to add to it I learned  a breathing technique called prana yoga.
It's not very hard to do but the ego resists it so few people actually will do it.

You breathe in and   have no gaps between the intake breath and the exhale breath so the inhale and exhale is in one complete circle in and out.  Sounds simple but not so easy to do all the time.   The only agenda is to allow yourself to feel your True Spirit Self Nature come up.    In the first stages people often feel their body tingling and burning off energy, and this is actually energy stored from the birthing experience.   People often feel a lot of ego energy come up too, and if you stay with your breathing process staying focused on the idea of feeling your true nature this will burn off and the joy and peace feelings will become your predominant feeling.   It will because  that is your true nature of spirit ---- not anger, yuck and crap feelings.  When you're having anger, yuck and crap feelings and behavior you know that is ego predominant.  That's a big red flag indication for me  to step back and re-focus and do breathe-work of prana.  The other beautiful thing about it is that when I'm in a  situation that may seem uncomfortable, or unknown, I have not got the fears as I used to because I know how to identify and how to find the behavior/actions that follow trueSelf and then how to act on them which continues to produce my best.    I also correlate the breath with my bodies energy centers. 

If I go inward and be still to feel what my trueSelf feels like it will show up.  And it will show up as what we label as joy and when we make actions it will show up as peace or not.  If there's no peace then I know it's not from my true Self.    My true self can't show up as anything but joy and peace and,  um,  yes,  even love.   It's a wise love -- not a stupid love. (stupid love is an ego counterfeit counterpart duplicate mimic imposter)   It's a smart  discriminating love.   

that's what works for me

I sincerely do wish you well in finding something that works for you,

a heads up though,   be aware of these people who keep you locked in thought mind stuff because it will be just another view from the roller coaster, except that you're feeling like your doing something good about it rather than just laying on the couch and eating and channel surfing.    Know what I mean?

Be alert for traps that don't produce your trueFeelings and Your trueSelf and that produce and perpetuate cycles of ego emotions and feelings.   

cheers.

I agree. This is one of the most problematic aspects of our society. People are, you could say, compelled to 'sugarcoat' and compromise themselves in order to be accepted. I've attempted to be as truthful as possible with people, but I tend to fall back on 'sugarcoating' you could say. It certainly isn't easy, and demands discipline via 'self-observation', meditation, and a great amount of patience. I know that I could achieve conscious choice, true will, but I'm indecesive, somewhat pessimistic, and lazy.

I admire your self-honesty. I agree it isn't easy at all but being aware of it and making attempts to move in a more positive direction is a wonderful thing. Perhaps we should be more forgiving of ourselves and others as well to feel a more real acceptance.

I hope someone replies with helpful suggestions.  I could use it myself.  I've been afflicted with bouts of extreme anger lately.  I make a deal over the phone, manu y manu, man to man and then he comes into the store and see's different options, and like an immature child wants to change everything, and I have to answer to the owner of the store.  I can't simply concede to these sudden change of plans.  I could simply say I need to get back to the gym.  I've lapsed for a couple of years.  I'm old enough to know better, though.  It'll only make me a more vital and in-shape angry person.  All day today, I've been wanting to break someones jaw.  I would never do it, but the thoughts alone make me guilty. 

So far, the only thing I know of is that free will simply means that I have autonomy over what my attention is directed to.  I try to direct it away from these angry thoughts.  Maybe sleeping more than six hours every night would be a good idea also.  So there you have it, I'm doing this shit to myself.

Hi Antaeus,

In the not to distant past I've experienced similiar anger issues.  Today, I can say with confidence that my acceptance of 'longsuffering' as part of a learning process to gain more knowledge and understanding which takes a bit of time and practice to transform the negative energy into positive is important in order to succeed at the battles that life thows at us. 

Laughter, positive thoughts and genuine kindness towards those who seem to be the 'unintentional' oppressors, has always de-energised any situation I've been in, into a less negative and mostly into pleasant positive experiences. 

I've learned that by verbally releasing the words of forgiveness (sort of like a prayer) about those who have given me the opportunity to forgive them , with time and patience will disolve anger that has been piled up within the sub-conscious mind or within the heart (however you like to think of it). 

I like to think of it as 'occassional soul dusting' when I release the words of forgiveness about anyone who I believe has a direct influence on my feelings of anger, but whenever possible to forgive right on the spot and to be blunt and truthful with people.  Telling someone that they are hurting your feelings but it's ok because you've already forgiven them (saying it with a smile on your face ofcourse) seems to work like a 'miracle'

Peace, PhiConcept.

Right as the shark reached me, I levitated out of the water.

....and body-surfed with great delight and poise!

Remember, life is a cycle; a wave--ride the crest long enough and you crash into the seashore. Its up to you to paddle back out to catch the next wave. Blaming others who take a more routine life won't make you a better surfer, nor cause them to seek greater challenges. You'll never convince the herd that authenticity is a more enriching path, for they fear the Great White Shark and your personal integrity does not ease their pain.

"Small fish swim in schools; the Great White Shark swims alone"
~~carefulcarpenter

This reminds me of a dream I once had. In the dream, I was swimming underwater with a group of friends. A shark approached us. I told them to get out of the water as I blocked the shark's path, taking on my ideal role as the 'protector'. As the shark approached, I realized that I couldn't face the shark. Right as the shark reached me, I levitated out of the water.

Your current situation is consequence of your own decisions.

I decided once that I would no longer sugarcoat my social interactions. I would be direct, honest, and would never compromise myself. It felt great but truthfully most people are addicted to "the rules" and will attack those who don't play by them. I haven't exactly been popular among the herd by avoiding internal conflict. Many people fear that kind of action.

Sometimes it's best if you "own it",  so to speak.  We do victimize ourselves much of the time--its unavoidable, as it seems. Although it isn't always a bad thing.  We learn in many different ways--most often by experience.  If we resist spiritual growth our higher selves will create conditions where we must change; this is a compensating mechanism which assists us to experience life and grow.  At some point in the process its difficult to tell the difference between a good result that leads us to stagnation, or to a poor result that eventually launches us upward.  Depression itself is a compensation.  It is a time where the mind and body can heal--like a cocoon state. We can emerge more beautiful and more capable of facing the challenges of life once we finally get tired of the bordum of doing little other than feeling bad. Our narcissism must die before we can grow to embrace others as we in turn desire them to accept us. Bit by bit we develop.  Those who resist spiritual growth pay a very heavy price farther down the line.  To override the consequences of these natural unconscious forces people will embellish their self-importance to society and attach far too much value to the sugar-coated false-self. They demand more sugar and more deception; and if you don't give it they will punish with all the social means available to them. This is the root of inauthenticity--the needs and desires to feel acceptable to the "inner circle".  If you don't fit "in" to the circle then you get thrown "away". Sugar helps to feed the beast's appetite  and keep it stimulated--sometimes its just wiser to keep some sugar cubes in your pocket while you journey through the jungle.  They won't do much good once you jump in the ocean.

Remember, life is a cycle; a wave--ride the crest long enough and you crash into the seashore. Its up to you to paddle back out to catch the next wave. Blaming others who take a more routine life won't make you a better surfer, nor cause them to seek greater challenges. You'll never convince the herd that authenticity is a more enriching path, for they fear the Great White Shark and your personal integrity does not ease their pain, like sugar cubes.

"Small fish swim in schools; the Great White Shark swims alone"
~~carefulcarpenter

I think most people know deep down what would make them happy, but they fail to move in that direction. Instead they stay where they are and then to make matters worse go around proving their story. I think we're all guilty of this. Many people love to medicate themselves when they could also just as easily drop everything and walk away. Your current situation is consequence of your own decisions.

I decided once that I would no longer sugarcoat my social interactions. I would be direct, honest, and would never compromise myself. It felt great but truthfully most people are addicted to "the rules" and will attack those who don't play by them. I haven't exactly been popular among the herd by avoiding internal conflict. Many people fear that kind of action.

I see the victim status in others as well but I can't blame them. I see the big picture but that doesn't stop me from slipping into the victim role every now and then as well.

I agree. This is one of the most problematic aspects of our society. People are, you could say, compelled to 'sugarcoat' and compromise themselves in order to be accepted. I've attempted to be as truthful as possible with people, but I tend to fall back on 'sugarcoating' you could say. It certainly isn't easy, and demands discipline via 'self-observation', meditation, and a great amount of patience. I know that I could achieve conscious choice, true will, but I'm indecesive, somewhat pessimistic, and lazy.

covertmetaphor wrote:

I think many people are screwed up simply because they don't sleep enough, don't exercise, and eat mainly a staple of preprocessed food, let alone all the other problems.

Sometimes it gets REAL simple, doesn't it.

One other problem is cognitive dissonance. Our hypocrisy causes internal conflicts that manifest as aggression, depression, anger, etc. We believe one thing in our hearts yet we fail to take appropriate actions in our real lives; justifying that we are powerless because of "the rules". We see in others the victim status and blame them for not seeing the big picture. If they would only wake up and see the light.......

"The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness."
~~Bob Marley

Good point. I think most people know deep down what would make them happy, but they fail to move in that direction. Instead they stay where they are and then to make matters worse go around proving their story. I think we're all guilty of this. Many people love to medicate themselves when they could also just as easily drop everything and walk away. Your current situation is consequence of your own decisions.

I decided once that I would no longer sugarcoat my social interactions. I would be direct, honest, and would never compromise myself. It felt great but truthfully most people are addicted to "the rules" and will attack those who don't play by them. I haven't exactly been popular among the herd by avoiding internal conflict. Many people fear that kind of action.

I see the victim status in others as well but I can't blame them. I see the big picture but that doesn't stop me from slipping into the victim role every now and then as well.

I have always been one of those kind of guys who was too macho to cry.  I've held back the tears for the longest time, even during the most traumatic of events.  I had no idea back then that repressing emotions can really mess you  up.  Back when I was around 18 I experienced a very traumatic time in my life with my mother who is schizophrenic, she refused to take her medication, and she flipped out, and we lived with her for at least 6-12 months, and me during that whole time never allowing myself to cry.  Soon after that traumatic episode, I had a chronic tension headache for a year or 2, and after that I developed a very mild depressive state that has stayed with me to this day.....I am now 34.  I became spiritual and more aware of who I am, and have been medidating almost daily for the last 3 or 4 years.  Yet I still have this dark cloud following me.  Anyone have any medidation ideas or anything that can help me rid myself of this bad energy stuck inside of me, that I just can't seem to release......I am considering going to a Reiki healer........any suggestion?

I can really resonate with you, eethie, I was just the same, living 'up north' in the UK, when men were men and the women were, too.:D.

Try out any or all the suggestions you have been/will be given, but by all means, be gentle with your self. Fact is, you were not responsible for the events that happened, and you were under extreme stress. But you are not your emotions, you are not your feelings, you are not your mind and you are not even your physical body. You are a gentle conciousness that has been severely tested, and is still standing.

I second the Eckhart Tolle books recommendation, especially 'The Power of Now'. I have lost the links, but have the PDF files, please email me if you would like them. F*ck all the karmic crap. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Take care of yourself.

I think many people are screwed up simply because they don't sleep enough, don't exercise, and eat mainly a staple of preprocessed food, let alone all the other problems.

Sometimes it gets REAL simple, doesn't it.

One other problem is cognitive dissonance. Our hypocrisy causes internal conflicts that manifest as aggression, depression, anger, etc. We believe one thing in our hearts yet we fail to take appropriate actions in our real lives; justifying that we are powerless because of "the rules". We see in others the victim status and blame them for not seeing the big picture. If they would only wake up and see the light.......

"The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness."
~~Bob Marley

I hope someone replies with helpful suggestions.  I could use it myself.  I've been afflicted with bouts of extreme anger lately.  I make a deal over the phone, manu y manu, man to man and then he comes into the store and see's different options, and like an immature child wants to change everything, and I have to answer to the owner of the store.  I can't simply concede to these sudden change of plans.  I could simply say I need to get back to the gym.  I've lapsed for a couple of years.  I'm old enough to know better, though.  It'll only make me a more vital and in-shape angry person.  All day today, I've been wanting to break someones jaw.  I would never do it, but the thoughts alone make me guilty. 

So far, the only thing I know of is that free will simply means that I have autonomy over what my attention is directed to.  I try to direct it away from these angry thoughts.  Maybe sleeping more than six hours every night would be a good idea also.  So there you have it, I'm doing this shit to myself.

Oh yes I forgot about regular exercise. That is so important too. Going to the gym is so helpful for me as well. It makes a world of difference. Just working out can release bottled up emotions, plus the added benefits of releasing norepinephrine into your brain which acts as a kind of buffer against brain chemicals which cause stress and anxiety. And like you said sleeping is important. It is best to go to bed every night at the same time and sleep more than 6 hours. At least 7.

I think many people are screwed up simply because they don't sleep enough, don't exercise, and eat mainly a staple of preprocessed food, let alone all the other problems.

Here is a list of things that I have found to give measurable and noticeable results:

1. Dr. Christopher S. Hyatt's and Dr. Israel Regardie's Radical Undoing Exercises

This exercises are somewhat based off of the work of Wilhelm Reich and his ideas of Character Armor. They release chronic tension and it is not unusual to have long lost memories float up to your conscious mind and your body automatically take on the emotions associated with those memories. At that point you just let it out. I never knew how much I had buried deep inside me until I began doing these exercises everyday.

These exercises produce a phenomenon known as tetny to rebirthing practitioners. It is a tingling feeling in the hands and feet, sometimes around the solar plexus. It can be accompanied by fear, sadness, and anger, which is a good thing because you know you are digging old baggage up and releasing. The wonderful thing is you're always pretty much aware of what you are releasing. It is an extraordinary experience to watch your body spontaneously cry, scream, and laugh. It made me realize the absurdity of all the masks we wear.

2. Rebirthing / Pranayama

Emotions are intimately connected to the breath. This is easily verified by observing your breathing when you are calm, angry, excited, sad, etc.

I use a CD called The Healing Art of Conscious Breathing which helps you keep track of a circular breath pattern. When you first start breathing exercises it almost feels like you are dying sometimes. An overwhelming fear is sometimes felt. Eventually you break through it and experience intense releases.

Pranayama is good too but I suggest if you go this route to take some classes. More advanced Pranayama can be dangerous and seriously screw up your body.

3. Yoga Nidra

Deep relaxation is overall good therapy for healing repressed emotions. Yoga Nidra allows me to achieve lucid dreams states very easily and work out what the cause of a problem is. Just know that not all Yoga Nidra CD's are equal. Most are bad and a few are very good.

I usually perform a Yoga Nidra sessions directly after my Radical Undoing and Breathing Exercises. After all three it isn't uncommon to feel like you're high on some happy drug with a permanent smile on your face.

4. Hatha Yoga and Chi Gung

I find Hatha Yoga and Chi Gung are good ways to connect with your body. Light Hatha Yoga is overall good practice but you'll want to increase the intensity until you begin to truly perceive the mind/body connection. Most all sickness is psychosomatic.

5. Alexander Technique

This technique is a way to carry your body in all activities with the least amount of tension. Unfortunately you can't really learn this by yourself. You need to find a good teacher to show you and correct your mistakes. Many singers, dancers, and actors swear by this.

You might notice that all of these techniques have much to do with the body. I have experimented with meditation, hypnosis, psychotherapy, and the like and I can tell you in terms of really releasing all past baggage, you need to involve your body first and finish with meditation, etc. There is a reason why Yogis and Chi Gung Masters deal intensely with the body first before they sit for hours in motionless meditation. There are physical counterparts to Chakras. The physical, astral, and mental bodies are all intimately connected.

From my own experiments I can tell you there is a intimate connection between mind and body. I wholeheartedly recommend working daily on your body to release all the tension cause by past trauma. The results are almost guaranteed.

Perhaps I should expand on this and develop it into a comprehensive article. Maybe some might find the information helpful.

The process is laid out in a very safe and methodic way on this first link:

http://www.solarhealing.com/sgprocess.htm

http://www.solarhealing.com/sungazing.htm

http://www.solarhealing.com/default.htm

Just a suggestion if You do decide to do it...try to commit 30 minutes a day at sunrise or sunset for a nice serene nature meditation...continuing to face the sun in meditation with your eyes closed after you do your 'build up' in increments with eyes open.

http://forum.noblerealms.org/viewtopic.php?id=2287