There can be dignity and healing in the dying  process.

I remember the last words that I said to my father (that he could understand).

I said I loved him and he returned the sentiment. 

In 43 years it is the only time we said that to each other.

And btw, that website isn't mine.  It's just the most comprehensive one about Einstein that I've ever found so I thought I'd pass it along.  Also, I changed my privacy settings so feel free to email me with that question anytime if you haven't already asked someone else. 

Seeking - Thanks for the hugs and the invitation.  I'm feeling better now.  I was pretty grief-stricken when I posted that letter.  I'm not even sure what prompted me to do it.  I guess I was desperate to get through to him and that was the only way I could think of at the moment, as far-fetched as it sounds.  I mean, I knew he was going to go soon but in the end there's really no way to prepare for that sort of thing, is there?

And sorry to both of you for taking so long to respond.  I still haven't quite gotten back on track after spending so much time writing the eulogy and helping make funeral arrangements and all-the-while trying to make the best of the holidays for the kids.  Then to top it all off on Official Crazy Stupid Day I found out that our division is being shut down at the end of the month so I've been pondering my future a lot lately.  But like I said in the M&A thread, I had a feeling I was in for some "unpleasant experiences" after all those synchs so at least I'm somewhat prepared to respond rather than react to that bit of news.  And speaking of ascension, I've also spent a lot of time wondering what's happened to Grampa since he left.  Is he still on the wheel?  He was such an amazing man.  If anyone deserved to get off the merry-go-round, he did.  Whether he knew it or not.

((((((((((((((((((momma))))))))))))))))))))))

Are you doing okay? Send me an email if you want to talk privately.

Hang in there, sweetie.

Il est si bon de vous rencontrer aussi. Je lis tous vos poteaux et apprécie des chaque d'entre eux. J'ai voulu vous écrire (concernant mon quelqu'un dans le poteau du Canada), mais je ne pourrais pas trouver un email address pour vous. Vous n'avez pas un sur NR et je ne pourrais pas trouver un sur votre site Web.

I’m sorry you had to leave this morning.  I wish I could have said good-bye today like I planned.  I was going to give you some “Christmas socks” (remember Mr. Bean’s?).  But I understand.  I know how much you hated for us to see you that way.  I just wanted to thank you, you know, one more time, before I left.  For Everything.  And apologize again for waiting until you got sick this summer before making you a priority in my life...for making “a stranger of myself”, like you said (and thank you for forgiving me in the same breath...and for understanding, like you always did...no matter what). 

I was also going to thank you for hanging on until your party last weekend.  I know how hard it was for you to do that.  I don’t know how you managed to pull yourself out of that space one last time.  I was hoping you would/could...and you did, for the whole afternoon, no less.  We all just wanted to have a special day for you so bad.  To let you know how much you mean to us, you know?  And it was Good Times, wasn’t it?  Especially when you asked us all to come together in your room.  It was the greatest gift you ever could have given...I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.  Gawd...that’s my last memory of you now...waving good-bye with that big ol’ smile on your face.  Did you do that on purpose...make that my last memory?  You would do that, wouldn’t you.  I bet you did.  I was also going to ask you today if you liked your surprise.  There were so many people around I didn’t really get a chance to ask after we gave it to you.  I know you said you didn’t like surprises but I hope you liked that one.  Your daughter and your great granddaughter and I worked pretty hard on it over the past few weeks...and put a lot of love into it, too.  I’m glad you were able to see it. 

And I really am glad we had so much time together these last six months.  Don’t worry about the bad days, okay?  (No regrets, remember?  Those are your words.)  It’s the good days I’ll remember most anyway.  You know the ones...the days you could smile, even laugh, despite it all.  I could tell then that it was really you cuz you had that twinkle in your eye that we all know and love so well.  And before that, when we could tease each other and have a coffee together and sneak outside for cigarettes...and share all those memories and kisses...and all that honesty. 

I’m going to miss you SO MUCH, Grampa.  So much.

I’ll still go to go to the bush tonight cuz I know you’d want me to.  At least I don’t have to leave you behind now.  You can come with me if you want.  And, yes, I will see if I can find my Peace.  I’ll keep looking, okay?  I Promise.  I do hope you found yours in the end. 

Tout mon amour,
La Fille de Pépé

PS - Give my love to Gramma and Aunty-I, will ya?

PPS - I hope you find my message.  I’ll leave it for you somewhere where I think you will.  Did you get my last one?  If not, you can find it over here http://forum.noblerealms.org/viewtopic.php?id=5903.