Noble Realms — Am I Messed Up?

Re: Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-29T20:16:56Z

Hello Miles and Capitan,
like Capitan wrote,

Ah yes, I suppose the most important lesson that I am learning right now is the power of clearing your mind. It is very difficult at first, but is very effective and powerful at helping you improve your outlook. It is the mind chatter that I have that I have found is responsible for much of the stress, confusion and depression in my life. The mind chatter constantly reminds you of how you f*&ed something up, how you are not on the right path, how you are too lazy to slow too weak. At the same time as the mind chatter berates you it is also one of the main causes of all the aforementioned problems. I have learned that to focus on one thing to cut out the chaotic thinking of the mind chatter drastically helps me out in times of stress and depression.
If you want to make progress with your emotions I recommend you have them and allow them, whatever comes through. Feel guilty for no emotion you have. Think not of the emotions you don't want to have but of the ones that you do, and allow yourself to have them. This is not like a drug where you take it and are done, this will take some time to heal for you.

I would suggest reading the following book. It's all about Men/emotions/father who couldn't express
emotions, hugs, comfort. I'm sure you can find this book at your library. It's not a long read and that, but this
might very well help you to get back in-touch with SELF. And maybe, Miles, this may help you clear the debris that Ritalin
caused your mind and heart to shut down.

The author:
JOHN LEE
At My Father’s Wedding. New York: Bantam, 1991.

Re: Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-28T22:03:57Z

Well I had this problem as little as 2 yrs ago. I would say that hopefully the drugs are not your problem they only made it worse. I have since made a very distinct improvement in my outlook on life. While I think that talking on Noble Realms helped me quite a bit with many of the problems, I don't know if I really saw too much about the thing that really helped me out. This should be pretty offensive to your ego, but I think the truth is you, me, we do it to ourselves. I didn't shut off my emotions as a concious choice, and I never would have choosen too but it was a side effect of living in western society. You have to become desensitized to this western world we live in just to get by while still keeping your sanity. How i got it back was to learn who I really am again, mainly emotionally. I used to scoff at kissy huggy stuff but I have forced myself to try and become comfortable with it. I have stopped watching and allowing myself to be desensitized to violence in the media via movies, video, games and sports. I began to allow myself that I may indeed be worthy of happiness, that I am not a total failure who has amounted to nothing, just because I am not living up to others expectations. Be kind to yourself, and be true to yourself. This will not happen quickly unless you can pull it off a lot quicker then I am.

Another thing that has helped me out a lot was an Ayahausca journey, the same as ENT DOC is going to Brazil for today. I saw some of the most terrifying things that I have seen in my life and at the same time many of the most wondrous. I was shown a state of being I seemed very familiar with, the state of a child who is happy and unassuming living only in the moment. A state when you can witness even those living in the worst of conditions still be happy. I saw something, or took back a feeling, and I connect to that feeling whenever I want to bring myself out of a funk.

Ah yes, I suppose the most important lesson that I am learning right now is the power of clearing your mind. It is very difficult at first, but is very effective and powerful at helping you improve your outlook. It is the mind chatter that I have that I have found is responsible for much of the stress, confusion and depression in my life. The mind chatter constantly reminds you of how you f*&ed something up, how you are not on the right path, how you are too lazy to slow too weak. At the same time as the mind chatter berates you it is also one of the main causes of all the aforementioned problems. I have learned that to focus on one thing to cut out the chaotic thinking of the mind chatter drastically helps me out in times of stress and depression.

If you want to make progress with your emotions I recommend you have them and allow them, whatever comes through. Feel guilty for no emotion you have. Think not of the emotions you don't want to have but of the ones that you do, and allow yourself to have them. This is not like a drug where you take it and are done, this will take some time to heal for you.

Re: Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-28T20:33:07Z

Hi MIles,.................Just another suggestion:
How was your relationship with your Dad? Was he capable of giving you hugs, etc. Was he capable of crying, was he bossy, etc...
I just been reading a book on the Men's Movement. Might be worth checking into!

hugs, and big hugs,

Monique

Re: Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-27T22:47:44Z

Miles wrote:

Can anyone offer me a solution? What would any of you do in my situation?

Hi, Miles. You might be sick of me responding to your posts, but here goes:

A friend of mine once suggested a way for me to get out of a funk. It might not seem real to you, it hardly felt real to me at the time, but I did it anyway, and I still do it from time to time.

It's simple. If you want to know how to get back your mind, ask your future self how he did it. Just have a conversation with yourself as you usually do, but imagine you're talking to the "You" that's five or six years down the road, who is what you want to be and has his mind back. Ask for specifics.

At first you may feel silly, but eventually the information will flow.

Re: Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-27T16:12:15Z

I figured something out, it was december that i had a memory of happiness(because i can't feel happiness as you would define it), which made me realise it was missing. Now i can't even recall recall real events like they are real, so even if i had a dream that was vivid or happy, i would not be able to recall them, just as i can no longer recall the same memory that i had in december time. So it's possible that all of these emotions and memories are being stored subconsciously, but my conscious mind cannot process them, so maybe i won't have lost it all permamnently, if i increase my conscious minds processing ability, i can bring out of subconscious what my conscious mind is currently unable to access.

Well my only hope for me to get my mind back, is to get my mind back, but how can i do this?

Can anyone offer me a solution? What would any of you do in my situation?

Re: Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-27T16:04:09Z

I was reading about how people have dreams that are like real life and i brought home that i had lost this, it just doesn't seem fair, how can i aspire spiritually in this state, it's like i've had everything taken...

Am I Messed Up?

2007-08-27T16:01:54Z

I've talked some about my being drugged with Ritalin(potent methamphetamine-like drug)

I don't have dreams anymore, only nightmares, i never have a positive dream experience, the most i can hope for when i sleep is that i don't dream and that if i do it won't be so negative i wake up the next day with a bad energy. What i've just said is no joke and is 100% accurate, for atleast 5-6 years my dreams have been dominated 100% by negativity, luckily they aren't vivid, i don't have vivid dreams/nightmares, just unvivid nightmares that i struggle to remember the theme of when i wake.

Why?

This happened while i was on Ritalin, but how and why, plus most of my emotion is missing, but i have enough emotion to keep myself running on and i've adapted to having an absense of feeling.

Why?

Can anyone tell me how this can happen, i feel like i shouldn't be alive... I'm surprised a person can survive like this, i didn't think consciousness could get stretched this thin and keep one being conscious.

Guess i may never have any answers...