How can you dichotomize strictly between STS and STO? If you concentrate totally on your personal spiritual evolution for a while.. how can you say that isn't a healthy thing to do for the greater whole? I think Set is a good example of STS in a healthy way.. because the Setian strives for power in a neutral sense, and encourages everyone around them to rise up similarly.. in the sense that if one is truly powerful then one cannot rise up in relative contrast to those around them, but rather one can only rise up and bring everything around them with them to an extent.. in this way the Setian makes full use of the severity of power, knowing that those who would use this neutral power for evil would be crushed by the power..

I don't take sleeping pills anymore. I was doing it as a little experiment. It seems really unnatural and might be causing my body harm. I did get some pretty cool effects of it though that gave me some pretty good insight.

I think I'll pass on the cough syrup, thanks for the advice though.

Hmmmm, take cough syrup over sleeping pills any day.. in the interest of harm reduction.. sleeping pills beyond medical dosage are bad for your digestive organs.. whereas cough syrup with only DXM as the active ingredient is not bad for you, and is a more spiritual and intense high.

Melatonin, however....

On first night, I had multiple lucid dreams, during one, I realised what great stuff I was doing and said (Ego), 'this is brilliant, I didnt realise I could do this kind of thing',.... I immediately had a sensation my backbone being played like a xylophone player striking all the keys on the board, but electronically, and I woke up.

After that, (and on reading Blues re-iteration of the 'Don't think - Don't judge') I applied that logic to my increasingly recurring lucid dreams.

In a lucid dream, you tend to react as you would in life, by thinking, and judging. I tried to be like a Tolkien Warrior, - even though I could control the lucid dream, I just watched, and when provoked to stimulus, I thought, 'Don't think - Don't judge'.... now be aware that  these dreams were not sleeping, but lucid dreaming, whilst fully conscious in mediatation, and .... I started to drift out of my body, into a 'cloud', that was 'sparkling'.

From there I could view my dream, without involvement, and return to it, to a point of perception of someone who was not me, in that same dream.

That 'cloud' I knew, was a Higher realm, that I could reach, by apllying Higher Realm principles to my life. There seemed to be 'others' there - non interfering, but friendly, and somehow, known friends, Higher souls, happy to entertain me.

I had this experience for many times that same night. I got the 'impression' that , once I could perfect this in 'dream-time' , I could start to merge it into my 'waking' life.  I was exstatic.!!.  Problem is, getting back to that state is difficult. Just like the SDP book says, you get a glimpse, then you have to work hard, usually at focussing, gaining true intent, before you can make it happen.

I know now that the dreaming/astral world is our training ground. If we can master that (and it is no easy thing, demands total discipline), then, and only then, can we bring that control into the 3D illusiional world.

Wow... I am for sure going to order some melatonin supplements. I am not sure about what dosage I should get though. Any suggestions? I get lucid dreams, but not that often (maybe once or twice a month if I'm lucky.) I had a really cool dream recently, where I gave this older, earthy, motherly, spiritual looking woman a crude massage. Then after I gave her my half-assed massage (I don't know why I didn't put much effort into it,) she started to give me one. It felt like she stuck her finger nails into my eyes then started rubbing them around (that sounds painful, but it actually felt good.) As she did this, she told me to focus on the red eyes as they were moving in circles (as this was happening I could see those shiny blotches going in circles.) When you press your finger to your eye, you can see shiny blotches, this is what she was referring to. What she was trying to do was hypnotize me so I could go deeper into this healing session. In addition to that eye treatment she was giving me, she was also warming my feet up. It felt like my feet were suspended in the air while receiving tons of energy. I felt my energy pathways releasing blockages. I wasn't able to stay in that trance for long, but when I woke up my feet were still very warm and I could still feel pinching sensations in the areas of my ankles that had energetic blockages. If this can happen, then I am certain that in the dream state we can experience miraculous healing to a much higher degree as well. Dreaming is definitely the training ground for this world. It may even be our destiny. When the earth continues to raise its vibration, perhaps time will become so different for us that it will appear that we are in a never ending dream (has anyone ever seen Waking Life?)

I'm sure some of you will say to watch out for evil spirits that can hypnotize me and attach to me in dreams. That is a valid concern, but I have rid myself of almost all my fear and hardly ever experience negative vibes (before I healed myself of annoying thoughts by letting mental noise and thoughts fade away, I wasn't experiencing negative vibes, I was just forcing all feeling out of me.)

Heres another awesome experience I had. It's off topic, but awesome nonetheless. I've done many different hallucinogens. I feel they can open up our chakras greatly and get rid of blockages as well as giving ourselves a new perspective on life. I think they are double edged swords, they have the potential to help us but they also have the potential to destroy us (if one becomes consumed by fear.) Anyways, when I am on mushrooms or salvia, I can see through our world into another world. I see etheric eyes casually looking around, I see entire scenes of just about any subject (sex, war, progression of the soul, etc...) and I can also see beings in the sky (whether it is night or day.) The things I was seeing were not hallucinations. I would look at them, look around (sometimes looking at my friends auras,) then look back and they would still be there. Sometimes on salvia, (when I take a high enough dosage,) I can see beings that hide from our perception. They are humanoid in form. I don't think they are 100% light, but I don't think they are completely evil either. I think they are a mix, leaning more towards the positive side. Anyways, they try to position their bodies in such a way that it mimics the shape of the object they are trying to blend with. When I was looking at these creatures one time, there was like twenty of them, but they were all hiding behind each other, (I could see them stacked on each other like a deck of cards.) Some of them would get scared and hop away real fast and then come back to their position, (they were hearing my thoughts and because I was in a very unsure state they weren't sure if it was safe to be in view or not.) Also, while I'm on salvia, I can hear white noise so clearly. It is in this white noise that beings can talk to us through our ears (not telepathically.) They can affect our physical world, but they choose to affect the least amount as possible, so this is probably why they don't talk at a volume that we can hear them in a less aware state. Another experience I had on salvia involved me meditating on my bed while on the drug. As I was meditating, I was concentrating on being very relaxed. I felt an energetic glove, originating from crown chakra, moving down my body. However, every time a thought process would come up that would take away from my concentration, the energetic glove that was slowly slipping over me would raise up. One time, I got the energetic glove, (that forms perfectly to my body,) to get down towards my feet. At this point I felt whirling energy below my feet, and then a flashback of a dream that happened a long time ago came to mind about this exact experience. I think that when this energetic glove completely anchors itself to me, via closing an energetic loop around me, my merkaba will be fully activated, and time travel and tons of other abilities will be possible. I was never able to close the loop all the way (obviously,) but I think as the earth increases its vibration it will become easier in the future. In a way, the earth is meditating us as its vibration increases. We can either go with the flow as the earth meditates us, or we can go against the flow. I remember reading a Native American prophecy in which the Native American said that during this time we will have the choice to either let go and flow down the river or hold on to the shore and get beaten and battered against the rocks (I'm paraphrasing.)

Anyways, the main experience I wanted to say involves a trip I had while on sleeping pills... Yes, thats right sleeping pills. On accident I discovered that sleeping pills have a psychic enhancing effect on me. They open up all my chakras a bit more, but not as much as mushrooms or salvia. While I was on the sleeping pills, I could peer through physical objects into another world. It was hard to maintain the focus on the other world though. It is like one of those magic eye books. You have to diverge your eyes and then try to hold the image in place. I am exceptionally good at magic eye books, but trying to see a 3-d image in my entire field of view is much more difficult. Anyways, as I was looking into this other world, (one of the times,) I saw etheric beings flying around picking up objects and then putting them in other places. Judging by the way they were moving, it looked like they were in rewind mode. I was seeing them in rewind mode, which made me think, "They must be going in the opposite direction of time that I am going in." If there was a being going in the opposite direction directly in front of us, it would indeed look as if they were in rewind mode. This actually makes me excited. It correlates with lots of things I've read and provides myself evidence that time travel at the biological level, (not through means of technology,) is possible. I've seen this on more than one occasion. This stuff might be hard to believe, but as many of you know it is possible. If it is possible, then people are eventually going to experience it.

I've also experienced some other strange things, particularly on mushrooms. On one occasion, I was seeing into this other world (no idea what this other world is, could it be 4th density?) but at the same time seeing into a mirror world. I would look at objects and then I would see an energetic version of those objects right beside them. It was as if these objects were on top of mirror tables or something. Imagine looking at a fork on a mirror table. Now, the mirror version of the fork would be a Matrix green color. I don't know why its green, but it is. I've seen entirely different spectrums of colors on mushrooms, but to varying degrees of intensity. I've read something one time about becoming 4th dimensional perception and how color is different in that state of consciousness. Also in that state of consciousness, everyone as breath consciousness, meaning they have slowed the perception of time down. What seems like a second for us, maybe be hours for them. I bet a 4th dimensional person can change the perception of time both ways. I bet they can make time seem really slow or really fast. If they are a time traveler than that would make sense. The ability to control and distort time. As Tom, (Montalk Tom,) demonstrated in his research notes (the one on gravity,) it is possible to heavily distort time without increasing the mass of an object.

I'm sorry, I am full of a lot of ideas. I've had ideas for a long time, but have not let them out. Anyways, while I was on mushrooms on one occasion, I made a ball of light with my hands. This ball of light was purplish and was very warm. My friend was there and he felt it and saw it. It was very visible. It was visible while the sun was shining on it. Many people try to make balls of light (its called flaring,) but they can barely make them visible in the dark. This ball of light I made had so much energy inside of it. This energy originated from my heart chakra. During this mushroom trip (it isn't really a trip, because I am exactly like I am now except I just have a higher awareness and a stronger energy body,) my heart felt so free. I have heard this state is called Angel Heart, at least by some. Doesn't matter what its called, I felt so liberated by it. I have only experienced this once and it was on that occasion. I also made an energy ball on salvia. This energy ball though was more pinkish and I didn't have "Angel Heart" when I made it. It also wasn't a ball. I don't think the energy was high enough for it to condense into a ball. It formed a blob  that originated from my hands and then went up my chest. My friend was completely sober at this time and he saw it. This was a different friend, so I've had two different witnesses for this. I guess the reason, why I am saying all this stuff (it can potentially hurt my credibility,) is to show you all that there is indeed a new world descending upon us. Just because we can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't coming. Achieving higher states of awareness can show us it is coming, but in our day to day lives it might be hard to see it coming. Warren made a post recently, where the article he posted described the new reality at first being seen in brief glimpses. Then as time goes on this new reality will be seen more and more often, until the old world is seen in brief glimpses. I believe this is so. I think that if we maintain a high vibration and make good decisions that keep us in that high vibration, we will move out of the old world without it affecting us. Low vibration energy and higher vibration energy can't exist in the same place. They both repel each other like magnets. The high vibration energy is continuing to grow and grow on this planet, which is pushing the low vibration out, little by little. The low vibration energy is leaving the planet through the evil in the world killing each other off, and through earth changes. Low vibration attracts low vibration. Criminals immerse themselves in a world of danger. If you are a crack dealer, you naturally attract fearful and dangerous experiences, (by your fearful thoughts of getting capped in the ass, and of getting arrested.) The lower vibration reality is so fearful. People on the power structure pyramid are all in it for their own gain. If they can screw over their "ally" to bring themselves more power, they won't hesitate. The pyramid power structure is like a building. All the structural supports of this building are held in place by self interest. Because the people in the pyramid don't see the larger picture to the survival of the structure, they are willing to knock out a support beam if it brings them more power and insures their survival. So basically, this structure is destroying itself, because as power becomes more and more scarce, they are acting more and more fearful and ruthless. They are all destroying themselves.

I just thought about another experience I just had. In this experience, if a stared at an object, I would start to see green symbols. I had no idea what these symbols were and can't remember what they looked like. I've read about them though from this overview of the ascension process http://www.crystallotus.com/LightBody/07.htm At some point we will understand these symbols. Perhaps by focusing on a certain symbol we can access different areas of the akashic record library.

I also have another cool experience I've had that correlates with Alex Grey's paintings. http://www.friendsofcwg.com/gallery/alb … obeing.jpg
In this painting the face in the middle has eyes that see multidimensionally. The eyes not only see forward, but they see to the sides (in the peripheral vision,) into other dimensions. This is something I think we will have to learn how to do. Magic Eye images improve peripheral vision greatly. My peripheral vision has increase enormously. Samurai used to practice soft gazing, (diverging of the eyes,) because it detects motion so much better and increases peripheral vision. Magic eye images can also relieve computer eye strain, I never get computer eye strain anymore. Heres a cool site that has some awesome stereograms (magic eye images) http://www.ixtlan.ru/images.php# Who's to say there aren't stereograms in real life? Anyways, one time on sleeping pills, I was concentrating on the right side of my peripheral vision (without moving my eyes,) and then for a brief second I saw bright, warm, psychedelic colors. Instantly, the right side of my face and brain heated up. My brain felt like is was melting, some might think that may be a sign of brain damage, but I can assure you all it is not.) There was some pain, but that is to be expected. As we become multidimensional we are stretching our awareness in ways we are not used to. When one stretches their body in ways they aren't use to, there is some discomfort. As our crown chakras and third eyes open up, it should be expected that our brains (filters,) will need some serious rearranging. Rearranging our brains will have to come not only at a mental level, but at a physical level. This explains why people have slight disorientation for ascension symptoms. Old processes are being burned and released away.

I really think it is important to release all tension, impulsive twitching, and blockages in this ascension process. The energy that is coming in is trying to anchor itself to us. If we have impulsive twitching (I don't mean full on head jerking, I mean slight twitching of the muscles,) then the energy can't make a connection to us and anchor itself to us. Making connections is what its all about. We are trying to connect to source. We are trying to plug ourselves into source and get in the flow of an abundance of energy that will allow us to perform miracles. Our twitching can be paralleled by this analogy. We are an electrical device. We are trying to get in the flow of energy. So we take our plug and try to stick it in the socket, but because we are not 100% relaxed we put the plug in and then jerk our hand away fast and then keep trying. Each time we make contact with the socket is becomes easier and easier, until we reach critical mass and then the connection is complete. The reason why I say this is because, we all have tons of blockages. We are changing from 3rd density physicality to 4th density physicality. We are becoming less physical and more like energy. Many of us have misaligned backs and necks, and knots in our muscles. Energy cannot flow freely when there are blockages this huge. This is why I think exercise and stretching of some sort is necessary on a daily basis. This is my advice, and I should practice what I preach. I've only been going to yoga like once a week, yet they say if you go everyday for 2 months straight, you will never be the same. Tons of toxins and tension will be released if I do so. When situations happen around us, if we react by tensing up then that is no good. Yoga can help this out. Do you think 4th density beings tense up over these types of situations? Mediation can relieve lots of tension but it is best when coupled with stretching and exercise.

I just had another thought... What would happen if someone tried to say... hit a person traveling in the opposite direction of time? Because when the person hit that other person, the actual contact would be the first thing that the time traveler would see and then the person would retract there arm... Hm... Maybe two people traveling in opposite directions can't influence each other physically...

Anyways, I wrote a lot and most of it was off topic. I best be going now.

Here is what I was doing. A thought or impulse would come into my head and then I would try blocking it out, because I figured if I let it happen more often then it would continue to happen. So I basically deemed these thoughts or impulses inside of me as bad. So whenever one of these would come up (which was about 4 times a minute,) I would get a pain in my stomach. The only thing that would prevent this from happening is by concentrating as hard as I could on my gut area and forcing those things out, however this also forced all emotion out of me and I basically became a robot. Anyways, what I do now is when these thoughts come into my consciousness, I let them be. Of course its hard to do that all the time, since I have been doing the wrong thing for quite a while, but I am making extremely fast progress. I have a warmer feeling inside of me, a more genuine feeling of wellbeing than before.

A lot of what I wrote in my first post was because I was not getting much sleep or eating enough. Doing that will put anyone in a depressed mood and make that person think there is something wrong with them. I was working a graveyard shift for 2 months straight and I am still trying to get back on a regular sleep schedule.
Since there are a lot of subjects I brought up in my first post, I'm am going to address those and others in no particular order. To be honest, a lot of what I said in my first post is completely untrue. As many of you know, when one is in a depressed state they see things as worse than they actually are. Depressed people can even think they have problems that they don't have.

I have realized the roots of my problem. It is so simple and yet I have been struggling with it for a long time. I am fighting with myself. I am not at peace with my self. I butt heads with my thoughts. When I butt heads with my thoughts I think I need to focus on this chakra or that chakra, when really all I need to do is just not fight my own thoughts. By fighting myself, I am hurting the flow of my energy. By fighting myself and then fighting myself more, I was blocking out the obvious.

Anyways, thanks for your help everyone. All I needed was someone to talk with to help me see the clarity in my life. I suspected all along that I was missing something so fundamental and obvious.

You said in your original post that yoga was one of your potential 'tools' of choice, I remembered this discussion:

http://forum.noblerealms.org/viewtopic.php?id=4422

...relevant info begins at post #11, yoga may be opening another can of worms, draw your own conclusions.

                                                    J

Anyway, that's a good thing from my point of view.  It gives space for the higher emotions.  I don't find it necessary to 'ground' to this world via emotions.  I do that intellectually.  Much easier to not be consumed by the lower emotions that way.  But again, that doesn't mean taking it to the extreme of not feeling any lower emotions.  Always a balance, but the lower emotions can be felt without it holding a charge for the consciousness.  Taking out the charge, I've found for myself, can be done by "balancing via opposites" as I explained above.

Just some further thoughts.

The heart is overrated; alone, it can do nothing.

Neither your throat chakra nor your heart chakra have been blocked... in the sense that in essence a chakra is never blocked.. and thus these two chakras are completely open to the extent that your spiritual progress thus far has indeed been legitimate. Any progress is progress, whether a lesson of harmony or a lesson of disharmony. You experience the latter more, lessons of disharmony, which is LHP (Left Hand Path) as opposed to RHP... the distinction between LHP and RHP is extremely complex.. but what you need to realize now is that neither is better or worse than the other. But since harmony is in general to be saught above disharmony, in the sense of delightfulness, the LHPer must be sure to translate their disharmony into harmony. The culminating realization of both LHP and RHP is simultaneous oneness and difference, which accordingly translates harmony and disharmony as not only neither better nor worse than one another but rather just different, but moreover it translates harmony and disharmony as *one and the same*. Were the LHP less delightful than the RHP, then in the grand scheme of things, as the end is the journey, the RHP would be superior to the LHP. Simply put, for the LHPer sufficiently advanced, the realization of simultaneous oneness and difference is a matter of a 180 degree flip (and then successive 180 flips as one begins to build on their innate base of enlightenment otherwise known as blank slate or infinite spark); for the RHPer sufficiently advanced, conversely, it is a matter of taking each step in the proper direction to ultimately arrive at a culmination of 'achievements' or 'realizations'... there is equal risk in both paths, but in much different manner respectively. The LHP risk is that each flip has the potential for one to travel vast personal distances, and there is no limit to how many flips one may make, to how vastly and quickly one may evolve; the only limit is *how* one wishes to evolve, which is contingent on time to the extent that a given lesson of disharmony takes to be *properly* assimilated (i.e. it is all too easy to be evil). The RHP risk is that if one begins walking in the wrong direction, then even if each step is taken with the best of intentions, if the path is ultimately misguided, then one ends up far off from one's ideal destination and is forced to walk all the way back to square one before being able to make a course correction. Salvation in both these cases is realized in simultaneous oneness and difference - the RHPer may always make a LHP shift to make a course correction mid-course; the LHPer may always ground their othewise erratic and meaningless evolution in the fractal pattern of steps they have thus far taken which is symbolic of their immortal fractally patterned system of (ever-evolving) individuality. So RHP is LHP and LHP is RHP, although each path must possess its own label and function out of necessity.

Pain *is* pleasure. As long as you forget this, however, then you remain in forgetfulness as opposed to self-realization. Although it is easier for the LHPer than the RHPer to realize this, the LHPer is also at greater risk of developing an over-attachment to pain to the eventual exclusion of pleasure... leading to RHP repentance that still misses the point. The most painful thing to do must, by nature, be the most pleasurable thing... to forgive yourself, then, no matter your past, is the hardest and easiest thing to do, and it is the right way.

It is important that you properly distinguish between other people's thoughts and your own. If you think so deeply as to think mostly in an intuitive sense beyond linguistic conceptual convention, then this is a good thing, but, it leaves the surface of your ego open to external manipulation. Ultimately it is a life choice, how much control you want to have over your superficial thoughts. Because, not only will you hear other people's thoughts, but you will also hear thought projections that other malevolent individuals put into your own mind. You risk mistaking these projections for your own thoughts, because allthough they are your own egocentric superficial thoughts, others were only able to implant them into your mind because you pay no heed to your superficial thoughts in the first place. Thus you must be mindful to on the one hand avoid slowly developing a festering belief of some fear and doubt you harbor deep down that surfaces in your external thoughts (which are only projected into you); on the other hand, you must proactively seek out those of your thoughts that are unhealthy and that do actually originate from your own consciousness, for if you mistakenly cut one of these off and deny it, thinking it isn't yours, then this is the worste kind of repression because you don't even realize it is yours in the first place... this will cause trouble down the road if not dealt with proactively.

You do not "have" a subconscious or a HigherSelf... you *ARE* your subconscious and HigherSelf, you *ARE* an immortal agent of consciousness, a soul. It is a very devious tactic of the conspiracy to have you believe in a HigherSelf... because although a belief like a HigherSelf (or in some sort of external God) is often helpful at the start of one's spiritual evolution, later when you are considerably self-realized it becomes an extreme hindrance that you must eventually realize for what it is and transcend. You may wonder how you can have such subconscious power without doing all of it consciously, if I'm saying that you *are* your subconscious... simply, think of yourself as cyclical in nature... you are conscious of the *entire* spectrum of yourself, but more and more the closer you come to your ego, which is your surface level of consciousness (which can only ever exist, even in death, *alongside* deeper thoughts, in the form of silent *mindfulness*.. as opposed to silent *aloofness* I might add)... the more you come to your ego, the more self-conscious you are. In this case is absolute unconsciousness forgetfulness, and your memory is like a computer that you do not know how to access when you forget, but this does not mean that your computer's memory bank is a separate conscious "enlightened" part of you--this is absurd. *YOU* are enlightened! Alone, your unconscious can do nothing, *is* nothing. Now you are cyclical and so just as you have an in-stream, you also have an out-stream... simply put, your most conscious point is your in-stream, and your least-conscious point is your out-stream.. and it is all *you*. *YOU* decide how to literally make every aspect of your subconscious.. except for your divine spark, which is pure enlightenment itself, pure infinity, pure wordless intuitive wisdom... this spark is part of the universall all and is in no way sentient.. it is simply your power source.. which is just like the real thing in the sense that infinity plus or minus infinity is still infinity, and in the sense that even the smallest part of a hologram contains within it the whole thing. Your original fragmentation from the universal all into your individuality was a totally *natural* act, not a sentient act of creation.

Unfortunately I have to go now, but I'll post back in the coming days, I haven't read your entire first post yet.

I should add just to clarify that self-realizaiton entails inputting whatever change you wish unto yourself and outputting it in your subconscious *immediately* because you are self-realized all the way down (until your spark which is forever impersonal in nature). This means changing yourself however you want, whenever you want, permanently. As you work towards this, dischord in terms of your relationship with your spark (fuel source) is signaled by glitches sent to you by your subconscious... a purely mechanistic affair dubbed the HigherSelf. There are infinite potential patterns of individual identity, but some can work more or less harmoniously with a spark of infinity than others (and all sparks are the same). There are infinite patterns of combinations that work 100% perfectly.

Namaste