Lilmomma and lala--Thank you so much!  You guys made my day with your kind words. I sincerely hope that the newbies that come to the board will be able to learn from other's mistakes.  This is one hell of a rollercoaster ride, heh? Hopefully we can continue to guide and teach each other. Man, I love this forum!!

Jay--Thanks for your considerate posts. I really love the last paragraph of your second post (which lala highlighted). That's beautiful, honestly. Big hugs from me, too.

I am continually amazed at all the great people here, willing and able to educate and share with others.  I don't know how I would have gotten through this very difficult part of my journey, if it hadn't been for Noble Realms. Thanks, Tom!!!

Okay, now I really need to get started on my taxes....:(  That's a whole other thread in itself...I am finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on my 'regular' life. You know--bills, taxes, shopping....AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! So I guess my next post should be "how to deal with real life".....

There has been a lot to read and consider in this thread.
Not having read much of the earlier part of the thread before i had posted, i had almost forgotten what people often have to suffer through and what it used to be like me as well.
perhaps i was too anxious to forget and "rise above".

Many thanks to the efforts of all to consider and express/type out all the thoughts and feelings that arise in these connections!

This thread is like a microcosm of much of the forum (that i find interesting anyway), and life on earth itself.
What we seem to be facing as humans at this specific point in earth time- dealing with a complex series of lessons and stumbling blocks that we must find keys to relatively soon.
Possibly spending this last life here, disconnected from the love and intimacy that is our birthright, is no longer an option.

To blame the govt., the cabal, or even the lizzies is not helpful ultimately.

We are the ones falling for the bait in the trap, and getting upset and vengeful at "them" is another part of the trap.
they are like phantoms that will lose their job and reality when we turn and move on.

OF COURSE being able to identify what is happening is part of growing awareness and the resulting freedom of movement.
The pain and confusion represented by these forces that we would oppose is just ignorance. Oppose them and you get personally entangled w/ them.
They know not what they do. If they did, they wouldn't do it.
"They" are merely energy in a condensed state and have no lasting reality.
That is the beauty and the inevitability of the universe.

To experience absolute contentment and bliss is the right of every being.

We need to avoid the mistakes they have made/are making.
If you are struggling, perhaps it means that you care and will not rest in unconsciousness and serving the ignorant any longer.
"Evil" is one way to signify it, but not the best way because that puts "me", the confused "person" who has to sort out all these problems and questions, in the position of a judge.
If we are confused (to admit that is the first step towards clarity) then how can we trust our own deluded self-serving STS programmed ego, resistance and judgement?

This is exactly the first important hurdle to overcome.
Thinking we will recognize true SELF and right action is like expecting to win the lottery the first time we play.

Just listen intensely, observe accutely, set your sights on the "inner" silence ...that "seeking the truth" mentioned way back.
There in lies the "Claircognizence" defined earlier. The "knowing" that has no single source:
you know what people call it, but don't... you are not separate, so don't imagine... be.
The answer is in the question-
true "Knowing" is born from not knowing-quiet mind. This is not a contradiction. It is a fact.
Frame your deepest question clearly
do not let go until you feel resolution. It can takes years and there is no short cut!
Start now and don't give up. whoever doesn't wins!
You will reach the deep state that every devoted meditator reaches within a relatively short period of true questioning
Listen wholeheartedly day and night, watch the mind when ever there is mental space and energy.
Questioning will reveal all when the mind is no longer diffused by constant chatter.
never give up
the more serious of you can attain to this frequency. why doubt it?
that is just fear. have confidence and move forward without expecting miracles.
however they come when you least expect them.
The miracle of peace. the beauty of silence reveals the entire world as if it were a flower in your hand.
First we need to get clear about how the deluded ego force works in us,
How it is programmed in us by "my life" so far.

To concentrate on and repeat fears about "the future" or some "entrapment"  ad nauseum,
is not the best use of time and energy now.
There is a trap right here, represented in our conditioned, primitive brain.
Ironically enough i believe it is considered the reptilian part of the brain.

Unlearn STS "service to self" by becoming pure observation with no observer, no judge at the center.
Fear has created this noise since before you were born as a human
but you can face it and resolve death... now. right here. as an "imperfect being". just as you are.
You will not figure it out. forget using the brain to resolve the problems that the brain has created.
When there is simple awareness you will "see"... faster than light.
The PHYSICAL WORLD WORKS AT LIGHT SPEED
The brain now is where you are trapped...
in a conceptual model of yourself that does not have any lasting reality...IT IS PHYSICAL and too slow to see itself
It is a machine that WORKS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT because THINKING IS ELECTRONIC FLOW in the brain.
here is a pretty little conundrum:
after "years of effort"

Awareness is freedom because it works instantaneously, effortlessly.

WHAT YOU TRULY ARE...AWARENESS ITSELF...IS FASTER THAN LIGHT!

Aw, shucks why didn't you say so in the first place... now I just want to give you a big hug.

Sowelu's post did articulate well the way of looking at it from a non-dualistic perspective while still acknowledging the duality, which is as it should be.

Seeking the Truth wrote:

Thanks for sharing your story Seeking The Truth, I do understand what it is like to be shell-shocked by interdimensional weirdness. Protection at this time is important, especially creating boundaries with both physical and non-physical beings. The thing is also that addicts carry a great deal of destructive etheric and astral energy and that they can appear to be anyone in anyplace, you can't tell anymore from how people look or what their seeming lifestyle is. I had a similar hard Fall and awarenesses that catapulted me into a whole other way of looking at the world, I'm new to the OP, hyperdimensional thing, too, but I sure am glad that I discovered this forum! My awareness is getting stronger, but it is a constant challenge. It's like waking up as an adult and feeling like a kid again and trying to figure out how to relate to the world because nothing is the same, but it looks the same-lala

I especially appreciate Sowelu's compassionate, very considered and reasonable tone.

Even though i have had personal experience with pretty much all the phenom you describe, i find other more direct ways of working with these things now. perhaps i have put the really confusing dirty work and suffering behind me.
If address things from that point of veiw, "entities" are taken seriously or given power. But disbelievingthey have any separate existence may be part of my ability to concentrate on inner work and self questioning that clears them of as by product of producing clarity itself. To each his own. Each being is unique in the way we respond to various frequencies ideas and perspectives.
maybe they are not mutually exclusive understandings even though they are not on the same level.

I have personally met one of my demons as he was leaving me and said "goodbye". He was black, ugly and completely armored/insectoid... so ugly he was hard to look at...no matter which way i turned he was in front of me in lucid-land (the 5th?) so i realized he "was me" and embraced him and he evaporated saying a personal goodbye.
He could not survive in me because i was in 7 day silent meditation retreat and had reached a "samadhi" place of inner silence, and thoughts had stopped or slowed to an extraordinary extent. I guess they flourish in the noisy, weak mind and i had made myself vulnerable at several points and in certain associations.
Sometimes i still do have to respectfully command attachments to leave and do extremely hot saunas alternating with cold showers....finally, i have been able to stop smoking and that seems to be connected somehow. The hunger or weakness where they entered or hid.
so it is a continual process of awareness and stepping around trouble-spots instead of inviting it to mess with us again.
*Lala*
I appreciate everyone's input and i see what you are saying lala
that if it is happening on some extent it cannot be ignored and must be faced and dealt with however we can.
A place like this can help for specific problems that are not addressed much elsewhere
I did not intend to make serious people feel it's foolishness but there are a variety of perspectives available and to interpret from a dualistic us and them perspective may be misleading. 
Just want to add that this is just the beginning. If you have attracted these it probably means there is enough energy to actually "do something" with same. = true awareness, which is beyond dualism good, bad, right, wrong, and judgement itself, is beyond phenomena, has no opposite and no equal in providing clarity, stability and wisdom that we can revitalize and energize and reveal ultimate being itself.
sounds grand but it is always here, when we are willing to be with "what is", inquiring simply.
Peace, Jay

(Due to my circumstances, I get one hour of free internet time, therefore can't write more!)
BeWell, Goodlife,
chow for now, -M

My thanks to you for sharing the anecdote and for initating this discussion.

Bravo.

Hi feedbaxlow. You have some very interesting points. I have very personal reasons for why I started this post. I have not told my whole story here, because it's very long and most people probably don't want to hear it. So my questions to the forum come from many hours of thinking and wondering what has been happening to me.

I must say that lala is right: you do sound a little condescending in your post. Not everything is as easy to everyone else as it is to you, apparently. I find it useful to communicate with others of like mind to try and figure out this new reality I've stumbled upon, and this is the only place I've found for this purpose.

and

Okay, well earlier in your post, you've answered this question for me:

This is pretty much what happened to me, although I've just figured this out in the past several months. Your above statement, however, runs counter to this one:

IMO, this is absolutely ridiculous.  If you've ever ventured into the "other" realm, you'd know that there are plenty of beings who would love nothing more than to hitch a ride on your coat tail and have a little fun with the peeps. And there's no need to "create" them yourself; they're already there and waiting...

I will make this an extremely abbreviated synopsis of why I asked my original question.

Almost a year ago I knew anything about entities, aliens, OPs, whatever. I just started the waking process about 2 years ago, which entailed nothing more than learning how f*cked up the system is with the food supply, medical industry, political crap, and so on.  At this same time I was very ill. I had given up on doctors and became my own.

About one year ago, a lady at the health food store shared with me how she tests supplements using muscle testing. This woman was quite different. She had a death experience and was in a coma for weeks. After she came out and found out her kids had died in the accident, she became totally different. She's all love and light, ignores the negative, yada yada. Well at the time I just thought she was an overly nice person. Now I suspect she's an OP, if there is such a thing; for as nice as she was, I felt a little uncomfortable with her. I no longer have contact with her, needless to say. At that point in my life, I was very vulnerable and naive.

So anyways, for 8 months I did this muscle testing. I had never heard of it before. I used the testing for my supplements only at the beginning.  But the answers were contradicting. I would ask if something was beneficial to me, and get an answer. But at times, the answer would be messed up. That's when I discovered that the reason for the strange answers was because not all the supplements in the bottles were actually what the bottle said they were. So here I am, finding out that half the manufacturers were passing shit off as good supplements.

Okay, this is where it gets weird. This ties into Tim's post about muscle testing, which I hope to respond to soon. Thinking that this method of communication was with my 'higher self' or subconscious, I started asking questions that pertained to my family's safety in the coming years, and the truthfulness of what I was reading or hearing. This is the point where I should have stopped, but again--I thought it was myself that was giving me the answers.

I went through months of asking questions about religion, the truthfulness of the bible, etc. I found myself leaping through my awakening. I was on full-throttle enlightening mode. I found out stuff that would make a normal person kill themselves. And again, during this time, my health was very bad--like on the brink of death bad.  I never grew up in a religious setting. My whole (religious) education happened during this time, and it was quite shocking.

Well, guess what?? Apparently, I was not muscle testing--I was channeling....I don't know who I was talking to. It could have been several at once for all I know (or perhaps just one and the others were there as observers?)  What I do know is that by October last year I was ready to croak. I had been thru so much that I felt like I was insane....literally. That's the last time I had a seizure/faint spell which led me to the next leg of my journey. I ended up going to AZ to see some guru who was trained in shamanistic ways. He informed me that I had more attachments to me than anyone else he had seen thus far. Nine piggybackers, 15 demon entities, and 16 drainer entities.

So to answer your question, feedbaxlow: yes I really do have a need to know about this stuff on a personal level.

As far as I know, I am cleared off all entity attachments. My awareness level has shot through the roof, and I believe that that has been instumental in allowing me to close the doors, so to speak. I no longer muscle test. Haven't since October.

The only other reason why I asked the question was because of all that I have read and learned about stuff that goes on in the spirit realm/afterlife place. You see, for a long time I thought that death was right outside my door. So naturally, I wanted to know how to protect myself if I died anytime soon. Now that my health has gotten better, it's just a matter of curiosity on my part, and wanting to raise my son to be aware. I want to teach him all the stuff that I had to learn the hard way. I'm sure he'll have to come into his own awareness in his own time, but I'd like to help him--seeings how I am his mom.

Well, sorry this was so long, but hopefully it answered your questions about why someone (at least this one) would possibly want to know about 'protection'. I'm sure everyone else would have a different reason.

I also encountered a number of "scary other dimensional beings" on my path, as well as what appeared to be aliens a la descriptions other people have put forth. What I mean to say is that I encountered the beings long before I'd ever heard or read the descriptions most of us are now aware of regarding alien races. So how could I manufacture this from a shadow aspect so precisely?

And this is where, imo, the collective unconscious comes into play, it seems to me. Bless Jung for his explorations and insights! And while the collective unconscious is also "mere perceptions" in the long run, it had a powerful impact on my own perception of reality for quite some time before I reckoned with the experiential input in a way that feels and works more truly for me.

Like children's stories and myths of old, we can be influenced by the collective unconscious in vulnerable times to perceive "entities of illusion" as if they are real, revealing an almost genetic disposition toward believing in these things, perhaps programmed... and they will appear and/or feel to be quite real for us for as long as is necessary for us. And again, for that duration on our path of enlightenment, they are as real as our bodies, our daily routines, our neighbors, etc.

And even once we come to new understandings about these disturbing experiences, the entities in question as well as the levels of consciousness wherein they dwell, continue to exist as part of the whole. So there becomes yet another layer of integration required after the first, to incorporate the idea that though those entities or experiences aren't "real" in the truest sense, they are as real as anyone needs them to be, for as long as anyone needs them to be. Even if those someones aren't oneself anymore. And respecting that others are still encountering these consciousness dimensions becomes paramount in a comprehensive compassionate view.

Reconciling other dimensional experiences into some true grander picture is a huge part of the path. And difficult with purpose, no doubt.
~Sowelu

and

I find these statements to be condescending. I agree that people can overly focus on phenomena, but I have also experienced other-dimensional  beings and have had some very intrusive and scary experiences. It does not help at all for people to say that they are only projections of my own shadow. Possibly ultimately they are, but relatively they are as real as anything else in 3 and 4-D and have to be dealt with. Only someone who has never dealt with these types of situations could be so flippant about it, otherwise you'd understand that it may seem foolish to you, but to others it is as serious as anything else encountered in the etheric or astral planes.-lala

To me the essential thing is to gain awareness...IT is ALL about AWARENESS
without it you are going nowhere anyway
as others have said; skills come as needed or as a byproduct quite naturally
a lot of what is dangerous is this concentration on "skills" to the exclusion of awareness
Zen ppl call it a side-road
I'm not 100% sure about anything anymore except:
if you believe it, it seems to become true for you

WE are all mostly protecting the ego (reflexively out of ignorance) way too much already
so i would say: if all the energy spent on creating, maintaining and protecting the "separate sense of self"
was regained, we would also regain light speed in this rocket ship of a body-mind
who can track "psychic victims or prey" at light speed?
not even "a self" can go there with awareness that bright

Unless you are having problems with "things" messing with you
It's probably best to go back to seeing it all as a projection of whatever is in the filter
or what your mind-state is

No one who is serious and truly helping people come to awakening
talks about protecting from "entities and of 4d tricksters"
it all seems a bit like ppl want to play secret agent and space warrior
from videos to lucid dreaming it's all kid stuff and amateur entertainment
until there is a true willingness go all the way within (to find who you are or are not)
and not keep checking the screen for saboteurs
we do that to ourselves enough already

So is this what this protection business is really about?

on some level, beginners/intermediates like we see and hear here
don't really trust their own ability to move on to freedom...
inwardly... so we create hobgoblins out of our subconscious
(fears projected and reinforced by other fearful minds,
which there are as many as there are people on the earth basically)
to represent our own unrecognized multiple selves?

There may be no "other" at all... to keep us company
and make a worthy adversary in our game world or self created "matrix"

The Guides he mentions are "The Reconnections" (link takes you to "who we are" page)

Here's the link: http://www.reconnections.net/traversing_the_portals.htm

Yes, I realized after last Halloween when I went to a New Age/Neo-pagan or whatever ceremony, that I need to stay away from any type of path that uses "ancestor worship," A famous celtic spirituality teacher said in a workshop once that he was speaking with a native american shaman and she quizzed him: "what is the first thing the ancestors ask for when you first contact them," and he replied (correctly, I guess): "revenge." (but did I see this as a warning at the time, noooo....)
The quoted material in your post in both inspiring and scary, I do feel like "it is here" and basically anything can and will happen and I feel like I need to be ready to let go of everything, but then again, I've felt like that before and everything just keeps going on and on the status quo, so...  I do not feel spiritually safe in any way, the cruelty and addiction and deception seems to be increasing all around me, when I choose dark, lots of interesting and dramatic things happen, go my way, when I choose light, nada, nothing happens, seems boring...
So I agree, there is a karma, usually can be seen in the 12th house, that has to do with clearing ancesteral karma, I feel like I've just started really doing that because, even though I rebelled from my family many years ago, I was still hooked in to the spider-web type field like they talk about on this forum, of a long history of misuse of occultism and so forth. appreciate your post zenden, very good material and uplifting-lala

one can call it whatever one may--or 'love' the hell out of 'it' or even try to ignore 'it' but know, its here, its big, its real, its been here awhile, it doesnt want to leave.  it is filled with half-truths, semantic trickery, morasses of covert and overt subjugation, domination.  its antihuman in the feeling sense.  it is dark, bloodthirsty, and weve all played roles in it/of it, all around it.  and when i think of him and the times he came in, i see him as A BEING.  a huMAN being who had reached a fantastic state of understanding and awareness, was partially sent in that way.  just like us (partially sent in/agreed to come in that way...).   he was an EVOLVED being and he came then to inject in here, a ray of possibility, and nothing has ever been the same since.  there was a ray of love of fellow man and self, of ways to better the self, and the life of men/man from his arrival here.  he shook 'things' up.  there is proof, altho beit hard pressed to find, secret writings, ways and means for attaining PSI, tons of rituals, ceremonies, actual types of invocations, teachings which would assist man as to exactly how they could do what he did, be like him, reach states of advancement, quick.  of course, these are gone, or hidden, but they did exist.  he advocated tons of self-work, living from heart, living from a different way of thinking that was evident then, a complete 360 from what was going on in that day.  we can consider it A START.  other enlightened beings had been here before, and some have come after, advocating the same, trying to get ppl to remember.

now, we, ourselves are going to become that--EVOLVED beings.  every lifetime here (and other places) has lead us to that.  thats the warrior energy i speak of.  i LOVE and ADORE.  humans were meant to see all sides, see from every angle, that there is a better world that is possible.  thats his legacy.  and we can all achieve the way there, by BEING open to advancement.  open to flexible thinking that makes us aware, aware that change comes from within, and then flows to others, vibrates energetically thru the ethers, that will eventually lift this planet and the surrounding etheric UP and OUT.  out of traps, out of submission as a species.  to a new world where the fight is not the same 'fight'--no need for that kind of 'living' anymore.  where there is an opportunity to advance to other ways and means of living, evolving, becoming.  i dont know how to say it, really, but i know its possible and its coming.  thats why i know/feel that its just a hop, skip, jump to how it also cleans up the levels above and below us, that all the astral planes around and below--easier to say--AROUND us, become affected by it, what WE do and become affects everything in this "arena."   thats the consciousness that is upon us.  its only 'natural' that humans would evolve like this.  it is planned, it is the mission, it is the path we take, the way of knowing and understanding, that leads us there.  all the lives we lived/live, help us GROW--EVOLVE.  its all taken into consideration, and advanced.  its a collection towards an end-product, that even keeps on evolving.  thats the energy and purpose of the soul.  the soul that is the container, if u will, of all that it has been, and will be.  nothing is lost, nothing is forgotten, all is applied, used, collected, merged, gained, built upon.

JC knew what was coming, he foresaw, that was his job--to make us see possibilities, to achieve.  he injected in that ever-ready rebel light that cannot be satisfied with lesser states.  it is designed to be--go higher.  psi skills are only part OF that.  we all got em.  humans have them naturally and whats coming is that they get stronger, more so everyday, as they are part and parcel of the 'meta-reality' around us that is changing.  simply--because its time.  its all been going there anyway--all along.  its necessary and on schedule.  its time for a transition--BEEN FRICKIN TIME-- for those like me/us that find our patience wearing thin, like ok--alright--come on already, get this baby shakin.  let us/me do our job, lets GO.  and all that/this--even thinking and believing that and BEING in the now, with those thots, that intent, that will, from that integrity--to evoke change=a better world for self and others that come after and will ever exist, is preparation.  grows and helps to evolve.  those feelings right there, are signals, communication with spirit, doing business with spirit, listening to and from within.  sensing, feeling, remembering--all the collection of selves, skills, merge and produce an evolved being that is reconciled, continues to reconcile its now, with its/the past and future.  i dont thinks its even unusual, but is understood to be this way, as a natural occurrence on some worlds.  simply--how things work.  and what we do here, where its been long overdue (IMO), affects other realms, other worlds, other parts of other galaxies.  where elves dont have to hide anymore, where dragons can walk free, where blowing off the legs of babies isnt necessary, or allowed there, for thats not advanced, not needed anymore.  in an evolved world, those kinds of things are not in existence, for the ppl / beings living and growing there no longer require that level of existence to bring them towards advancement...it is outgrown, and there are other ways and means of living there that will present difft challenges, difft problems that will necessitate changes.  all is the way it works, all continues to EVOLVE per such the divine plans.  in my opinion, we eventually become even THOSE planners as we grow, change, live thru ALL THIS.  im beginning to think that our mere PRESENCE is one of our greatest psi skills, period.  vibrating so bright and high, out of sheer will, intent, and integrity; will do most of the "job."

and u can read the rest as its pretty cool and will resonate with many.  and they got some mighty psi skills.  and one cannot say that theyre aware of astral realm 'rules' and know all about the densities and not understand or disregard this * The term 'density' denotes a vibrational frequency of consciousness or plane of existence. The occult structure of the lower part of the universe in which we reside - the Cosmic Physical Plane - is most often described using a septenary model, i.e., 7--seven ascending levels from the most dense or most material at the bottom level to the least dense or quickest vibration at the top. Each major level, or plane, can then be divided again into 7 seven sub-levels. However, such clear-cut divisions are for conceptual convenience only, for, in truth, one level cannot really be distinguished from the next since the whole spectrum of vibratory frequencies changes by extremely subtle gradations. The most prevalent level of consciousness amongst the mass of human beings on Earth today - using the septenary model - is that of third-density approaching fourth.

so a strong vibratory cymatic wave EASILY connects to and affects levels in between and be-twixt.  u cant be a student of the esoteric and discard that.  so all the talk of psi skills, which are developed from awareness, and are simply part of being human, and are natural talents of natural humans, will, and DO work, in ALL realms, for they simply ARE=AWARENESS.  stating that they cant work or cannot be applied in ALL realms begs to differ from what we already clearly know.  its how one DEFINES psi skills.  theyre not that exotic.  theyre a characteristic of humans, and theyre used in all realms, they emanate from awareness, as a means of communication -- of knowing.  theyre a means/ways of taking in and letting out info in hyperdimensionality.  and they represent how an evolved being communicates.  theyre developing rapidly and have always been used by many on here.  not even foreign to us, at all.  and are feared by the crats and by TPTB.  thats why they tried to shut JC the hell up.  it didnt work.  it will NEVER work.  theyre part of our evolvement and if we coulda been less tampered with, societally, and historically, long ago, more of us woulda used them alot more strongly, and more often, and shit woulda changed a long ways back.  but, thats ok.  were on board now.

and hey Seeking the Truth--totally agree with u (and ur a terrific mother!--just by being u).  and on being a warrior in pastlives, not always has been STS, but often found oneself, in dilemmas that required devotion to certain lifestyles so that the tribe/group/individual could live on, having had to fight to protect others that couldnt fight TPTB on their own.  Been a monk alot too, those lives were lonely and shaved the head alot or cut off all the hair alot), thats how this longer service cycle started and kept going and is wrapping up now, i hope, which lead to the taking care of others now, again.  they cant fight on their own, so the taking up of arms, one way or another, evolved into this lifetime.  be it even against microbes, using 'science psi skills' developed and evolved.  now is the greater undertaking wherein the mission becomes clearer, so that ALL skills, from all lifetimes; from warrior/killer to healer, healing reconciles now, and from before, what was done before, so the SELF got healed in that VERY HEALING, all is reconciled, recapitulated for use--for EVOLVEMENT.  and even that is changing, on a larger scale that i understand more of now.  the mission is to lead them to heal themselves, and to devote self to larger group influence, so the everyday presence in those old dirty clinics is no longer necessary, for my own advancement.  approaching OUTGROWTH from that.  all is culminating in the now, to free me from that older less sophisticated cycle.  the more i research and delve into, the more i heal myself, and ready for recon.  reconnaissance.  the more i know myself, even archetypal self/selves, the more comfortable it gets, the more solid it gets, the clearer it gets.  so that the best progress can be made.  trying to learn the lessons, know, and understand.  way less fear.  no matter what happens.   readiness.  learning.

and lala--i feel the same way about cleaning up family 'junk'--oh yeah.  the line stops with me and my sister (altho my brother went his own way..).  that line did some really bad crap way back and showed up so clear in this last set of parents.  we clear up what went before, for REAL.  from a micro to macro scale, and back again.  i get it on the bloodlines--the dark side of some of the innate characteristics that have been bred in to those same bloodlines.  as said, the reconning goes on now.  has gone on.  so when we say were forgiving or clearing the way from the ancestors, were not kidding, and all is interwoven, such responsibilities.  but thats where the integrity comes in.  makes one 'live up' to it.