Ah...oh so true!

null@example.com (Pamelajean) — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 03:04:20 +0000

>> SOCIALISM:
>> You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour
>>
>> COMMUNISM:
>> You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
>>
>> FASCISM:
>> You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
>>
>> NAZISM:
>> You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
>>
>> BUREAUCRATISM:
>> You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then
>> throws the milk away...
>>
>> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
>> You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
>> and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
>>
>> SURREALISM:
>> You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
>> lessons
>>
>> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk
>> of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has
>> dropped dead.
>>
>> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
>> You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
>> company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
>> bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
>> so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
>> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
>> Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
>> sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
>> annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
>> more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving
>> you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The
>> public buys your bull.
>>
>> THE ANDERSEN MODEL:
>> You have two cows. You shred them.
>>
>> FRENCH CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the
>> roads, because you want three cows.
>>
>> JAPANESE CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
>> an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a
>> clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
>>
>> GERMAN CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
>> once a month, and milk themselves.
>>
>> ITALIAN CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
>> lunch.
>>
>> RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
>> count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
>> learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
>> vodka.
>>
>> SWISS CORPORATION:
>> You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners
>> for storing them.
>>
>> CHINESE CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
>> have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the
>> newsman who reported the real situation.
>>
>> INDIAN CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. You worship them.
>>
>> IRAQI CORPORATION:
>> Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none.
>> No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
>> country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
>> Democracy....
>>
>> BRITISH CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a licence to milk
>> them, but first you have to do a risk assessment which only the
>> government Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the
>> cost of doing it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk under
>> health and safety.
>> You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to
>> support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The
>> stool exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos which just
>> happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one
>> cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley. The
>> new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of
>> the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training course you
>> must take to get your license to milk the cows. You sell your milk to
>> the supermarket chain that pays you bugger all for it, and then they
>> sell it to their customers for four times what they paid you. Then they
>> release a press statement about how wonderful they are to support
>> British Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you and
>> your cows know that it is not true and anyway the rest of the world have
>> no intention of identifying and counting their mad cows so people in
>> other countries don't know their cows are really, really barmy do they.
>> You sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker and your farm to a
>> Russian 'investment bank' and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea
>> in a country where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost
>> of milk at home. They don't have a National Health Service.......but you
>> are so happy and relaxed your health improves and you live to be a
>> hundred.
>>
>> WELSH CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
>>
>> AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
>> You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and
>> go for a few beers to celebrate.

Noble Realms — Ah...oh so true!

Ah...oh so true!