I saved the receipt, just in case

Imagine you are a baby god. At birth you were given a gift, a lifetime in this world. Because you are still young you don’t realize your divine stature. This too, is part of the gift: the possibility of enlightenment.

Your divine life is so precious that everything is arranged to benefit you: pleasant or painful, long or short, your life, your world is exactly how it needs to be for you  to remember Who and What you are.

Happy Birthday!

just one last suggestion.   

You may like to try Acupressure (Shiatsu) .

http://www.shiatsuassociation.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiatsu

We have bio-chemicals in our body that helps one to release emotions,  and helps to correct imbalances on all
planes, mental, physical, emotional.

(I have a diploma in this but I'm not practicing therapist!).

Hope you will look into this!

-M

However I will guess you are referring to what reality is, as opposed to was?  Reality used be what everyone else told me. 

Well during high school I went away from where I wanted to be, and began to follow what everyone else thought I should be.  Once I graduated from college with a degree in Engineering, I still felt empty inside and spent the next 3 yrs searching for a deeper meaning to life.  I began to realise reality is significantly different then what I was led to believe, and that dying of my old reality, and the small death of the ego required to realize that I am truly insignificant on the large scale of things.  As well, humanity is insignificant, and plausible argument can be made that we will be whipped out,  cleared off the world like scientists cleaning up virus culture they had experimented with.  Our society, culture, genetics, friends, families, countries, religions, etc are all insignificant in the end.  Everything that means something to me will be washed away one day, and that day may be soon. 

To become happier, to get out of my funk, I will try and recall what the most important factors were in my improving outlook on life.  I began thinking that happiness or sadness is a choice, at least in how you bias yourself towards one or the other.  A poor peasent can be happier then the wealthiest man in the world, it is a matter of whether or not they choose to be content.  I had chosen to be unhappy until I fixed the world, which you will understand is impossible.  An important concept that meant a lot was "Life is a journey, not a destination."  It is the same concept Ekhart Tolle talks about in the power of now.  I needed to focus on what was happening in my life at the present.  Before I was imagining a future where if I had this or that, then I would be happy.  The problem is if your happiness always depends on a future outcome, and by definition the future is not the present, then you can never be happy in the present.  Realizing that fact, that it is important to be happy on the trail to whatever future goal is, is very crucial to being content before you meet that goal. 

I realized that there is something to the "You create your own reality" thing.  If you focus on bad things, problems, and fears then that is the direction you will go.  If you are on the highway driving, and you look off to your right, most times you will instinctively steer right.  As humans we travel in the direction we are looking.  If we focus on pain and hardship we will travel right into pain and hardship.  If you look for good things, things that can make you happy, then you will begin to travel towards good things.  A very important concept to mention right here, is that many people realize that by ignoring bad things and focusing on happy that they can become much happier.  This is the concept known as ignorance is bliss.  Ignorance however is very dangerous as you may one day be blindsided by reality, and no amount of positive focus can save you, you have already traveled too far down the wrong path.  So in a way life needs to be like a balancing act of focusing on positive aspects for the health or your being, and the cold hard truth of reality for your knowledge and understanding.

What else.  A feeling of kinship with the people on this message board has been helpful.  While I can't sit down and discuss my week with anyone here over a drink, I can get everything off my mind that no one else in the world seems to understand or care about.   I have all my old friends to go blow off some steam with.   

Hmm.  I guess maybe the best way to describe the road to health is balance, to become well rounded in all aspects of yourself.

Which is was maybe is?

"I had turned away from my desires and passions, and squashed my emotions because I could not deal with them and still follow the path that others had set out for me.  "

Who set a path for you? I feel that no-one can set your true purpose for you...You Must try to Re-member your gifts and talents and contribute them to your community!

"I am doing better then when I wrote the original post."

How did you achieve that?

"It requires a reliance on faith, a word I have despised since my religion tought me their meaning of the word"

Yes , absolutely, I absolutely understand!

"I am learning to match my sisters attitude on life which is ignorant bliss, and she is an amazingly positive happy person with blissful awareness."

cough, cough, ignorant bliss, impossible, but yes , gosh, how old is she?  I'm nearing the grand old 50's, but was born in 60's
....while watching t.v. black and white in the kitchen, eating diner, Nixon and the Vietnam news are being broadcasted, And
I thought: 'When I grow-up", there will be Peace on the World...:rolleyes:

"There seems to be an idea that is programmed into us that to be aware of the bad dealings of the world requires us to become entangled in them and dragged down with them.  That is I think what was taking me down.  "

Comapssion for Self, first, then we can have compassion for others without becoming entangled in them!!!:)

Also, for myself, it is about Forgiveness of all ancestors on Earth, regardless.  I am capable of forgiving for myself for being dumb, stupid, intelligent, brilliant, and a sense of humour that others just can't see, nor feel!!!!:mad:...:o...:lol:...;)...:cool:

"...but what truly crushed me was when my inner drive led me to the concepts of the true nature of humanity. "

We are still ASLEEP! Yawn!!!:(

"Ironically as I grow more comfortable here I begin to see that even as I think very closely to many here my beliefs still vary greatly.  I still cannot accept principles such as astrology, and all the talk of Venus Retrograde and Food for the Moon goes way over my head, although I will admit there does seem to be something to it. "

That is absolutely OK!!!.....Hey, if we had previous lives, then who cares what 'sign', I am.  I've been all of them so do not, I say, do not categorize, nor pigeon-hole me nor any-one else, and your-self for that matter.  I UNDER -stand on my two-webbed feet (Quack, you say):P

"Anyway thank you for the input."

Your Welcome, your High-nest Capitaine!:)

-Monique

I am doing better then when I wrote the original post.  It have become aware of the possibility that we are not supposed to be aware of our purpose, that if we follow our hearts our purpose will reveal itself.  It requires a reliance on faith, a word I have despised since my religion tought me their meaning of the word.  I am learning to match my sisters attitude on life which is ignorant bliss, and she is an amazingly positive happy person with blissful awareness.  There seems to be an idea that is programmed into us that to be aware of the bad dealings of the world requires us to become entangled in them and dragged down with them.  That is I think what was taking me down. 

I am only 26 years old, I struggled through the years of puberty and went with the flow, but what truly crushed me was when my inner drive led me to the concepts of the true nature of humanity.  I couldn't deal with the blow to my ego.  Plus I have to say that I had some demons of my own whether they were metaphorical or actual I don't know but they made it hard to get by. 

I think this forum has helped me to get by, sharing the only thoughts I have that mean anything to me with people who listen has been very helpful.  I know no person that I can communicate personally these ideas, so it has meant very much to me to share them here.  Ironically as I grow more comfortable here I begin to see that even as I think very closely to many here my beliefs still vary greatly.  I still cannot accept principles such as astrology, and all the talk of Venus Retrograde and Food for the Moon goes way over my head, although I will admit there does seem to be something to it.

Anyway thank you for the input.

I'm just wondering how old are you Captain?

Our Physical Body is consciously conscious.  Every Cell in our Physical Body is alive with awareness.
When we are growing into Teenage Hood, our body expands with additional sexual chemicals that allows
physical, emotional, intuitional, and creative juices to form into these subtle bodies.

When I was 15 years of age, I could actually feel the emotions of my Mother and Father inside my body and
gosh, yes, I wanted to run-a-way from Home.  I couldn't wait to be 18 years of age and really leave home.

The Higher Self voice in my head counselled my day-to-day self to go with it and stay home. Not run-a-way.

At that Teen-Hood time of our life, we absolutely get depressed, and then we are OK...and yes, we do want to Die, but
we live. 

And we move-on, and in-movement.

Do you play music?
Do you listen to music and what kind of music?  Beware of the Lyrics in certain types of music.
Do you Dance? 

I have a young friend of 24.  He left home at 15.  He's been outside since then.  He's a great guy, I love him as
a Brother.  He sings too and remembers lyrics all kinds of songs. 
He's handsome and I told him that if I was younger that I would really set my eyes on him because he would be the
type of Dad who would actually sing to the kids, and come home after work, rather than go out with his co-workerss
for a couple of pints of beer.  He would work in the garden, and loves the LAND.

But this is what I have been noticing with him.  Sure he smokes pot.  But where does he get the money?
He goes to a place where people sit in their cars by the beautiful ocean and smoke marijuana and then throw
out the roshes (I don't think that's the correct spelling).  My Beloved Friend picks-up these roshes...(the spelling will come to
me). (Maybe , I should look into the dinktionary,hmhm:rolleyes:).

I'll call him Rich-Man-Land.  Rich-Man-Land doesn't even need any money to buy pot!!!!
He picks-up empties from the recycling bin and makes money to buy Sherry (22% alcohol) - poor-man's drink.
At 11pm, a pizza shop gives him and the other outside guys the left-overs.

Now, he's doing , crack...hard drugs...I told my beloved  Rich-Man-Land Bro, that if he keeps this up, he will
develop a 'mental illness'....schizophrenia, manic-depression, etc...and He WILL NEED TO TAKE PHARMACEUTICAL Drugs
to stay grounded!

My Father has a mental illness, he needed to take LITHIUM.  My  Dad never really drank, nor did he do drugs.
I truly realized that this is a real biological chemical imbalance.  But Lithium causes throughout the years Kidney problems.
(Every Organ in our body is consciousnessly alive with consciousness).  In his early 50s, my Beloved Dad has involuntary physical movement.  Hard to watch your own Dad like that ...
He's been in the nursing home, receiving blood-dyalisis for several years now. (He's 78!).

When we are teenagers, we are developing the Kundalini Fire Spirit known has Sexual Energy, but on a grandeur scale.
Because every cell in our bodies (emotional, intuitional, creative, physical bodies) is WAKING-UP, we get all types of
emotions manifesting.

The Mind-in-the-Head wants to be in - control...It wants logic, It can't NOT HANDLE IT e-motions of all kinds.
The MIND's function really is to problem-solve day-to-day soulutions.
Just to keep busy.
BUT IT has not yet,
MARRIED the Heart.  It's afraid of being Vulnerable.  Yet, the Heart probably has n't married the Sexual Organs, THE ROOT CHAKRA.  And yet, The Root Chakra is in Fear of Creative energy.  It rather Follow the Mind, but at the same time IT wants
a DEEP connection to the Physical-self, and to OUR BELOVED MOTHER, the EARTH, PACHAMA, TERRA, LA BELLE MERE.

But who , any one here have had any mentors!:(
(ThankYou , Montalk for this Forum:))

I suppose I could write more, but my point is really about pharmacitical drugs. Our WESTERN CULTURE does not
acknowledge Inner Beauty, sexual energy, intuition, clairvoyant, clairsentient way of Being a Human.
The Kundalini Energy releases
repressed energy of all kinds...e-motions must move.  GRIEF, must be FELT, MUST be acknowledge,
(In Malidoma Patrice Some's autobiography, "Of Water, The Spirit" says that any man in his tribe who cannot
cry,
or, who cannot grieve
is a dangerous man to the tribe!).
Depression may be a cause of not allowing one-self to really cry, to really yell (do it in the woods, or else the psycho-police        will give you a new home:lol:).
Suicide may be a lack of sexual movement, so go DANCE, and maybe bring a Friend too:P

We wish you well,
Monique

So everyone here who participated in your quest have a love for you and have expressed themselves from their own
SOULUTIONS.;)

In that case I really recommend that you read "The Power of Now". It might help you let go of your fear and depression. I feel so much better when I follow the principles in that book

Available as a free pdf file here ...  This book is awesome...

http://www.esnips.com/web/spiritualeboo … ge=6#files

anyway, my point is that it's all up to you.  if you don't want to do anything right now, don't.  but sooner or later you will either have to; if you don't shower, you stink and alienate people who think cleanliness is good.  if you don't eat, you wither away and die (then what?  you might have to come back and start all over again).
i hear you, man.  i tried the hermit thing, reading a lot, messing around online for hours reading about conspiracy theories and government plots and aliens , drugging, drinking, empty sexual encounters, complaining to my friends that there is no point...it was a sad and boring existence i led, especially since i was 29 and living in my parents' basement.
the world has no room or use for depressed people.  i used to think that the depressed were spiritually...something; misplaced angels or something like that.  that they were necessary to create art and such.  the world has no room for art anymore, art is just a marketable commodity, and anything can be art.
it's up to you, whether you want to do nothing or not.  it's your choice whether you want to be depressed or not (please, anti-depressant advocates don't email me or respond, i realize that some people are chemically unbalanced and they help). 
just getting up and taking a walk will help.

anyway.
today, i decided to get up and make breakfast and coffee for my self.  at least nourish my body, eating is good for depression; just don't overdo it, unless gluttony appeals to you. 
i decided to not care about aliens and allah and ghosts and ufos and buddha and demons and jesus and the devil and magic and good and evil and conspiracies.  if they exist, great.  that means that the world just got more interesting; bring them on and bring back the wonder and let's move forward.  if not, then shut up and lets move on from what keeps us from progressing, like war and such.

do what you want, or to quote "do what thou wilt". 
try not to harm others while doing it, and remember that your actions have consequences.  i'm not talking about a day of judgement or eternal damnation, just simple "cause and effect".
if you don't know what to do now, you will. 
maybe it will come to you in a dream or a lucid waking moment.
keep looking.

-tengberg

There really is no definite purpose but to be free and enjoy this gift of life in awareness. Each finds a way to use their talents and share same in clarity, inner resolution.

"The search" is often a trade in ideas and identification with same that is energizing to those who think they have found "it", but the truth is so simple, is beyond the energy/direction of the brain, has no concrete definition, simply "IS". WHen the brain begins to quiet by looking and watching attentively the smoke begins to clear. The answer is in the question... in silent listening, truth is revealed.

While there is hope you have no choice but to carry on, look for the answers. And you cannot say 'there is no hope', because if you did you would know all the answers - and you don't.

Depression comes about because you think a situation is hopeless and, if it were hopeless, you would know all the answers. But I'm sure you will agree that you don't have all the answers, so the situation is not hopeless.

Soldier on, mon Capitan!

I have felt many times that I would like to go back to ignorance of the truth, but I know it's not true.  Just like in the matrix movies when cipher says the matrix is better then life outside of it. 

Lastly one thing you can be assured of is you won't lose your soul participating in the matrix.  That is the one thing that is yours to keep, and if nothing else the Matrix, or reality is a good learning expereince, although often depressing and unenjoyable. 

Thanks for the input.

I still feel like that in a way, but to a lesser degree now. I'm not suicidal but I do see the futility in pretty much everything. I'm in my final year at school and potentially have a "successful future" ahead of me (according to society's view of success, which naturally involves wealth and superficial achievements - things that mean nothing to me), but in fact I'm thinking of giving it all up right now. For one thing, I find the formal education system stifling - it's too rigid, and there's little room for independent thought. Instead you're told what you need to know for the exams and then you learn it mechanically. Additionally, I've found the majority of what I learn at school to be irrelevant or totally useless in real life.

It's not just school that I don't like, it's where it leads to. University is not looking too appealing, and I know that ultimately I'll end up doing a job I don't really enjoy, serving a system that I fundamentally disagree with, and losing my soul in the process. I couldn't care less about being rich - I only buy what is absolutely essential for my survival. The trouble is, my parents are laying all their hopes on me becoming wealthy, successful etc. and I know that if I dropped out at this stage, they would disown me completely (they spent a lot of money on my education). I feel torn.

Has anyone had a similar dilemma, and/or could you offer me some guidance? This may not be exactly on-topic, but I thought it had some relevance to the thread.

P.S. Capitan, are you familiar with "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle? It's all about disconnecting from your mind and the destructive thought processes that it creates. It literally teaches you to stop thinking. The quote, "If you're confused stop thinking", posted above, made me think of it.