that's the funny thing about reincarnation though - i can't recall who i was in all those past lives. i've heard of people with clairvoyant capacity having recall of their past lives, sometimes in flashes ... but not moi - je suis clueless of that aspect

but looking back at my life - i know i had certain talents i was born with - and certain aspects or characteristics as well - i know a large part of that may have been 'conditioning' - from all sorts of influences - but i wonder if anyone of it was carried over from other selves from the past ... i say that because - to me anyways - it makes sense that, let's say maybe you're a lazy bum in this life and you don't change that, you maybe realize it but you continue it - in a way - maybe that continues on in the next life --- i have no idea - just speculation really - but on some level it makes sense - although i could be wrong

half an hour after i wrote this post - news of death came to our house - the place that i'm staying at - this lady's sister died - we all knew she was in a severely bad state - i guess it was on my mind - part of why i made this post - but the lady (the living one i'm staying with) she was understandably upset - tears flowing on and off throughout the day - there wasn't much i could do except sit there and be with her and her family - i wonder who the tears were for, though - herself, or her sister ? maybe a little of both ? i don't know ...

Looking at the bigger picture, death could be 'stop existing' but that's not a fear I have, as my existance comes directly from that-who-is-and-will-always-be. The dark dudes do have this fear, though.  And this I-am-and-will-always-be thing is not some kind of faith, it's just knowing.

So the point is that I'm not afraid of dying in any way.

in my personal life lately - there's been family and family friends who've been having very close calls to death ... my bro could have easily died due to a serious injury he was involved in recently, but somehow he survived (if he was a cat - this would be life #4 that he just finished in this lifetime - and he's only 21), a family friend of ours was in essence poisoned by her doctor who kept her on the wrong medication for 4 months - it killed her liver and she almost died (went into a coma), her daughter gave her 60% of her own liver to save her life (they're trying to sue the doctor now - and the guy can now only practise with someone watching him, as he's caused harm to other patients as well), another family friend has been struck by breast cancer and decided to undergo chemo - it actually worked for her for now - the cancer's not come back and it's been 6 months since her last treatment, but who knows ... these are the survivors ...

so funny - when death comes knocking - if it's your time, you can't say - sorry death, i can't go yet, i have some things i have to finish up ... and that's just the thing - death can come at any time ...

there's a series of shows on the Women's Television station - they deal with the "paranormal" - a couple of them are about different psychics that go in and try to help both the living and the dead deal with whatever  - sometimes they succeed, and sometimes (especially with the dead guys) there isn't much they can do ... but i've been noticing (without surprise) on these shows - most of the dead people or ghosts or spirits that the psychics deal with - all are sticking around because of attachments they have - and some of them have painful or traumatic stories surrounding their lives, when they were living - 2 many to mention ... but there's a real sense that either because of attachment or because of the fact that they haven't been able to deal with something on whatever level - that they're still here ...

i remember reading from someone who's a clairvoyant - the person said - death is an illusion.

there's so much evidence that we continue in some form after our physical death - so to hear the statement, "death is an illusion", makes sense in this manner.

but i also think that death is a fact. all the things i have in this life - here and now - all those things come to an end when i die - that much is clear for me to see. that's real. and i think about having or carrying the idea that death is just an illusion - how it can be detrimental in a way - or maybe not so much carrying the idea that there's continuance, but not facing the fact of death ...

this is the part where it's personal - for me - to face the fact of death - it's had a real impact on the way i live my life - both my actions and what's going on in my headspace ... it's a day to day affair - and dying to stuff is as much a part of it as is living and enjoying and the moment - i realy think they both go together, you can't have one without the other.  and i think it's intelligence that recognizes that - i'm not patting myself on the back - it's not my intelligence - i think it's something that belongs to us all, and maybe it starts with facing the facts ... the best thing about it is that you don't need to go to any occult school to understand it - there's nothing complicated or tricky about it - it's there, in plain sight to see - so simple really --- and yet, we seem to have such a difficult time with it, in an overall sense - because we make it complicated and we have so many attachments and problems and yadayadayada all the rest of it.

anyways - this stuff - talking about death - it might lead to the topic of reincarnation. we've all heard about ending the cycle of reincarnation. to be honest - i think it's something that maybe only very very very few people have done ... to be even more honest, it's not something i worry about - whatever the case may be - one way or another - i'm here dealing with the facts and that's what's important to me.