Noble Realms — troubles

Re: troubles

2006-05-23T00:47:47Z

I also came under severe "attention" by HD-STS, who ran me through all sorts of havoc. The best advice I got came from someone who was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, and in one of his more lucid moments, he told me that the important thing to remember is that 95%-99% of what you hear has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Since then, I've realized that most of my thoughts of mental instability were mental implants passed to me by adoptive parents, who had their own reasons for wanting me to believe that I was crazy. Nowdays, I filter all new information through my intuition filter, and that sorts out nearly everything. I still get the voices from time to time, but these days they are far to predictable to bother me anymore.

Good luck!

-3G

Re: troubles

2006-05-22T23:59:48Z

I believe that at the moment it is very possible that what we discussed is beyond your ability to intake, due to partially the spiritual attachment and partly due to the medication and other issues. But if my faith in my words is as true as i hope it is, then what atleast i said, should open up eventually and help you understand something.

Best of luck to you.

Re: troubles

2006-05-22T23:55:36Z

After re-reading both your comments, I find myself at a lack for words.

It seems to me that my concentration and reading comprehension skills are less now (especially from the medicines I take).

I think I get the point about not making statements such as "I'll keep fighting until I die".

One might just bring this upon oneself eventually. I sort of understand about not giving them (TPTB) ammunition to continue attacking you (and limit your reactions to their attacks).

I do not know what happens after death. I would hope our soul/spirit goes to a more benevolent place to review its actions in its previous incarnation. It then would possibly stay in the spirit realm or angel realm until it decides to re-incarnate for more learning or if it has reached a certain level of understanding and experience it might possibly remain in the heavenly spheres.

That's all I can think of for now, Your replies leave me at a loss for words. Sorry I couldn't add more.

Re: troubles

2006-05-18T00:46:11Z

Definitely, feel what you want to feel. Be yourself. Sometimes fear saves our lives in more ways we can possibly imagine, and for those who enjoy experience in an end in and of itself, the looming nature of possible death is an interesting experience. I think we all seek experiences like skiing, diving, even going joy-riding in your car at high speeds for that very reason. It gives an adrenaline rush, and makes life in a sense, "worth living". But that's my perspective; I'm sure there's many people who cannot leave their houses without fear of death, such as in Israel-Palestine, yet they chose, on either a consious or higher level, to live there for that very reason. The idea that one can be martyred for what they believe in is highly seductive, and that even can apply to even the more obscure circumstances that anyone can relate to.
For example, a 50-year old man going through a mid-life crisis decides to buy a motorcycle, and just loves driving it around for the hell of it. It makes him feel free and liberated, and exactly what he wants to do, despite the fact the looming presence of death that surrounds him . He then gets thrown off a cliff in a horrible freak accident involving a truck spilling its load of bananas on the highway. But he died for what he believed in, and that was the adrenaline rush which is inseperable from the fear of death.
So fear, in conclusion, can be both positive and negative. For some people, it is liberating. For others, it is paralyzing. For most however, it can take the form of irrational fear, such as fear of speaking out, raising a significant question, or even dressing differently.
In direct response to Aki, experience for the sake of experience, while it may provide a temporary sense of joy, is rather purposeless in and of itself. It is not an end, but rather a means to an end, which is spiritual evolution.

Re: troubles

2006-05-17T10:35:14Z

There we are in agreeance. That this world is an illusion and that it is a very plain and simple illusion at that. However. Where we differ is about higher levels. It is true that in this level the free will works as you said and as i said. But the question in my mind is why would there possibly be no "final death" can the dead not die too. And i mean really die. If there is no death then in essence we are trapped in a prison that has only one way out. And that is to go back and reach unison with the one.

The way i see it. There has to be the possibility of some kind of final death as well. Simply because i choose for there to be and if there truly is free will then it has to be possible. And if there isnt then free will and by extension, god, is evil as it denies me the right to choose one option because it might harm myself. It is akin to limiting free speech. If someone gets to say to you "that speech is not free because you harm yourself" then there is no free speech. So unless i have the option of deciding to truly die and by extension be in risk in my life then there is no free will.

I was, in the past, very adamant about there being no final death and that all would be well. But as i advanced on my path it began to be clear that while that is very much possible to create. It is an experience that lacks focus. To not ever be afraid of anything. I would certainly try it and use it to relax but its the thrill of existance that keeps us coming back to existance.

Anyway,

Cloudkeen, thank you for letting me know. I look forward to more conversation

Re: troubles

2006-05-17T03:45:46Z

Yes, your consent is needed for yourself to perish from this earthly existance, yet it isn't usually made on the consious level (excepting cases of suicide). It's made by yourself prior to your incarnation. You may ask "Why would a person want to go out like that?", but from the perspective we have as spirits in Heaven, death is insignificant. It simply is the finale to that learning experience, so we may be careless in how this grand finale occurs.
You raise an interesting question: If our earthly existance isn't real, then why would higher forces try to help us? Because they know that we consider this existance as entirely real, and are willing to show us the true nature of our reality: That it is an illusion that we have decided to take part in for the sake of learning and experience.
I have come to realize this first-hand by "people" (either spirits from The Other Side or STO aliens) vanishing completely from sight, though it only happens when you're not looking directly at them. Never have I seen a person dissapear while I'm looking at them, but instead you'll see them, go around a some bushes or trees, and when you come to the other side, they're completely gone. They're trying to show you the impermanence of this world and how this world is an illusion, though it is easy for you to be frightened as a result of this.

Re: troubles

2006-05-17T00:32:55Z

Those are some interesting comments.

I am not sure that I understand them completely, but I will try to respond in depth to them at a latter date, just wanted to let you know that I read them.

Re: troubles

2006-05-16T23:39:36Z

Thank you Magical_Mongoose. That is high praise. I hope my opinion will be proven worthy of it.

Tho i am uncertain if i agree with you about the soul being invulnurable. I am not sure if that is so in any sense. I have yet to find a reason why the human soul would be invulnurable. Beyond the occasional occult referances. When i have pondered about it all it does appear to me that a soul, any soul, can be harmed or killed or destroyed. However, can that soul escape that destruction at any point is a interesting question. Because the power of free will ofcourse makes it so that it is theoretically possible to escape from anything right until the moment you actually die. That also, implies that it requires yoru consent on some level for your death to happen. And that is where the splintered soul comes into question, if there is any part of you that is hesitant in wanting to get away, if there is something that has no hesitation in desiring to kill you then you will eventaully be killed.

If you look at it from another point of view ( i talk bout this a bit in the book i posted here). If there was no way one could ever die in the soul level. Then all actions would lose meanings as your existance as such would never be threathened. Sure you could be in the illusion that you can be killed. Now, if there is no way to ever kill a soul then there is no way to ever save a soul either. Sad as it is, humans define ourselfs by the polarity of possibilities, live or die.

So if there then is no death on any level. Then if we are aware of this then surely higher levels are as well. And if there is no death then by extension there can be no harm. All harm and pain you percieve is derived from your body telling you that it is in risk of perishing. So if there is no harm as all the damage is momentary at best and there is no time then why would some higher force try to help us? Why would someone stop you from exhaling if logically that would be followed by inhaling. Now if you do take into account the possibility of death then it gets all the more interesting. As then harm becomes real and while it is all an illusion, while we are all charachters in some universes computer game and non of us in a concrete sense have ever existed. The only thing that changes is that illusions can die as a part of the illusion.

I see no reason why a god that wants to figure itself out would leave out such an important part as forever losing something. Is that not the most powerful of emotions. To gaze upon a picture of something lost. A memory of what could have been. I fail to understand why a god would block that out simply because death is.. scary?

To me, after all this pondering, there is nothing less annoying than a world with absolutely no possibility of death. So either there has to be the illusion of death, and if there is such and we have already broken it then it is not a very good illusion. And that leads me to believe that the illusion is in there being no death. And the other possiblity is, ofcourse, that there is death. Death simply being the end of this particular existance. My energy will not vanish as it will be consumed by something else but me as a individuated entity will vanish.

If i can never harm and then by extension never cure anything, then all creation is void. If one paints with white alone one will get a blank canvas.

Althou i do belive that there are places where death is not possible. That again depends on the desire you have to live. So by extension it ofcourse requires your will, in a way, to die, but you have a trillion different wills To manipulate or to kill requires the killer to match their will with yours and get you to walk the path they desire. If you hold your own regardless and truly hold to your own path you can never die.

As i said, i have yet to make up my mind about this. So it is very possible there is no death

Re: troubles

2006-05-16T20:40:01Z

Aki, I completely agree with you.
Having being diagnosed with bipolar, I'm taking the lowest dosage of medication. I am symptom free, yet the doctors are fearful that if I stopped taking the meds, I would relapse.
Basically it started with extreme guilt. I know this may sound stupid, but I let a guy into an apartment building (opened the door for myself, and he stepped in behind me). For some reason I became obsessed with this guilt, and for days on end I was sullen, depressed, and extremely stressed out. Seemingly, I got over it, and I experienced around a week where I was becoming aware of what was around me, becoming aware of the dream we all inhabit. I was seeing people changing shape, people dissapearing (I see this happen on a daily basis, though I've learned to not be disturbed, but rather to interpret them as either A) Guardians watching over me or B) Negative entities watching me that get a kick out of my reaction when they dissapear.), animals appearing out of nowhere (usually black cats), and other bizarre occurances.
At the same time, I felt I was progressing along my spiritual path (which in my opinion, is impossible not to do, for you are doing everything your spirit sought out to do when it was incarnated), learning to be more empathetic and altruistic, learning how to help others to become less fearful and more centred. Yet as Aki said, you need to learn to rest. A struggle with no end is a struggle you will eventually internalize, and this is exactly what happened to me. I became restless, off-balanced, and felt that I was in the midst of a cosmic battle with various factions fighting over my spirit. Fortunately, I never heard voices, but the weight of the entire struggle was just too much. Remember: Becoming aware is one thing, but learning to take it one step at a time, and learning to rest in those periods, is the only way. Instead of focusing upon the mountain, focus upon the rocks in front of you. Regretting the past leads you to fear the future (in fear you will make the same "mistakes" yet again), leading to nowhere but guilt. Guilt, in turn, being hatred towards oneself, leads to hatred of others, with hatred leading to suffering. This will all begin internally, yet what begins internally will shape your perception of the external, and can manifest external scenarios through the Matrix, and thus they are intertwined.
So, in my opinion, schezophrenia begins internally, yet it becomes real in every sense of the word for those who have it. Just remember that nothing can truly harm your soul, knowing that God would never allow Its creations have true harm come to them. All the darkness in the world cannot swallow a single spark, and living life knowing this truth will lead you to fearlessness. And without fear, you will be beyond the reach of the negative energies. Live life without regret, without fear of the future, and accept what comes to you in the present. Accept the past as a learning tool, with the present as its proving ground, and the future being completely up to you. In conclusion, everything will turn out allright, and this is an inevitability none can deny. Remember that these negative forces can never match the true and undeniable power of God, your Spirit Guide (or collectively known as the Holy Spirit), and the redemptive powers of the Atonement. From the eternal perspective, all have achieved enlightenment and have returned to God, and it's just a matter of time before you accept this reality as being yours.
To cloudkeen: May all your guilt be washed away, and may you find peace of mind knowing that all is forgiven, for there is nothing to forgive. May you find strength knowing the negative forces are weaker than those of Light, and may you cast your fears back into the abyss from which they came, knowing they no longer have true power over you. When you fear them once again coming back to you, declare to them "Begone, phantom of darkness. You have no power in this realm, for the Light of God shines upon all of Its creations!". But only say it if you truly believe in its power, for belief is the most powerful tool of all.
Hope this helps.
- Magical Mongoose

Re: troubles

2006-05-14T10:08:24Z

I have had that same feeling and i have had the same voice, tho my voice is less bent on my destruction and i have been able to ignore it so it is not schizophrenia as such. But what one must understand that even if it is an external source they often use the path of least resistance in attacking you. Meaning that if you have a personality attribute that can be used against you. Be it a fancy for kiddieporn (like the 9.11 investigator who got trashed just now) or be it a trauma or stress that manifests itself as a split personality. They only have to poke aspects of yourself to fight against each other and for them to sit back and watch the show. So while it is very possibly true that you are on their "master list of people to annoy" how they annoy you might not be directly of them but moving it could be.

For example. They could take your hand and slap you with it and thus you would be angry at the hand instead of them. Rest assured that if tPtB wanted you dead you would be dead. So for the time being the amount of effort required to kill you is less than the amount of gain for them. Each life they take is a dramatic step for them. Like killing a cow. You do all you can to protect your livestock and killing a misbehaving cow is always a sad moment. The meat becomes all stingy and unedible if it has been stressed out. So right now, the darkside got humanity by the balls so they use attacks that consume far far less of their energy than an actual attack that would actually stop you.

So any attack is designed to slow you down enough with the least amount of effort. When you focus on protecting yourself from the attacks you are less focused on trying to work. Thus for you cloudkeen it has served its purpose to keep you distracted enough to miss large portions of the work you are doing. Or so i would assume that you miss. If it is an external attack then solving this problem creates a situation in which they have 2 choices. Either they leave you be or step up to another level.

think of it as a stairway. Do they want to take another step to stop you if you dont improve beyond the point that warranted the last step. So if you reach a level and you are presented with a way of inhibiting you. If you defeat that inhibitor then it would reguire more effort for them to use the next counter on you if you then decide to stay put and not advance anymore. That is the reason, i believe, that alot of people stop being attacked. They no longer present a threat as they defeated the last counter but stopped working on the topic.

But in the end you will always die if you go high enough on this scale. Of that there should be no doubt. So what is the highest you can go while losing nothing that you truly value (like your life, senses, soul, or family, for example) And then determine that level and work to reach that and make a re-evaluation of the situation. If you have no plan on where to stop you will keep falling down the rabbithole until you can never climb up again. Sure knowledge is nice but if you lose everything else in the progress is it really worth it.

So you are at a incline right now. You are being attacked very heavily and as you said, some time ago it was more of a steady thing but you started researching and you got more resistance. So as it is almost impossible to "take the blue pill instead" after you've taken the red pill. To do what cypher did in matrix. You now have to make a decicion about if you wish to, after you defeat this phase of the resistance, which i believe you will, what you wish to do afterwards. If it is finally time to say "i know enough now" and to settle down. Or atleast, take a vacation and enjoy the sunshine without constantly being foulmouthed. And then, once you have rested to take another step. But it is always smart to figure out why you are doing this because that is one very important piece of the manipulation. To make you believe that the struggle is its own answer. Instead of knowing that the knowledge you gain has to be used for something or it will all be worth only some knowledge.

If you, for example, defeat this phase and get settled, then one knowledge you would gain is how to get over this situation, imagine what that could do for many who suffer of the same condition in psychowards. And then using the knowledge you gained in the struggle to help as many as possible.

So i would advice that you set your sights higher than on knowldge itself. Set your sights somewhere other than the struggle with darkness but set you sight on applications of the light that you gain, because if you only value the struggle itself then all energy you will gain will be used to power the struggle and then power the opponent as struggling is what you desire. So value what ever you value and view the struggle as a neccesary step to that. But to say that you will continue it until you die means that even if they surrender, even if all goes well and humanity is liberated. You will even then chase after them and you will become the opresser.

So make not such statements lightly as they will become true and you will be trapped in a prison of your own making forever while the true darkness laughs at it all.

I apologise if i sound preachy.

I will continue to throw some ideas in the air if your responses induce me to write

Best wishes

-Aki

Re: troubles

2006-05-14T02:16:13Z

cloudkeen: Yes, it's random.

Capitan: "I have this paranoid feeling that somehow someone is not happy with my progress, and is somehow attacking me" I feel it too.

Re: troubles

2006-05-14T01:41:26Z

I have been awakening slowly over the last few months, and one thing I definately notice is that when I stop to look back with pride at my progress almost immediately afterwards I suffer some sort of mental breakdown. It's like when you first learn to ride a bike and you go a certain distance without falling down, and at the point where your say to yourself "Alright I'm doing it" I fall over and crash. Only it feels like to me that by making this exclamation, I am drawing someone negatives attention who promptly comes over and pushes me off my bike rather then falling over. I have this paranoid feeling that somehow someone is not happy with my progress, and is somehow attacking me.

Becoming awakened has also been very stressful on me as I am unable to shield myself from all the negativity, and negative intentions to which I am now aware.

Cloudkeen, I spent the 5 years going to school in Missouri and live in Kansas so I know exactly what you mean about the people having a very low spirituality out this way. Also I have been recently reading "You Forever" by Lobsang Rampa, and he talks about the importance of quietning your thoughts, and listening to your intuition instead. Possibly this technique could give you a better feel for where you would like to move on to. Good luck too you on your journey.

Re: troubles

2006-05-14T01:18:45Z

Thanks Hkelukka for the kind words and the prayer (do believe in the power of prayer especially if it is sincere and focused).

I can only say that the medicines are necessary to keep me from totally going psychotic and manic and delusional.

I am facing (to my utter disadvantage) real techno physical trans-dimensional forces. This has been happening all of my life and more intensely from 2001 onwards. Especially after ordering books about conspiracies from Amazon.com and other sources on the net. I seem to be on some sort of harrassment master list. I have posted on various websites from 2001 onwards too. Maybe that is how it works, the PTB clamp down on those who resist or speak out and investigate what our world really is and how it works (especially how those malevolent workers do their deeds from behind curtains).

I have been brave, I have been foolish (both).

Yet, I will continue down my path until death (which would be a release, and I know there is more to life than what the masses do, and that there is a better place to be reached after death).

Re: troubles

2006-05-14T00:41:16Z

What is interesting that if it is truly schitzhoprenia (spelling) then it is an internal issue and thus has a right to define you. As opposed to lemminscates statement about not letting external things define you. Which then would suggest you close off the schzo part which would be internal thus letting the external define the internal. Interesting is it not

Anyway. I have a few suggestions but i cant guarantee that they wont make the sitaution worse. But there are never guarantees in life.

Meditate and focus on a thought "Of the many aspects of my shattered mind the aspect which is speaking now will create the world the rest will soon imagine. The aspect that is speaking now (same aspect) is the ultimate power in that world And that aspect is my concious mind" and repeat that to yourself until you feel secure to enter a meditation. Then imagine a door in front of you and open it. If the landscape looks safe and calm(green and filled with life) then enter the world and remeber that you always have the ultimate power in this world as this is nothing more than a small part of your minds created illusion and infact. You shift who you are throughout the day so the aspect that creates this world might not be who you are now. But it is the ultimate calm you... of sorts

Once you enter this world then ask the schizophrenic aspect of your mind to enter into this illusion. Remeber that you are not inviting them into your mind only into a illusionary world of your creation. You are sort of inviting them into a world where you can both negotiate without fear of harm. And then start talking with them. Ask why this is happening, is there a childhood memory that you dont know that has created this. Is the schizophernia only a way your mind is protecting itself from further harm. If so then what is this harm it is protecting from and so on.

Ofcourse only works if it is actually your mind and not an external mind. But from personal experience in working with split personalities it is very very likely that it is only a split personality. However, what created that split can be anything at all and thus dosnt decrease the alien side of it at all. It only makes you aware that you are fighting yourself.

Conversly, if it is an true entity and not an aspect of yourself.. Well.. That is a whole different question.

We as humanity, are a shattered soul. Universe was shattered from big bang and we are shattered from ourselfs and shattered within. This shattering is the most important aspect of creation. In that if you or i were whole we would be able to manifest anything at any point and not have any trouble doing so. So if you push an aspect of yourself away from yourself then you create an entity that seems to haunt you but still is a part of you.

Through this shattering of souls we all have a trillion psyches inside of us but there is still only one of us. You might not remeber something but this particular shatter might remeber something and could have been twisted into a severe pathology. It can truly be a part of yourself but as i said, if it is something else it is a whole different situation.

But to try to give some advice.

It can still be in you while not being off you, it can be an entity that is living inside of yourself and is feeding from the energy that you give it by being effected by the taunts. And as you are on medication it proves you are effected by it. So then there are a few ways out. One is to find a way to shield yourself from it alltogether, and to do that you have to figure out how it got into you or your surroundings, what it is, why it is there, what does it want and how you can bargain with it. There is very little you can do to actually kill it as there is very little it can do to kill you. But you can bargain with them usually. Meaning for bargaining to get it to leave you. Tho that i do not recommend as it is giving it something for all the trouble its caused you.

Another way would be to pray or to get some proffesional spiritual help. I did a little prayer and asked for you to get understanding and guidance in solving this.

Remeber, it is almost certain that there is some way, some key, some action that you can take to get out of this mess, all you have to do is somehow find that key.

I hope you can solve this problem with the least amount of trouble.

-Aki

Re: troubles

2006-05-13T23:25:38Z

Thanks for all the input everyone,

Sinaptix- thanks for the suggestion

Pictus- I will think about gettin a decal or two

Starcat- thanks for the words of wisdom and how I choose to view myself

Lemniscate- that's interesting about not letting external forces define oneself

Kljsadfhklj- what does your username mean? Is it random?