1st "misunderstanding"- I accept responsibility for failing to communicate effectively
2nd "misunderstanding:- The other individual accepts/is given  responsibility as s/he had indicated understanding after the last time
3rd "misunderstanding" - This is my conscious disconnection of feeding energy into a black hole.

It is amazing to watch an individual attempting to re-engage- I know by the time they bring in a personal attack, they are almost out of "steam". 
Remaining disengaged at that point, although can be the most difficult, pretty much secures the individual's departure.  Not to mention you have to just smile at any personal attack- because it is so predictable :-)

Just some thoughts :-)

Be well.

SW

So what's that? Is there a grapevine that was called to tell people to come here, or was it something else? I'm not a part of any off-board groups or even one-on-ones, so I have no idea if there was off-board discussions among members peaking curiosity. I only saw what I described from the online level. Interesting nonetheless.

So someone else noticed this too........!   Wow!   I've seen this happen too many times to count...not just here at NR, but on another forum.  And I wondered the exact same thing....are all these people being told by others that there's "drama" happening right now, go check it out?  ???   I don't know, but I've mused about it here on this end, like wow, that's trippy.........this place was dead, and since the "big fight" broke out, look, there's 13 people online right now!  (15 people....22 people....and so on.) 

So someone else has noticed the same thing!

One thing I did note is that a whole lot of folks suddenly appeared here at NR as soon as this thread began, where just prior to kingius' arrival things were somewhat quiet for a bit. Interesting. I come and read/lurk pretty much every day, several times a day, and didn't see too many on at once here for at least a week or more. But when this thread got hot, people arrived in larger numbers and stuck around.

So what's that? Is there a grapevine that was called to tell people to come here, or was it something else? I'm not a part of any off-board groups or even one-on-ones, so I have no idea if there was off-board discussions among members peaking curiosity. I only saw what I described from the online level. Interesting nonetheless.

Synchronicities such as that tend to have quite an effect on me, and that has made my night, as thats 2 in 2 days.

I tried to take Stuart Wildes advice and say to the universal all "Show me something new and amazing today" yesterday morning, and after the school pickup walked my son up town, as we were laughing and joking about we were going "yeah?... Yeaaaah!" to each other in a random act of fun. My son started the process just as we were approaching a corner with his question "yeah?" and as I took a step around the corner, mid-response was a massive new piece of graffiti on the wall in front of us... it said.

"Yeah!"

My son was absolutely flabberghasted, and I smiled inside and outside with the warmth of someone just blessed.

Again, Thank you.

K.

And there is the crux of it,  not only can we not force change on another, we have no right to do so either, change can only come from within, but sending love back isn't about changing the other person, it's about changing your own negative reaction to negativity, breaking the cycle, cutting the fire of opposition's oxygen supply AND taking the opportunity to learn from the experience.

The Tibetan Buddhists have a practice called - tonglen.  Breathing in the negative and breathing out love/positive -- the question always arises, "am I helping the other person?" -- the answer is usually -- "don't know but certainly you are helping yourself."

Christine B.

I think it's important to make the distinction between observing negativity and mentioning it -- versus becoming oneself embroiled in the negativity and becoming ergo negative oneself (even if only for a bit).  The latter is hard to accomplish as we all are subject to having our buttons pushed --

I don't believe however, that one can change someone else's negativity by sending love their way or some other method - true change can only come from within - one can only NOT add his own negativity (shadow self) to the negative situation.

And there is the crux of it,  not only can we not force change on another, we have no right to do so either, change can only come from within, but sending love back isn't about changing the other person, it's about changing your own negative reaction to negativity, breaking the cycle, cutting the fire of opposition's oxygen supply AND taking the opportunity to learn from the experience.

K.

In any case, I can say that I've met several people online who have become close personal friends of mine -- in all cases I've eventually met them and the relationships have grown.

I think it's important to make the distinction between observing negativity and mentioning it -- versus becoming oneself embroiled in the negativity and becoming ergo negative oneself (even if only for a bit).  The latter is hard to accomplish as we all are subject to having our buttons pushed --

I don't believe however, that one can change someone else's negativity by sending love their way or some other method - true change can only come from within - one can only NOT add his own negativity (shadow self) to the negative situation.

And as weird as this thread may have been, I think though this type of thread is a great opportunity to see how ones own buttons are pushed and attempt to not react accordingly.  I know Kingius pushed my buttons by his/her rapid fire short posts to about every new post sometime yesterday.  So when I found a post I felt I could draw him/her out with -- I posted -- so, I too contributed to the nutsness --- but it did show me another button pushing area of mine --

I'll have ample chances to see how I'm  are doing -- every 14 days or so -- new moon, full moon, new moon, full moon -- never a dull moment here in cyberland <g>

Wow!  I guess I'm pretty ignorant about all this crap that goes on behind-the-scenes with online forums.  People actually do this?  I guess you're right in that they must not have any lives of their own.  With working 40-60 hours a week, and a social life, plus all of the other daily computer maintenance stuff, like checking emails and web favorites, I consider giving an hour to NR a few times a week a quite generous chunk of my time.  NR is really the only one I've ever participated in to any large degree, so I guess my experience is quite skewed!  Anyhow, I just thought it was funny that with all the info on fringe topics around here, I found this particular info most difficult to swallow! 

Apparently so!   But I'm out of the loop, so I've had to find out about these things, (what little I have heard) in indirect ways, usually after the fact.    This small group of puffed up behind-the-scenes disenchanted past and present NR members was news to me until only very recently.  I found it to be funny, actually, when I first heard about it.  I think my first reaction was to laugh!   Who would spend that kind of time engaging in that??  !  Seriously, find another forum, go away and be quiet if somebody is just sooooooooooooooooo unhappy.   The only kind of person who wallows in their disenchantment with a messageboard forum is someone with no life.   !

What a weird thread this has been though...4 pages of high weirdness in a moon period, of course!

Check it out.....doesn't hurt.

lyra wrote:

Seriously, there could be a guidebook manual on it all.   We could call it "THE MESSAGEBOARD CAST OF CHARACTERS CLICHE!" 

You'll definitely get a kick out of the Flame Warriors page. It doesn't get too deep into the interpersonal dynamics you discussed, but it does have some very accurate and funny representations of message board users.

Funny!  I really recommend the "Flame Warriors" link.  Pictures can say a thousand words.

We already know, because of emails, who one of them is;  and I have suspicions about two more - one who's current, and another who was banned in the recent past.  They puff themselves up because they have nothing else in their lives.   No men.   Or at least, really lousy men.  No jobs, so they're not working and just sit around at home all day long.  No - real -  friends.  "Cyber friends" don't count.    It's quite sad.   And by sad I don't mean shed a tear, I mean, it's kinda pathetic.   But being that I've been on other forums, I'm familiar with the dynamics.   It's kind of cliche actually - could write a guide book manual for it!!   There is the total "Cast of Characters" going on with nearly every messageboard out there.   There's always several women, usually in their 40's to 50s, who become the behind-the-scenes pot stirrers, gossiping and clucking, emailing and phone calling;  for them, the forum becomes their life - it becomes their daily "Soap Opera" fix.  Then there are the younger "targets" that they don't like and cluck cluck about and sometimes even go after, depending on how vindictive and manipulative they are.................and the kicker is, sometimes the targets will get played by one or more of these women who act like their buddies, only to turn around and "stab them" behind the scenes.   Then you always have the nice males who get sucked into cyber "dating" situations with some of the crazy females on the board who need attention and validation since they're not getting enough in their real life, or nice females who get targetted by male predators, all of which of course ends in disaster;  Thre are the nice females who are in the same age range as the 40 - 50ish "gossipy cluck cluckers" and naively enter into "cyber friendships" with them, and never seem to wake up to what's going on there........or sometimes they do, and that "friendship" tanks and goes up in flames.   Then there are the neutral players and / or lurkers who only post on the board and minimize their off-forum contacts - they prefer to remain detached and like their anomyminity.   Then you always have your "Anti Heroes" and "Slick Willies."   The anti-heroes are the posters that some other posters mistakenly label as being the "bad guy" - at first.   Maybe because of their brash personalities or outspoken nature.   Come to find out down the line that they're actually good, while the supposed "nice guy/ good girl" are actually the troublemakers, or Slick Willies!!!

Wow!  I guess I'm pretty ignorant about all this crap that goes on behind-the-scenes with online forums.  People actually do this?  I guess you're right in that they must not have any lives of their own.  With working 40-60 hours a week, and a social life, plus all of the other daily computer maintenance stuff, like checking emails and web favorites, I consider giving an hour to NR a few times a week a quite generous chunk of my time.  NR is really the only one I've ever participated in to any large degree, so I guess my experience is quite skewed!  Anyhow, I just thought it was funny that with all the info on fringe topics around here, I found this particular info most difficult to swallow! 

lyra wrote:

No - real -  friends.  "Cyber friends" don't count.

Now I feel really sad. The people on this forum are my only friends right now in this trying time I'm going through and I thought they were real friends. Quite frankly, I miss them! Seems like this thread is taking up  time and attention that could be given to more constructive topics. Perhaps the best way to deal with argumentative people is to IGNORE them!

Seemefly.....it's not having just one thing on the list that I mentioned...it's all of the characteristics combined.  When people have little or no real friends, AND aren't working, AND cultivate these attention seeking cyber relationships, both "friend" and "romantic", AND get way involved in off forum negativity spreading and gossip mongering.......it's the whole shebang, combined.  Sure, I have cyber "friends" too....but it's about being everything on the list, then going around making trouble and stirring the pot behind the scenes.   Seriously, people like that need to get a hobby.  Soon!

And czyx...that link was too funny!  I love it! 

No - real -  friends.  "Cyber friends" don't count.

Now I feel really sad. The people on this forum are my only friends right now in this trying time I'm going through and I thought they were real friends. Quite frankly, I miss them! Seems like this thread is taking up  time and attention that could be given to more constructive topics. Perhaps the best way to deal with argumentative people is to IGNORE them!

Seriously, there could be a guidebook manual on it all.   We could call it "THE MESSAGEBOARD CAST OF CHARACTERS CLICHE!" 

You'll definitely get a kick out of the Flame Warriors page. It doesn't get too deep into the interpersonal dynamics you discussed, but it does have some very accurate and funny representations of message board users.

I agree with Christine B. that kingius was most likely not a new member. Montalk could probably check IP addresses, but experienced trolls know how to use proxy servers to hide their identity. I think it would be interesting if there was a software package or forum plugin that could create a "linguistic profile" for each user that would uniquely identify them based on a whole range of markers found in their posts--such as their grammar, spelling, and the frequency with which they use certain words. Sort of like the internet equivalent of the biometric ID. If it was sophisticated enough, it would be a good tool for spotting duplicate accounts and previously banned trolls. It it wasn't sophisticated enough, it would create opportunities for devious trolls to frame other people by aping their posting style.

It's easy to love those that resonate with you, how much harder it is to love and accept those that are opposed to you.

But surely that's the true goal isn't it? - not to allow negativity to breed negativity but rather turn it into opportunity and convert the negative into positive.

All I can read in this thread is a seed of negativity being seized upon and growing with the food YOU are feeding it.

Where is the love and acceptance in that?

This thread is a missed opportunity, and lessens the forum for it.

Yes we get "attacked", but when you respond to an attack with an attack of your own you become the very thing you profess to be against.

Turn that energy into love,  it's the only ammunition we have that doesn't belong to the opposition.