* Taoism: Shit happens.
    * Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
    * Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
    * Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
    * Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
    * Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
    * Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
    * Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
    * Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
    * Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
    * Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
    * Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
    * Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
    * Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
    * Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
    * Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
    * Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
    * Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
    * Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
    * Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
    * Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
    * Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
    * Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
    * Creationism: God made all shit.
    * Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
    * Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
    * Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
    * Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
    * Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
    * Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
    * Darwinism: This shit was once food.
    * Capitalism: That's MY shit.
    * Communism: It's everybody's shit.
    * Feminism: Men are shit.
    * Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
    * Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
    * Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
    * Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
    * Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
    * Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
    * Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
    * Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
    * Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
    * Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
    * Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
    * Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
    * Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
    * Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
    * Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
    * Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
    * Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
    * Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
    * Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
    * Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
    * Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
    * Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
    * Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
    * Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
    * Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
    * Atheism: What shit?
    * Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
    * Nihilism: No shit.